Kindness is cruel
Melina isn’t quite sure when Robin stopped being just ‘the doctor’ and became ‘Robin’.
Melina had been given her new mission assignment and told her cover. She’d be a scientist at SHIELD and posing with a fake family.
She had expected a husband. Robin could have been a man’s name and at first glance, the short hair made Melina assume that she was mistaken.
But then she speaks and Melina knows that this was her fake wife. Melina was being placed under the control of a woman and that made her uneasy.
Melina knew what to expect from men. They were all the same, pig-headed and sexist. But a woman handler…
The woman questions them in the car on their way to their temporary housing. She asks questions about Melina’s and the child’s competency.
Robin is an unknown and Melina hates not knowing things.
Melina should have known that they’d have to share a bed. But Melina doesn’t share beds with anyone but targets. Robin isn’t a target, she’s her handler.
“The children are in bed,” Robin comments as she enters the master bedroom where Melina was searching for bugs and cameras.
“We’re supposed to share a bed,” Melina glances at the king-sized bed before looking back at Robin to try and gauge her reaction.
“That’s generally what married couples do,” Robin had mused as she rifles through the dresser. Now that they were alone, Melina could truly look at the woman in front of her.
Robin was three or four inches taller than her with dark brown eyes that held a softness Melina isn’t sure she could ever achieve. Nudity doesn’t bother her and it doesn’t seem to bother Robin either as the woman changes into pajamas from the dresser.
It allows Melina to get a glance at the marks covering her before glancing away in fear of her new handler catching her staring. “I’ve never shared a bed before.” She admits aloud before Robin could question.
Robin runs a hand through her short hair and it causes it to stick up slightly. “Do you sleep with handcuffs like the younger widows?”
Melina did once before she was trained out of it once proving her loyalty. She tells Robin as such, watching the woman throw her clothes into the hamper.
“We need to train Natasha out of using the handcuffs,” Robin starts to move around the room to inspect the contents of the drawers.
“We?” Melina echoes. She was just a Widow posing as a mother and wife. Robin was the doctor. The handler. She was just there to play the part. She tells Robin such.
Robin glances at her with an arched eyebrow that makes Melina feel foolish. “You’re going to be that girl’s mother. That means that this involves both of us.” Robin lets out a yawn. “Do you sleep on the left or the right side?”
Melina glances down at the bed. She didn’t know which side she preferred. She usually slept in the middle so she didn’t roll off the bed with nightmares. “Left.” She picks the side closest to the door. She’d be able to protect her handler that way.
Robin shrugs and slips under the covers. “Sleep, Melina. It’s been a long day.”
It doesn’t sound like an order. Melina hesitantly moves toward the dresser to gather up her own pair of pajamas. Her pajamas are soft and colorful and they make Melina cringe. “I’ll go in a moment.” She wondered whether Robin would grab her hair and yank on it to make her obey.
But Robin lets out a small sigh, completely unbothered by Melina’s words as she falls asleep.
Melina changes in the bathroom, taking a moment to look down at the ring on her finger.
It’s been stressful but she can do this. Fake it until you make it, they say.
Melina wakes up in the morning at five, just like she had been trained to do. Her handler is still asleep, snoring slightly as she sprawled out on the bed.
Melina wakes Robin up at six, after she had time to shower and change into something suitable along with casing the house. She’s sent to wake up the little Widow.
The first thing that Melina notices when she goes to get the girl is that she’s already awake and has balled the sheets up between her legs.
The girl soiled the bed on the first day there. Melina undoes the handcuffs on the child’s wrist. “Get up.”
The child stares up at her with wide eyes, her breath hitching.
“Get up!” Melina urges. She didn’t want to find out how their handler would react to the child making such a mess on their first night.
“I didn’t--” Natasha moves from the bed, trying to push herself away from Melina’s hands.
“Be quiet!” Melina hissed, trying to see how much of a mess had been made. “Widow, stop it!”
The door opens and Melina pauses.
