Chapter 20
Yelena wakes up the next morning curled up in her sister’s arms. She shifts, sitting up and glancing down at her sister who had jolted awake at the movement.
“Hey,” Natasha murmurs, sitting up and setting a hand on top of Yelena’s hair. “Sleep okay?”
Yelena lets out a hum, leaning sideways to sink into her sister. “I don’t want to get up today.” She mumbles. Her brain feels like mush in her skull. She doesn’t want to think. She doesn’t want to function. She doesn’t event to be a person today.
She doesn’t have to be looking at her sister to know that she’s frowning. She just shoves her face into her sister’s neck. Yelena just wants to exist in the hold of her sister today. She just wants to be held and have her sister make promises that she had already made. Promises of never leaving and of love and care.
Natasha’s fingers undo the ties holding Yelena’s hair up, gently combing her fingers through her hair. “I’ll see what I can do.” She whispers, kissing the top of Yelena’s head. “Do you want to talk about it? You’ll know that I’ll listen.”
“Maybe later…” Yelena sometimes just wishes that she could mold herself against her sister and not worry about life. She lets Natasha pull her over into her lap, merely curling up into the warmth and comfort provided.
Yelena falls back asleep, waking up to a softly murmured conversation between Natasha and someone else but she’s so comfy from where she was pressed against her sister and felt so safe and warm that she allows herself to sink back to sleep.
She dreams of Ohio. Of Mama and Daddy and her big sister. Of fireflies and Fruit Roll-Ups and back bridges.
She wakes up once again, having been maneuvered to lay down next to Natasha. She can feel the woman’s fingers gently playing with her hair. “Natasha?”
“Yes, little one?” Natasha’s lips press against the top of Yelena’s head.
Yelena’s mind is still a little jumbled from the memory gap and the previous night not to mention that she’s still sleepy. “I love you.”
Natasha lets out a fond chuckle. “I love you more than you will ever know, little sister.” Her thumb strokes the nape of Yelena’s neck.
“Can I ask you a question?” Yelena murmurs softly.
“You know you can. You never have to ask,” Natasha said.
“Do you still think of Melina as Mama?” Yelena whispers the question before she can think better of it.
“No. Not really,” Natasha confessed before quickly tacking on. “You’re still my little sister, though.”
“You remind me of Mama back in Ohio,” Yelena closed her eyes as the admission tumbles from her lips. “When things were warm and safe and happy. When I was loved and cared for and protected.”
Natasha had gone quiet and Yelena is worried that she had overstepped some unspoken boundary that she was unaware of.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean…” Yelena pauses because she did mean what she said and she didn’t want to lie about it. “I told Melina that she was my mother, the only one that I had ever known back at her farm after seeing her for the first time in ten years. But you’re kinda like my mom but you’re my sister. You do all those things that moms do and you haven’t faked your death or headed the project that took away my free will.”
During Yelena’s confession, Natasha’s fingers had stilled from where they had been idly combing through Yelena’s hair.
“You’re my big sister but you’re also kinda like my sorta-mom…” Yelena murmurs, trailing off for a few moments. “Is… is that okay?”
The unsureness in Yelena’s voice jolts Natasha out of her thoughts and the older woman quickly wraps her arms around Yelena, pulling her into a tight embrace. Yelena falls into the hold, belatedly realizing that a tear had fallen down Natasha’s cheek when a drop hits her hair.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Yelena whispers, her stomach churning at the thought that Natasha had been horrified or disgusted at her exclamation. Natasha just shakes her head, pulling her closer.
“Don’t be sorry, little one. Never be sorry for expressing your feelings,” Natasha pulls away just enough so that Yelena can see the raw emotions on her face. She reaches up to up Yelena’s face in her hands. “You mean so much more to me than you will ever know.”
Yelena’s heart flutters at the statement. “Even though you’ve known me for less than four years total?”
“Screw time. Time has nothing to do with this,” Natasha shakes her head, another tear slipping past. “You are my little sister. My kid. My little one. Mine.” She leans forward to press her forehead against Yelena’s. “I’m honored that you think so highly of me.”
“My big sister. My sorta-mom. My guardian. My protector.” Yelena said in turn, letting her eyes slide shut. “Mine.”
It was quiet for a few moments, both of the girls just leaning into the comfort that the other offered. Yelena plays Natasha’s words over and over in her head.
“I’m really happy that you adopted me. Even if you didn’t really adopt me but adopted someone named Lena Romanoff,” Yelena says. “And I’m really grateful that you didn’t make me go back with Melina and Alexei when I didn’t want to or chuck me to the side at the first inconvenience.”
“I’d adopt Yelena Belova in a heartbeat if I could,” Natasha murmurs, such sincerity in her tone and the fact that she didn’t hesitate to tell Yelena so just makes the teenager’s heart swell with joy.
“I love you more than anybody and anything,” Yelena continues, hoping that she could convey even a fraction of the love she held for her sister.
“Even more than your vest with all the pockets?” Natasha teased her.
“Even my vest,” Yelena nods her head. “I don’t need my vest, even if I really, really like it. I need you.”
“I need you too,” Natasha’s teasing tone softens.
“Even more than the Avengers?” Insecurity grips Yelena as she looks up at her sister.
“Even more than the Avengers. More than SHIELD or Clint or anybody else,” Natasha reassures her.
“I’m not a burden,” The previous night’s conversation flashes through Yelena’s mind.
“Never,” Natasha whispers, cupping her cheeks to pepper her face in kisses. Yelena lets out a slight squeal of joy at the feeling, able to sense that each one was placed with love. “You never have been a burden. I love being able to hold you close and feel you in my arms. You can be as clingy as you like. You can sit on my lap when you’re thirty for all I care. You’ll never be too big for me to hold.”
“Never?” Yelena burrows into her sister’s hold, curling up in her lap where she just seemed to fit.
“Never ever,” Natasha agrees with a whisper before kissing the top of Yelena’s head. “I love you so much, little one.”