Heart Desire

As the storm leaves King's Landing, several ships can be seen at sea leaving, it's an irony that everyone has arrived on a sunny day for a celebration, a tournament in honor of the king's heir, and now everyone leaves without an heir or a Queen inside the castle. It seems a cruelty of the gods that it's a beautiful day surrounded by a deadly silence that seems to take over the entire island.

Alicent walks through the corridors, her blue dress matching the tone of the sky, she wanted to take advantage that the castle was practically empty and that Viserys was in a council meeting to get her book back.

She looks around, the guard standing doesn't ask questions, just opens the door for her. The action makes her gasp, she's not sure if he opens the door because he knows what she went to get or if because he thought it would be a common occurrence to see her in the king's room, she shudders and goes straight to the corner of the table where she had left the book. She retrieves it and doesn't waste her time looking around, she simply turns and walks out of there, feeling that she was permanently leaving the fate that her father wanted for her.

The feeling of relief almost made her wish to float away.

A whistle makes her stop, she was a few steps away from the bedroom door, book in hand, when she sees Daemon coming out of a passage in the wall. Or better yet, he sees her.

" I certainly didn't see that coming." He looks at her "Lady Hightower" and it's when he says her last name that something blooms on his face, as if he has just realized something.

At the tournament, Daemon Targaryen had asked for her favor, it was a common practice for knights to do it for luck, but in the heat of the moment she had loved the attention, not being able to stop herself from blushing a little because absolutely no one had ever given her a flirtatious look before.

But there, she doesn't think it's just flirtation she sees in his eyes and feels the embarrassment growing in her, very aware of the bits of skin her dress shows, it's only her neck and shoulders, but from the way Daemon looks at her she might as well be naked. She hugs the book count to her chest. He stops in front of her

"Prince Targaryen" She bows her head briefly. Daemon stares.

"Why all that formality Alicent? You can just call me Daemon." She almost chokes on the use of her first name. "After all, I believe we have almost become family." He knows.

"I don't-"she begins, but is quickly interrupted.

"Were leaving my brother's room? Unfortunately, he's in a reunion dear, but I'll bet the evening will be a much more fruitful time." She's shocked. Petrified at what Daemon supposes has happened, at the way he speaks without any restraint.

"Prince Daemon, I do not know what rumors your highness has heard, but I can assure you that-"

"I have not heard any rumors; I am simply not a fool. I asked my brother many times why he ordered that snake to leave, what was the sense that suddenly overwhelmed him, but he gave me a vague and ridiculous explanation that Hightower left to take care of his pathetic son, an explanation that everyone is buying, but not me. And I know my brother had a visit from a woman, now I understand." Alicent wants to explain that it wasn't like that, it's not what he supposes it was. "Otto sent you and got punished for it, and now here you are, searching for the King's attention again. Tell me, does my niece know who you really are?"

Alicent chokes. It wasn't possible that Daemon was making such accusations. But he was, and he was angry too. He practically bombards her with words and doesn't give her a chance to explain herself.

"I'll give you some advice, whatever plan you and your father have worked out, fuck off, Viserys already got what he wanted from you. If he sent your father away, it's because he woke up from whatever seduction you tried, so don't be pathetic and maybe when I'm King... I'll allow you to serve me at court." He takes a final look at her, satisfied with what he sees, and then leaves.

Alicent feels impotent, tiny, she hasn't done any of that, Daemon had never been so...indiscreet, not with a lady of the castle, he treated her as if she were...something less than a whore.

She wants to run, to escape to the safety of Rhaenyra's room and never leave, the decision to spend the day in the garden forgotten in her mind.

But something else is holding her back.

Alicent looks at the wall from which Daemon came out, her father once told her - actually, he didn't specifically tell her, he didn't think talking about such things with Alicent were appropriate for her nature, he was more murmuring to himself and she listened - that he believed Daemon had spies in the council meetings, as he didn't attend any, but seemed to know everything, always one step ahead of everyone. She thinks she knows why now.

Before she could think about it, she approaches the wall, there'ss a suspiciously misplaced stand. She holds it, undecided whether to turn, pull, or squeeze, then tries all the options, until with a forward twist the bracket moves and the wall starts to open. It is a terrible idea, she doesn't even know how to get out of there, if people outside would be able to hear her, if there is enough air to not suffocate to death. But she moves forward, there's that tiny little piece in her that is angry, angry that Daemon would treat her like that for nothing. She thinks about what Rhaenyra would do in that situation, and it would be just that.