“Melina.” Robin says her name and Melina freezes. “Here. Take Yelena downstairs.”
Melina hadn’t been expecting the toddler to be pushed into her arms. She’d never carried a toddler before and tried to mimic the way she had seen her handler do so.
“Now.” Robin said and Melina doesn’t want to risk it. With one last glance to the child who had wedged herself in the corner, Melina leaves.
Melina sets the wiggling toddler on the kitchen floor while she checks to see the contents of the kitchen. The safe house had been ready for them for quite some time. The food was all non-perishables. The fridge was empty other than some water and juice.
Melina tries to ignore the way the toddler babbles to herself, trying to listen for the cries upstairs of punishment. They never arrive and her handler returns to the kitchen and coos at the toddler.
Robin calls her out into the hallway and Melina knows that she’s going to get punished. She carries herself stiffly and moves out into the hallway.
Robin asked Melina what had happened in the bedroom. Robin tells her to stop treating Natasha like a widow and instead treat her as a daughter.
Robin then steps forward and cupped one side of her face and Melina freezes, her breath hitching. She was anticipating a slap.
This was different. This was soft and kind and Melina hadn’t done anything to deserve it. Robin tells her that she needs to get used to touch and she manages to let out a small nod when her handler leaned forward and kissed her cheek before pulling away.
Melina doesn’t even realize that she’s not breathing until her lungs burn and she inhales sharply.
Robin is telling her all of these plans for the future and Melina interrupts. “What does it matter?” She doesn’t understand why Robin is trying so hard. “In a year they will be gone. There is no use in making habits that will only be broken when we return.”
She thinks it’s cruel. She thinks that Robin is cruel for giving all of this kindness and leeway.
It’s cruel because in a year then their mission will be over and everything will return to the way they once were.
Natasha breaks one of the very few rules that Robin set out at the grocery store. Melina tries to make herself small and doesn’t talk or move when Robin grips the child’s chin between her fingers.
“What did I say about staying in my sights?” Robin demanded from the child. “Hmm?”
Robin sets the child in the cart before turning to look at her.
Melina is waiting for Robin to punish the child. She’s waiting for retribution for the broken rule.
She’s waiting for Robin to pull the belt she’s wearing off and hit Natasha until she’s satisfied and no longer angry.
Robin turns toward her and frowns before closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. She reaches out and Melina tenses up.
It was her fault that Natasha got away in the first place. She hadn’t been paying attention. She deserved the punishment.
But Robin cups one side of her face. “Relax, my dear.” Robin whispers softly. “You are too tense. There is no punishment this time.” Robin leans closer until her breath is on Melina’s neck. “Breathe, Melina.”
Melina hadn’t realized that she was holding her breath until Robin ordered her to breathe. She inhales sharply, jolting when Robin kisses her cheek.
“It’s alright. We’re doing well. We’re almost done.” Robin announced and Melina tries not to focus on the fact that Robin ignored the blatant breaking of a rule.
Soldiers from the Red Room drop off the other car that Robin would use to cart the children around. She orders Melina upstairs with the children.
Melina listens to orders and stays upstairs until the front door slammed closed. She leaves Natasha to guard Yelena’s door and heads downstairs.
Robin is curled up in a ball on the floor, gasping for air as she gags, her arms wrapped around her abdomen firmly.
“Robin? Ma’am?” There’s no blood that Melina sees but the woman is curled up.
“Help me up,” Robin murmurs and Melina helps the doctor to her feet.
“This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t order me upstairs,” Melina should have protected her handler. That was her job. She failed and now Robin was hurt.
Robin cups the back of her head and kisses her forehead and calls her a good girl.
Melina doesn’t know why the praise makes her stomach warm or why Robin’s soft voice instantly calms her down.
Robin gives her nothing but kind touches.
The doctor is unpredictable and Melina hates that about her.
Natasha tests Robin’s boundaries a few days later. She refused to eat and looked Robin right in the eyes as she shoved the plate off the table.
