One step forward, one step back
Robin informs Natasha of what she is going to do so that there are no surprises. “You’re not going to sleep with handcuffs tonight. I’m going to watch you to make sure that you don’t run away instead.”
Natasha shifts on her feet and lets out a small nod. “Yes ma’am.” She whispers.
Robin sets out Natasha’s pajamas and watches her change, looking over the fading mark on Natasha’s neck when she’s done. Robin settles Natasha into bed for the night and watches as the girl moves to raise her arm before lowering it when she remembers Robin’s words.
Robin settles in the rocking chair with a one of the medical textbooks left in her office for her. She reads with nothing but the moonlight peering through the curtains. Natasha shifts restlessly and Robin isn’t sure if she’s always unable to sleep or if it was just the extra person in the room.
Robin makes it through the first four chapters in the textbook before looking up at the child lying still on the bed but not yet sleeping. “Can’t sleep?” Robin lets out a small sigh.
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” Natasha whispers into the darkness. “I’ll try harder.”
Robin wasn’t angry with Natasha for not sleeping. Natasha couldn’t control when she fell asleep. Of course, not having control of things wasn’t an acceptable excuse for General Dreykov so Robin understood. She lets out a sigh and marks her page in the textbook before setting it aside. “Come here.”
Natasha scrambles out of bed in a hurry to stand in front of Robin with her hands clasped and head bowed. Robin makes sure that Natasha can see her hands before she touches her. Robin lifts Natasha up into her lap. “What do you know about constellations?” She asked as she pulls open the curtains to the bedroom.
Natasha is stiff in her lap. “I know how to find the North Star.”
Robin rocks the chair slowly. “Point it out to me.”
Natasha glances out the window and takes a moment before reaching up and pointing it out. “There.”
“Good.” She sets a hand onto Natasha’s shoulder. “This assignment is set to take at least a year. You need to get used to me and Melina touching you in a way that is not meant to hurt.”
Natasha had stiffened at the touch. “Kind touches are given as rewards for hurting people,” Came her reply, her body rigid under Robin’s hand.
“What kind of touching do you like?” Robin asked, gently pulling Natasha to lean against her. It had been so long since Robin had held someone like this. She vaguely remembers clambering up into her mother's lap in a rocking chair during late nights when she couldn’t sleep and her mother had been awake and watching over her as she knit.
“I don’t know,” Natasha whispered the confession, a little ball of nerves as she stiffly lay against Robin.
Robin rocks them for a few moments before she uses her finger to trace something onto Natasha’s back. “That is the constellation, Orion.” She said. “Can you find it in the stars?”
Natasha cranes her head up to look into the sky once again, her eyes scanning the sky. She then reaches up and traces over the shape in the sky. “There.” She whispers.
“Good,” Robin then starts to recite the story she remembers reading about long ago in school. Robin draws constellations onto Natasha’s back and waits for the girl to find them in the sky, watching as the girl stares up at her with bright green eyes as she waits for confirmation and praise. Robin rewards her with smiles and stories about the constellations she remembers.
When Robin notices that Natasha is starting to relax into her as she gets tired, she starts to just tell the stories so that Natasha didn’t have to reply.
Natasha eventually falls asleep, her cheek pressed against Robin’s left shoulder. Robin continues to rock and just watches the night sky as the child slumbers in her lap.
This girl, Natasha, had been in the program since she was four. Consciousness generally happened around the age of three.
Robin wonders if Natasha ever knew her mother. She wonders if the child clings to memories of a much better time. Robin really doesn’t know what she’s doing. She’s just taking everything one step at a time and using what little memories she has of her mother as a guiding point.
How do mothers act? Robin really hoped that she was doing a good enough job. Was Robin doing an okay job at being a mom?
Natasha stirs, her breath hitching and Robin shushes her gently, rocking softly until whatever had disturbed Natasha’s dreams had faded.
She can’t get attached.
She can’t actually think of these girls as her children. She can’t grow to love the woman posing as her wife.
They’re going to return. This is just a mission. These children are not hers. They will never be hers. She is not their mother. She never will be. Melina is not her wife, she never can be. She cannot have a family like this, it is too dangerous.
But Natasha curls into her slightly and Robin clenches her jaw because as soon as the mission was over then everybody was going to be heartbroken.
Melina would be cycled through the room again. Natasha would be General Dreykov’s most promising student again. Yelena would learn about what a monster truly was and just how selfish man can be.
And Robin would go back to being General Dreykov’s pretty little songbird. His treasured doctor. Widows and guards would cycle her room with injuries that sometimes amaze Robin with the callousness that must have been used to think up such punishments.
