Left Behind

Tony has always been the type of person who struggled to be open, who never said a word of truth if he thought it might lead to a conversation of ‘oh, how are you?’ Because he’s not okay. Never has been, never will be. His father has always whispered insecurities into his ear. You’re too loud Tony, annoying, pushy- or more, he’s never been good enough.

Sure, he’s a famous billionaire and he’s had queues of people trying to take a bit of him. But after a while, when people take off a chunk and then another, there’s not a piece of himself left and he’s only a shell of the man he used to be. And that man was never anything special in the first place, in his opinion.

At first, when the Avengers moved in, Tony had been… nervous. Watching from his lab, he would yearn to be involved. He wanted someone to see that he was struggling and to help him, but he never wanted to be the one to ask. But when the days turned into night and another bottle hit the bin or rolled to the floor when he couldn’t move any longer, they started to really see him and understand that maybe his quick wit and his sarcastic, dry sense of humour was simply a front.

One night when Tony was weak, screaming and shouting at the team- wobbling and barely standing on his own two feet- Steve looked at him with broken, doe, eyes and held him. He carried him to his room and looked after him. The night after that was the first in months Tony hadn’t drunk. Sitting by Steve’s feet as the team played Mario kart (he was too nervous to have a go, but he said ‘it’s a kids game, Barton- it’s not my style), looking up and giving Steve a smile whenever the hero got worried.

Then it ended.

Weeks of loneliness was replaced by Peter Parker walking in, the kid who refused to leave. The kid who took him from rock bottom up to where he is now… and now, the two of them (plus a vital player in their mission) are going to get everyone back. Tony knows he could die, but he doesn’t care… as long as the kids are okay in the end, he’d do anything.

Finally, that day is today. Tony makes sure the lab is locked to his past self, using his equipment to tinker with their suits. Head in the clouds as he plays with all of the tech, he tries to ignore the sound of Peter and Strange speaking in the background. Was Strange teaching the kid magic? That wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Tony wipes his hands on a nearby rag, ignoring the oil stain that stays behind on his palms. Swallowing the nerves, he moves until he finds an old fridge of drinks he knew would still be there.

Suddenly, the billionaire feels as if he’s in a bubble. Hearing nothing, seeing only the bottles in front of him, his throat feels dry. He can’t do this- he can’t just go out there and fight Thanos again. What if they lose? What will he do if he goes back and loses Peter as well? He’d lose himself.

With a shake of a hand, he reaches for the handle of the fridge. God, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Someone was pushing down on his chest and they just wouldn’t stop. Trying to reassess himself before it became an all too familiar panic attack, he feels something tickle on his knuckles like a touch of a feather.

Eyes flickering from the fridge and then up at the intrusion, Tony feels a sense of embarrassment when he realises it’s Peter looking at him.

“We’ve got to go, Mr Stark,” he says, taking Tony’s hand- a way to move him on- to take him away from the drink without mentioning his stumble. Peter’s good at that. He can make Tony forget about whatever woes are taking over his mind in a second. And that he does for a while, eyes following Peter. But he doesn’t say a word.

“Mr Stark?”

Tony shakes his head, trying to get the scene to soften- to rid himself of the blurred look of Peter’s worried gaze. When they come to view, Tony puts on a fake smile and puts his arm around Peter’s shoulder.

“You finally speaking to me after that conversation we had last night then, kid?”

Peter frowns, his eyebrows furrowing. The look looks too old for a kid of his age. He shouldn’t know how to see into Tony’s damaged and cracked soul. A kid like him should be innocent, only the light should seep in. Yet, there’s been too much for Peter to experience. It’s made his mind old, and now he sees more than he should. He sees Tony for the man he is, and not the one he tries to show the world.

“Mr Stark,” he says sadly, and for the third time in the space of a minute.

“Am I in a time loop? Is that all you’re going to say?” Tony smiles, “honestly, kid, it’s getting old, and stop looking at me like… that. I’m fine.”

There’s a change in the atmosphere. Peter looks agitated, Strange looks worried. Tony doesn’t have a clue what to do. The kid’s still, staring at him like he doesn’t have a clue of his next step. Tony’s never seen him look so broken.

Tony checks his watch. They need to get to the quinjet before it’s far too late, and he knows it. So, he tries to step around Peter but the kid’s hand reaches out and stops him in his tracks. Tony hears a gulp bounce off the walls, and he’s not sure if it’s from him or Peter. Strange has stepped to the side, making a portal as Peter stares. Tony knows he’s waiting to say something, and he’s trying to find the words to say, but, as he said before, they have to go.

