Breathe
Allie had first told Steve and Bucky her funeral plans when they were teenagers.
"When I die," she stated randomly at dinner one night. "Don't sing hymns."
"I beg your pardon?" Bucky's eyes had widen to the size of saucers as he held his fork just in front of his lips, too stunned to take a bite of his food.
"You heard me," Allie frowned. "We sang hymns at Mom's funeral. I don't want that at mine."
"Why are we talking about you dying?" Steve frowned.
"I'm simply thinking for the future," she sighed. "If I plan to be a nurse and something were to happen to me the way it did Mom," her voice trailed off as she looked up between the two men in her life. Both were stunned at the surprising topic of conversation and seemingly couldn't breathe as they awaited an explanation from her. "I just want you two to know in case you have to be in charge of my funeral. That's all."
"I'm not planning a funeral at nineteen, Allie," Bucky sighed.
"I had to at seventeen," she frowned. "And Steve did at eighteen. I haven't graduated high school yet so I won't be a nurse for a few more years, but I'm serious. I don't want hymns at my funeral."
"Why not?" Bucky probed gently.
"Because," she sighed. "I like stories. I want stories at my funeral."
"Good or bad?" he continued, Steve's eyes flitting between the two, still unsure of how he felt about the conversation.
"True," she settled on the word without much time to think otherwise. "I want true stories to be told."
"Like the canal?" Bucky teased.
"Like the canal," she laughed. "Although, you still need to make it up to me that that happened."
"I was sixteen!" Bucky laughed.
"And now you're nineteen," she shrugged. "That's three years. Three years that you haven't done much to make up for almost killing me."
"I did not almost kill you," he argued and leaned towards her in a challenge.
"Yes you did," she huffed. "And we're quite lucky that you didn't have to plan my funeral then."
Neither noticed as Steve stood and walked out of the room. He didn't say a word, but he hated the thought of losing his little sister. He didn't want to think of something happening to her the way that it had happened to their mother. It wasn't the last time that he walked away from or overheard Allie mentioning her funeral plans.
When Allie and Bucky had married, they often planned out pieces of their future. One of those things was planning their funerals after they'd returned to Brooklyn. Allie had maintained her stance on having stories told at her funeral. Bucky had decided that the idea wasn't half bad and wanted the same at his.
Steve had been walking past their bedroom on his way down the stairs when their voices had drifted through the slightly open doorway and to his ears. He'd stopped, listened for just a moment, and made himself a promise that they wouldn't be needing any funerals until far, far into the future.
While years may have passed since those conversations had happened, it still felt as fresh as that first conversation at the kitchen table in the 1930s when Allie was sat in the fresh new recliner in her brand new home just outside of New York. She was in the middle of feeding Sarah as Bucky held a sleeping Steven in his arms. Allie watched Steve walk into the kitchen, pouring three glasses of water for them. Placing one on her end table and one on Bucky's, he took his own and sat down in the seat closest to the unlit fireplace.
"You two remember what I want at my funeral, right?" she whispered and the two looked at her in shock.
"Allie, why are we talking about this?" Steve sighed.
"Because, I just want to make sure," she shrugged, looking down at Sarah for just a moment to make sure she was still eating.
"And why do you want to make sure?" Bucky sighed.
"Well, we have these two beautiful kids now," she looked over to him. "I just want all my wishes out in the open in case something happens to me. You never know what might happen when the government calls you in to help fight a fight."
"I appreciate the sentiment, but I really don't want to think about you dying," Bucky frowned.
"Neither do I," Steve scrunched his nose.
"I'm just saying," she rolled her eyes. "I know how unpleasant the thought is. Need I remind you that had I not wandered off and gone missing, I'd have had to plan both of your funerals without a full idea of what you wanted?"
"That doesn't mean that I want to think about that right now as I'm holding our son," Bucky shook his head. "And you're holding our daughter."
"Well, don't whine at me when something happens to me and you ignored me," she shrugged. "I'll haunt you if you do that."
At the time, it had simply seemed as though Allie was thinking of a morbid instance in the distant future. Neither Bucky nor Steve had ever truly thought that Allie would be the first to pass away. In spite of the many deaths they'd seemed to have had, as they all stood alive, the men thought that it would be one of them first.
Bucky had never been so scared that he might watch her die.
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"Allie," Bucky simply breathed her name out as he watched her body collapse against the ground.
