here
Sam was still running off a high of anger from the banker a few days ago, so this really wasn’t a good addition.
“Join me in welcoming your new Captain America.” Sam bowed his head, tears welling in his eyes. They gave it away. It wasn’t theirs to give away. He put it in that damn Smithsonian 5 goddamn days ago. They couldn’t have found him in 5 days. Sam realized what happened. They wanted him to give the shield away. They needed that shield so they could prop up the next white boy they could find. Sam knows exactly what happened. Maybe this is why Bucky didn’t want him to give the shield away. It’s too late now, though. The shield is gone. Really gone.
He felt Sarah’s hand squeeze his shoulder, and he still can’t meet her eye. She probably knew this would happen, he could feel the anger, the frustration radiating off of her. He felt the exact same. “Ain’t your fault.” she said softly, and left the room, knowing that Sam would need some space.
Sam should’ve seen this coming, he should’ve known that they would’ve turned around and handed it to the next guy in line. He didn’t know why he expected anything different. He knew the government, he knew how they acted, he knew how they were. But he really thought that maybe, just this one time, they’d keep their word. They’d let the shield become a part of history, like it deserves to be. John Walker isn’t what people need. They don’t need an action figure to stand up there and carry around a shield. They need a real hero, shield or no shield. Sam has a feeling Walker isn’t that. They need someone who is Captain America, not just someone named Captain America. That isn’t Walker. Sam couldn’t do it. Walker shouldn’t. God, Sam normally can give people benefit of the doubt, but this, not this. The government went against his direct wish and handed it off. That couldn’t be forgiven, shrugged aside.
~~~~~~~~
Bucky clenched his jaw. “Your new Captain America.” really? Steve never mentioned him. Bucky knew it wasn’t a good idea. He knew it. He didn’t know why Sam was so blind to what could’ve happened. Bucky thought Sam should’ve kept it for a lot of reasons. He would’ve been Captain America. Sam is what Captain America stands for. Bucky just didn’t get it. And now, now John Walker has the shield. Bucky can’t grasp as to why Sam gave it away, why he couldn’t see this coming. Why he couldn’t see that he was the clear choice, the only choice to do it.
God, Bucky was angry. Bucky was fuming. He took out his phone and snapped a picture of John Walker, who was shaking hands with random people Bucky figured were important.
Buck: Funny, Steve never mentioned him
~~~~~~~
“Are you kidding me?” Sam said aloud, staring wide eyed and angry at the phone.
Sam: Are you serious right now
Sam had enough, if Bucky was gonna come at him with that, then he should be ready for Sam has to say. The phone rings two times, and Bucky picks up.
“You’re so stupid.” Bucky spat out bitterly, and Sam scoffed, shaking his head. “And you’re a petty coward. What, ignore me for months on end, and then come whining to me when something you don’t like happens?”
“If you had kept the shield, none of this would’ve happened.” Bucky was yelling now, his voice was shaky. Sam felt sick, felt like he wasn’t really him. Like he needed to crawl out of his skin. “There it is again. Seriously, you really can’t let this go, can you? This doesn’t concern you, Barnes.” Sam knew that’d sting. It hurt him to say it, but he was beyond frustrated, beyond angry, beyond hurt. He was fuming.
“It wasn’t yours to give away.”
“I didn’t to give it to Walker, now did I?”
“Well who put it in a museum?” Sam shut his eyes, pitching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “Alright, shut up.”
“No, no.” Oh, fantastic. “If you didn’t throw away the shield, Walker wouldn’t have it.” Bucky really did think Sam was stupid. “I realize that, but I couldn’t take it, alright?”
“Maybe I’m not the only coward, then.” Sam felt tears welling in his eyes.
“Maybe not. But at least I didn’t ignore someone who was just trying to help.”
“Who said I needed help?” Bucky’s tone is bitter, closed off. A tone Sam had heard too much in his life. Sam shuts his eyes, and without thinking, he muttered,
“Who said the help was for you?” Sam’s voice is shaky and quiet now, tears finally rolling down his cheeks. He didn’t mean to say that, he wanted to keep a front, he wanted to make sure Bucky didn’t know that he was hurting as much as he was. Maybe he hurt too much to even do that.
“Sam.” Bucky’s voice was softer now, everything, well, most things clicking for him. He was asking a question without saying it. He was asking if Sam meant what he thought he meant. And he did. Because Sam could tell what Bucky thought. And he was right.
