Insecurities that wave trust
Melina can’t believe that Robin had kissed that soldier from down the street.
The evidence was smeared across her lips. Robin herself had said that she didn’t wear makeup because the only people who would see her would be her patients and the General.
Melina paces in the bedroom, swallowing hard as she tries to think of what she could have possibly done wrong to make Robin do that.
Robin’s not her actual wife. Robin is her handler and can do what she very well pleases. If Robin wanted to go to a strip club and screw hookers then she could and Melina wouldn’t be able to complain.
If Robin wanted to take Yelena and Natasha to a gun range to shoot then Melina would have to stand aside and let her.
Robin was in charge. She didn’t often throw her weight around but when she did it shattered the illusion that felt so real.
Robin wasn’t her wife. Natasha and Yelena weren’t her children. Melina wasn’t a scientist.
Melina was a Widow with a mission, nothing more.
Robin didn’t have to do the things she did. She didn’t have to be kind and soft.
Robin didn’t have to let Melina curl up in her lap when she wrote notes to the general. She didn’t have to stroke Melina’s hair or hold her close when she slept. Robin didn’t have to sing to Yelena or brush off Natasha wetting the bed or kept calm whenever one of them broke a rule.
But she did anyway.
Robin seemed too good to be true at times. Then things like her breaking down in the shower, or in this case kissing a woman who wasn’t her fake wife, brought back the realization to Melina that Robin wasn’t perfect.
Robin was a human woman. She makes human mistakes.
Still, Melina feels the bitter sting lingering in her, the sight of lipstick smudged onto Robin’s lips haunting her mind.
Melina paces until she lets out a sigh and unlocks the door to the bedroom. The office door at the end of the hall is closed so Melina heads downstairs and out to the garage.
Melina steps onto the mats and lets her body guide her as she falls into the first ballet set she ever learned.
The motions soothe her mind as she focuses on falling into her routine with practiced ease. She can feel someone watching her near the end but ignores them until she finishes before turning to look at who she assumed was Robin.
Instead, it’s Natasha. She’s lingering in the doorway, clearly hesitating and unsure if she was welcome.
Melina drops out of her form and tilts her head to the side. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…” Natasha shuffles into the garage. “Can I join you?”
Melina nods her head. “Shoes off before you get on the mat.”
Natasha kneels and pulls her shoes off before standing and stepping onto the mats with her.
Melina hums the first few notes to the next set. “Do you know that one?”
Natasha nods her head and eagerly gets into position. Melina counts them off and then starts through the next set.
Natasha is a shadow as she follows Melina’s each and every move. It’s quiet, the only sound in the room was the squeak of their feet on the mats and their breathing as they dance.
Melina then hums to a set she had learned through her second cycle through the Red Room. “Do you know that one?”
The way Natasha froze, looking up at Melina with wide eyes told her that no, Natasha didn’t know it.
“It’s okay. I’ll teach you,” Melina said and Natasha eagerly nods her head, waiting for Melina’s instructions.
Melina starts to guide Natasha through the new set. It required more balance than the eight-year-old could give no matter how hard she tried. These sets weren’t taught until a Widow reached adolescence and their long limbs learned to distribute their weight better.
But Natasha did try her hardest. She was determined as her face screwed up in determination to reach every leap and land Melina displayed.
And Melina remembers that it’s just the two of them so she coaxed Natasha with praises.
“There we go, big girl. You almost got that one,” Melina sets a hand onto Natasha’s hair briefly. “Try again but keep your weight leaning forward.”
The two switch off, Melina demonstrating a move, and Natasha trying her best to mimic her.
Natasha finally lands a leap and her face lights up as she turns toward Melina. “I did it!”
Melina lets out a small smile at the look on Natasha’s face. “You did. Great job, big girl. I knew you could manage it.”
Natasha soaks up the praise like a sponge. Melina is struck with the realization that perhaps she didn’t praise Natasha as much as she should.
Robin never held back with praise. She had a way with words that filled Melina with warmth each and every time Robin would praise her and reward her with soft smiles and kisses.
So Melina ensures that she praised Natasha more during their little ballet session. They switch back to sets that Natasha knew and could easily follow and stay that way until Robin interrupts them to tell them that dinner was ready.
Natasha’s chest is heaving from their session but she has a frown on her face as she stares at the doorframe where Robin stood cradling Yelena moments before. “Robin’s sad.”
Melina noticed. Robin seemed downcast and spoke quietly. But the worry faded as quickly as it came. “She’s fine.” Melina dismissed. “Come on, let’s end with some stretches before heading to dinner.”
Natasha was quiet, following Melina through some stretches before looking at her. “You’re sad too.” Natasha comments her observation quietly. “Did Robin hurt you?”