Robin would go back to being the woman whose hands were nearly always stained red with blood. Who was whispered about being the only doctor that didn’t tie her patients down or force unnecessary sedatives into their body unless it was a true emergency.
Robin wasn’t a monster. Really, she wasn’t. She had a loving family once before the Red Room. She had a mother and a father that loved her. She was loved and had loved in return.
Then everything went so wrong. But even if Robin had to patch people up or hurt others, she wasn’t a monster. She didn’t want this. She never wanted this.
But she doesn’t get a choice.
Robin sighs, idly stroking the bright copper hair on the top of the child’s head as she yawns.
When the stars fade and the sky starts to turn hues of pinky-orange as the sun rises, Melina opens the door to the bedroom. She doesn’t even manage to get a foot in the room, freezing when she sees Natasha on Robin’s lap.
Natasha had jerked awake at the sound of the door opening, nearly falling off of Robin’s lap. Robin had caught her by the arm, pulling her back against her before she tumbled, Natasha violently flinching at the sudden touch.
“I have to take Natasha to register at the shool today before swinging by my job to pick up my ID badge,” Melina reminds Robin quietly after a few moments. “You are to take Yelena to be enrolled in daycare for half of the week.”
“I remember. What time is it?” Robin frowns, glancing out the window at the sky once again.
“Nearly six.” Melina hesitates. “Is it too early?”
“No,” Robin supposed they needed to get used to waking up early anyway. “Thank you for coming to get me.” Robin lifts Natasha off of her lap and sets her onto her own feet so she can stand. “They’ll be dropping off the second car today as well as checking in. I expect you both to stay upstairs when they are here.”
Melina frowns. “Why?”
Robin raised an eyebrow. “They want my reports on you. I’ll admit that I haven’t done much but it’s only been not even half a week.”
The soldiers don’t stop by until ten and Robin doesn’t answer the door until Melina and Natasha are upstairs with Yelena and strict orders to not come down unless told otherwise or until they leave.
There are four soldiers, all dressed like your average everyday Joe. The leader has a wooden cane that Robin doesn’t like the look of. She invites them in and she’s asked to give her report straight through the phone to General Dreykov.
“My pretty little songbird, tell me what you know,” General Dreykov crooned through the speaker and Robin’s heart skips a beat because she would have prepared a lot more if she knew she was speaking to General Dreykov directly.
Robin tells him what she had observed and what had happened over the past few days as they settled in.
He doesn’t like her answer. She knows the sound of the grunt through the phone means that she’s fucked.
“You disappoint me so, my pretty little songbird,” General Dreykov tuts moments before the wooden cane violently swings into her stomach.
Robin drops the phone, retching as she doubles over and cradles what is sure to be a mark in a place that wouldn’t be visible or damage her cover. One of them kicks the back of her knees to make her kneel.
Another grabs a fistful of her short hair and yanks her head up so he can shove the phone against her ear.
“I expected more from you. I know you can do better, my dear. Do not disappoint me again,” General Dreykov warns before the phone goes dead as he hangs up.
The man with the cane toes his boot against where he had hit moments before and white-hot pain shoots through Robin’s torso. “We look forward to seeing you again.”
And then she’s dropped to the ground and the keys to the new car are tossed onto where she curled up in a ball before the soldiers leave, ensuring to slam the door behind them.
Robin fights the urge to vomit, the only sound was her gasping for air before footsteps descend down the stairs and a hand falls onto her shoulder causing Robin to curl in on herself.
“Robin? Ma’am?” Melina’s voice was soft and cautious. Robin can only let out a pained grunt as Melina gently tugs her to sit up.
Once Robin can move without feeling like screaming, she moves a shaky hand to pull her shirt up and inspect the damaged skin on her abdomen, and assesses whether her ribs are broken.
They’re not. But the tissue around her ribs is bruised and Robin knows that this was going to hinder her a lot. She wouldn’t be able to carry Yelena around with exacerbating her injury.
“Help me up,” Robin mumbles and she feels Melina’s hands slide under her arms as she’s pulled to her feet carefully. She takes a moment and lets herself lean against Melina as her abdomen throbs in tandem with her heartbeat.
“You need to take Yelena to get signed up at daycare, I can’t carry her,” Robin said, pulling away from Melina to brace herself against the wall and smooth her shirt down. “I bruised my ribs.”
Melina’s face darkens at the news and Robin really cannot deal with a pissed widow at the moment.
