I miss you more than anything.
I don’t need the world to see that I’ve been the best I can be, but…
I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me...
When Eddie and Venom had been reeling in their fight, Venom hissing and throwing his (admittedly small) collection of belongings out onto the street, a part of Eddie he had never wanted to acknowledge previously reveled in it.
A jet black part of him wanted to return to his life before; the solitude and loneliness that clung to him, the only constant thing in his life. Even when he was with Anne, he had felt it. Back then, he had enough going on in his life to motivate him to brush it aside, but with the past few weeks grating against him like sandpaper, he let himself embrace it. Maybe, he thought, being truly alone was what he needed.
If the past few weeks had scraped him like sandpaper, Anne’s shiny ring dancing beneath his eyes at the restaurant was hot water on his open wounds. He had felt scrubbed raw, surprised his skin hadn’t become peeled and pink. When he had dashed home on his motorcycle, the cold rain hadn’t even registered on his skin with how much he burned inside.
All throughout the drive, Venom had buzzed nervously, swimming in the back of his mind, trying to drench his mind with their concern for their safety. At that moment, in his moment of hurt and utter ache, he wanted Venom gone. He didn’t want anyone to see him like that, let alone the symbiote who saw through him like glass. At that moment he felt like he was under a microscope, rather than the eyes of someone who cared about him.
When Eddie watched his motorcycle shatter, he felt a white crackling heat behind his eyes, letting that dark part in him escape, plunging him back into (mostly self-imposed) loneliness.
And so, when Venom tore through the window, rearing their head at him one last time before vanishing into the street, Eddie thought whatever had split open inside him would heal. It would still hurt, seeping for a bit, but then it would go away, like everything else did.
At least that’s what Eddie thought would happen; but, like with most things, he was wrong.
When Venom detached from him, he felt a dullness. Something almost like an ache, if he were able to feel anything but the lack. It felt like he was losing a limb, or like the world’s volume had been turned down. Is this what he had silently, maybe even selfishly, craved in the back of his mind? Silence had seemed comforting. Now it was deafening, threatening to swallow him whole, into nothing.
He kept opening his mouth to make a comment or a sly joke, but his words were met with nothing but the sharp rush of air coming from the holes in his apartment. So he cleaned, something he only did when he was really desperate for stimulation, something else to get his mind to focus on. The fact that he could still move and breathe despite the feeling inside of him was comforting somehow. He kept his eyes off of the lingering gazes of Sonny and Cher, not even wanting to consider what to do with them. Eventually, he settled to leave them out where there was grass. Chickens like grass, right?
Eddie fixed everything, replaced his TV after begrudgingly avoiding the subject of what had caused his previous one to end up shattered on the street below with the TV guy, and sat on his couch with a huff. Night spilled into his vision, and the sounds of the seedy nightlife around him murmured, but even the background noise seemed muffled to him. The football game in front of him was somewhat of a comfort, Eddie not remembering when he last felt calm enough to watch one in full, but even that tasted bitter. He didn’t have an inky black head hovering over his shoulder, asking him questions that barely pertained to the game, like the appearances of referees.
Why are they wearing black and white? Are they prisoners? That voice had rumbled curiously, jutting their head towards the supposed prisoners on the turf.
Halfway through the game, the commentator’s voice drifted away from Eddie, as he felt his gaze roll towards the window, wondering where Venom had gone. Eddie knew they could take care of themself as long as they had a host, but he knew how hard it was for them to find such a match. It hurt Eddie to even consider; Venom matching with another body, another person.
Eddie felt Venom’s words flame up in him, the insecurities they had so easily picked at rising back to his mind. Eddie hated how easy it was for Venom to get to him.
But he also hated the emptiness that had so easily crashed back into him like a wave. Maybe it was always there, and Venom was keeping it at bay.
Eddie wasn’t sure what he hated more, the emptiness, or the knowledge that Venom was out there alone.
Venom remembered, amongst other things, the feeling of freedom on their home planet, Klyntar. Yes, everything else about their planet sucked ass, but in that moment, as Venom tore farther and farther away from their...Eddie’s, apartment, they tried to grasp at that feeling again. The feeling of control over their own body, their own hunger. Even if they still had to cling to human hosts to fully survive on Earth, maybe they’d be able to experience that again now that they were far from Eddie’s rules and moral compass, however bent it may have been.
Venom slid between each host, feeling frustrated as each one melted beneath them after a few moments. They may have underestimated their own agency. But Venom shook their head of the thought to return back to Eddie, especially after the things they had both said. Eddie took Venom for granted, and now he was going to get how it felt to feel unappreciated. Eddie never let Venom be out in the air like this, other than when he reluctantly let them eat.
Venom went through the streets of San Francisco a bit more, curiosity moving them forward. They had not been able to explore much of the city, especially after Eddie insisted they keep a low profile to keep from getting taken away to some area he was worried about. Area 31, it was.