It had kept him rooted in place. The moment he watched the fire and ice from around the area circle around her as she screamed. He couldn't find it within himself to move from the spot until he watched her fall. Her eyes had rolled back and she had fallen.
"Allie!" he repeated and found himself finally running over to her.
From where she was laying on the ground, Sharon was in shock that Allie had gone through with what she had done. Annika's body wasn't far from her and if she was honest with herself, she was angry enough that she was tempted to shoot her once more out of revenge. It had been her fire and ice that Allie had had to absorb. It had been her hatred that had started the entire fight that had been going on for months. It was her fault that Sharon and Allie had had a falling out in the first place.
And yet, she didn't make a movement towards Annika's body. Instead, she watched as Bucky collapsed to Allie's side, frantically repeating her name as he rolled her over to look at her. She watched as a shadow approached her from behind and Steve knelt down beside her, asking if she was okay before he looked over and saw his sister's body just in front of them.
"Oh my god," he muttered as he felt himself turning to jelly beside Sharon. "Is she...?"
"I don't know," Sharon shook her head. "I don't know."
Bucky's fingertips recoiled from Allie's skin. It had burned him, but switching to hold her up with his vibranium arm, he pushed through the burning as he brushed hair from her face. Her eyes were still closed and in his panic, he didn't think to check for her pulse or to look for a rise and fall in her chest. He didn't know what to do.
He was in his worst nightmare. The love of his life was in his arms. Possibly dying or possibly dead. He couldn't fix this with a needle and thread. He couldn't subdue her cries of pain with a bottle of bourbon. They had kids to return to. They had a son who wanted his mother to teach him how to use their shared power.
Somehow, in a horrific and cruel trick of nature, Bucky had a similar experience of life flashing before his eyes as when he fell from the damned train in 1945. He remembered the same visions of Allie that he had seen as he fell down the mountain that day, but so many more appeared in his mind. The first time he had seen her in seventy years when she came to his defense in Romania. The way his eyes had widened at her ice and fire. The day they had reunited in Wakanda before being blipped. The moment they had returned and helped finally defeat Thanos.
He remembered their wedding vows on that November afternoon. He remembered both of their pardoning hearings and their date night before his. He remembered their first apartment and the way she'd been excited to decorate for Christmas. He remembered the day she had found out that she was pregnant and had told him with the biggest smile on her face that he had seen. He remembered the day that Steven was born and the day that Sarah was born. He remembered the day they had found out about Rebekah and the day they had learned that T.J. was on the way.
He had so much more to remember in the moments that he held her than he had when he'd fallen. Looking to her, he realized he didn't want this to be the thing that took her away from him. He couldn't bear the thought of going home and raising three children without a mother, but with each whisper of her name, a dread settled into his stomach that that was what was about to happen.
Across the field, the other members of team were becoming aware of what exactly was taking place. Peter had been helping Wanda as they guided people out of the debris from collapsed buildings. The two had found themselves hopeful that the fire and ice that was departing from the scene was a sign that Allie had calmed Annika down. That in some crazy twist of events, she had gotten the girl to stop being bent on revenge.
People began to flood out of the buildings coughing and wheezing. Their curiosity was getting the better of them as they looked in the direction of where the center of the fight had been taking place. Peter and Wanda had tried to stop the crowd, but even they had to admit that they wanted to run to Allie. To cheer her on in her first successfully led mission.
They had had smiles on their faces until they watched as Sam landed in front of them with a solemn expression painted on his face. Hearts dropping, they didn't take their eyes off of Sam. Instead, Peter found himself taking a step forward.
"What happened?" he asked, heart practically catching in his throat.
"You two need to know something before we go over there," Sam began and took a deep breath. "She wasn't able to convince Annika to stand down."
"What? But the fire and ice?" Wanda asked, her brows furrowing in confusion.
"I know," Sam nodded. "Annika is dead. Sharon shot her before she could kill Allie."
"Then the fire and ice? Did it disappear with Annika?" Wanda asked softly.
"No," Sam shook his head.
Hearts plummeted into stomachs as Wanda and Peter both realized what had happened and why Sam was looking sullen. Despite knowing what had happened, Peter refused to believe it was true. Angrily glaring at Sam, he allowed himself to yell.
"This isn't a funny joke! She didn't absorb all of that," he glared. "You're lying to us. She's going to be over there, possibly tired, but over there none-the-less. She's okay. She's over there and talking to Steve right now, isn't she?"
"Peter," Sam said gently. "She's not waking up."
