Chapter 14
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I start placing the cooled cookies from the plates into a container to keep them fresh. A lame attempt to ignore his gaze but it works, for a little while.
“I think there’s a lot to talk about.” James walks over to where I’m standing and places a gentle hand on my arm.
I place more cookies in the container, an excuse to pull away from his touch. His hand falls down to his side, a sigh coming from him.
“Would you please stop for one second and talk to me? This isn’t something we can just pretend never happened.” I can hear his frustration but it’s something I'm not sure I can face yet.
Taking a deep breath I put down the spatula, take a step back, and face James.
“What do you need to talk about with me?”
“The kiss? You can’t act like it didn’t happen. The tension between you and I is something that can’t be ignored too. If we keep ignoring it it’s going to start affecting us and the kids. I don’t want things to be put off until the situation is out of control.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. We barely know each other James. We can’t just jump into a relationship. You’re still figuring out your life and haven’t dated since the 40’s. Me? I’m not ready for a relationship. There’s stuff I haven’t overcome and I need to. There’s still things I need to deal with before I throw myself back into the dating pool.” I fidget with my sleeve, not sure how he’ll respond.
“And that’s why we need to talk about this.” His finger points between the two of us, his eyes intense. “I think we should take the time to get to know each other. I think that’s the best step to take right now. The rest we can take baby steps.”
“James, you’re not hearing me. You haven’t dated since the 40’s. Don’t you think it’s a little wrong to go after the first women you might feel attracted to? I think you should…..I think you should try dating other people first.”
“So you think that my feelings aren’t genuine?” I cringe at the hurt and disbelief in James’ tone.
“I don’t know. I just think we can’t just throw ourselves at each other because we feel something when we don’t even know each other.” I throw my hands up in the air, giving emphasis to what I’m trying to say. Why can’t he tell I’m too scared?
“Then let me get to know you.” James takes a step towards me and reaches out. His hands rest on my arms, his tough gentleness and light.
“I won’t hurt you like him, I promise. I won’t repeat anything he did. I want to get to know you, Y/N. I want to take this step and get to know you.”
I hesitate a moment before looking up to him to answer him. I know he won’t hurt me but I can’t help the fear that lingers in the back of my mind. What if he loses his temper one day? What if I make a mistake in front of him?
“Y/N, look at me.” His hands come to my face, gently guiding them to look at him. “I promise you, I will never harm you. You or the kids.” I can see the adoration in his tender eyes. It almost makes me want to melt into his arms but I know I can’t. At least not yet.
“Ok.” I mumble softly.
“OK? Really?” His eyes fill with excitement like a child on christmas morning.
“Yes.” I chuckle as James takes a step back and pumps his fist into the air.
“Alright! I promise to cherish you till the very end. I promise to protect you and the kids till my last day.” James walks up to me and wraps his arms around my waist. I shiver at the contrast of cold versus warm.
“Woah there's mr. All I agreed to was getting to know each other. Don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself a little too fast?”
“What if I said I already know you’re going to fall for me?” A cocky grin plays on James' lip and I can see the woman's man the Smithsonian talks about.
“You have a very big ego to think that James. No one knows what the future holds. Who knows, maybe you’ll find your dream girl downtown or the next town over. Maybe I won’t even find you attractive in a week.”
“I think we both know you’ll be falling in love with me.”
“That’s you assuming I even know what love is. Now if you'll excuse me there’s some things I need to attend to upstairs.” I walk away from James not wanting to hear his reply nor see the look on his face. I was half joking about what I said but when I think about half of it was true. Last time I thought I was in love I almost had the crap beat out of me. I know James would say something along the lines of 'you couldn’t control what happened, it’s his fault, you did nothing wrong’ but I don’t want to hear any of that. I don’t need to hear any of that.
I don’t know how to approach this. Dating wasn’t something I really wanted to focus on. I didn’t think about throwing myself back into the dating pool. It’s been the last thing on my mind since…...since yea. It’s not important though. I just need to take baby steps, day by day. I don’t need to rush into anything. James will understand, right?
As I make my way into my room and close the door softly, I think about how all of this will affect the kids. I know Katie will be ok with it, but what about the boys? Will they be ok with this or will they think it’s wrong? Will Austin be upset? Will the boys think I’m going to leave them like Katie did? Do they think that now?
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Word Count: 1029