Plus, if there was some relevant information being talked about at the council that she could use, well, that would just be a bonus.

The meeting between the two walls is less narrow than she would think, but it forms a single corridor, she moves forward without a form of light, and hopes that she doesn't have any holes. The only sign that she hasn't fallen into some limbo of total darkness is that with each step forward she begins to hear voices, loud, in tandem, and seeming to run over each other. She keeps moving forward until she stops when she sees a beam of light clearing a small space, she stops there and as she puts her eyes in the holes and is faced with what she imagined: the council room.

She's from above and can't see everyone, but her hearing is good and she can visualize the king. She hasn't seen him since that night, he looks... different. Thinner - if you can lose that much weight in just a few days - and generally airy. He doesn't participate in the confusion of voices, he just sits there, puts one hand on his head and listens.

No wonder Daemon is celebrating his reign; the current king doesn't look like he'll be able to do that much longer.

"Let's get back to the main issue!" Alicent takes a deep breath as he recognizes Lord Corlys Velaryon "My King and Lord I ask that you rethink my proposal, your reign is weak without an heir, the idea of Daemon reigning is not pleasing to any wise member of this council. Please, I'm offering you not only a bride but also the union of our families."

Viserys lifts his head from his hands and sighs loudly.

Alicent feels her forehead wrinkle as she thinks, if the Velaryon family was offering so much for a deal, the price must have been high for the king's hesitation.

"Corlys, you know I see you much more than just a member of this council, you are family and as my family I ask you: do not insist on this proposal. Viserys lifts his head from his hands and sighs loudly.

Alicent feels her forehead wrinkle as she thinks, if the Velaryon family was offering so much for a deal, the price must have been high for the king's hesitation.

"Corlys, you know I see you as much more than just a member of this council, you are family and as my family I ask you: do not insist on this proposal. Your daughter is lovely and would make a good queen, but I do not want to remarry, as I have informed you countless times today." The men argue again and Corlys sits down dejectedly, he doesn't seem as angry as Alicent heard his father describe him, but he was offering his daughter - Laena if Alicent remembers correctly - as a wife and she was younger than Alicent herself.

Marriages to 12-year-old girls are not uncommon, but they are frowned upon, if Corlys was trying to give her up as a bargaining chip, it was because the Velaryon really wanted to establish this union. Viserys touches the stone that stands above the table, the one that gives him the voice to speak and everyone falls silent again.

"I understand that the issue of succession is making everyone anxious, but I have already made my decision."

"Your Majesty, please-"old Sir August begins. "You have the power to take the kingdom out of your brother's hands once and for all by remarrying."

That is when Alicent understands why Daemon's anger, it wasn't unfounded after all, he came to see her as a very real threat to his throne. Any woman that Viserys betrothed would gain his fury, but the fact that she is a Hightower must have only infuriated him even more. It wasn't any secret that for centuries the Hightower’s had tried to make arrangements for their lineage to enter the line of succession. The position of Hand of the King was the closest they could get, and since then the rivalry between Otto and Daemon has only grown.

Alicent shakes her head and listens again.

"... that's ridiculous, I've already informed you who the heir will be!" The lords look anxious, there's a kind of tension in the room, did she miss something important while putting together the pieces?

"Sir, it is a... rash decision. There will be war if this choice follows, the Faith will not accept it-"

"And since when do the Targaryen have bowed to the Faith?" Corlys Velaryon interrupts, supremely siding with Viserys in the discussion.

The former lord continues to speak:

"And even if accepted, you yourself reported that your daughter denied the proposal" Alicent freezes. What proposal? "There's nothing to be done." The king raises his hand indicating that the man should stop talking.

"Let us finalize this topic, from my daughter I understand and I know that sooner or later she will accept to become my heiress. Now, Corlys, inform us again about the problem with crabs."

"It is nothing to worry about, but I would appreciate some support from the crown..."

Alicent turns away and walks back the way she came in.

Rhaenyra had denied the crown?

That didn't make sense.

She remembers very vividly a time they were in the garden - the garden where they met had become a sort of meeting place for them, Rhaenyra loved it there because she could see the dragons flying, Alicent liked it because of the flowers and the serenity, it was a good balance point between them - sitting under a tree. Rhaenyra had her head leaning against the tree trunk and was keeping her eyes closed when she suddenly asks:

"Do you think I would be a good queen?" Alicent looks at her. She never thought...