Melina doesn’t want Natasha’s view of Robin to be skewed because even if Robin wasn’t perfect, she was a damned good mother and Melina knew just how much Natasha valued Robin’s view of her. “No.”
Natasha eyes her before shaking her head. “Did Robin hit you?”
“Do you think Robin hit me?” Melina retorts, straightening up.
Natasha finally meets her gaze before shaking her head. “Robin wouldn’t hit you.” She said.
“Not even swats?” Melina lets out a small huff and Natasha shakes her head.
“Swats are different. Swats are given because we break rules Robin makes to keep us safe. Hitting is just because she can,” Natasha explained her thoughts. “Robin’s never hit me but she gives me swats and makes me stand in the corner when I’m bad.”
Melina is surprised that Robin hadn’t interrupted them again to remind them that dinner was ready. “Robin’s never hit me either.” Melina doesn’t add on that she’d hit Robin. She’d hit Robin and Robin didn’t even hit back.
By the time they finish stretching and head out, the table is empty except for two plates left behind for them. Dirty dishes were in the sink and Robin and Yelena were nowhere to be found.
Natasha pauses at the scene, drinking in the sight of the empty table. “Where’s Robin and Yelena?”
“They probably already finished,” Melina looks down at the food that had cooled. “Come on. Do you want me to reheat it?”
“No…” Natasha climbs up into her chair and looks down at her plate. She picks up her fork and eats the lukewarm food.
Melina takes a seat as well and starts to eat. Robin’s not very good at cooking but she had been working on getting better. She bought a cookbook and practiced when Melina had long days at work and was too tired or stressed to prepare dinner.
Natasha clears her plate, even the food that she’s usually picky about. She carries her plate to the sink and then disappears upstairs.
Melina does the dishes when she finishes before heading upstairs and checking in on Yelena in the nursery.
She pauses in the doorway at the sight that greets her. Robin is sitting in the rocking chair in her sports bra, Yelena only in her pull-up, and Natasha still in her tank top from doing ballet. The two children are cuddled close to Robin, quietly listening as Robin rocks and sings softly.
Melina never understood the little one’s needs for skin-to-skin contact. But it soothes them and Robin only really does it when they’re extremely distressed.
Robin’s eyes flicker up to glance at her in the doorway but she doesn’t pause in her singing, looking back down at the children in her lap as she strokes Natasha’s hair and rubs Yelena’s back.
Melina feels like she’s intruding on a private moment but at the same time, she can’t make her feet move to make her leave.
Melina leans against the doorway and watches her little family all curled up together in the rocking chair, the only noise was Robin’s voice filling the room and the creak of the rocking chair as it swayed back and forth.
Robin kept going until both of the children are dozing in her hold and Melina finally enters the room.
Melina reaches out for Natasha and Robin shifts to let Melina scoop the sleeping child up. Natasha wakes up for a moment before realizing that it was only Melina and closes her eyes again.
Melina feels warm inside at the trust Natasha held for her.
Melina carries Natasha to her bedroom, setting her down on the bed before rifling through the dresser for a set of pajamas.
Robin enters a few moments later with her shirt on and Yelena dressed and in bed as well. Robin helps Melina change Natasha into a set of pajamas, shushing the child when she got upset at the removal of her clothes before settling down when she realizes that it’s only her mama and mommy.
Then it was just the two of them and Melina watches as Robin changed for bed before finally speaking up. “Why did you kiss her?”
Robin paused, turning to look at Melina and then sighing. “I didn’t.”
“Don’t lie to me, I saw the evidence on your face--” Melina screws up her face in anger but Robin interrupts her.
“She kissed me,” Robin said and Melina folds her arms.
“What’s the difference?” She demanded and Robin goes quiet, looking down at the set of pajamas she held before sighing.
“The difference is that I didn’t want it…” Robin murmured and Melina’s heart squeezed painfully in her chest at the admission.
She hadn’t once considered the fact that perhaps Robin hadn’t wanted it. The fact that she had jumped to conclusions so quickly and written off Robin as the bad guy once again gnaws at her stomach with guilt.
Robin is still standing there, staring down at the pajamas in her hands as her jaw clenches. “I’m sorry, sweet girl… I never wanted to hurt you. I pushed her away and I… I slapped her but--”
Melina feels ashamed and disgusted at herself. “Robin…” She steps forward and reaches out to set a hand onto Robin’s shoulder.
Robin flinches slightly and a wave of guilt crashes into Melina.
“My love, I’m sorry,” Melina wrapped her arms around Robin. The taller woman stands stiffly in her hold for a few moments before melting against her and holding her back. “I should have never assumed.”
Robin gives her a sad smile. “It’s okay. I understand.”
And that just makes Melina feel even guiltier.