Venom felt their tongue flick in and out of their mouth, drinking in the sounds of bodies and people, and the vibrations of music. The night air felt fresh on their skin. The sounds and the stars mixed, and Venom felt distracted enough to ward off whatever they were feeling at the back of their mind. The sounds weren’t loud enough to hurt them, so Venom moved towards the sounds and the lights they saw peeking from a stairway off of the street. Venom clung onto another host to propel them towards the place, hoping it would be enough to sustain them.
There was a tall man leaning against the front of the door, with a clump of people standing before him, all dressed in clothes Venom had never seen. The man at the door had long hair that hung down to their shoulders. There were bright colors painted on their faces, and their clothes were a lot more outrageous than what Venom normally saw on a day to day basis. They were intrigued, and they especially liked the grins and stares they received as they moved towards the door.
“Dude, your costume is sick!” Someone piped from behind them, and Venom nodded their head in appreciation, feeling a bit of warmth.
Venom felt the heat continue as they entered the room, with the word “club” brightly hanging above a menu of drinks. Their mind buzzed for a moment, thinking. Then Venom remembered hearing that word in a movie that they had watched with Eddie. Venom felt their mind flinch.
The people in the club regarded them with awe, and as they towered over the people, they admired the costumes around them as well. The more they looked, the more differences made themselves apparent. Venom saw themself in the people around them. The differences, the separation from the normalcy of others.
Except here, in this club, the differences were unabashedly presented, in a way that Venom had never seen humans act before. There were no lingering stares or awkward smiles. Venom had seen plenty of those during their time on Earth, especially directed towards people who even toed the line of difference.
Venom thought that humans, other than a certain someone, were all just a blob of beings similar in too many ways. In the ways they thought, acted, looked. Venom felt different now, looking about the room. A room of aliens almost, a room of others.
Venom entered the bright room, the sounds and chatter of people bobbing alongside them washing away any thoughts of Eddie. The neon lights painted their faces miraculously, and Venom found themself looking at their skin to see how it changed beneath the colors. They posed for a picture, and continued to get remarks of praise about their appearance. As the singer on stage beckoned them with their song, mentioning their name multiple times before they got the cue, Venom looked at the crowd of people before them.
Venom felt the words come out of them before they could even register, speaking about aliens and how Earth was nothing but a ball in space, and how everyone should embrace their differences and otherness like they were in that room. Venom spoke what they felt, and the words seemed to expand into the room like a bubble, everyone listening rising and shouting their agreement. Venom even heard a few cries of praise following their speech. As Venom had spoken on the stage, they felt their eyes returning to the crowd, weaving beneath each and every person, searching. Maybe they were hungry. Venom was always hungry, it always lingered beneath the surface of their mind, but that didn’t seem to be what was bothering them.
The singer looked at Venom, impressed, remarking to the crowd, “Well, that’s a hard act to follow.”
Venom looked at all of the smiles in their direction, and as the music continued and the people below them returned to the ebb and flow, Venom felt something new. Something that jabbed at them, enough so that they even looked down at their body to see what was hurting. Venom looked about the room again, and slinked past a crowd of people with neon hair to an opening leading to a dark hallway. The light fell away, and the music faded behind them.
Venom slunk against the wall, shrugging off the host that was crumbling beneath their grasp. Why did they feel so empty? They were getting all of the praise that they had craved. Venom could even argue they were the hero in that club, the shining word they always used sounding dull in their head.
Venom thought about what was missing, the differences they were pointing out, the praise, the attention. It didn’t matter to them, because it wasn’t coming from Eddie. Eddie wasn’t there to see the praise Venom was receiving from these people. Would he have been proud? They didn’t know Venom, didn’t see all sides of them like Eddie. The feelings that the club had brought about disintegrated as soon as they started.
“I wish you could’ve seen me tonight, Eddie.” Venom murmured, the fact that no one else could hear sinking in as dark and slow as their heartbeat.
Eddie stared at the ceiling of their hotel room, the silence in the room layered with the sound of waves hushing only a hundred or so feet away. A few fights and many miles later, Venom and Eddie had found each other again. The heat from the beach still lingered on Eddie’s skin, even if Venom kept sunburns at bay with their regenerative skills. Eddie kept flitting his eyes closed to feign sleep, but the symbiote’s words from earlier stuck in the back of his throat. When you love someone…
Eddie felt his face go red at the thought; he knew Venom would be able to read his thoughts easily, but thankfully they didn’t say anything. Maybe to give him time to process; Venom certainly didn’t pry as much as they used to.
“Venom?” Eddie began, feeling like he’d be able to navigate this conversation aloud rather than through his thoughts.
“Hm?”
“Did you...mean what you said earlier?” Eddie asked, scratching behind his ear, the coolness of his pillow steadying him slightly.
“...Yes, I did.” Venom replied after a moment, their voice softer, in thought. There was less trepidation than on the beach.
“I wasn’t expecting it, honestly.” Eddie muttered.