Well, everyone knew that Queen Aemma was pregnant again, everyone hoped that the heir would come from there. They were 12 now, Alicent had her first period last week, her mother had explained to her very vaguely what this meant, she only understood that women went through this every month and that they all became unstable. Alicent also started going to faith cults more often and there were numerous sermons about the role of men and women being different, about women having to submit to the sovereignty of their husbands.

These were proof enough for her that women were or at least should be subjugated by a man. It wasn't just their faith that said it, their bodies showed it too.

And the more time Alicent spent at court the more she heard the rumors that it would be absurd if Rhaenyra became the heiress. That a woman on the throne would never work.

But there was Rhaenyra, asking her opinion, something that didn't happen often. And Alicent thought about it.

Rhaenyra was temperamental, impulsive, she liked to act before thinking and used her dragon as an absolute certainty of victory. A monarch like this was dangerous.

But she was also adored by everyone, the court calling her the king's delight, she knew the names of more officials than Alicent could try, she was kind to them and was always enthusiastic on days when the castle doors were opened to the people. She was also interested in the history lessons where they heard not only about the great actions of humanity, but also about the atrocities caused and suffered, she always seemed indignant to hear all the bad things that were allowed to happen and swore never let anything like that happen again. She was a good person and Queen Aemma always managed to appease her daughter's temper, so if Rhaenyra had as her hand someone sensible, she doesn't think the recklessness would be that bad.

"I guess so" she manages to say. Without dwelling on if she’s going against Faith in believing that. "I think you would be excellent." Rhaenyra opens her eyes and stares at her. There's a tenderness there and a brief smile.

"He will never see me" Rhaenyra looked about to cry at the possibility. Her mother was pregnant for the fourth time in just two years, she was trying very hard not to resent her father, but Alicent knew that she was becoming more and more horrified at the possibility of losing her mother, if her father would just accept her, it would be over. She had a noble motivation too for wanting the burden, saving a person's life, it was one more to list of reasons why she deserved the throne.

"He will one day." Alicent says uncertainly. Rhaenyra shifts her head from the tree trunk the rests it on Alicent's shoulder. Alicent feels herself stiffen in a second and relax in the other.

"I hope so, I've never wanted something this much." Because of the proximity is practiced a whisper in Alicent's ear. She holds the book with both hands as she feels the beats of her heart speeding up.

She looks away and the glow she sees in Rhaenyra is almost supernatural. Alicent is absolutely certain that if she could, if the decision were in her hands, there would be no force in nature that would stop her from giving the crown to Rhaenyra.

To her, anything.

Alicent enters the room without knocking, it's been her room for the last few days anyway.

Not too many days ago Rhaenyra made the impulsive decision to go out to fly Syrax in the rain and now both - dragon and mount - were recovering from a sickness. Apparently, dragons don't do well in the cold and the only idiot who didn't see that was Rhaenyra.

"Alicent" Rhaenyra manages to say, she's sitting up in bed, her robes are still sleeping robes and she has a bowl of what must be soup on her bed. "Weren't you going to spend the day in the garden?"

Alicent blinks. So much has happened since she woke up that morning feeling that the sun was too beautiful to stay locked in her room.

"I was going to, yes, but..." she hesitates. Daemon was someone special to Rhaenyra, she didn't want to turn her against him. "The prince interrupted me." She didn't want to lie either, Rhaenyra looks at her with confusion as she recognizes it was about her uncle. "He seems to think that your father and I... have some kind of relationship now." Rhaenyra opens her mouth "and I couldn't talk him out of that idea."

"That's ridiculous" Rhaenyra rolls her eyes "don't worry, if there aren't rumors all over the castle then it's not something you should worry about, he likes to piss people off, that's all." Rhaenyra raises a hand and shakes it like an insect you scare away.

Alicent wants to say more, wants to report that it wasn't just that, that there was a very indiscreet insinuation about her honor. That he looked at her as if he could buy her off, that she felt less than a human being.

 "...perhaps when I’m king, I will allow you to serve me at court."

But...what if that didn't happen? What if it's just her mind reading too much and giving signals that aren't there? Yes, he thought she and Viserys had been physical, but maybe there was no insinuation at all in his speech, maybe it was his way of informing her that he would accept her for the castle even in an impure condition. And if that was it, Daemon was even being kind; there were women who were dismissed from court for much less.