“Yep.” and Sam hung up. He didn’t need to listen to Bucky mope and whine about how sorry he was. He didn’t need to hear that. Any good person would be sorry. But, no good person breaks their promises, no good person lies. No, Sam was beyond angry. Sam isn’t Bucky’s anger management punching bag. After months of Sam trying to fix something that was repairable, Bucky decides that this would be a good time to talk. Not even about them, about the damn shield. Bucky really needed to get his priorities straight if he had an interest of seeing Sam, no, scratch that, of talking to Sam again.
Sam phone buzzed in his hand. Bucky. After months and months and months, Bucky finally comes crawling back, after learning that he did in fact hurt Sam. What a concept. Sam laughed, hysterically and teary. He sets the phone down, letting it ring. Well, not before sending one last text.
Sam: get your goddamn priorities straight, then think about talking to me
Sam walked out of the room, hoping to get some fresh air.
~~~~~~~~~
Bucky had his priorities straight. He was going to see Sam, whether he liked it or not. First, he had to clear the messages, the phone calls, everything, or else Raynor was about to have a field day.
~~~~~~~~~
“You holding up?” Sarah asked him over dinner, after the boys ran off into the living room to play video games. Sam shovelled down the last of his dinner and nodded. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” he said through bites of his food. Sarah made a noise of disgust. “God, you’re worse than my boys.” she said quietly, and Sam shot her a glare over his food.
“Whatever.” he said, rolling his eyes. Sarah snickered as she washed the dishes. Sam could tell she had something to say, but something was stopping her. Sam figured it was something about the boat, so he didn’t wanna push it. She’d say it soon enough.
~~~~~~~~
It took Sam inviting her to work on the boat with him that she’d finally spill. “You really don’t wanna sell this boat, do you?” Sarah speculated, her hands on her hips as Sam was glancing nervously at the engine. “No, I don’t.” He said bluntly. This was one of the last things that was still here from when Sam was growing up, and he couldn’t lose it.
“Sarah, we grew up on it. It’s one of the last thing that’s lasted. I can’t lose it.”
“Look, sentimental value doesn’t have as much value as you think it does. We already got denied by the bank, it’s a lost cause.” Sarah said, her voice rising just a bit. Sam sighed, bowing his head.
“I know, I just… don’t you want the boys to grow up on here? To do what we did? Sarah, I remember those days like they were yesterday. They should have the same thing.” Sam could see the look in his sisters eyes. He could see she was really thinking about this, as if her mind took her back in time to live in those moments. They laughed and grinned and were stupid siblings. Shouldn’t the two boys get that, too?
“Sam, I get that, I really do. But I also want to send them to college, you know?” Sarah stammered, and Sam could see the tears in her eyes. He knew that money was tight, he knew all of that, but he thought he could help. He thought, maybe, it could work.
“I know, I’m sorry, I know.” Sam realized that she needed to sell the boat. She was scared. He noticed how she furiously blinked away her tears, and Sam could feel nothing but regret and remorse settle in his stomach. “Hey, Sar, c’mere.” he murmured, and Sarah wrapped her arms around him, crying into his shoulder. They were gonna figure it out. They had to. Because seeing Sarah like this hurt Sam in a way he never thought would happen. He regretted not being there when she needed him a lot, but he never thought about how much she still needed him, not until right now. Not until she had her head buried in the crook of Sam’s neck, so desperately trying to make sure her sons get into college.
Sam felt his heart shatter in a million different pieces, and he knew better than to let go before she did, so there they stood. Sam hadn’t seen Sarah break down like this since… since her husband died. It was one of the lasts nights before he went on the run, which was an absolutely horrible thought that Sam hated more than anything. He should’ve been there.
But now he is here. He’s right here. He’s here, and he’s never letting go.
~~~~~~~~~
“Keep me updated Torres. I’ll get Redwing working on something.”
Later that night, Joaquin called urgently with news about the Flagsmashers. Apparently they’ve been going all around Europe, and are gathering allies very quickly.
“Alright, thanks Sam.” Joaquin hung up, and Sam lied back, looking up at the ceiling. It was about 1 in the morning, and unfortunately, Sam didn’t think he’d be falling asleep anytime soon. Figures.
With a sigh, Sam makes his way out the door quietly, the warm spring air feeling almost welcoming. The stars twinkled in the night sky, the pale light of the moon casting over the water. Sam felt like he finally had room to breathe. Finally.
~ 1 week later ~
“You shouldn’t have given up the shield, Sam.” Great. How the hell did Bucky even find him?