Rebecca
Every day that began to pass as December went on, the house seemed to fill with slivers of warmth. Whether it was Allie and Bucky taking Peter with them for Steven's Christmas concert or Peter himself helping out by putting the kids to bed so that Allie and Bucky could go to bed early themselves, it was as if they were settling into a pattern that they all were okay with.
The house had been decorated for Christmas, the tree being lit up and glittering every night with it's bright lights, strings of popcorn garlands wrapped around the branches as ornaments hung and had light shining against them. Bucky and Peter had worked on decorating the banisters of the stairs with soft garlands and the trimming of the ceiling with sparkling white Christmas lights like Allie had requested.
At school, Steven had made a Christmas countdown chain that proudly hung on the hall next to the record player. More often than not, the Christmas records were the ones playing and filling the home with sweet tunes and melodies. Steven and Sarah had decided that they loved the record of Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas songs and asked for it to played on repeat. Allie and Bucky relented, but sometimes Allie got her way and played her favorite album of Bing Crosby.
Allie took to making batches of Christmas cookies which soon became a family affair as Bucky helped the kids decorate the cookies as Allie taught them how to make the cookies themselves. Bucky would help the kids with arts and crafts, making new ornaments to add onto the tree and little crafts that they would surprise Allie and Peter with at night.
There were afternoons that they were joined by MJ and Ned, both always obsessing over the meals that Allie made. While it wasn't the happiest of Christmas seasons that they had ever faced, there was some form of comfort that settled over the family.
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The morning of T.J.'s birthday, Allie had made a toppling tower of pancakes for the entire family. In the background, a record of The Beatles played, T.J. bobbing his head up and down to the beat of the music.
"This is really good, Allie," Peter complimented as he scarfed down his plate. While she may have given him a small frown for the way he was eating, Allie was happy to see him eating a full meal. "You know, it's pretty warm for a December birthday today."
"I know that," Allie laughed. "But, maybe we can play outside later. How does that sound?"
"Yes!" Steven and Sarah grinned.
"And we may even play with our powers a bit," Allie suggested and the grin on Steven's face only grew.
"The others still coming today?" Bucky took another bite of his breakfast.
"Yes, this afternoon," Allie nodded. "Sam pointed out that our son is only going to turn two once. Besides, it gives everyone a night off. They've been working really hard."
"And that's how we know that you picked a good team," Bucky grinned at her. Smiling in return, she ate her own breakfast.
The morning turned to afternoon before they could register how much time had passed. Peter spent the morning playing with the kids, seemingly happy to have something keeping him completely occupied. Even through lunch, it seemed that the kids didn't leave Peter's side. Allie and Bucky took advantage of Peter watching the kids and simply relaxed in the living room, watching television as they heard the giggles from their children bounce around the rooms of their home.
A knock on the door was all it took for the group to realize that the others had arrived. Opening the door, Bucky held it wide open for the others to walk in. Trailing in at the back of the group were T'Challa and Zemo. Brow raised, Bucky looked to T'Challa who simply leaned in a bit closer.
"I'm keeping an eye on him," he explained. "A break from guards, but one wrong move."
"I see," Bucky nodded slowly. "So you brought him here?"
"Well, we were all already on our way," T'Challa shrugged. "Besides, I think you and Allie can handle if he does anything. He at least has some sort of respect for you."
"Don't worry James," Zemo sighed. "I'm just enjoying another day out of my cell."
Zemo walked past and looked around the living room. Looking to the entertainment center, his eyes locked on the framed ultrasound and tiny jar with an icy flower sitting in it. He looked down and away from it as Allie welcomed the others to go in the kitchen and take any of the leftovers from lunch that sat in the fridge.
"Are we having a full dinner or what's on the menu tonight?" Sam grinned as he pulled out bread from the pantry and made himself a sandwich from ham and cheese from the refrigerator.
"Well, T.J. asked for chicken nuggets," Allie grinned. "But I figured we may need more than just chicken nuggets."
"And so?" Sam took his lunch and sat down, eyeing the content two-year-old that was toddling over to him and asking for a bite of his sandwich. Relenting, Sam let him have a bite. "You know, you're lucky I like you and that it's your birthday."
"You gave him part of your cake slice last year on his first birthday," Bucky rolled his eyes.
