And, so, realism hits hard
Melina doesn’t want Yelena to turn four. Turning four just means that the girl is one year closer to starting her training as a Widow.
Robin asked Melina’s thoughts about starting Yelena on some light training. Mainly ballet and evasion.
Melina hadn’t said no. She didn’t feel like she could. She knew it would help Yelena in the long run but she just didn’t want to watch the girl she had come to love as her own go through that.
New Years passes by and ends with Melina cradling Natasha as she spoke what Melina had thought at one point.
It’s mean for Robin to so freely give these kind touches that they’ll one day have to kill to earn.
Melina stares at Robin when the woman makes a promise she might not be able to keep. The whole reason Melina had come to trust Robin was that she never made promises she couldn’t keep. Robin never lied to them. She was truthful about what information she had and would make promises that she would be able to keep.
The promise to protect them and keep them safe for as long as she could? That was the truth. While this newest promise seemed to soothe Natasha some, Melina couldn’t believe that Robin lied.
They were going back to the Red Room when their mission ended. If they were lucky, Natasha and Yelena wouldn’t be killed for failing to be proper Widows. Robin could not guarentee that Natasha will be her daughter once again.
Melina didn’t speak another word to Robin that night, holding Natasha close when the girl eventually fell into a fitful sleep. Robin doesn’t attempt to initiate a conversation.
Melina doesn’t go back to sleep that night, holding her oldest girl safe in her arms. Robin does eventually fall back asleep and Melina takes a few moments to observe her wife laying beside her.
Robin always looks so much younger when she sleeps. Unburdened by their daily life as she dreams peacefully, blissfully unaware of the world around her.
Despite her anger, Melina can’t help but shift the sleeping child laying against her to one arm and reaching her other to gently set it onto Robin’s head.
Robin shifts slightly in her sleep but doesn’t wake. Melina swallows hard, her fingers gently carding through the soft dark hair on Robin’s head. Robin’s just a human being, the same as her. Melina cannot hold her to an impossible standard, it’s not fair.
Still, Robin sometimes seems so perfect that Melina gets upset when she makes mistakes. She shouldn’t but she does. There will always be that imbalance of handler and Widow instead of just being wives. Robin will always hold some sort of power over Melina and it’s unfair of Melina to get upset with her about how she uses that power.
Robin uses her position to keep them safe. That’s all she’s ever done. She hurts and she bleeds for them in exchange to keep them safe. She’s killed for them. She’s done horrible things and tried to keep them blissfully unaware of the lengths she goes.
“Oh my love, what did you do?” Melina whispers, brushing the short locks out of Robin’s face. Robin would only make a promise if there was a great chance she could keep it.
How could Robin make a promise such as that to Natasha if she didn’t have some sort of plan in place?
Melina can only hope that it wouldn’t get her killed. Robin unconsciously leans into the gentle touch in her sleep, letting out a soft sigh as she nuzzles into the pillows.
Melina sometimes forgets that even though Robin is her handler, she’s not like the other handlers. Robin’s not a Widow. But just because she wasn’t raised like Melina was doesn’t mean she doesn’t have her own demons.
Robin trusted Melina enough to let her peer past the walls she built up around her. Melina’s rings on her fingers glint in the moonlight from where they’re tangled in Robin’s hair.
Robin Andromache. Or… whatever Robin’s real name was. Born to two loving parents but was sold as a teenager to cover her father’s debt after her mother’s loss. Wanted to be a paramedic but never finished school. Wants to love and be loved in return.
Melina’s not good with her emotions. She’s quick to anger when she feels hurt or gets upset. She has done horrible, horrible things.
Robin loves her anyway. Robin will remind her so when Melina needs it, cradling Melina’s face in her hands like she’s the most precious thing in the world and tell her that she’s proud of her.
The world always seems to stop for a few moments and Melina will stare up at Robin because she did absolutely nothing to earn this love that Robin gives so freely to her.
She is Robin’s but she has come to learn that Robin is hers as well. Robin never takes more than she is ready to give. She’s tried before, wanting to give Robin what she thought the taller woman wanted.
Robin doesn’t want comfort sex. She doesn’t any sex at all and Melina will forever be grateful that Robin turns down her advances.
Melina has gotten to the point that she does want this. She wants to feel this close with someone she loved. She wants to be able to have sex with someone she cares about and who cares about her in return.
Melina Vostokoff was unequivocally and irrevocably in love with Robin Andromache.