"She's not dead," Peter shook his head in disbelief. "Not after Aunt May. It's not happening."
"Peter," Sam himself was on the verge of tears. "She really isn't awake."
"But is she breathing?" Wanda choked out. "Is she at least breathing?"
"I don't know. Bucky's holding her right now," Sam shook his head sadly.
Peter didn't listen to another word as he set off swinging in the direction that the fire had disappeared in. Allie wasn't dead. She couldn't be. She was one of his favorite people. More importantly, she had become his mom. It wasn't a title that he would allow anyone else in his life, apart from maybe Aunt May, to have. As he swung onto the scene, he looked and almost found himself falling to the ground as he noticed Steve holding a crying Sharon. He didn't think he'd ever seen a tear slip from the woman's eye. When his gaze drifted to the side by only a flick, he wanted to throw up.
"Allie, please," Bucky's voice wasn't angry, it wasn't yelling, but it was carrying through the small, grassy patch of land.
"Oh my god," Wanda's voice was almost catching in her throat as she looked.
None of the friends had noticed, but figures had found themselves standing in between buildings, hiding from sight as they looked on at the scene. In one little nook, the boy that had been the one to reveal where Annika was stood with guilt painted in his expression. Not too far away, Zemo had concealed himself. They weren't necessarily friends, but Allie had been someone he could talk to, on a normal level, for the first time in a very long time. In a way, he could understand the pain that her children were going to have without her.
Sam had landed with the group, T'Challa and Rhodey finding their ways over to him as Clint and Scott came from another direction. John was the last one to find where the group had gathered, speechless at Allie's body.
"Allie, I can't fix this with a needle and thread," Bucky brushed his thumb along her cheek, ignoring the burn as he did so. "I can't kiss you awake like in Snow White. Please, wake up. I'm not ready for you to go."
Another moment passed as everyone looked away from Allie's body. It was like a collective wave had washed over the entire group that there had been a death in their midst. Steve and Sharon huddled closer and cried. Neither cared if anyone saw. It was Allie and their tears were for her. Peter turned to Wanda, the two gripping onto each other as they each began to cry.
"Allie," Bucky whispered desperately. "If you can still hear me, please just know that I love you. I've always loved you, and I think a part of me has been in love with you since the moment you threw that shoe. I love you."
Bucky had closed his eyes, beginning to search within himself the feeling of knowing she was gone. She wouldn't be coming back. He was going to have to continue living his biggest fear of losing her. He was going to have to find a way to explain where Mom had gone to their kids. He was going to have to-
His thoughts were broken as a groan sounded from beneath him. Eyes snapping open, he saw a grimace painted on the beautiful face of the woman in his arms. A beat passed. Then two. Then all at once, he realized that she was alive. Allie was alive.
"Oh thank God," he mumbled and his head dropped closer to hers.
"Did I do it?" her voice was strangled in a groan as she began to open her eyes to look at him.
"Yes," he laughed. He couldn't help the relieved laughter that slipped through his lips. "You did it."
"Good," she breathed out before closing her eyes again. "Because that hurt like a son of a bitch."
Around them, nobody else had realized that Allie was alive. They were all turned away from her, not able to bear looking at her limp body, or what they thought was her limp body, behind them. Allie continued to lay in Bucky's arms for just a moment before she recognized the weeping around her and opened her eyes to look at Bucky again, his cheeks stained with tears as well.
"What the hell happened that you're crying?" she questioned skeptically before attempting to prop herself up to look around. "Why the hell is everyone crying?"
At the sound of her confused question, heads popped up and bodies spun around to look at her. Relief flooded over her friends as they rushed over, not jumping on her, but settling themselves on the ground near her.
"Allie, don't do that!" Wanda yelled at her. "We thought you died!"
"Died?" Allie's eyes widened. "Well, it hurt enough that for a brief second I wished I was dead."
"Don't say that," Peter pushed past the others, wrapping his arms around Allie. He didn't care that he'd put himself into an odd position in a pile with both Allie and Bucky. "I need my mom. So don't say that."
Allie's eyes widened as Peter's tears had spilled against the skin of her neck as he continued to let himself cry. He had always joked that she was like a mom to him. He'd even told her that she was like a mom to him. But he had never called her his mom. As she looked down at him, she was taken back in time to the scared fourteen-year-old boy who had told her that she would be a good mom. That same boy was now twenty-three and telling her that he couldn't lose his mom; he couldn't lose her.
