Chapter 23
"I never told you guys how sorry I was for that day." Tony spoke up. "Things got kind of...hectic after."
Truthfully neither man had really thought about the first time they met. Sure, it was an odd moment. More so for them if anything, but it was nothing to apologize for.
"Oh doll, you don't need to be sorry. Never for that."
"Bucky's right," Steve insisted. "If it weren't for that day, we might not have been able to have this. It's a blessing we're all here together."
The omega was beginning to feel flustered. How they could just brush off one of the most embarrassing moments of his life, he didn't understand. It wasn't about meeting Peter or them. It was how he reacted. Never had he been so careless.
"It's just- That day was so hard for me. I didn't really want to be there, babysitting someone else's kid. And then Bucky and I talked and it was like all that pain I was holding inside of me just burst. I didn't even realize he was mine until I caught his scent."
"Tony," Steve tried.
"When I had him, I was so scared. I didn't know what to expect, I wasn't ready and I was nowhere near a hospital. It seems stupid now but the only thing I could bring myself to do after he was born was to remember his scent. I couldn't feed him or cuddle him like I wanted to, couldn't risk the chance of a bond. Guess I didn't try hard enough, huh." He sighed, feeling the tears well up in his eyes. "It hurt so bad when I realized. It was horrible and I overreacted."
"No, no, no. If anything you under-reacted. I knew I hit a sore spot when we talked, that probably didn't help matters."
"Tony, we don't blame you for anything that happened that day. Seriously. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you, to just sit there and hold him."
"You even fed him for us. All the while knowing you might not get the chance again. Hell, if I were you I'd have done a lot worse than cry." Bucky admitted. "Guess that's why omegas are the strong ones."
They watched as Tony sniffled, clearly still stuck in his own head. They didn't mind though, they'd always reassure him. He had been through so much on his own, it's about time he had someone take care of him. Truly, this time.
"I promise I won't do it again." He said to them.
"Do what?" Steve asked just as confused as his mate.
"Cry. At least not like that—not like I'm losing my mind. That was just embarrassing."
Bucky and Steve shared a look. One they hoped he didn't see. Howard had really done a number on him. Here he was apologizing and promising not to show emotion. It was sad to think of all the other ways he had hurt him. Maybe in time he'd think differently. That he didn't need to be sorry for anything.
"Sweetheart, don't you worry about that. Everyone cries, everyone. We don't care if you do or don't, we just want you to be happy and free. You think you could try that instead?"
"Um," Tony pondered not sure if he was hearing Steve correctly. They wanted him to be happy. Happy? He didn't know if that was something he could do, not without them.
Bucky's hand grazed his back as he thought about it. "Will work on it, okay. Don't worry omega." He said as if he could read his mind.
It was moments like these that brought him back. The fact that they had grown so comfortable together to sit down and have a heart to heart. That they actually cared and listened to what he had to say. They didn't push aside his feelings or make him feel crazy. They wanted to help and that, well that was hard to accept. He wanted their help, but there was so much more he wanted too. Their time and attention. Their closeness. Things he didn't even have the gumption to think about.
Steve couldn't help but wonder if this was a sign—them all together, like a happy family. It didn't seem that out of reach. Especially not in these moments when they got to see a different side of him. But he knew he was jumping the gun. It was a biological response, he couldn't help it he was just drawn to the omega. At least that's what he tried to tell himself.
Later that night after they all retired to bed, he found himself thinking about it even more. The possibility of being with an omega—with Tony. As he left his mate sleeping in the guest room he traveled back to the living room where it all started. Ever since Bucky and him moved in, the brownstone felt like a home but seeing was believing. Seeing Tony kick his feet up and sit on the couch with Peter in his arms was breathtaking. He could only imagine how often he'd see the sight, him and their pups together. Just where they should be.
Strong arms wrapped around him while he was thinking. He must have left Bucky for longer than he thought, too caught up in his daydreaming. "You okay, Babe?" He heard him say, his voice deeper than usual from sleep.
Nodding, he reassured him and himself. He was okay, it was only a thought. "Nightmares?" Bucky asked feeling the tension in his shoulder. No, not even close.
"Can we cuddle on the couch?"
"Why? The bed not good enough for ya' alpha?" He smirked at the tease, dragging him along anyway.
There were so many moments like these before Peter, where they'd spend the night wrapped in each other's arms, clinging to each other for support. Physical touch was everything for them, knowing they could feel one other's breath, their heartbeat, just knowing they were alive. It was better than sex, not that they didn't enjoy that but it wasn't the same. This was real intimacy. This was steering a ship into the darkness praying for an anchor to ground you. This was realizing how much love he had for Bucky, his mate and best friend. And he'd be damned if he ever messed that up.
"What's on your mind, Stevie? You're never this quiet." Bucky asked after a moment.
"You know I love you, right?"
"I love you too. Now c'mon tell me what's keeping you up?"
"I was just thinking about how much I love you. I always have Buck. You're my...everything. It's like I physically can't breathe without you and yet..." Steve trailed off unsure of what to say next.
His mate smiled at him, encouraging him to go on but he was at a loss for words. How could he possibly admit to what he was thinking? "And yet...what?"
"I keep getting this feeling like we could have more, you and I. Together." He said finally.
"Punk, it's too early for you to be this criptic. Just take your time and say what you want to say."
Huffing to himself he got off the couch and started pacing. In their joking, he hadn't actually considered it. Even the conversation they had the night they brought him home didn't feel as definite as this. There was no heat enticing him, or Bambi eyes staring into his soul. It was just him and Bucky and he was terrified to admit it. It would change everything, but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. He could make the sacrifice play, couldn't he?
"I think I have feelings for Tony."
To his surprise Bucky didn't even blink. "Jeez, ya' think? You're practically drooling over him. I get it though, he's a cute little thing."
"That's not the point. Please just hear me out, okay. I know we talked, before about that but- "
"Sit down, Steve." Bucky said. "You're getting all worked up over nothing. I think he's cute and I like him too. It's simple and I'm not mad at ya' for feeling the same."
"Really?"
"Really." He assured him as he sat back down. "You and I are gon' woo the pants off that omega. We just have to be patient, okay. Alphas like us always get attached fast, Howard wasn't wrong 'bout that. So we can't just jump into this headfirst. Besides, let be honest with ourselves—he's young. Forever for us, might not mean forever for him."