"My point exactly," Sam gestured before going back to eating his sandwich.
"Moving on," Allie shook her head at the two before looking around. "Burgers, fries, chicken nuggets. You name it and a diner has it, we're having it," she grinned.
"That actually sounds really good," Wanda grinned as she walked over and hugged Allie.
A cheerful spirit found its way into the Barnes house as voices flooded the rooms and halls. Laughter bounced against the walls, giggles from the kids growing as they began to beg for the adults to go outside with them. Eventually relenting, the kids managed to corral everyone out into the backyard where Steven looked to his mom, holding out his hand and tilting his head in its direction with a silent question.
Nodding, Allie lifted her hand, holding it out and coating parts of the backyard with soft snow. Sarah and T.J. both took off running through it as Steven worked on helping to add even more soft snow to the ground around him.
She didn't know how long they'd been outside, but Allie found herself being wrapped up in Bucky's arms, his chest to her back, as he leaned in and kissed her cheek.
"Do you remember that Christmas when we were in high school and your family came to have dinner with mine?" he asked, lips still against her cheek.
"The one where it began to snow so heavily that we were all trapped in your house? And Steve and I had to huddle in the living room since your parents gave our mom a nice bed to sleep on?" she raised her brow slightly.
"And the next day we all took off outside and Thomas kept dragging you back out into the snow, even when you ran back inside to sit next to the fireplace?" Bucky continued.
"I do remember that," she laughed. "How old was he then?"
"He had to have been around five?" he laughed in turn. "He couldn't have been any older than Steven is now, could he?"
"He was your little brother," Allie smirked.
"Hey, Bonnie and Clyde!" Sam called out. "Cut it out. We aren't ready for another T.J."
"Funny," Allie rolled her eyes at him.
"Allie's made up her mind on that one Pigeon," Bucky quipped back.
Allie laughed and shook her head playfully. Gently elbowing Bucky, she freed herself from his embrace and turned to face him. Holding her hand between them, she formed a snowball and grinned at him.
"What do you think about having a little warfare out here?" she smirked.
"Everyone is screwed if you're throwing snowballs," he laughed. "Just don't bruise anyone."
"I'll try not to," she smirked and turned on her heel, throwing the snowball as hard she could in Sam's direction. Soft snow breaking against his cheek, he looked over at her with mock shock. "Try not to tease so much!"
"Oh it's on!" Sam declared as he leaned down and formed a snowball from the snow surrounding him.
Some were better at aiming the snowballs than others, but none were as accurate with their aim as Allie. Each target she had wound up with a soft ball of snow either hitting their back or breaking against their cheeks. Steven was the one trying to keep up pace with his mom. Allie looked over to where Zemo simply sat and watched as everyone else was playing with the kids. Excusing herself from the battle, she walked over and sat beside him.
"You know, you could come over there," she said and he simply shrugged.
"I know my place here," he said with a small nod.
They sat in silence for a moment before Zemo took a deep breath. He looked over at Allie who'd let her eyes fall on Bucky, T'Challa, and Sam who were forming a team against Wanda, Peter, Steven, and Sarah as they continued their snowball fight. T.J. was a solo player as he simply ran around, picking up fistfuls of snow to throw.
"Your children have grown on me this afternoon," Zemo stated.
"They tend to have that effect on people," she smiled.
"In Latvia, when the Flag Smashers were active, James had a picture of you with him," he continued, looking forward. "If he wasn't planning something with Sam or brooding in a corner, he was looking at your picture."
"He did that in the war, too," Allie let out a small laugh. "When we reunited, I snuck him off to my bunk where I cleaned up a few cuts on his face. He noticed a picture of himself on my nightstand and pulled out pictures that he had had in his trouser pockets. I was in one of them."
Zemo hummed in response as the two continued to look out at the snowball fight happening amongst members of the team and the kids. He looked down at his hands for a moment, Allie taking note of the movement from the corner of her eye.
"I know that it doesn't make anything right," she began with a small sigh. "But I'm sorry for what happened to your family."
"That was the fault of your friends. You had no hand in it," Zemo shook his head.
"No," Allie agreed. "But it doesn't mean that I don't feel for you. I've thought I'd been widowed more than once, remember?"
"I do," Zemo nodded. "But you still have James."
"You're right," she agreed once more. "I do still have him. But I was still alive for seventy years thinking that I was a widow."