"I'm not going anywhere," she assured him. "I'm right here. Both of you, I'm right here."
"Allie?" a voice called out and as she looked over, Steve was helping Sharon to hobble over to her before helping Sharon gently to the ground beside the group. "I guess I know what you meant, now."
"Meant by what?" Allie winced as she moved slightly.
"What it was like for you when I went in the ice," he looked at the ground.
"Well, I know why you did it," she swallowed. "I understand it."
"God, I can't believe you're alive," Steve smiled in relief.
"That seems to be going around," Allie groaned. "You're all morbid assholes for that, by the way."
"You knew the risk," Sharon reached out to her to take her hand.
Allie's skin was still warm from the fire, but had cooled significantly in the time she'd been awake and talking to the others. In the very back of her mind, she didn't want to even imagine the markings that she was going to find on her body when she undressed that night.
"I did," Allie nodded in agreement. "But it was the right thing to do. I just wish she'd accepted my help."
"Don't think about her," Sharon shook her head. "I did it because she tried to kill you."
"I know," Allie nodded. "I'm not upset that you protected me. I'm upset that I caused her so much pain that she wouldn't allow me to help her."
"I know," Sharon squeezed her hand.
A moment passed where the family was awkwardly huddled together, hands being held, necks being soaked with tears that were once sad, but were now relieved. Footsteps crunched against the ground as the rest of the team had finally reached them. Pleasant surprise was etched into the smiles around them.
"She really is one of us," Clint smirked. "Doesn't stay dead."
"I'd say that I'd like to keep raising hell," Allie grunted as she nodded for Bucky to help her sit up. "But, really, retirement sounds beautiful right now."
"Welcome back, Spark," John gave an approving nod.
"Did people really start calling me that?" she groaned. "I really thought that I was going to escape without a nickname."
"Hey, it is cool though," Peter smirked at her.
"He's right," Sam smirked in agreement. "Not a bad nickname for you."
"I like when people remembered me as a nurse better," Allie groaned.
"I'll call you Nurse Spark, then," Sam smirked.
"Nurse Spark, you're needed for surgery," Peter grinned.
"Nurse Spark, can you take these vials of antidotes for people who ruin the mood?" Sam teased.
"Okay, both of you can shut the hell up," Allie rolled her eyes.
A brief moment of relief and happiness settled before several members of the team decided to go back and detain the members of Annika's team that still remained in the area. The only ones to stay were Allie, Bucky, Steve, Sharon, and Peter.
"So," Bucky smirked over at Peter. "Your mom, huh?"
"Yeah, my mom," Peter said with resolution.
"So am I your dad or am I not a part of this picture?" Bucky asked in mock offense.
"You're definitely my dad," Peter laughed. "I can't forget about the man who helped me pass a few of my college courses."
"Are you going to call them Mom and Dad?" Sharon teased.
Peter turned and glared at Sharon's teasing. He was serious. Aunt May and Uncle Ben were forever going to be a part of his story. He knew that. They were a piece of him that would never leave. Allie and Bucky were a part of that same story. His eyes continued to narrow at a laughing Sharon as he said: "Hell yes I am."
"Wait," Allie's eyes widened at Bucky as she feigned worry. "This means I'm closer to being a grandmother than I thought. Oh god, Peter, I'm too young to be a grandmother."
"You're one hundred and ten," Steve smirked.
"Okay, fuck you," Allie glared at her brother and he couldn't contain his laugh that flowed out.
"About to be one hundred and eleven," Sharon nodded.
"And they're both older than me, so why am I being picked on?" she narrowed at her husband and her brother who both shrugged. "Okay, assholes. I'm still too young. I now have a five-year-old, four-year-old, two-year-old, and a goddamn twenty-three-year-old."
Peter shook his head before pulling away from where he sat beside Allie. Looking at the group, he decided to join the others in finding Annika's followers. Allie couldn't help herself as she told him to be careful, watching him smile over at them before masking up and running off.
"Do you think you can stand?" Bucky asked Allie as he brought his hand up to brush hair away from her eyes.
"I think so," she nodded.
Steve found himself helping Sharon to stand as Bucky helped Allie. As the group looked to one another, they each found themselves smiling and laughing in relief. They'd made it through the fight.
They'd won. It was over.
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"Mom!" a voice yelled through the front door as footsteps tore into the house.