She never even knew what love was until she met Robin. She doesn’t even know how much it would hurt when the Red Room finally took Robin away from her. She’d go from waking up with a woman she loves with her whole being to waking up cold and alone to train and being cycled through the Red Room once again.
She learned not to make emotional attachments because the Red Room would merely kill them.
“Love is for children” They told Melina.
Melina can understand because just loving Robin makes her feel like a child, young and naive as she tries to understand how actual relationships work.
Working with her coworkers, Melina will listen as they gush about their spouses and significant others. Melina loves being able to do the same.
Melina’s pulled out of her thoughts by a soft “mama!” coming from down the hall. Melina shifts to settle Natasha down next to Robin, a small smile briefly crossing her face when Robin feels the warm body next to her and doesn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around them sleepily.
Melina slips out of the room and down the hall to Yelena’s room. Yelena is standing in her crib (which Melina noticed she was starting to outgrow) and crying softly. Yelena noticed Melina and raised her arms up. “Mommy!”
Melina moves forward, scooping Yelena up and snuggling her close. “What’s wrong, my little dove?”
Yelena wraps her tiny arms around Melina’s neck, burying her teary face against the crook of Melina’s neck. “Scary man, mommy.”
Melina knew who the scary man was. Bad men were General Dreykov’s men, ones who drug Yelena and hurt her family.
Scary man was General Dreykov himself. As far as Melina knew, Yelena had only met General Dreykov once. General Dreykov had plucked up Yelena himself after watching her. He directed her to be placed with specific foster families until she was old enough for him to use.
Melina supposes she’s lucky that Yelena was given to them first. “There’s no scary man here, little dove.”
“He’s in the corner,” Yelena points over at the dark corner of the room where a blanket was draped over the rocking chair.
“That’s just the rocking chair mama uses,” Melina moves toward the chair, running her hand along Yelena’s back when the child tenses up in fear as they near. “See? No scary man.” She pulls the blanket off the back of the chair and wraps it around Yelena.
Yelena lets out a soft sniffle, her thumb moving up to brush against her lips. It took Melina a while to get used to seeing her suck her thumb and not get punished for it. Natasha herself, recently turned nine, would suck her thumb for self-soothing when she got extremely distressed. The move not only comforted but kept you quiet.
“You’re safe, little dove,” Melina pressed a soft kiss to Yelena’s curls. “The scary man won’t hurt you here.”
Yelena curls her fingers into Melina’s pajama top. “Rock in the chair?” She mumbles around her thumb.
Melina slowly lowers herself into the rocking chair, adjusting Yelena to lie across her chest as she had seen Robin do many times before. Yelena settles down immediately at the familiar position, tucking her head up just under Melina’s chin.
Melina gently rocks, focusing on the window and the moonlight that peeks through, casting a slit of soft white glow across the room.
Yelena’s only three, almost four. She’s not ready to be a Widow. She won’t survive. Melina knows that. This little girl in her arms is her daughter and in less than a year Melina will have to pass them off like cattle to be killed.
Because if she holds them close and they have to drag them from her grip then they’d kill the kids just to break her. Just to prove a point. Then they’d let Melina cradle their dead bodies but would refuse to let Melina bury them.
Melina can only hope that they’ll understand one day. That they’ll get free and be their own person and they will look back. She hopes that they will never doubt the love she held for them. That they will know that they are so dearly loved and have mothers who wanted them safe.
They might meet up again after so many years. They might yell at her for daring to bring them back to this hell and they might call her a coward. Melina will accept their words and their feelings and she will not deny it.
Perhaps one day the Red Room will be gone and they will be free. Maybe her little girls are adults and much too old to need her anymore and angry and hurt. Maybe they want to see her again and ask her why.
Maybe the Red Room killed Robin for all the secrets she’d been hiding. Maybe Melina would carry the rings on a chain around her neck, tucked under her uniform and close to her heart. Maybe Melina would learn what it means to be a widow in another sense.
Maybe her girls will ask her why and Melina will get to share with them the story of their handler who Melina loved more than anything in the world. Maybe Yelena will have been too little to remember her mama’s face.
Maybe Melina will raid Robin’s office and find the photographs and watch Robin kept tucked away in a shoebox with her ring and Yelena’s favorite stuffed monkey from the fair. Maybe the world will mock Melina for daring to love as she remembers happier times when it was okay for her to let herself love.
Maybe Melina is just destined to be alone. Maybe the world is punishing her for all the chaos and destruction she made. Maybe karma takes away her family like she killed the families of so many others.
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe.
Robin will escort Melina and their girls back to the Red Room one day.
Today is not that day.