Your obedient servant
Robin didn’t always have short hair. In fact, she grew up with hair so long that it had to be braided out of her face. Her mother would braid it back in the morning and then comb it out with her fingers at night.
Robin loved the attention from her mother. She kept it long after her mother died and for the first year after she went to the Red Room.
That night Robin dreams of the time her hair was cut short and stayed short.
There are hands on her hips and the back of her head, pinning her down as she tries to wiggle free. She’s begging for mercy for the mistake she made.
She was still learning how to do surgery. She made a mistake and her patient died. She’s covered in blood but that doesn’t deter the General from smashing her face into the table onto congealed blood.
She keeps telling him to get off. She’s sorry and will make it up to him.
He picks up the scalpel and grabs the braid she wore, yanking on it and slicing through it with one quick saw.
Her hair falls around her face in uneven strands and she waits for more. The scalpel slices just under her ear when he grabs another chunk of her hair.
He hacks it off until there is a pile of bloody hair at her feet and her hair is sticking up in short, uneven tufts.
The General demeans and humiliates her by taking her hair. Robin had sobbed long and hard that night as she mourns the locks of hair that her mother had once tenderly braided back. Her hair isn’t salvageable and she ends up buzzing it close to her scalp to let it grow out again. She endures the insults and taunts but the General can no longer grab her hair to control her.
She keeps it short when it grows in, never letting it get in the way. She refuses to let her hair become something to be used against her. She lets it grow out just long enough that it curls around her ears and doesn’t fall into her eyes when she doesn’t slick it back. It’s barely long enough for the General to grip with his fingers.
Robin jerks awake with a small gasp, not expecting the weight curled against her side. She’s surprised to see Natasha had somehow climbed into bed with them during the night and Robin didn’t wake up. Natasha was either already awake or woke up with the movement Robin made.
The two stare at each other for a few moments as Robin shoves away the recent memory that cropped up into the back of her head.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Robin eventually breathes out softly as to not disturb Melina who was still sleeping.
“Hi, Robin,” Natasha murmurs back and Robin notices that she uses her first name.
Robin feels slightly sweaty from her dream and her side aches fiercely. She needs to take another dose of meds and change into a new set of pajamas. She shifts to sit up and Natasha does as well.
“Where are you going?” Natasha demands quickly and Robin glances down at her in surprise.
“I need my medicine and to change out of my clothes,” Robin explains and Natasha quickly slides out of bed.
“I can help,” Natasha said, folding her hands behind her back, the picture of a helpful servant.
“How about you get me a glass of water and the orange bottle of pills on my desk in my office?” Robin suggests and Natasha disappears quickly to do what was asked of her. Robin grabs a change of pajamas and heads into the bathroom.
She changes and then peels back the bandage to inspect the wound on her side. She starts upon cleaning it up and hisses slightly when she wipes away some pus on the wound.
The door to the bathroom opens and Robin assumes it’s Melina but then there’s a glass of water being set on the counter and Robin glances down at Natasha. She doesn’t make an effort to hide the wound on her side and Natasha doesn’t look uncomfortable.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” Robin said softly. “You can head back to bed, I’ll be there in a moment.”
Natasha sets the bottle of pills right next to the glass of water. “Can I help?” She asked quietly.
While Robin’s immediate instinct is to reply ‘absolutely not’, she pauses. “You can.” She agrees. “Do you know what to do?”
Natasha nods her head and Robin points to the sink. “Wash your hands.” Robin orders and Natasha moves toward the sinks to thoroughly wash her hands. Robin watches as Natasha approaches her again.
Natasha takes a few moments to just stare at the wound before she slowly starts to finish cleaning. Robin braces herself on the sink, watching Natasha carefully. She keeps quiet and lets her work.
Natasha finishes up by taping the gauze over the wound and Robin interrupts her to show her how to do it correctly. She then drops her shirt and cleans up the mess as Natasha washes her hands again. “Thank you, Natasha. You were a big help and you did well.”
Natasha pauses from where she was washing her hands, her shoulders tensing up before she slowly washed the suds from her palms. “Thank you.” She said quietly. “Are we going back to bed?”
Robin nods her head, quickly taking her pills. She wasn’t strong enough to scoop Natasha up like she wanted to so she instead holds out her hand. Natasha glances at it for a few moments and hesitates before reaching out to take Robin’s hand.
Robin guides her back to bed and lets her climb in first. She then gets settled down, moving her arm so Natasha can nestle into her side like always.
Once again, Natasha hesitates and Robin thinks she has some inkling of what the problem was. “Come on, sweetheart. I could really use a cuddle from my baby.”
Natasha moves closer and curls up against Robin’s side, her hand moving to fist Robin’s shirt over her heart. “I’m sorry.” She whispered softly.
Robin frowns softly, her hand moving up to stroke Natasha’s hair. “What for?”
Natasha was quiet for a few moments. “I came into your bed.” She finally said. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t sleep alone.”
“You’ll never have to be sorry for needing me or Melina,” Robin reassures her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
Natasha squishes her cheek against Robin’s shoulder. “I’m a Widow. I am made of marble and I have killed men.”
Robin continues to gently stroke her hair. “It’s more than that, isn’t it? What’s bothering you, Natasha?” She doesn’t use an endearment.
“Can we sit in the rocking chair and play the star game?” Natasha asked instead of giving a reply.