Melina moves to hit Natasha before Robin can. If Melina hits Natasha first then most of the time she’d get punished instead of the little one.
Her hand doesn’t make contact with Natasha’s face. Robin had moved quicker than she expected.
For a few moments, Melina didn’t understand. Natasha was sent away and she loses her cool with Robin. “You’re just going to let her act out?”
Robin doesn’t hesitate to put her in her place, the only thing missing was a slap. “Who is the handler?” Robin demands through gritted teeth as she cradles her side. “I am. My word is law. Stay here and finish dinner with Yelena.”
Robin disappears and Melina feels… odd. It’s the first time Robin had lost her cool with her. Melina focuses on settling Yelena down and cleaning up shards of broken ceramic from the floor.
When Yelena had gone down for bed, Robin and Natasha still had not made an appearance from the office on the far end of the hall.
Melina had expected to hear Natasha’s cries. She had expected to hear the girl plead for mercy or beg for forgiveness.
But when Melina finally dares to interrupt her, the child is curled up in Robin’s lap.
“You coddle her far too much,” Melina tells Robin once Natasha had left the room.
“Don’t presume to know everything with only a few moments of observation,” Robin chides, rubbing a hand across her the bruising on her abdomen. “You know better than that.”
Melina feels an embarrassment in her that she hasn’t felt in a while.
“She was punished. Just because the Red room beats you into submission and doesn’t give a lick of concern doesn’t mean that I’m going to do the same. I’m not like them, Melina. Come here,” Robin beckons her over and Melina fears that it’s her turn for punishment now.
Robin pulls herself to stand and Melina feels the height difference between them. Robin reaches toward her and Melina stiffens up.
Robin keeps surprising her. Her handler wraps her arms around her, gently swaying them side to side. “Your first day of work is tomorrow. Are you nervous?”
Melina is nervous. She’s terrified of messing things up. She’d never gone on a long-term mission undercover in the government before. But being nervous wasn’t allowed so she lied. “No. I’ll complete the mission in a satisfactory manner.”
Melina calls her ‘ma’am’ and Robin tells her that she can’t be called that in public. Melina feels foolish. She keeps making petty mistakes. Robin’s name feels weird in her mouth.
“Don’t be afraid to use pet names,” Robin runs her thumb gently over the nape of Melina’s neck and the woman suppresses the shiver that it evokes. “It’s okay, baby.”
Melina flinches. She hates the name. It’s the most overused term of ‘endearment’ that men used for her. “Don’t--” She hesitates before asking. “Please don’t call me that.”
Robin’s face softens even though her lips tug down in a frown. “I’m sorry.” Melina wasn’t expecting the apology. “I won’t call you that again. Are there any other names that you don’t like?”
They discuss pet names. Melina admits that she’s nervous. There’s a bubble of intimacy that surrounds them.
Melina tugs Robin’s head down gently before she realizes what she’s doing. Robin closes the last few inches between them and then they’re kissing.
Robin doesn’t pull her closer or slip her hand under her shirt or deepen the kiss.
Melina thinks that moment might have been when she finally understood more about who Robin was.
Robin has had plenty of opportunities to punish the children. Other handlers wouldn’t have hesitated to make an example out of them.
But Robin seems to play their mother first. Melina watches time and time again as Robin gives kind touches instead of swats with the thin bamboo sticks up in her office.
Melina watches Natasha change at night for contraband and she’ll always stop the girl and make her turn in a full circle to look for marks. Natasha, obedient as always, will explain whatever suspicious mark is on her body. Robin never leaves marks.
Melina searches Yelena over when she changes her, tickling the girl as if it were nothing more than a game and not Melina worried about her handler snapping and dropping the kindness act at any moment.
None of Melina’s handlers have cried in front of her.
Melina watches as Robin bears more and more burdens and becomes tenser and tenser. The woman cracks under pressure and bursts into tears when Melina inquires about her day.
Robin cries as if she’s frightened of being too loud. She clamps a hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs. She curls in on herself and it makes her look impossibly small and young. Melina remembers briefly seeing a file on Robin.