“I love you, Mr Stark,” Peter whispers, “and this? We can’t do this without you. But you’re not ready, and I’ve pushed you in too soon.”

“Kid…,”

Peter lays his head against Tony’s chest, a soft echo resulting as his head meets the arc reactor, “we don’t have to do this. All I need is you.”

Tony’s heart flutters, and Peter would’ve heard it. Peter said that he's happy to live with Tony, without Ned, or MJ, or even May, just to make the billionaire happy… it blows his mind. He moves one of his hands to the kid’s shoulder, before pressing a soft kiss against the top of his head. He would love to say yes. They could buy a puppy. Peter could go to college, meet someone with who he’d spend the rest of his life with. Tony would be an old, angry, grandpa to the evident kids, but he’d love them. They’d live normally… but they can’t just do that. They can’t ignore what’s out there anymore. The billions of people, and other individuals through the galaxy, are waiting on them.

“I appreciate it, Pete. But I think we have to.”

Peter looks up, meets Tony’s eyes, and sighs. He nods. “I know.”

“We can do it,” Tony tells him, before pulling him in for a quick hug before they walk over to where Strange is waiting. Before they walk in, he looks at Strange and smiles- trying to look like he doesn’t have a single worry, “thanks for this, you’ve been a great help.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Strange responds, following the two into the portal and closing it behind them…

The locked-off room nobody ever visits in the quinjet is cold, dreary, and Peter could’ve sworn he saw a rat. It’s dark, and Peter’s spent the entire flight listening to the team talking. Tony’s silent, fiddling with the ring on his finger- and Strange is his usual self- mysterious and brooding. He’s staring out of the one window in the room, and Peter thinks he must know what’s about to happen.

Peter closes his eyes for a second. He thinks about what he’ll say to everyone when they all come back. Will he stutter? Will he be too shocked to say a word? Or will he fit right back into the same rhythm as they had before? He’s thought about it a lot, in all honesty, but they’ve never been this close before. However it all goes, Peter hopes he’ll be able to hug them for as long as he can manage.

Without saying a word, and as if he could hear Peter’s thoughts, Tony moves over a few inches and wraps his arms around Peter like he was holding him for the last time. It makes Peter worry. He knows what Tony’s like- does New York 2012 ring a bell? He was willing to sacrifice himself in an instant. There were no second thoughts.

This? This was bigger. If Tony had the chance to die for a cause, it would be this one. He’d lay down, take the hit, and smile doing it because he’d know- he’d think- that his whole life finally had a purpose. But it already did! Peter wants to scream at him and tell him he’s his rock, he’s the only thing that keeps him going, but he’d never believed him.

Peter sniffs. He hadn’t even realised he was crying.

“Peter?” Tony says.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“Promise me?” Peter says, looking him in the eyes. But Tony’s doesn’t reply, and Peter sees the flash on his face of hesitation. There’s something he’s not saying, and it’s scaring the life out of Peter, “Mr Stark?”

“I-It’s nothing, kid.”

Peter looks to his feet, shakes his head, and looks straight into Tony’s eyes- determination clear on the way he doesn’t look away. He needs to know- or it’ll be on his mind and he won’t focus. He won’t- Tony’s next few words knock him off balance.“I’m going to die. If not by Thanos, then by the spell that brought us here,” Tony says, the full truth for the first time.

“…What?”

“Pete, the spell demanded a sacrifice- it-,”

“And you thought that had to be you?” Peter says. He looks over at Strange, who’s staring between them both as if he had been waiting for this conversation. “And you let him do it? You just let him kill himself for-,”

“Peter, now- come on-“

“No, Mr Stark! You don’t just do this sort of thing! I knew you were self-sacrificial but this just takes the cake. And why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve never said yes. I couldn’t have. We could’ve found a different way- we-,” Peter says, getting more and more agitated. He pushes Tony off him, stands up and paces as little as he can in the small room.

“There was no other way. We know that, kid. We looked everywhere,” Tony sighs. He shakes his head and stands up. Stopping Peter from pacing and perhaps making too much noise, he grabs his shoulders and forces him to look him in the eye. “You need this, buddy, and doing this- offering myself so we can have this second chance… it’s a no brainer!”

