Will You Let Me Fucking Finish?
It squelches.
It’s sticky.
He can smell it.
It was on her hands too.
It has stained his hands.
It has taken over all his thoughts.
The red on his hands is all he can see, all he can focus on.
They’d run in the rain. Sam had called Harley, asking for the location of and access to a safe house. When Harley had asked him where Y/n was, Sam didn’t really have an answer, so he’d lied and said she was unconscious. He’d promised Harley to call with updates and hung up.
Now here they are, sitting in a small apartment on the second floor of a tiny complex, in complete and utter silence. Steve’s in the corner on the floor, legs folded and head hanging. Brekker is cleaning up the cut on Torres’s head on the dining table with a first aid kid they found under the bathroom sink. Sam is leaning with his shoulder on a wall, looking pretty battered up as well. While Bucky is sitting on the window sill, just like she was before it all went to shit.
He can’t look away from his hands, there’s so much red.
The silence is broken by Torres, “What do we do now?”
“We go get her back,” Steve replies, not looking up.
Torres shifts in his seat, hesitating. He breathes audibly he says, “I don’t want to say it, but—”
“Then don’t say it,” Steve bites back.
Sam sighs, “He’s not wrong, Steve. She could—”
“She isn’t dead.” Bucky finally finds his words. “She isn’t dead.” His eyes fixed on his hands.
“Buck—” Sam begins, his tone sympathetic.
But Brekker cuts him off, “He’s right.” He packs up the supplies back into the first aid kit. Standing up he says, “She’s alive. They wouldn’t just kill her.” He’d already taken off his suit when he got in, now he begins to roll up his sleeves. “That’d make things far too easy.”
And fuck him.
Bucky’s on his feet at once. His hands latching onto Brekker’s collars, pushing him back. “This is all your fucking fault!” He growls at him. His words are drenched in hatred. “You fucking bastard.” Sam and Steve are trying to pull him off. “You didn’t even fucking hesitate to leave her behind!” He pushes them off. “She was fighting for you, to protect you and you fucking left her.” He realizes Brekker seems unfazed, and that burns him up further. “She went to bat for you, and you don’t even give a shit.” He pushes him into the wall. “You were just using her this entire time, weren’t you?”
And for the first time since Bucky’s met the man, he seems angry.
No wait, he seems fucking furious. Which is surprising.
What is more surprising though, is the punch that comes swinging at Bucky’s face. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. But it throws him off enough that his grip on Brekker’s shirt loosens. This allows Steve and Sam to pull him back enough for Torres to rush in and do the same for Brekker.
“You will never understand what she means to me,” Brekker screams back, his ever-present composure breaking. “It’s not something as foolish as love… We’re kin by fate. We were born in the same slums. We rose from the same dust. And I assure you, I would’ve happily chosen her life over yours,” he looks around, pointing he adds, “any of yours, without a second thought… But she asked me to save yours. So I did it.”
Sam, Steve, and Torres step back at the fury Brekker spits out.
“I wish you hadn’t,” Bucky throws back.
“So do I, cyborg,” he says, still seething. “But she made a call.” He looks away. “She made a call and I had to listen. It was a stupid call. It was the stupidest one she’s ever made, but it was also the right one. So I had to listen.”
“She was trying to save your life,” Bucky says, helplessly. “And you just let her sacrifice herself for it.”
Brekker looks back at him then, “If it were as simple as putting my life on the line to save her, I would have done it willingly.” Bucky can’t see a hint of dishonesty in his eyes. “But it isn’t…”
“What does that mean?” Sam asks from Bucky’s left.
Brekker sighs, running a hand through his hair. “There’s a lot more at stake than just my life.”
“Does it have something to do with The Orphanage?” Steve asks. “That lady asked if you’d decided to side against them.”
Brekker nods, and walks past Bucky over to the kitchen, and begins looking through cabinets. All four men turn to look at him as he speaks, “I’m not an arms dealer. Well, I am. I do buy and sell weapons, but that’s not all I am.” He claps his hands in excitement, having found what he was looking for. He pulls out a bottle of some cheap whiskey and grabs a couple of glasses from the shelf behind him, settling them on the dining table. “I’m also a smuggler.” He uncocks the bottle. “I smuggle kids—”
“What the fuck?” Sam shouts out. At the same time, Steve and Torres also begin screaming their disagreements.