The woman was a year younger than her and took on so many burdens. Melina doesn’t even realize that she’s reaching out toward the woman until Robin flinches at her touch before looking up at Melina.
Robin looks lost. Melina is struck by the reminder that this woman was just that. A woman. She gently tugs on Robin’s collar until Robin’s head comes to rest on her shoulder.
The woman’s sobs renew, her frame shaking with each cry as Melina gently strokes her hair.
Robin cries for a few moments until she pulls away, the tears suddenly gone as her face goes blank. It’s a technique that Melina had used in the past but was struck with the fact that Robin had to learn to keep her emotions under control, just like her.
Whenever Melina’s handlers have a bad day, they will make Melina kneel or bend her over and they will use her until they relieve the stress and anger they’re feeling.
Melina waits for Robin. She waits for the woman to do the same thing as the others. It isn’t until later that night that Melina thinks Robin is probably waiting for her to move first.
So Melina enters her office and straddles her lap and kisses her.
Melina isn’t as familiar with getting women off as she is with men but she knows all the right places to stroke and caress. Robin hasn’t kissed her back, her hands still poised over her notes.
Melina tries to push her hand under Robin’s shirt but Robin is pushing her back.
“Melina, what are you-- no…” Robin grips her wrist.
Melina just wants this over with. “Let me take care of you.” She adds the right amount of husk to her voice that they like. She tries to push her hand back under Robin’s shirt.
“Melina-- stop… stop!” Robin shoves her away and Melina figures that it must have been the scars on her torso. “What are you doing?”
Melina falls to her knees in front of Robin. “It’s what they all want after a tough day.” Perhaps her handler hadn’t been informed that Melina could be used for sex too. “It’s okay, I’ll make you feel good.” She kisses Robin’s thighs and her fingers move to undo the button on Robin’s jeans.
“Melina, stop! That’s an order!” Robin barks and Melina freezes at the raised voice. Robin pries her hands away from the waistband of her pants and Melina shifts to bow her head instead.
She doesn’t understand. Was it her? Did she do something wrong? Was she not good enough? Not pretty enough?
“Melina… I don’t want to have sex with you. Do you?” Robin’s voice is firm and steady and Melina understands the game.
“Of course I do. I can make you feel good, I promise,” Melina knew that some wanted her to beg. She reaches toward Robin’s button once again but Robin grabs her wrist.
“Melina, stop it. I don’t want to have sex with you because I had a bad day. That’s not how I operate.” Robin said. Melina feels shame pool in her stomach.
“I… I can make you feel good.” She repeats, trying not to let her confusion of the situation show.
“And I don’t doubt that. But I don’t want that at the moment. Neither do you,” Robin says and Melina opens her mouth to protest. “Don’t lie to me.”
The protest in Melina’s mouth dies off because she was going to lie. She was going to tell Robin that she wanted it fast and rough and she wanted Robin to hurt her to make her feel good. She was going to tell Robin that she wanted it and she could be good for her. Instead, Melina lets her gaze fall to the ground so she doesn’t have to see Robin’s face. “I’m yours to use as you see fit.”
“I’m not having sex with you,” Robin repeats and Melina’s heart lurches.
If Robin didn’t want sex with her then-- “Natasha?”
“Jesus fuck--I’m not having sex with you and I’m not-- I’m not doing that to a child!” Robin retorts and Melina immediately feels ashamed at having even suggested it.
“Melina, sweet girl, come up here,” Robin says and the nickname was the only reason Melina rises up from her knees to slowly straddle Robin’s lap again. She’s startled when Robin pulls her into a hug, holding her close.
Robin asks her what she’s thinking and Melina explains how she feels like she failed for not being enough. Robin says that she doesn’t want sex because Melina thinks she wants sex.
It’s a weird concept to Melina and it pains her to admit that she doesn’t understand.
