Getting harder to ignore
Christmas approaches quickly and while Yelena is excited, clearly having celebrated before wherever she came from, Natasha is overwhelmed and unsure of the change around her.
She’s clearly afraid of violating some unknown tradition and tiptoes around anything having to do with the subject.
Robin tries to make this as normal of a Christmas she can. She remembers fondly ones that she celebrated with her parents as a child before her mother passed and her father spiraled.
When she mentions it in her reports, she tells the General that it’s all for cover. That Natasha will learn its customs to better blend in with the children at school and that it was an unspoken rule in the neighborhood that if you had children or young ones in the house that you decorated.
Robin’s the one that purchases the tree and puts it up but Melina is the one that strings the lights and decorates it.
Robin catches Natasha pausing to stare at it when it lights up at night. She’s stand there for a few long minutes, staring at the tree before she’d seem to realize what she was doing and move on.
Melina seemed distant and Robin knew she was feeling guilty. She doesn’t want to push her so she gives Melina space and waits for signs that she wants Robin.
Still, Robin misses Melina wandering into her office while she’s doing paperwork so she can curl up on Robin’s lap. It was always a quiet moment between them where they could just snuggle together and they were only rarely interrupted.
The next time they did it, Robin would bring up Yelena’s lack of training. Robin was not going to be training a Widow but it wouldn’t hurt for Yelena to know things to keep her safe. Robin certainly wouldn’t let the toddler hold a knife but Yelena learning stranger danger and how to get out of certain situations would be helpful in the future.
Robin even planned on purchasing a set of ballet slippers just for the toddler who had taken to being Melina’s shadow when they did ballet. Melina and Natasha were the picture of poise and grace while Yelena does her best to follow in their footsteps, wanting to be just like her mommy and big sister.
Robin even took Yelena for her first playdate with Maggie while she spoke with Rosalie. Yelena happily plays with the dog while Rosalie teaches Robin intimidation tactics. Robin learns to bluff and lie to protect her family.
The week leading up to Christmas, they make gingerbread cookies.
At least, they attempt to. Robin hadn’t made them since she was six and Melina was still learning to bake.
While the first batch of dough turns out way to spicy and lumpy, they have fun doing it. Yelena takes great joy in dumping ingredients in from as high as she can just to watch the mess it makes.
Natasha is precise and gets frustrated and upset with herself when she even spills the tiniest bit of flour or sugar.
They listen to Christmas music as they bake and while the cookies are in the oven, Robin scoops Yelena up and dances around the room with her, listening to the toddler shriek with joy.
It warms Robin’s heart to see Melina take Natasha’s hands and spin her around the room in their own little dance that has no rhythm to it but it makes Natasha let out a soft laugh.
Robin wants to give her kids the best Christmas ever. It’s hard to do that under the watchful eye of the Red Room and with their limited resources but Robin tries her hardest.
Three days before Christmas, Natasha shakes Robin awake in the middle of the night.
When Robin lifts the blanket to let Natasha crawl into bed, the girl rocks on her feet instead and the hesitation makes Robin sit up slightly.
“Can we rock in the rocking chair?” Natasha whispers, twisting her shirt nervously in her hands.
Robin slides out of bed, scooping Natasha up and carries her back to her own bedroom.
Robin can see that Natasha had pulled the rocking chair from its place in the corner so that it was facing the curtains that had been tugged open to let moonlight spill into the room.
The tall woman takes a seat, settling Natasha down into her lap. She doesn’t know why Natasha wanted the rocking chair but she had promised once that if Natasha wanted affection then all she had to do was ask.
So when Natasha actually asks, Robin will do her best to accommodate.
Natasha curls up on Robin’s lap, tucking her head against Robin’s collar and quietly stares out the window for a few moments. Robin rocks them softly, her hand gently patting Natasha’s back.
Finally, Natasha spoke up. “You said we’re gonna celebrate Christmas. We don’t celebrate in the Red Room.”
“Are you nervous?” Robin inquired, trying to gauge what Natasha was getting at.
“This might be the only time I ever celebrate it,” Natasha said softly and Robin slowly stops rocking to listen closely. “We’re gonna go back to the Red Room and I won’t get to celebrate it again.” Natasha peels her eyes away from the window and gazes up at Robin. “I don’t wanna go back, Robin.”
“I know, baby,” Robin tucks a curl out of Natasha’s face. Natasha’s lower lip quivers slightly.
“I wanna stay here,” Natasha tells Robin quietly, like she’s afraid they’ll be heard by the General. “I don’t want to go back. I want to stay here and go to school and celebrate more birthdays and Christmas’s.”
Natasha’s face crumples as she lets out a shaky breath, tears welling up in her eyes. “You’re really nice to me and I’m going to miss you when we go back.”
Robin swallows hard, pulling Natasha closer and pressing her lips to her copper hair. “I’ll miss you too.” Robin wants to tell Natasha her half-baked plan to kill the General. She wants to make a promise that one day she’ll get Natasha back. That they’ll be a happy little family once again.
But she doesn’t make promises she can’t keep.
“I’ll have to sleep with handcuffs again. And they’ll hit me when I wet the bed. And nobody will hold me. And they’ll hurt me just like the soldier--” A tear finally rolls down Natasha’s cheek. “I’m scared, mama.” She confessed in a tiny voice. “Because they can come and take us back whenever they want.”
Robin doesn’t know how to soothe her fears. She’s unsure of all that herself.
“You will always be my baby,” Robin finally settles on saying, using the pad of her thumb to wipe away the tear that is quickly replaced by another one. She starts to rock again. “You and Yelena will be my little ones forever. They will never be able to take that from us. I am your mama, sweetheart, no matter what they tell you.”
Natasha’s watery green eyes peer up into Robin’s warm brown ones. “Don’t make me go back, mama.” She whispers, her voice cracking.
Robin feels tears of her own spring to her eyes at the plea. “I’m so sorry, Natasha.”
A sob wracks Natasha’s frame as she twists to throw her arms around Robin and buries her face into Robin’s shoulder. Robin holds her close, cupping the back of her head and rocking slowly to try and soothe her.
“I’ve got you, baby girl. Let it all out,” Robin doesn’t know how long she rocks Natasha for but the girl’s cries eventually fades to a sniffling whimper
“My sweet baby,” Robin presses a kiss to Natasha’s head. She slowly starts to hum the song she sang to them and Natasha quiets down to listen.
Robin stares out the window and up at the stars as the child in her arms slowly slumps against her. It breaks Robin’s heart to hear her little girl cry and be unable to promise to protect her. Unable to assure her that it will all be okay.
“Hey, look out the window,” Robin pauses in her song to get Natasha’s attention. The weary child pulls her face out of Robin’s shoulder to obediently peer out the window. “First snowfall of the year.”
Tiny white snowflakes are starting to flutter down from the sky, melting before they have the chance to stick to the ground.
Just like with the Christmas tree, Natasha watches the snow fall with a sense of awe, entranced by the sight.
It snowed all the time in Russia but Robin doubts that Natasha ever got to peer out a window to watch it happen from a warm room.
“I wish this were real,” Natasha said ever so softly that Robin almost missed her speaking at all.
“This is real,” Robin reassures the copper-haired child in her lap. “You’re me and Melina’s baby and Yelena’s big strong sister.”
Natasha leans back against Robin to get a better view of the falling snow. “I love you, mama.”
Robin leans down to press a soft kiss to Natasha’s temple, nuzzling her nose against the child’s cheek. “I love you so much, my little cuddle-bug.”
They watch the snow fall until Natasha falls asleep in the safety of Robin’s arms.