“Will you let me fucking finish?” Brekker’s voice cuts through the crowd. And once silence falls again, he pours himself a glass. “I smuggle kids out of The Orphanage.” He takes a sip and sits down at the head of the table. He cocks his brow as an invitation for the rest to join. None of them seem to take it, still wary of him. So he sighs. “The Orphanage isn’t an orphanage,” he explains, leaning back. “It’s an organization, based in Madripoor. They take in kids off the street, feed them, clothe them, give them a place to call home.”
“And you smuggle them out of there because?” Sam asks sardonically, arms folding across his chest.
Brekker takes a sip from his drink. “Because after having lured them in with the promise of food and shelter, they begin training them, using them. Once they manipulate them into thinking this is all they’ll ever have, they put them to work. They loan the kids out for whatever cause they see fit; none of them seemly by the way. They essentially sell these children; these helpless, homeless kids who have no idea how cruel the world can be, to whoever, for whatever they wish. Some of them are sold off to be used in exactly the way you’re presuming. While others are made to train to become spies.” He chugs the last of the amber liquid.
“Spies?” Steve asks, head cocking.
“Would you ever suspect a child of subterfuge, Mr. Rogers?” Brekker looks up at them, pouring himself another glass. “Of course not. And that’s exactly why children make for great spies. They fit in small spaces, are easier to send over borders, aren’t seen as a threat, and go unnoticed in a crowd. And if they’re clever enough, they even get to grow up… And I was very very clever.”
Well, fuck.
Bucky walks over, pulls a glass, and pours himself a drink. Sitting down, looking at him he asks, “Y/n was part of The Orphanage too, wasn’t she?”
Brekker nods. “She told me she got picked up by them when she was seven. She trained as hard as she could so she could be one of the spies… the other option isn’t entirely fun.”
“And you?” Torres asks gently.
Brekker smiles at him, “I was dropped off there when I was a toddler, so I don’t remember… But like I said, I was clever… I also didn’t hesitate to kill. I was twelve when I first shot a man.” he pulls out his hand making a gun with it. He closes one eye, aims at Torres’s head, and makes the noise of a bullet being shot. “Straight through the head.” He puts his hand back down then. “So they kept me around.”
“How’d you get out?” Sam asks, walking over and taking a seat opposite Bucky.
Brekker straight out laughs then. “Whoever told you I got out, Captain?”
“But you—” Sam begins to argue before realization dawns on him. “The weapons trade is for them.”
“Bingo.” Brekker chugs down the rest of his drink again. Pouring himself another one. “No one gets out of The Orphanage. Not completely. If they do, they don’t stay alive long enough to tell anyone how.” Another sip. “If you do manage to escape they send ‘The Clean-Up Crew’.”
“That woman? She’s an assassin?” Steve asks.
Brekker nods, taking another sip. “Why do you think Y/n is a fucking legend back there? She’s the only one who ever really got out.”
“Is that how you two know each other?” Bucky asks as Steve takes a seat next to him.
“In a way,” Brekker sits up. “After the whole thing with the accords, when she went underground?” When everyone nods, he continues, “She went back to Madripoor. She wanted to do the same thing I was doing and eventually discovered my whole operation. She told me she wanted in, said she wanted to help.” Another sip. “I was reluctant at first, I thought she’d bring too much light onto the whole thing, sabotage whatever I put my blood and sweat into building.” He chortles and adds, “But you know her, she’s stubborn to a fault. So eventually she broke me down. Told me she wouldn’t tell anyone about it. Not even Tony… So, let her in.” Another sip. “Upgraded my op, made it more airtight, provided more resources, security… It was going well, until—”
“The snap,” Steve finishes.
Brekker snaps his fingers at him with a hollow smile. “But I managed well enough. Once she came back, she readily jumped back in… However, in retrospect, I realize I must have slipped up somewhere because clearly, we’ve been found out.” He finishes his glass and before he can pour another one, Torres who’s now walked over to his side stops him.