“Hey,” Robin reaches up to cup the back of Melina’s neck and brings her forehead forward to meet hers. “I need you to step up and be the best mom you can be because I cannot carry Yelena for the next few days.”
“I need you,” Melina tells her, panic leaking into her tone. “I can’t do this on my own.”
“Shh, I’m right here,” Robin promises, her thumb gently stroking the fine hairs on the nape of Melina’s neck. “This is just a minor setback. I’m not going anywhere.”
Melina inhales deeply before gaining control of her feelings and nods.
“If anyone asks then I injured myself while moving heavy furniture,” Robin tilts her head up to kiss Melina’s forehead before pulling away.
“This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t order me upstairs,” Melina informs her.
Robin remembers that widows thrive on praise and touch because it was so rarely given. “But you followed my orders like a good girl.” She hums, watching Melina freeze at the praise. “Thank you for staying upstairs like I asked.”
She could only imagine what would have happened if Melina did interfere and none of it was good.
“You are my handler. I am to follow your each and every order,” Melina said quietly as if reminding her.
“You did well.” Robin said softly. “I’ll get Natasha signed up for school while you check in with your job and sign Yelena up for daycare. All the paperwork is already filled out, you just have to turn it in. Show the baby off, get in good with your coworkers.”
She frowns when Melina doesn’t reply, watching the woman hesitate before reaching out to delicately cup Robin’s face before pulling the taller woman down to kiss her cheek, her lips brushing against the corner of Robin’s mouth. The first time that Melina reciprocated affection.
Robin can’t help but smile even with the pain shooting in her abdomen, reaching up to pull Melina’s head close enough to nuzzle her nose against hers.
But then her abdomen sends a jolt of blinding pain and Robin’s knees nearly buckle and the moment between the two women is ruined. “Help me upstairs, I need to get some ointment on my abdomen.
Melina helps Robin upstairs. Natasha is standing guard just outside of Yelena’s room, frowning when she sees Robin cupping her side.
“Are they gone?” Natasha asked her quietly and Robin briefly reaches out to run a hand over the girl's hair.
“They’re gone. Thank you for protecting Yelena,” Robin murmurs, feeling Natasha lean into her hand before pulling away. Robin continues on down the hallway until she reached her office.
Melina closed the door behind them and Robin gingerly pulls her shirt off. She can see Melina pause. Robin rifles through the equipment until she comes across the jar of paste and unscrews the cap.
“Here, let me,” Melina steps forward and Robin lets Melina dip her fingers into the purple paste and start to spread it over the red-purple mark stretching over her abdomen.
Robin has a lot of scars. She knows that. They’ve never bothered her much, they’re just marks on her body. But Melina’s fingers still every time that they brush over one. “You’re a doctor.”
“I am…” Robin nods, confused about Melina’s comment.
“Why these?” Melina’s finger travels a little higher past where she should be spreading the ointment and Robin grips her wrist to guide her hand back.
“They aren’t afraid to hurt doctors to get what they want. They’re scared to leave permanent marks on widows because they use them for seduction. They don’t care when it comes to doctors,” Robin explains to her. “There are only two parts of my body off-limit. My hands and my head. I still need to be able to function as a doctor and I can’t do that with broken fingers or a concussion.”
Melina finished applying the layer and screws the lid back onto the jar and Robin glances at the clock in the room.
“You need to get going before you’re late. We’ll switch kids tonight and I’ll look after Yelena while you stay up with Natasha,” Robin needs all the sleep she can get so she can heal. Melina nods her head and Robin pulls her shirt back on before she heads toward the door and opened it, not expecting Natasha to have pushed her ear against the door to listen in.
“You can spy better than that,” Melina scolds Natasha as she brushes past them and down the hallway to collect Yelena.
Natasha had froze and dares to glance up at Robin.
“Go put your shoes on, we need to get you enrolled in school,” Robin instructs Natasha but the girl doesn’t move yet. “Go on. I’m not mad that you were listening. You could have just asked.”
Natasha slowly starts to move down the hallway, flinching when Robin calls after her. “Get Melina to help you with your laces!”
Robin then turns to return the jar to its place and takes a moment to collect herself. She could do this.
Robin gets the privilege to drive the new car that was dropped off. It already has the car seats installed in the back along with a few files of instructions and a set of handheld phones. Robin would go over the new information with Melina later, her focus at the moment was to get Natasha signed up for school.
Robin glances at her pseudo-daughter already buckled up in the backseat as Robin buckles herself in. “Ready?”
Natasha nods her head gently. “Yes ma’am.”
Robin ensures that she has the right address for the school before pulling out of the driveway and heading off.