Allie had been laying on the couch, still recovering from the battle and what had taken place. The night she had returned, she told Bucky to stay in the room in case she passed out when she looked at the marks that would inevitably be on her back. The last group of marks had lasted a few days and that had been on a much smaller scale.
Her entire body had marks of orange and blue spread across. Allie had gulped when she saw the marks, knowing in the back of her mind that she was going to have them for a long while. The moment she took in the markings, she instantly began planning ways to hide the marks from others, afraid of the concern she'd see.
She found herself forgetting those thoughts when Bucky had stepped behind her, wrapping his arms around her torso as he placed a soft kiss at the crook of her neck.
"I have the most beautiful wife," his lips had brushed against her as her frown began to melt.
"Even with all of these marks?" she looked in his eyes through the mirror.
"You are beautiful no matter what," he smiled. "I've never seen you not be beautiful."
"I gave birth on more than one occasion," she deadpanned.
"And I still had the most beautiful wife during those times," he smile continued on.
Her arms came to rest against his as she allowed him to kiss her neck once more. It wasn't a moment where either was trying to engage in a heated battle. It was simply a reassurance that she needed and he provided.
"Did a part of you really fall in love with me when I threw that shoe at you?" she smiled at him. His eyes widened when he realized that she had heard his profuse profession of how much he loved her.
"Yes," he nodded.
"I think a part of me fell in love with you when you told me that I had a good arm," she laughed softly.
"Really?" he grinned.
"Really," she nodded. "I think it's entirely possible we really were two complete idiots that didn't realize that that's what it was until much, much later."
"I think you're right," he huffed out a small laugh.
"Thank you," Allie sighed. "For being by my side."
"I've been by your side since that first day," he smiled at her. "And I'm never leaving it."
"Yes?" Allie glanced over to see Peter walking in happily.
"Turn the news on," he continued to smile as he walked around to the front side of the couch. "And scoot over, I want to be on the couch, too."
Propping herself up, she made room for Peter who plopped himself beside her. Taking the remote in her hand, she changed the channel from reruns of old sitcoms that she and Wanda had turned on when she came to the house to spend the early afternoon with her, to the news station.
It was coverage of the battle that had taken place overseas against Annika and her followers. In the footage being shown, someone had caught Allie's sacrifice on camera. Peter grinned at her as the footage played and the reporters began to discuss her.
"Prior to this, we'd seen different side of her," a male reporter said. "We saw her as an American hero in World War II and then as a threat to safety as she and her brother aided the Winter Soldier-"
"James Buchanan Barnes," another female reporter interrupted him.
"Pardon?" the first reporter was taken aback by the interruption.
"His name is James Buchanan Barnes," the woman repeated. "We've known for years that the attack in Vienna was something he was framed for. She went after her husband."
"Oh, well regardless, we still watched as she went against the Sokovia Accords with her brother," he continued. "But she did help fight to help protect life as we know it and has proven to continuously help fight for justice."
"She's always been a hero," the woman smiled. "In a time where women weren't hailed as the hero of the day, she was one that had been. Generations of girls at this point are still claiming her as their inspiration for becoming nurses, or soldiers, or simply following their passions.
"She's atoned for mistakes she's made. Wouldn't you agree?"
The man simply blinked before he seemingly thought for a moment and nodded. A smile spread across his face as the video footage played once more and he made a comment about her sacrifice.
"It's reported that in a meeting with a committee, she has been granted a retirement status from the Avengers alongside her husband," the man continued. "We saw this transition of status with her brother after The Blip. What do you think we'll see her do next?"
"Live the life that she's finally started," the female reporter smirked and Allie tilted her head ever-so-slightly.
She knew that smirk. The exact curl of the lips that the woman had was the same curl of the lips that someone dear to her had at least once a day. It was Sharon in a nano mask. Allie turned to the still smirking Peter.
"You little shit," she laughed. "Did you know she'd be doing this?"
"She told me and Steve to make sure you and Bucky watched the news. She'd overheard from connections that they'd planned on having correspondents on the news to talk about what had happened. She was determined to make you look good if anything went wrong in discussions."
"Oh my god," Allie laughed.
"She thought it might make you smile," he shrugged.
"It did," Allie laughed. "It did."
As they continued to sit in the living room and watch the news, Allie realized that as people began to accept her past and present, she was able to finally breathe. She no longer had to worry about anything apart from the future. Which included helping a certain future sister of hers reorganize and plan an entire wedding after the first draft of plans had been scrapped.
That same smirking woman in a nano mask on national television.