“Just let go… Let go…”
It was about a week after Phin had died. She… Miles couldn’t even find the words he needed to describe what had happened that night. He had gone from fighting Roxxon and the Underground, to fighting her, to absorbing all the energy in a giant Nuform reactor and essentially blowing up in the sky.
He blew up and killed Phin.
Logically it was his fault. He should have been able to get back up out into the sky and avoid hurting anyone around him. But, alas, he hadn’t been able to get up, which led Phin to carry him up into the sky where she said those words. “Just let go… let go…”
And he did.
Maybe he shouldn’t have listened to her. He should have tried to push away from her so she wouldn’t experience all the force of the explosion. But even then she might not have survived the fall. It’s a wonder he survived a hundreds-of-yards fall even with his enhanced abilities. Pete told him it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t really believe Pete.
Pete says it was a very Spider-Man-Like thing to blame himself for all the death that happened. Peter had told him of multiple occasions where MJ had to snap him out of his dumbassery. Like when he fought against Bingham forever ago, or really anything relating to that Spider-Man imposter. That sure was a time…
Miles didn’t particularly want to blame himself, because that really only made it hurt more, but he didn’t know what else to do. Peter wasn’t going to be home for another week, but when Peter had the time he had managed to call Miles and help him. It wasn’t enough though. Ganke wasn’t as much help as Miles would like him to be. Life was just falling apart and there was nothing he could do about it.
He was preparing to swing off the roof he was sitting on when his mask pinged to tell him that someone was calling. A second later, his mom’s profile picture popped up on his HUD. Oh, so his mom was calling him. That was probably because she wasn’t a huge fan of him going back out as Spider-Man yet. He had told her he’d take it easy though. Given, he was lying, but she didn’t need to know that.
He answered the call, walking back on the roof and sitting down against one of the exhaust vents. It didn’t smell great, but in the cold winter air it was nice and warm. “Hola, mijo.” Rio’s voice filtered through the mask. Her voice seemed to sink into his bones, automatically helping him calm down a little bit.
“Hola, mamá,” he replied, pushing himself against the vent a little more as a cold wind passed over the rooftop. He probably should start moving or go home to warm up. He was in the financial district though, which meant he would have to swing all the way back up to Harlem, and he didn’t know if he wanted to do that.
He supposed he could just take the train, but taking calls on a train while in costume was never a good idea. “Are you going to be coming home soon? It’s nearing three o’clock.” Miles looked down to the little clock he managed to get in the display. She was right. It was 2:48. He really did need to get home.
“Yeah. I was going to come home soon.” Miles replied truthfully. He can’t count the amount of times he said that and then came home two hours later.
The other side of the line was silent for a minute as they both sat there. “Are you okay, mijo?” His mom asked. Miles debated lying to her for a second, but his mom always seemed to know no matter how hard he tried to say he was doing fine.
“Not.. Not really.”
“Thinking about Phin again?” Rio asked.
Miles had no clue how she always seemed to know what he was thinking about when he was sad. Whether it was that he was thinking about his dad, his uncle, Phin, or someone else he lost in his life, she always seemed to know. “How can you tell?”
“I have a spider-sense of my own.” She joked, a light chuckle in her voice. “I’m thinking of calling it my mother-sense,” she continued. That got a chuckle out of Miles. It was a terrible name. They both knew that. It was funny though.
“You need a better name.” Miles said, his tone light-hearted.
His mom tutted on the other side. “I suppose you’re right. You can talk to me though. What’s going on, Miles?”
Miles hesitated for a second. On one hand, he would love to talk about all that he was feeling at the moment, but on the other hand he absolutely didn’t want to dump all of this on his mom. Well, she probably would bug him about it until he told her. So, he might as well just spill it.
“I was thinking about Phin. I miss her so much. I didn’t mean to drag her into all of this and end up with her dead. I just- I wish I could fix it somehow. Turn back time. Fix my mistakes so that she wouldn’t have to say that. I want it to stop echoing in my head.”
His mom was silent for a minute before she spoke up again, “What did she say?”
“She told me to let go.” Miles took a deep breath. He could see her in those last seconds. Face scratched up, hair and jacket a mess, and tears on her face. They both were illuminated by the sparks dancing off of him as he looked up at her. Then a bright flash. The rest of the night was a mess, but those memories were clearly implanted in his brain.
“Well... “ She started, as Miles was still calming down. “Maybe it didn’t just apply to that specific scenario. Mijo, grieving is fine. It’s an important part of the process, but you can’t keep sticking to one point in time. You did what you could. It isn’t your fault. And now you can keep saving people in her name. You’re already doing so much for this city. You don’t need to wear yourself thin with this too. You have to let go.” She reassured him.
What she said made sense. It covered everything he was thinking about, even though he definitely hadn’t mentioned some of those things. He had done what he could at the moment and that’s what mattered. He took a deep breath in and smiled a bit. “Thanks, mamá.”
“Anytime, mijo. Now be home soon. Te quiero.”
“Te quiero.” With that, he started on the journey home.