"Fair," he gave a nod.
"I used to think that that was the worst thing that could happen," she sighed. "Losing my husband, that is. Then I became a mom and things changed."
"They have that effect," Zemo's voice almost had a hint of humor to it.
"I just don't know if it's worse to hold them and raise them only to lose them, or to never meet them at all," she frowned.
There was a pause in their conversation. It was as if a weight had been placed between the two as they continued to not look at each other. In the background, the playful yells and jeers could be heard floating through the backyard. It was Zemo who took a deep breath and tilted his head ever so slightly in Allie's direction.
"I've been meaning to ask you, Allison," he began. "When I walked in the living room. The picture and the jar? Are they...?"
Allie finally turned to face him, the sorrow etched in her eyes and the lines that appeared around her lips as she frowned. In one look, the two were aware that they both understood what the picture was.
"I see," his lips pressed together as Allie took in a breath. "I'm sorry."
"You know," she closed her eyes tightly. "I've heard that so many goddamn times over the past three years. Nothing has been any easier. It hurts just as much now as it did then."
"You never got to meet them?" Zemo asked gently.
"I was pregnant with her before I was ever pregnant with T.J.," Allie explained. "At twenty weeks we found out we were having a second daughter, and we immediately named her Rebecca after his sister. At twenty-one weeks, something didn't feel right. I went to the doctor and found out that she was gone.
"I told James when I was pregnant with Steven that one of my biggest fears was something happening to him before he was born. Thankfully, nothing happened to him or Sarah, but when we lost Rebecca, I was living a nightmare."
"Neither way of loss is more pleasant than the other," Zemo swallowed.
"You never want anything to happen to your kids," Allie agreed. "And when something does happen..."
"You blame yourself," Zemo finished for her. "Or someone else."
"I blame myself," Allie willed herself not to let any tears fall as memories came back. "I blamed myself the entire time. Sharon was the one that helped us process everything. We'd just moved into this house in preparation for Rebecca. We had a nursery and everything set up. Every time we've had a baby, Bucky's always sat down and painted canvas's for their room. I don't think I'd ever seen him refuse to touch his art supplies apart from when everything happened."
"Do you talk about her? About what happened?" Zemo asked.
"No," she shook her head. "At least, not lately. We didn't talk about it when it happened. Like I said, Sharon was the one that knocked some sense into both Bucky and myself. I had never expected that I'd have to go through having a stillborn baby and so I'd tuck myself into the nursery with Steven and Sarah as I put them to bed every night. I tried to never cry about it in front of Bucky.
"I want to say that a month passed by before Sharon caught on about it. Bucky and I had been very quiet in the house and spoke about anything other than pregnancy or Rebecca or anything much more than what we needed to talk about. We weren't fighting or drifting apart or anything, we just went silent. It turned out that the same way that I was crying alone, Bucky was doing it, too.
"He'd spend so much time in his art studio in the house. He'd paint and sketch, anything to get his mind off of it. Except that it didn't help that much and he'd be holed up in the room upset about it before he'd find me and pretend that everything was fine. He didn't cry about it in front of me either.
"So one day, Sharon sat us down. She was the one to finally tell us that we needed to talk about her and grieve over her together. Doing it separately wouldn't help anything," Allie paused as she brought her hands to be held together around her knees as she pulled them a bit closer to herself. Taking a deep breath, she continued with her story.
"She was right. That night, Bucky and I sat and we talked about it. I cried, he cried. We decided to keep her ultrasound in a little frame. That way she wasn't forgotten. That jar is for little flowers for her. The kids usually pick them out for her. They may not understand everything, but they like picking her flowers. Steven even suggested the little ice flower for her."
Zemo listened and swallowed hard. Allie couldn't quite understand why she had spilled the entire story to the very same man that was the reason she almost completely lost her husband over a decade prior, but she found some form of solace in his presence. She figured it must have been the relief of being near someone else that understood what it was like to lose a child.
"When we found out that I was pregnant with T.J., every day that passed I was petrified that it was going to happen again. Then, one day, a few days before Christmas, he was born. One year after we had lost his sister the December before."
As Zemo's lips parted to ask her a question, Steven had run up to the two and began to pull on Zemo's hand. Zemo looked at the Barnes boy startled, but not upset.