“You weren’t?” Venom asked, incredulous. Venom gently pushed a few images through Eddie’s mind; Venom shattering the prison to save him, Venom breaking through the rubble in the church to save them both, despite how hungry and weak they were. Eddie felt a quick pang of guilt at that.
“No, I...I guess I was just still clinging onto Anne after all this time.” Eddie admitted, realizing how stupid it sounded, despite how much time had already passed. The ring on Anne’s finger was enough to prove that.
“We like Anne, Eddie, it is not stupid to miss her.” Venom offered, manifesting from Eddie’s shoulder, fixing him with what looked like sympathy. Eddie nodded in response. Venom did have a soft spot for Anne, and a growing tolerance for Dan.
“You don’t need to say anything, Eddie.” Venom added, the words tumbling out clumsily.
Eddie nodded again, drifting back to when him and Venom were separated. The awful, gut-wrenching worry he had felt in prison when he knew Venom was in trouble, and he wasn’t able to stop it. The relief that he had felt when Venom was back in front of him, and how Eddie was willing to put his (admittedly large) ego on hold to appease them. Eddie had been willing to do anything to get Venom back, to make them happy again.
“When I was in prison, and I heard about how much danger you were in...I had never felt so panicked in my life. I’m so used to you worrying about me that I never really had to worry about you. It sucked.” Venom remained silent, mostly still beside him.
“Is that how you feel all the time?”
“When you’re not threatening to throw out Sonny and Cher, yes.” Venom huffed, earning a laugh from Eddie.
“Why?” Eddie heard himself ask, not really wanting the answer. “I was a total ass to you the past few months.”
“I haven’t been that great either.” Venom admitted, which was the closest thing to an apology Eddie was going to get, so he took it gratefully.
“No one else is like you, Eddie. I don’t have to change for you, and you...don’t have to change for me.I’d come back to you no matter what.”
Eddie opened his mouth again, and Venom quickly, almost nervously added, “And not because I have to. I could have other hosts if I wanted to.”
Eddie sat with that for a moment. Venom was right about that; Venom saw him at his lowest, and even when he still was at his lowest Eddie sought them out, wanting them back. As much as they got on each other’s nerves, they were able to be comfortable with each other. Themselves. Eddie also remembered the prickling feeling he sat with when he realized Venom would be looking for other hosts, trying to be compatible with others.
Eddie felt a tightness in his chest, an anxious anticipation. He wasn’t sure if that was his own or Venom’s. In intense moments, their feelings got muddled, and it was harder to distinguish where they came from. At that moment, they were probably both feeling that way. They were headed into uncharted territory. Other than that kiss, which Eddie thought about way too often, they had never even mentioned love.
Eddie tried to picture going back to his own life, or being given the opportunity to continue on with it, with no symbiote interference. It wasn’t appealing to him at all. That loneliness, the nagging fear that he was always going to mess up, the bitter knowledge that he was toeing the line between what he had and what he deserved. With Venom, he didn’t feel that way. He felt safe, knowing that no matter how much the other screwed up, they’d find their way back to each other, symbiotic relationship or not.
“I love you too, Venom.” Eddie finally said, surprised with how firm his voice sounded. He meant it.
Eddie felt a surge of air pass through his chest, a sigh of relief, a flood of giddiness. That was definitely some of Venom’s own feelings coming into play.
“You’re not just saying that, are you? You don’t have to.” Venom stated, making Eddie frown at the idea of him saying that disingenuously.
Eddie waited for the sensation he got when Venom rifled through his thoughts, like a fluid motion in his head, but he felt nothing. Venom wanted to hear this from him.
“No, I’m serious. I’m just...not that great with figuring out these things. Especially not until I almost lose them.”
Venom left the spot beside Eddie’s shoulder and hovered right before his face. Venom moved slowly, tentatively, in the air, padding the air between them like water.
“You won’t lose me, Eddie. Never again.”
Normally that level of commitment would scare the living hell out of Eddie, signaling him to break away as soon as possible, but hearing it come from the alien filled him with reassurance. Comfort, even. He knew they would be there, even if he screwed up.
Eddie fixed them with a smile, a rare one, without a drip of sarcasm in it. It was the kind of smile that made his eyes vanish. Venom pressed their head against Eddie’s, their cool, fluid skin a blessing in the tropical heat the hotel room couldn’t completely banish. Venom’s inky white irises blinked close, and something of a sigh released from them. Eddie nudged the alien with his nose, planting a kiss right above their lips.
Eddie imagined Venom would plow right back into the rhythm that they had set in the woods, but Venom returned it tamely before melting back to Eddie’s body, leaving nothing but their black tendrilled arms in the exposed air. The tendrils wrapped around Eddie, in an embrace that wasn’t entirely unfamiliar, but still new.
There were a lot of things missing in their conversation. A lot of feelings still lingered in their mind, but they had all the time in the world now to work through them. And that prospect was all Eddie needed to drift off into the best sleep he’d had in a while.