Stressed out
Yelena stayed mad at Robin for the rest of the day. She refused to be tucked in or kissed goodnight by Robin, asking instead for Melina.
Robin takes a long shower just after the girls go down to bed, trying to find comfort in the warm water.
Melina joins her halfway through, wrapping her arms around her from behind, and presses soft kisses along her bare shoulders.
Robin pressed her forehead against the tile in the shower, squeezing her eyes shut as Melina’s fingers gently slide along her bare stomach.
“You did the right thing,” Melina murmurs against her shoulder blade. Robin inhales sharply at the feeling.
“Did I?” Robin questioned, turning to face Melina. “She told me she hated me.”
Melina reaches up to cup Robin’s face. “You did what you had to do.” Melina says, one hand trailing up to smooth Robin’s wet hair back. “Yelena is four. This will pass soon.”
Robin tilts her head down and rests it onto Melina’s shoulder.
The next morning Yelena pauses in front of Robin at the kitchen table. “I’m ready for my goodnight kiss now.” She informs Robin, all anger about the previous night forgotten.
Robin doesn’t hesitate to scoop her baby up and press a kiss to her forehead. Yelena happily snuggles against her, having missed their usual morning sleepy snuggles.
Yelena’s thumb automatically moves toward her mouth and Robin quickly grasped it to press a kiss to Yelena’s fingers instead. Robin didn’t want to overwhelm Yelena with all the change she had to make but thumb-sucking was something she needed to break.
Yelena wants to be held through breakfast and Robin indulges because last night had been really rough for everybody.
“We’re going somewhere special this weekend for training,” Robin finally spoke up as breakfast was ending. Melina and Natasha glance up at her in confusion. “We’re going camping.”
“Camping?” Natasha repeats, shoving the leftover food on her plate around.
“I’m gonna borrow some gear from Rosalie,” Robin says. She had thought long and hard about preparing her family for the summer showcase coming up in less than a month. The point of going camping was to teach them survival techniques and show them how to hunt. Yelena would be getting comfortable around guns and be able to hopefully understand how to find food, water, and shelter in an emergency.
Robin wasn’t expecting much. They had four days to camp before they had to go back to the Red Room. Two weekends.
Luckily, Yelena had the day off of daycare so while Melina takes Natasha to school, Robin has the day with Yelena.
Yelena was either feeling bad about last night or was having abandonment insecurities after being bounced from foster home to foster home as an infant. She wanted Robin to hold her and carry her everywhere.
Robin takes her out to shop for camping gear. Yelena asked a lot of questions and Robin answered them to the best of her ability. She didn’t know everything and had done a lot of research ahead of time.
That afternoon, Robin pulls out the false books on her shelf in her office and sits down with Yelena.
Robin holds up the gun to show Yelena. “Look at me, Yelena. This is the number one rule that you must always follow, okay?” She tries to impose how serious it was the best she could with a four-year-old.
Yelena nods her head, her eyes trained on the black handgun in Robin’s grip.
“You must always act like the gun is loaded. Guns hurt people, Yelena. You mustn’t ever play around with them. They are not toys,” Robin holds up a bullet. “This goes inside the gun…”
Robin takes apart the gun to show Yelena each piece. She lets Yelena hold the bullets in her hands and answers any questions the girl has.
Robin doesn’t let Yelena hold the gun, however. That was something she wasn’t comfortable doing without Melina around. She knew the woman would want to be there.
Yelena does learn and Robin catches her staring at the false books on the shelf when they finished.
Rosalie has a lot of camping gear. She goes hunting quite a bit, keeping Maggie in tip-top shape. She was the one who recommended a spot for Robin to camp at, far from civilization where they wouldn’t be interrupted.
It’s a two-hour drive to get there. Robin had packed the car full because she didn’t plan on coming back until Sunday night.
Robin and Melina taught the girls things they had learned over the years. Robin knew a lot about medicine with plants and which ones were edible while Melina knew how to get clean water and start fires.
Robin didn’t bring a tent but they set up bedrolls on the ground so they could watch the stars. The new form of training unsettled the girls, especially because they were displaced from their usual routine and hadn’t spent a night out of the house as a family like this yet except for the one night at Rosalie’s house.
Robin sits on a fallen tree trunk next to Melina, holding Yelena in her lap while Melina held Natasha. The fire was starting to die down and the stars were peeking through the clearing in the trees.