“No, it’s not!” Peter says. He glares- as much as he can with those innocent eyes- and twists out of Tony’s grip. “It’s not a no brainer, Mr Stark. It’s not. There’s always another way. You just wanted out, and you don’t want to admit it.”

“I- I don’t, kid. I want to stay here with you, and with everyone else, but if my life means millions? Kid, come on, can’t you see how it’s the best-“

“No, I can’t!”

The argument would’ve gone on for longer if it wasn’t for Strange’s interruption. The ‘wizard’ floats down, the cloak following inches behind him. Looking between the two of them, Strange tells them “We’re here. Follow me, we’re going to meet someone.”

“What?” Both Tony and Peter say simultaneously.

“You really think I wouldn’t have a plan?”

Dr Strange took Tony and Peter underneath his wing, walking through old hallways that Tony had probably been too drunk to notice before. As they turn into a room, the door red and ominous, Tony almost laughs at the ridiculousness of the situation when he sees who’s standing there waiting. Just in front of them, stood with the same cloak as Strange, was… Strange… just from the past. Tony watches Peter’s face as he looks between the two- that look was one of utter disbelief and excitement. God, Tony thinks, as he runs a hand down his face- this was going to get tiresome very quickly.

The past Strange looks at his future self, “Was beginning to think you wouldn’t show up.”

“Well, these two wouldn’t stop chatting.”

Past Strange’s eyes pass Tony, focusing only on the kid. He walks up to Peter, “Well, it’s nice to finally meet you, Peter. I’ve been waiting for this day for a while.”

“You have?”

Strange winks, “Of course.” He turns to Tony. “You look like you’re going grey. Tough year?”

“You could say that,” Tony mumbles.

Both Strange’s explain the plan to Peter and Tony. They know what Thanos is going to do, or how he’ll move. All they have to do is stay one step ahead of him. It’ll be hard to hide from the past team, so they suggest that they don’t… After all, time travel isn’t the craziest thing to ever happen. But Tony wonders if that might change how the team worked. If his former self saw him now, he'd know they failed, and he'd struggle to find a reason to do his best if he knows it will most likely fail the same way it did before.

They haven’t got the time to go back and forth, so they just tell Peter to introduce himself as Spiderman and help- following their instructions as Tony tries to help ‘behind the scenes. It’s the best they can come up with and he hopes that it’ll work.

Peter pulls on the mask and gives Tony a last-minute ‘good luck’ hug and a glare that reminds Tony that he’s still mad about the ‘sacrificing’ thing. He runs off, and Tony watches him go like he’s off to his first day at school. The two Strange’s don’t say a word when he wipes one tear from his face, before looking up at the sky and waiting for Thanos to arrive- his heart pulsating in his chest.

“Hey, guys!” Peter shouts, “Thanks for the invite!”

“…Spiderman?” Hawkeye says, “Where the hell did you come from?”

“A good hero doesn’t reveal their secrets, bird brain.”

Peter uses the nicknames Tony had, plucking them from stories that he had been told since he moved into the tower. It makes past Tony take a double take- only he called Clint that. Peter watches as the suit’s eyes almost narrow- Tony’s personality even seeping through the metal.

“Uh, well- thought you could use some help!” he adds, jumping down. His eyes go wide when Steve Rogers stands in front of him, offering a hand for him to shake. “Wow,” Peter whispers, “Nice to meet you, sir. It’s an honour.”

“Nice to meet you too, son. Thanks for coming to help us.”

“It’s- wow, uh- it’s honestly my pleasure. Captain America, sir,” Peter smiles, saluting.

“Are you like fifteen?” Tony asks, “because I’m not going down for child endangerment after saving the universe.”

Peter laughs as hears Tony tell Strange that he’s a genius (Of course, I knew how old he was straight away. God, it blows my mind how smart I actually am sometimes. Strange doesn’t reply). Making sure not to look too weird, Peter shakes his head. “No, I’m not. Uh, I’m… twenty-two.”

“…Sure.”

There’s no use in arguing over the age of their new teammate when the first sign of Thanos arrives. Hundreds of ships push their way through Wakanda’s borders, followed by thousands of soldiers dressed head to toe in protective gear only a war-bent titan would be capable of making. He’s here- soon- and Tony wonders if the feeling in his heart is from the shrapnel or anxiety. He figures it’s the latter.