The two exchange a look and Brekker lets go of the glass.
He exhales heavily and says. “So now you see, I couldn’t have given myself up. Because if I had, they would’ve tortured me till I broke. And unlike her, I do know exactly where all the kids I’ve smuggled out are. If I’d given myself up—”
“You would’ve been giving up the kids as well,” Steve completes.
Bucky watches intently as Torres kneels down in front of Brekker, taking his hand and holding it in his. He caresses the knuckles which had met Bucky’s jaw and were now swollen and split. And the way Brekker looks back at him seems so awfully familiar to Bucky, he has to look away.
Because suddenly he remembers the red on his own hands again.
“You said they wouldn’t kill her,” Bucky says. “How do you know?”
“They still want to get to me. To the kids. She’d be the only one who’d know, so they’ll—” Brekker cuts himself off.
“Y/n is strong. She’s been through worse and right now all she has to do is hold on till we get there,” Sam says, determination clear in his voice. “She’ll be fine.”
“How do we find her?” Bucky asks.
“They won’t take her far, cause they know we wouldn’t go far without her,” Steve suggests.
“So she’s still somewhere in London, probably,” Sam chimes in.
“We’ll have to find their hideouts in London,” Torres summarises.
“And then we can ask Harley to use Stark Satellites to—” Bucky is cut off by Brekker.
“Or you could just call your friend Sharon Carter?” He sounds jovial. “She ran with the criminals in Madripoor, she’d probably know someone who’d know someone who’d know exactly where Y/n is.”
And with that Sam steps out to call Sharon, while Brekker and Torres settle into a corner, holding hands and talking in whispers.
Bucky thinks they look adorable together but right now he can’t steady his thoughts enough to understand that.
He’s still on the dining table, drinking when Steve walks out from the washroom, now looking less bloodied up and beaten, and takes a seat opposite him.
“Why do you still drink if you can’t get drunk?” Steve asks, picking up his glass and eyeing it curiously. “I know you don’t like the taste, you never did.”
“I needed something to do, something else to focus on. And the burn feels nice I guess,” Bucky says, leaning back on the chair.
“You could’ve told me you were with her, you know?” Steve says after a pregnant pause. “I would’ve backed off.”
“Thought you’d be better for her than I could ever be,” Bucky states honestly.
“Why would you think that?”
He looks back at Steve with his nose scrunched up. “You know why.”
“I left her, Buck.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. I just—I thought… It just—it makes sense for her to fall for you and then settle for me,” Bucky explains. “But if you’re here, and if it’s a competition, then how can I ever be expected to win?”
Steve’s head falls. He exhales heavily before looking back up. “What they made you into, what Hydra did to you, it doesn’t define you.”
“She keeps telling me that.”
Steve smiles, “Cause she’s a smart woman, Buck You should listen to her.”
“She also thinks ‘A New Hope’ is better than ‘Return of the Jedi’,” Bucky counters, eyebrows furrowed.
“Yeah okay. That one I don’t understand either,” Steve acquiesces. “I think it’s cause she doesn’t like Han and Leia getting together.”
“Cause she wants both of them to be with her instead?” Bucky supplies and Steve nods. Both men break out into smiles.
There’s a soft, cozy silence after which Bucky says, “You know, I was okay with you leaving but a part of me hated you for it too.”
Steve nods, drops his hands on the table, and folds them. “I think you had a right to. I told you I’d be there till the end of the line but then I just left.”
“Why did you leave?” Bucky asks, incredulous.
Steve shrugs, “I really thought it was the right thing to do back then. I thought a simple life would suit me well after everything that happened.”
“Did it?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
Another pause and then.
“I’m glad that you are,” Bucky admits. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Buck.”
Bucky looks back at him then, “But you kiss my girl again, I will punch you.” His lips turn up at the ends.
Steve holds up his hands in defense, smiling. “That seems fair.”
As their smile fades, his gaze flickers back to the red. His body stuns all over again.
“We’ll get her back, Buck,” Steve promises. “We’ll get her back.”