Heart to Heart
“That was Laura,” Clint said, walking into the living room of the small apartment he was now sharing with Natasha. They had bought a bed for her and spent an afternoon assembling it, and nobody had been murdered, which counted as an absolute success in terms of renovating. Usually, one of them was always gone anyway, but today they were both free and relaxing at home. “She says hi.”
Natasha looked up, smiling a little.
“Tell her hi back.”
“I will.” He settled on the couch next to her, peaking into the book she was reading. Twilight.
“Is this an attempt at being a normal teenager?” he asked with a laugh. “Sexy vampires?”
She shrugged.
“I liked the cover, and it’s pretty popular right now. You always say I should buy stuff if I want it.”
Clint nodded.
“Yes, and I mean it. No judgment, kid, you know I’m just teasing you a little. Is it good? Do you like it?”
Natasha grimaced.
“I’m not sure if it’s good. I mean, I never really read stuff like this, I can’t compare it properly.”
“Not the same as your average Shakespeare, little genius?” He grinned as she rolled her eyes. It made him so happy whenever she reacted to his jokes like this, when she was doing something the Red Room would have never allowed her. “But do you like it?” he persisted.
She shrugged.
“Not really, no. I don’t like him. The vampire, I mean. He’s weird.”
“In what way?” he asked, honestly interested, not as much in the book as in Natasha’s opinion on it.
She grimaced again, a little unsure.
“I don’t know… He’s following her around? And he goes into her room at night and watches her sleep without her even knowing? Do people do that, I mean, isn’t that something civilians wouldn’t do?”
He frowned. “He what?”
She shrugged. “He says he’s protecting her, but I don’t get from what. Like, he also says he’s dangerous to her himself, it doesn’t make any sense.”
“Isn’t it a romance book?” Clint asked, confused. “Isn’t he the guy she’ll end up with?”
She nodded. “There’s a second and a third book already, I think so. But it’s not right, Clint, right? I’m not being stupid, this isn’t okay, right?”
Clint shook his head.
“No, absolutely not. I had no idea it would be like that, holy hell!”
Natasha breathed out.
“Good,” she said. “I was so confused, they’re not making it sound so bad and I wasn’t sure… that maybe that’s how it works.”
Again, Clint shook his head.
“No, kid, you’re absolutely right, this isn’t okay. If anyone even thinks of doing this to you, you are absolutely justified to kill them, I’ll help you dispose of the body. Okay?”
Natasha frowned a little.
“I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not,” she admitted.
Clint raised an eyebrow. “Some dude sneaks into your room and watches you sleep for whatever reason without your permission? I’m dead serious, Nat, this guy’s done for.”
She looked up at him, he could tell she still wasn’t 100% sure if he was being genuine, then she lightly put the book on the table beside her.
“Thank you for clearing that up,” she murmured, looking away. "I never know about these things, in books, and in movies, I can't tell if it's realistic. I’m sorry if that’s dumb, it’s just… everything was so different. With them.”
Clint swallowed hard. He hadn't meant for this to take such a dark turn.
“No, kid, that’s not dumb. I get that, really, it can be hard to distinguish sometimes. You just… if it scares you, it’s not okay, alright? That’s a good guideline. Nobody out here is allowed to frighten or hurt you, okay? Even if someone lets it happen in a book, you always keep yourself safe and comfortable, yeah? Promise?”
She nodded obediently.
“I’ll maybe ask you before I kill someone, okay?”
Clint laughed. “Approved, Nat, approved.”
Natasha smiled, too, then leaned back and continued more cheerfully.
“And how’s Laura? Everything going well?”
Clint nodded. “Yeah, she’s managing alright. She misses us, of course, but she’s too loving to let me feel it too much.”
“You,” Natasha corrected softly.
Clint frowned. “What?”
“She misses you.”
Clint took a second to understand, then shook his head firmly.
“No, no, I meant what I said. She said ‘I miss you both’. Of course she does, I mean, you’ve lived with us for quite a bit of time, she likes you as much as I do.”
Natasha looked away.
“Are you going home for Thanksgiving next week?” she asked, trying to steer away from the remark.
Clint grimaced. “I won’t be able to, unfortunately. Mission. Are you free?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know yet. Fury likes to be spontaneous sometimes.”
“And if you are?” he persisted gently.
She shrugged again, not replying.
“You could go down without me,” he suggested. “Laura would like it, and neither of you would be lonely.”
Natasha made a little popping noise with her lips.
“Thank you, the offer’s really kind, but I’d rather you could fully concentrate on your mission.”
Clint frowned. “Sorry, you lost me. Why would I not fully concentrate on my mission?”
“Leaving me alone with your family?” She shrugged, getting up rather stiffly. “I doubt you’d be comfortable.”
Clint wished she had shouted at him or at least sounded the least bit accusing saying it.
“Natasha!” he called, getting up. She turned. “Wait. That’s bullshit. Why would I not leave you alone with them? Is this about the stupid story with Cooper?”
She scoffed. “I doubt I could convince you this was a one-time thing and that I wouldn’t react the same way again. You don’t trust me like that, and why would you? I don’t want to be something you have to worry about while you’re away.”
“Natasha…”
“It’s okay, Clint. My feelings aren’t that easily hurt.”
Clint shook his head firmly.