"Come on! Come play with us!" Steven smiled before leaning into Zemo. "I have powers and I'll even help you cheat!"
"Oh trust me," Allie smirked. "He doesn't need any help with that."
"Then be on my team," Steven grinned.
"You heard the boy," Allie grinned. "Be on his team. I'll join the other team."
"But you have powers too," Steven whined.
"Then both teams are cheating," she shrugged. "Don't worry Zemo, I'll still kick your ass at this."
"Mom! You can't say ass! That's a bad word!" Steven hissed at her.
"Well you can't say ass either, mister," she teased. "I'll tell Dad you said it."
"Wait- no!" Steven argued.
"Then you better win this game," Allie smirked.
Steven simply took off in the direction of the game, conjuring up a snowball in his hand that he threw at Sam, hitting him in the stomach. Allie looked over at Zemo who took in a breath.
"Come on," she encouraged him. "You're here with us, you might as well come and join in."
"I'm not joining either team," he shrugged. "I'll join the boy."
"Free agent?" she grinned. "Fitting."
"Consider it training," Zemo shrugged as he walked over to join the others.
Shaking her head, Allie rejoined the snowball fight.
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"That was delicious," Wanda smiled as she leaned in and helped wipe ketchup off of T.J.'s face after his feast of french fries and chicken nuggets. "You have very good taste."
T.J. gave a small laugh as Wanda continued to coo over him. Across the table, others were finishing their burgers and fries, others finishing chicken nuggets as they laughed with the others. It was a pleasant feeling in the house as they finished their dinners. After pushing the plates away from themselves as they finished, they looked to one another as the chatter died down a bit.
"Alright, where's this cake," Sam narrowed his eyes over at Allie.
"Are you the one turning two, or is it still my son?" Allie quipped back, rising from her seat.
"I just know good cake when I taste it," Sam shrugged.
"He has a point," Clint agreed. "Your food and baked goods have always been good."
"Suck up," Allie smirked and walked over to the kitchen. "James, come on."
"Coming," Bucky called back and made his way over, ready to hold the cake for Allie.
As the two walked back over to T.J. and everyone began to sing to the two-year-old, Allie gently lit the big "2" candle with a flicker of flames from her fingers. Bucky held the cake steady before T.J. gave big huff, struggling just a tad, before blowing out the flame on the candle.
As cheering took place, Allie passed out the slices of cake to each person that sat along the table. The group enjoyed their sweets before some decided that it was getting late enough that they needed to leave for where they were staying, needing sleep before training again soon.
After the rest of the team had been gone for a while, Peter had found himself laying down on the couch, Steven and Sarah climbing up to lay down next to him. Wanda was sitting and reading in one of the plush chairs of the living room and Sam was lounging. Bucky and Allie remained at the kitchen table with T.J. as he happily sat with his last bite of cake.
"I want more," he babbled as he had his final mouthful of cake in his mouth.
Glancing at one another, Allie and Bucky glanced to living room where Steven and Sarah were fighting over a blanket as Peter groaned and placed his hand over his eyes. Grinning at one another, Allie nodded for Bucky to grab another slice.
"We'll share," she smiled.
"No," T.J. wrinkled his nose at her.
"Excuse me?" she teased as she leaned in.
"It's mine," he shrugged as he he pointed at the cake slice in Bucky's hand with a sticky finger.
"You're lucky it's your birthday," Allie continued to tease as Bucky set the plate on the table portion of T.J.'s high chair.
"I guess the one's that are sharing are you and me then?" Bucky grinned.
"It looks that way," she laughed.
"I'll go get us a slice then," he sighed and walked back over to the cake itself.
A ringing of the doorbell pulled Allie's attention from T.J. happily eating his second small slice of his birthday cake. Glancing over at the others as the peaceful chattering continued to fill the living room, she dismissed herself to answer the door. She still had her smile on her face as she turned the knob. Looking at her were two familiar faces she hadn't seen but had been thinking of nonetheless.
Bruises, cuts, limping. She couldn't believe her eyes. It was as if she was transported back in time to when she had been reunited with her two favorite men at the basecamp. The time when they themselves were having to be cleaned up after a long journey after an escape. Except this time, she hadn't expected the sight she was greeted with at all.
"Oh my god," she muttered. "Steve?"