Choices
The dust settled in Johannesburg as Shay got the update. The newspapers were calling for Banner’s arrest and the team was laying low at a safe house. And Nat was giving Shay a brief synopsis of the day’s events.
-
"Did you know Clint had a wife and kids?” Stark was incredulous in the background, Nat smirked on my screen.
“Wasn’t it obvious?” I responded with a grin at the redhead as Tony stalked off, muttering. “So, what’s the plan Nat?”
“We’re still trying to pull ourselves together.” The background shifted as Nat found a more private room. “That… witch got in all our heads. Bruce is… he’s taking it hard.”
“And you?” I asked, concerned. Her face wore a stony expression, but I didn’t miss the flicker of bitter pain twisting her mouth. “Nat, I’m sorry. I wish I could be there.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Look, let me know when you’ve got a plan. In the meantime, give Bruce a hug. You both need it.”
She shrugged, ending the call.
A reflection in the black screen let me know I was no longer alone. I made tea as I explained the situation to Barnes.
-
“I should have been there. I could have prevented the whole Johannesburg disaster.”
“Or you could have been killed.”
“I’d take my chances, I’m not as fragile as you think.” I took another sip before continuing softly, “if I could save lives, wouldn’t that be worth it?”
“Maybe to you, but it would crush the people who care about you. Steve… Steve has lost enough.”
“He’s still got you.”
Barnes grunted his disagreement, “I’m not who he remembers, I’m this…” he glared at his hand, clenching the fist, “monster.”
“What makes someone a monster.”
“The things I’ve done.”
“Hydra didn’t make you a monster, they made you a machine, stripped your decisions from you.” Placing my hand over the fist of metal, gently “some say monsters are born, others argue that they are made by their environment… there is a third factor that few consider. Choice." I paused, waiting for him to look at me, "You did not choose to do those things, that is not on-you.” Looking earnestly into uncertain eyes, I tried to convey the truth.
“James Buchanan Barnes. You are no monster.”
-
I awoke from a nightmare at 5 am, my hands shaking as I filled the kettle in the dark. Turning to grab a mug, I heard the floorboard in the hall squeak. Barnes leaned against the wall, watching me prepare two cups of tea.
“Do you ever sleep?” I asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.
He simply looked at me, assessing.
I put his mug on the counter next to him, and took mine over to the couch. Curling my feet under me, I breathed in the steam and gazed at the point between the trees where the sun would make its appearance. Casper had wandered in and sprawled across the back-rest, eyes, unblinking -on Barnes.
“There’s always a dawn after the dark night.” I said it quietly, half to myself, in the stillness of the shadows.
His presence prowled the edge of the room, restless.
“Come, sit.” I patted the cushion beside me.
It sunk under his weight, just a foot away. He was tense, coiled up to spring. I pointed at the gap where the dark blue of night was giving way to a warm blue sky.
We watched the sun rise for half an hour before my phone rang.
-
“Nat.” I said, accepting the call. “What’s happening?”
Nat, Steve and Clint were headed to Seoul on a recon mission, Tony was trying to smoke out the nuclear code defender in Oslo and Bruce was headed back to New York, determined to stay out of the conflict.
Steve was insisting we stay in hiding, stay protected.
“If Ultron’s goal is to destroy humanity, no place is safe.” I had said “I'm coming. Barnes can stay here, if that’s what he chooses.”
-
“I can stay?” his voice was soft, unsure.
“It’s your choice.”
-
Frank was waiting in my truck as I wrapped Elaine in a hug, “look after him, will you?” smiling, she put a hand on my cheek.
“Of course, Kitten. You look after yourself now- you hear?”
“Yes Lovely, I always do.” I kissed her wrinkled cheek before approaching the Barnes. I offered him my hand, “James Barnes, your life is now your own, all I ask is that you take care of my family while you remain with them.” He shook my hand, matching my grip. “It has been my pleasure to know you.” I said before turning sharply away.
A flash of light from the edge of the bush heralded Mahikan’s arrival. He never missed a farewell, he always knew. I knelt to receive the wolf and he barreled into me, whining his pleasure. I pitched my voice lower, using my most authoritative voice,
“You, my good friend. Most important, Mahikan. Defender of my home, I give these *friends* into your care, I trust you to protect them.” At my first words he stopped wriggling, and sat serenely before me. “White Wolf, your loyalty-” I put one hand on his chest “-My heart.” I placed the other over my heart. Yellow eyes regarded me solemnly, a nod of the great head and suddenly he was a wriggling ball of fur again, making me laugh with his antics.
I made eye contact with James, nodding briefly I leapt into the waiting truck.
2 hours later I said my farewell to Frank as the jet touched down on a salt flat.
And then I was flying at light speed back to New York.