“Stop talking nonsense, Natasha. I know you wouldn’t hurt my family! I reacted out of reflex that time and if I had thought about it for a second, I would have realized then and there that I had to be wrong! If you were with them, I’d sleep easy because I knew they had someone who could protect them better than anyone else!”
Natasha didn’t look convinced, but at least he could tell she listened attentively.
“Look,” he continued. “Put yourself into my shoes. I get into a room, I feel the tensity all over and I see you standing cornered, clearly worked up. I don’t ask what happened, or who’s to blame. But I know you are the most powerful person in the room, so I tell you to stand down. I do it unnecessarily harshly, because I’m a bit overtaxed, but I don’t want to fight. I just want to make sure the situation doesn’t escalate. If you saw me and Laura stand opposite each other, fists clenched, who’d you go to stand in front of? Her or me?”
Natasha looked away. “Her,” she murmured.
Clint nodded. “Exactly. You wouldn’t care who started the fight or who wants to fight at all. You would protect the weaker party. That’s what I did. I didn’t judge you, I didn’t want to frame you as the attacker, I just wanted to make sure nobody gets hurt. Okay? And that's why I can let you around my family no problem because I know you wouldn’t hurt them and I know they wouldn’t hurt you. Okay? Do you understand that?”
Natasha hesitated for a second, then nodded slightly.
Clint sighed.
“I’m sorry, I should have been clearer about this before. I don’t want you to believe that we don’t trust you. We do.”
Natasha looked away.
“Thank you,” she mumbled.
Clint kind of hoped she’d say she’d go down for Thanksgiving now, knowing there was no problem, but she didn’t, and when he was back from his mission and went to the farm for the weekend, she had a mission herself and couldn’t come. Somehow, Clint had the feeling that she was glad about it.
Whenever Laura called, she always asked about the red-haired girl.
“I miss her,” she admitted. “It was nice to have her around me.” She sighed. “I wish she’d want to come over. I wish you both were here.”
Clint leaned against the wall, overcome by the wish to be with her, too, to be at home with his wife, his son, and the red-haired girl whose relation to him he couldn’t quite define. She wasn’t like a child to him, being after all only twelve years younger than him, and not really a friend in a traditional sense either. He knew she belonged, that was all.
“Christmas is a must, though,” he said one night mid-December as they ate dinner, Natasha jammed into the space between the table and the bench and Clint on the chair opposite her.
“You ought to have a proper Christmas this year, I bet you never celebrated it properly.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t celebrate any religious or public holidays. I only know them for my missions.”
“Then it’s about damn time to change that!” Clint exclaimed.
Natasha shrugged.
“I’m sorry, I won’t be able to. I’ll be leaving on the 20th for a job and Fury said it might take up until New Year.”
Clint groaned, exasperated. “Oh, come on! Fury has no sense of family! This is your first real Christmas, he has to understand that, doesn’t he?”
Natasha shook her head.
“No, you’re doing him wrong there, he actually asked if it was okay. I couldn’t see a problem, so I said yes. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it.”
Clint sighed. “No chance to skip it, I guess?”
She shrugged a little. “I don’t think so. It’s not that big a deal, Clint, I won’t be missing anything.”
“We’ll miss you.” He hesitated for a second. “I could talk to Fury.”
Natasha shook her head firmly. “Clint, I took the job and I’ve already prepared for it. There’s not enough time for a switch of agents.” That, and the fact that I’d feel like I’m third-wheeling during a family celebration, she added silently. As if I don’t get that you only invite me because you know I’m lonely and have nobody except you. She had thought of the date, guessing the Bartons would celebrate Christmas together and had only been too glad to take the mission that nobody else wanted, to have an excuse not to go because if she didn’t have an excuse to come along she’d feel too tempted.
Tempted to go back to that peaceful little island of family and love, and she would never want to leave again. She was afraid she wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to invade the Bartons' happiness for her own gain again.
“Natasha asked me to tell you something before she left,” Maria remarked casually.
Clint looked up in confusion, collecting a few arrows from the target he had been shooting at.
“Oh, okay, what was it?”
“She said she’d left a bag for you in her wardrobe and that you should please remember to take it with you when you leave. No idea why she didn’t tell you herself.”
Clint frowned. “Okay, thanks, Hill, I’ll think of it.”
“What did she mean by leave?” Maria asked curiously. “Holiday?”
Clint shrugged. “Yeah well, I have to go, meeting the relations and all that, Christmas stuff. I guess that’s what she meant.”
“Sounds amazing,” Maria said, a slight tone of mockery in her voice. Come to think of it, she never said much about her family.
Clint smiled, thinking of what would be awaiting him when he got home.
“Oh, don’t worry, it will be.”
Entering the apartment later, he was way too curious to not look into Natasha’s small wardrobe immediately. Next to the neatly folded stacks of clothing, he saw a blue shopping bag.
He almost guessed it, but his heart still warmed when he opened the bag to find three packages, rather crudely wrapped into paper with printed-on reindeer, the rest of which he spotted next to the bag. On top of the gifts lay a note in Natasha’s familiar handwriting.
Do not open before Christmas :)
Clint smiled as he put the bag in the plane next to his luggage on the night of his flight home. Even if they couldn’t have their girl home this Christmas, they’d have something of her, something she had personally selected for them, and she’d have something of them, too, three packages smuggled into her bag by him just before she had left, not to be opened before Christmas.