Natasha knew a lot about stars from the game she and Robin played on nights when she couldn’t sleep and needed to be held. She doesn’t hesitate to share the game with Yelena, pointing out what she could remember and drawing the constellations onto the girl's stomach like Robin did with her.
The first day wasn’t so bad. They were kept warm and the girls slept through the night. Melina and Robin took turns keeping watch.
The next day, Robin sets up targets in the woods hung from a piece of clothesline tied between two trees. She pulls out the fake books from her office and the protective equipment she got from Rosalie.
Yelena hasn’t ever seen a gun fired before and Natasha hadn’t handled one in over a year. Melina and Robin drill the importance of firearm safety into them.
Yelena curls up in Robin’s lap as Melina and Natasha shoot targets. She didn’t like the loud noise, clasping her hands over the noise-canceling headphones that they all wore.
When they go out to the creek nearby to wash up, Robin finds out that Natasha cannot swim.
The Red Room may have groomed her to be a great assassin but never thought to teach her to tie her shoes or swim it appears.
Robin’s list of things to teach the kids is growing long and she dreads the upcoming summer more and more.
By the time they arrive back at the house on Sunday night, Robin’s pretty sure that none of them want to go camping again. Robin returns Rosalie’s gear with a bottle of vodka as a thanks and in return, Rosalie gifts her a prop handgun the Red Room used to teach young girls about shooting. It didn’t shoot but looked and felt like a real gun.
Robin gets a call Monday from the school informing her that Natasha got into a fight at school and that she needed to be collected.
The whole ‘fight’ was just Natasha cussing out a girl that called Robin and Melina ‘disgusting dykes’.
Natasha doesn’t say a word to defend herself the whole time and they eventually leave school with a warning.
Robin knows that Natasha is anxious as the school year draws to a close and summer creeps closer. She tries to think of how stressed out and upset the girl is.
That’s why when they arrive home, Robin takes Natasha up to her room, sits in the rocking chair, and scoops the girl up into her lap.
“You’re not mad?” Natasha questioned, blinking up at Robin in surprise.
“Of course not, baby,” Robin doesn’t know why she feels like she failed when Natasha asks her that. “I know you’re scared.”
Natasha immediately glances away but nuzzles into the hand Robin gently cups her face with. “Yelena is learning how to use a gun.”
“I know,” Robin lets out a soft sigh, guiding Natasha’s head to rest against her collar. “Everything that I do, I do for you. I want you two to have the best chance of survival.”
“She’s four.” Natasha says bitterly, like Robin doesn’t already regret having to teach a four-year-old how to use a gun.
“I know,” Robin repeats and Natasha lets out a sigh, twisting to press her face against Robin’s shoulder.
“I don’t wanna go back.” She says quietly. “You said you’d kill him. When?”
“I don’t know,” Robin hates that she can’t give Natasha more answers. She hates that Natasha is flying as blind as her. “Natasha, honey, I just-- I don’t know.”
Natasha reaches her thumb up to brush against her lips, betraying just how distressed she is.
“I want to be like Elliot.” Natasha says suddenly. “I want… I want to be like him. I want to be normal.”
“I know, sweetheart,” Robin lets out a small sigh, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Natasha’s head.
“What would you do if they killed one of us?” Natasha’s question knocks the breath out of Robin’s lungs, the thought of the very real possibility making her heart skip a beat.
Because if the Red Room did kill one of them then Robin had no doubt about it. She’d cut ties and go on a suicide run. Depending on who they killed, she’d either send them to Rosalie or Coulson. Then she’d kill General Dreykov in an explosion large enough to cause enough damage for either HYDRA or SHIELD to swoop in and finish them off.
“I’d make sure the rest of you were safe from him,” Robin says although she knows Natasha can feel her racing heart from where her head was tucked against her chest.
Robin is faced with the fact that the summer is creeping near. Her family is falling to shambles under the stress and pressure.
Melina keeps asking Robin to be her handler so she doesn’t have to think, Yelena has violent night terrors about the bad man, Natasha’s bed-wetting starts back up again.
And Robin just tries to keep them together while simultaneously trying to prepare them for the day that would either make or break Robin.
Robin had no doubt that if the General wasn’t happy with their progress that the three would be going back with a new handler and Robin would be nothing more than a cold body to burn.
Robin doesn’t want to die but she would for her family. That kind of thought would have scared her once, the fact she loved them so much that she was willing to die for them.
Robin had come to terms with her inevitable death long ago. She never expected to make it this far.
Her family wants her to stay alive and Robin cannot give them that promise.
She doesn’t lie.