“Okay,” Robin doesn’t think she’ll be going back to sleep anytime soon. “I can’t carry you yet.”
Natasha pulls away and Robin follows her into her bedroom, pausing when she sees something blue dangling from the bedpost. Natasha froze when she noticed it as well and Robin approached it, reaching up to take the shoelace tied to the bedpost in a figure eight with a slipknot. “Is this supposed to be a handcuff?” Robin asked softly, glancing at Natasha.
Natasha looked guilty and ashamed, ducking her head down. “I’m sorry.”
Robin approached Natasha, reaching out to gently grip her forearm and push the sleeve of her pajama shirt up to look at her wrists.
“Oh my baby,” Robin murmurs when she sees the chafed skin lining a ring around Natasha’s wrist.
“I’m sorry,” Natasha repeats, her breath hitching. “I needed it but it didn’t work.”
Robin kneels down, pulling Natasha into her arms. “What happened?” She asked gently and Natasha collapses against her, clinging to her tightly. “Little one, why?”
“Sir said--” Natasha starts before shaking her head. “I am a Widow. You’re not my mom.” She starts to squirm to pull away but Robin doesn’t let her. “You’re not my mom and I’m not your baby or your sweetheart or your little one. This isn’t real! I am a Widow! I am made of marble and love is for children!”
“Stop,” Robin orders and Natasha goes still in her arms. “Look at me.”
Natasha hesitates before peering up at Robin. Robin reaches into her shirt and pulled out the locket Natasha and Yelena had gifted her for Christmas.
“This was given to me for Christmas by my daughters,” Robin pops the locket open with one hand to reveal the smiling faces of Yelena and Natasha. “I love them very much and I’m so lucky that I can call them mine. The youngest is Yelena. She just turned four and she’s very smart. She is rambunctious and energetic and I love her to bits.”
Natasha’s eyes flicker to look at her photo.
“And my oldest is Natasha. She’s nine and is so incredibly kind and loving,” Robin loosens the grip on Natasha so she can cup her face instead, using the pad of her thumb to wipe away a tear that fell. “She’s an incredibly talented dancer and an amazing big sister. I love them both with everything in me. They are mine, no matter what happens or what anyone else says.”
Natasha swallows hard. “You’re going to send them back to the Red Room when the mission is over. If you really loved them then you wouldn’t do that.”
“I made a promise to them,” Robin starts off, realizing that Natasha was detaching herself from the situation. “I will get them back. I am going to kill the General so that they will never hurt them again.”
Natasha’s eyes fall onto the locket again. “Your little daughter is going to learn to kill people. Why would you send her there?”
“If I had any choice then I’d take them and run,” Robin spoke honestly, pulling Natasha into her arms again, shoving away the pain and bracing herself as she stands and carries her the few feet to the rocking chair and settles her down into her lap. “But they’d hunt them down and we’d never get to be free. If we go back then I can call in all the favors I’m owed, kill the General, and take them and run. They won’t come after us.”
Robin finally reveals the half-baked plan she had. Natasha needed to know that Robin wasn’t abandoning her.
Natasha was quiet for a very long time and Robin was worried that she had said too much. Natasha then inhales sharply. “You’d kill… you’d kill the General for them?”
“I would do anything for them,” Robin said sincerely, running her fingers through Natasha’s hair, feeling the girl curl up against her. “I would kill for them. I would bleed for them. I would let the world burn. All to see them happy and safe.”
“I didn’t do anything to earn this?” Natasha gestures at them vaguely, her voice cracking before her hand comes up to grip the locket in her fist. “I try to earn it but you give it and I didn’t earn it.”
“You never need to earn affection with me or Melina, okay?” Robin rocks them gently, bending her head down to press her lips against Natasha’s knuckles where she fisted the locket. “It’s scary thinking about the future but for now just thinking about the present and let me worry about the future. Do you think you can do that?”
Natasha takes a few moments before confessing. “I don’t know.”
“Thank you for being honest. We’re gonna try and whenever you find yourself getting overwhelmed and thinking about the future, I want you to find me, okay?” Robin barters and Natasha nods her head into Robin’s collar. “Never doubt my feelings for you. You are my daughter. It doesn’t matter if you were just a mission. Things changed and I got compromised. You are mine, you hear me?”
Natasha nods and Robin smooths her hair back.
“Good,” Robin reaches out and tugs the curtain open with one hand before cuddling Natasha close. Her finger draws the constellation onto Natasha’s stomach and Natasha tilts her head up to look out the window and up at the sky.
Robin can see the streaks down her cheeks from tears and her glassy eyes were evident in the moonlight. Natasha reaches up to point out the constellation and listens as Robin begins to tell the story of the constellation.
Robin should have known Natasha would be the most affected by Alejandro. Melina could regulate her emotions better, even if it wasn’t by much, and Yelena didn’t really understand. Little Natasha floundered to try and understand her position and the rules, especially now that she knew the Red Room could literally turn up on their doorstep.
Robin rocks the chair and holds Natasha close for the rest of the night.
She reaches a hand up and runs her fingers through her short hair before letting out a soft sigh as Natasha dozes against her. Natasha’s fingers are still wrapped tightly around the chain on Robin’s neck, fisting the locket in her palm.
Robin meant what she said, every word. She just hoped Natasha could come to believe her as well.