Peter automatically stays by Tony’s side, even if this isn’t the Tony he knows and loves. The man notices, but he does something Peter doesn’t expect. He almost shelters him, standing slightly in front of Peter whenever something approaches them. It’s like he knows there’s this relationship between them, even if he has no idea what it is or how to understand it. He knows- and he’s going to protect Peter even when his own life is on the line.

But when Peter gets hit, smacked to the floor with a horrid noise, future Tony strays from his post and runs towards him to make sure he’s okay (throwing away their plan for him to remain anonymous, and confirming his earlier hypothesis that it would freak out his past self). This makes everyone freeze on the battlefield, allowing Thanos to punch Thor before he goes for the head. Tony feels regretful, but when he holds Peter with past Tony staring at him with shock- he doesn’t care. This is his kid, he’s not letting him die, not for anything, and he’s glad his other self knows this.

Shocked, the team quickly resume the battle- they think they’ll be able to ask questions later. And it works- they all fight to the best of their ability. It’s harsh and long- but it works. With past Strange refusing to pass over the time stone, Thanos isn’t able to manipulate anything that doesn’t go in his favour.

And when all the stones are together in the gauntlet, of which Strange has put together amid the chaos, it’s a race who gets it first. Tony is fighting one of Thanos’ men when he sees it.

Peter’s standing there with the gauntlet in his hand, the sun shining over his head like a halo and it makes Tony remember how much of an angel he is, even if there’s a time where he’s been through it- or he’s slipped and let the anger through. He’s still good. The best, even. And with that thing on his wrist- it only elevates this reputation he’s made for himself. He’s stood tall, proud, and the stones look too heavy on such a young wrist. He's far enough away from everyone to allow them to just watch—and far enough away that even if Thanos races towards him, it'll be too late.

For only a few seconds it’s just him and Tony on the battlefield. The wind whistles a tune of serenity, and they know that once Peter does this- it’s over. As Tony feels a gust surround him, it’s like everything is in slow motion. Peter shouldn’t have the gauntlet. It needs to be Tony who does this- because losing Peter would be the worst thing. He needs to keep this kid… he has to.

They make eye contact, and Peter smiles. Tony doesn’t know why. It’s not a time to be happy- but Peter looks at him as if this is the easiest choice he’s ever made. It is a bit hypocritical when Peter had yelled at him for sacrificing himself, but you never really know how easy it is until the shoe is on the other foot.

They bring everyone back, but what’s the cost? It’s that classic question. Do you risk that one life for millions? Is Peter worth the return of everyone who was snapped away? Tony thinks so, of course, but he can’t stop Peter. Not now. For he doesn’t see why he shouldn’t do this. It’s him or the rest of the world, but it means Tony’s life will never be the same.

“Peter!” Tony screams across the battlefield, not caring that the other Tony and his team stares as if they don’t believe he could care this much. His other self looks terrified of the sentiment, eyes wide as he struggles to choose who to focus on. Tony knows who to look out the only thing he could see was Peter. The only thing he could see was his boy. “I love you!”

It’s the first time he’s said it. It’s the first time he’s admitted out loud that he’s begun to think of this kid like a son. He rushes towards Peter as the young boy smiles and presses his fingers together, snapping. Tony screams in horror as the enemies turn to dust as his team once did. He didn’t care that they’d won- because Peter was laid across the floor without a single speck of light in his eyes.

Tony's younger self has a hand beneath Peter's head as he runs to him at the same time as future Tony. He’s looking at the young boy, trying to wake him. Even though he hadn't properly met Peter yet, he appears to be devastated, and it seems that love is still in his eyes. It's a strange sensation, one he'll never understand, but it's one of strong admiration, and it makes future Tony feel breathless. Because it demonstrates that no matter what timeline he's in or who he's with, he'll always have a soft spot for Peter Parker, even if he doesn't realise it at the time.

As soon as future Tony’s there, he lets go and moves the boy into the other’s arms. Tony holds Peter, rubbing his cheek with his thumb as aches for him to wake. A teardrop splashes over Peter’s face, as Tony drops his head down to the kid’s chest. He sobs, screams of ‘come back’ interchanging the harsh gasps of air as he hiccups through the tears. Never even thinking of letting go, he doesn’t realise how tight he’s holding on.

“Don’t die, Pete. Please, I love you, kid. God, I love you. You saved my life and just- just don’t die, please,” he sobs.