Robin explains. She makes Melina promise to not do it again. She holds Melina, her hands soft and her touch kind. She calls her a good girl. Robin’s fingers slide into her hair and Melina thinks for a moment that she’ll pull but all Robin does is play with her hair.
It’s nice. Melina likes it when Robin is kind and soft.
Robin comes back from General Dreykov’s bruised and bloodied.
“What happened?” Melina cleans her handler up like the good soldier she is.
“They’re just young girls.” There’s a haunted look on Robin’s face that wasn’t there before.
“That never bothered you before,” Melina reminds her, a frown on her face.
“I’m sorry.” Robin’s apology makes Melina pause before she sighs.
“I know.” She does. She cleans Robin up and pauses at the empty space on her left ring finger. “Where’s your ring?”
Melina had gotten used to the sight of the matching wedding band on Robin’s finger. Her handler's hand looked empty without it. It looked wrong. Melina slips the ring back on when she finds it but Robin still looks upset.
“What do you want?” She asked quietly.
“What?” Robin turns her head to look at Melina and Melina can’t help the stray thought that even with bruises and blood on her, Robin still looks as pretty as the day she saw her.
“You don’t want sex when you’re upset. What do you want?” Melina clarifies and Robin doesn’t hesitate to reply that she wants a new shirt and her children.
Not the children. Her children.
Robin holds all of them close in the kitchen, pressing her forehead against Melina’s.
Melina feels… cared for. She feels soft and warm.
The day that they train, Melina dares to sit on her handler's lap without notice, only asking after she was seated on the taller woman’s lap.
Robin isn’t upset with her. She pulls her close and kisses her temple and agrees to let her sit there.
Melina likes the feeling of safety she feels when tucked against Robin. It’s foolish because she’s never safe but something about Robin just extrudes the feeling of calm.
Melina is going to miss times like these when the year is over.
Robin keeps coming back from weekly meetings with General Dreykov bloodied and bruised.
This time she came home with deep bruising wrapped around her neck in the shape of purple fingerprints on her windpipe and a rasp in her voice when she speaks.
Melina recognizes that Robin’s neck could have easily been snapped.
“He can’t… he can’t keep doing this,” Melina tells her quietly as she feels the bruising on Robin’s neck.
“This one was my fault. I deserved it,” Robin protests and Melina looks up at her.
Robin didn’t deserve that. Robin was-- Robin. She was good. Robin didn’t deserve this. Robin didn’t deserve to be hurt.
“He’s going to end up going too far and killing you if you’re not careful. This could have easily snapped your neck,” Melina said softly, wondering if Robin knew just how lucky she was to walk out of General Dreykov’s office each time.
“It’s bound to happen eventually,” Robin says it with such nonchalance that Melina’s heart lurches.
Melina can’t help the angry jab she makes the bruise. Robin lets out a gasp and shoves Melina’s hand away.
Melina’s angry. She marches out of the room and up to her bedroom and waits for a few moments to see if Robin’s going to come in and hit her for daring to hurt her.
Robin doesn’t and Melina swallows hard. She buries her face into her hands and tries to pull herself together.
She doesn’t want Robin to die. She doesn’t want a new handler. She doesn’t want to go back to the Red Room.
Melina likes Robin. Maybe a little more than she should.
None of her other handlers were as kind and soft with her as Robin was. None of her other handlers held her or kissed her forehead or held her in their lap.
Melina would have been able to pass the whole thing off as Robin pretending to be her wife but Robin does it when nobody but them is around. She gives Melina shy smiles and cups her face and nuzzles her nose against the top of Melina’s head.
Robin gives and gives and gives. She is their handler and their doctor. She’s Yelena and Natasha’s mother and Melina’s wife. She’s the head of General Dreykov’s new experiment and the source in which he takes his anger out.
She’s an unwilling member of the Red Room that never had anyone to show her affection to so she holds their fake little family close.
Love is for children. It’d be foolish for Melina to become undone because of just one mission. But Robin wraps around her and seems to know just where to touch her to make her pull her walls down and be vulnerable.