Tony looks up at Dr Strange, not caring which one it was, and stares with big eyes- physically begging for one of them to do something that might help. But Peter’s used the biggest force in the universe, how are they supposed to undo that? The time stone is gone- they can’t…

“Stark…,”

Tony shakes his head, “No, no- he’s not dead, Strange. I told you he shouldn’t do this- I begged you not to- I- How am I meant to just go on without him?” he says, letting go to look at Peter.

Peter’s entire right side is charred, and he can’t look up at Tony- but is he… he’s breathing, right? He’s managing to keep his eyes open. But there’s enough movement there. They just have to get him to the hospital and everything will be okay.

“The spells going to take us home soon, Tony,” Strange says, announcing himself as their Strange- and not the one from the past. He kneels down beside the two of them, putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder. He must love him too- the kid does that to people. Strange speaks solemnly, not looking Tony in the eye, “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know enough about the spell- or the stones- I don’t- I can’t-,”

Tony’s never seen Strange like this. He’s never not composed, especially in front of Tony (who knows what he’s like by himself, apparently he can be rash and snarky- a bit like Tony himself, but that’s beside the point), but here he’s lost. He doesn’t know what’s happening, and he’s staring at Peter as if this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Strange sighs, and mutters a simple “I'm sorry,” and Tony’s not sure if it’s to him or Peter.

Tony shuts his eyes, attempting to forget the scene before him. When he re-opens them, he wishes he hadn't. Because when he returns—when he can finally see again—he's at his desk in his lab with some unknown task in front of him, and there's no combat insight. Peter’s not there, nor Strange, and the calendar says it was the day he left. He’s in the future, but when he looks outside it looks like a normal day before the snap. Did they win?

Panicking immediately, he jumps up. The chair flies off, hitting whatever was behind him. For a while, he tries to figure out what to do. Is Peter alive? Where’s Strange? His heart hurts, the panic overwhelming him. Before he can figure out what’s happening, he falls to his knees and curses in agony- both the physical and emotional pain.

Tony’s heart stammers, and at first, he thinks it's the shrapnel all over again. He grabs the fabric of his t-shirt, scrunching it up in a ball- the only thing he can feel to remind him he’s alive. He squeezes his eyes shut- counts to ten in his head- and breathes. He’s trying his best not to panic, but the next thing he knows he can’t breathe and his throat feels like it’s closing up. It only gets worse when Steve walks in.

“Tony?” Steve says. He sounds calm until he realises what’s happening. Kneeling beside Tony, the Captain steps back as not to touch him but makes him realise he’s there for him. But what he doesn’t know is that it freaks him out more. Steve’s here, which means they won but does that mean Peter’s dead? He has no clue. “Oh, Tony. Uh- how can I help?”

“You’re alive,” Tony whispers.

“Yes, Tony. I am. Are you okay? Did you hit your head?”

“Is everyone alive?”

“…Yes, Tony. Do you want me to get Bruce? He could make sure you’re not concussed.”

“The snap? It never happened?” Tony asks, grabbing one of Steve’s hands. “Please tell me it never happened.”

“We stopped Thanos a year ago, Tones,” Rhodey says, appearing from the doorway. The sudden appearance of a long-forgotten friend makes him sob, which only worries them both. “Have you had a drink again? Tony, you haven’t done that in a year,” he says, disappointment clear in his tone. Tony ignores it.

Tony shakes his head, rubbing his tears away. He jumps up and wraps his arms around his best friend. “Oh, god. Rhodey,” he says, putting his head on the man’s shoulder. “You’re alive, you’re really here.”

“I’m going to call Bruce,” Steve says.

“No, no- no, I’m fine. Sorry. Just- you know- a bad dream.”

Tony spends the evening sitting between Rhodey and Steve, and the rest of the team, as he desperately sources the web to see if Peter and Spiderman are still alive and kicking. When he finds out he is, he’s over the moon. He’s about to fly over when he gets a cryptic message from Strange saying ‘he won’t remember a thing of the old timeline’. Hearing that, the man goes into a recluse. He runs down to his lab, isolates himself, and cries. If this was all for the best- then why would Peter forget him? Why would he almost die in his arms? Whatever the reason, Tony doesn’t even bother to reintroduce himself. The amount of pain he put that kid in… he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t even bother to see if Strange it telling the truth.

Apparently sober and surrounded by the only other group of people he ever loved; Tony tries to live a life without Peter Parker….

He wonders how that’s going to go…