This fresh view of the fact calms her. That was it. Daemon had just been inconvenient as the natural, he hadn't...

it was a ridiculous idea, now that you think about it.

She nods to Rhaenyra.

"Yes, I know." She places the book on the table. "When we finished talking I realized that he had gone out through a passage in the wall and...I decided to go there." Rhaenyra looks at her shocked, her mouth opening in a smile before Alicent can continue.

"You being curious? Lady Alicent what a scandal!" Alicent rolls her eyes. "I think I'm a terrible influence on you."

"I agree." She makes her way to the bed and sits on the edge "but I ended up in the council room, well, between the walls there actually." Rhaenyra doesn't seem surprised at this discovery, as a girl she explored every corner of that castle, she knew all the possible passages, if there was an invasion she would know how to escape without a problem. "And they were talking about the succession."

All of Rhaenyra's good humor vaporizes. She rolls her eyes in irritation and lays back down, giving that matter closure.

"Good."

"Rhaenyra..." Alicent tries to get her attention again "did you deny the crown?" It seems ridiculous to ask, Rhaenyra would never-

"Yes." Alicent looks at her.

"Because of me?"

Rhaenyra bites her lip and her whole expression changes; she almost looks guilty.

"Actually, no, it was because of my mother." Alicent exhales in relief, God if it was because of her... "not that I disregard what happened, I don't, but the only thing on my mind was what he did to her."

Alicent looks at her. She understands, she does, but...

"I..."

"What?" Rhaenyra sees the change in her reaction.

"I think you are being selfish, Rhaenyra." Alicent feels guilty when she sees her looking at her like that, as if she can't believe what she said. Alicent continues before she loses her courage. "Your mother had a duty, one she could never fulfill although she tried countless times, do you have any idea what that is?"

Of course, she didn't, she was Rhaenyra Targaryen, she had no duties. Alicent continues with sure quickness.

"Your position, your creation, doesn't let you see fully, the Targaryen dragon riding women had no such standards about themselves just as you. You say your father was responsible for taking her from you, but your mother wouldn't do anything she didn't want to, she wanted to do her duty and she knew there was a risk. Even if in the end it was crueler than it needed to be, she wanted to ensure that the throne had an heir and you are her daughter, by denying that position you are making her death beign in vain." She holds Rhaenyra's hands with her own "if it was me in her place, I would feel like a burden all my life, don't let that be the memory they will have of your mother. Prove them wrong by saying she failed."

Alicent doesn't know why this affects her so much, she wasn't close to the queen, in fact, seeing the woman's pregnant condition year after year gave her an uncomfortable feeling. But she knew a lot about expectations and duties, so maybe that's what affects her the most.

Rhaenyra is speechless, petrified even, she has never in years of friendship seen Alicent stand for something with such intensity, she thinks the growing feeling in her chest is astonishment and pride blended into one.

"I'll think about it." It's the best she can do. Rhaenyra had not thought of doing this for her mother and not for her father, she thought one thing eliminated the other, it hadn't occurred to her that another point of view.

Alicent drops her hands and seems to realize that her reaction was more intense than usual, she feels quite mortified now that the moment has passed.

"I...I apologize if I have crossed a line-"Rhaenyra stops her with a wave of her hands.

"There are no limits, Alicent." She is truthful, as if the idea that there was a barrier of unspoken things between them was absurd. They shared everything with each other, there was no secret that would destroy them.

"I think I'll go study a little." Alicent says, just because part of her hated moments like that, when Rhaenyra felt comfortable around her to say things that made her feel suffocated. Sometimes it was very hard to hold back the urge to hug Rhaenyra for the most mundane reasons possible, but ones that meant the world to her.

"Go, I will rest and not get out of this bed until I can ride my dragon again, I owe Syrax an apology for making her sick." The absolute sadness and shame in Rhaenyra's voice makes Alicent bite his tongue.

"I'm sure she will forgive you."

"I hope so, I don't want to be burned alive by my own dragon." Alicent forces herself to keep up with Rhaenyra's laughter, although deep down she feels anxiety filling her with dread at the thought of it.

Syrax would not hurt Rhaenyra, she forces herself to think about it many, many times when a week later Rhaenyra wakes up willing and her first action is to pull Alicent into the carriage so that she can watch her flying. Alicent watches cautiously as Rhaenyra steps aside to go towards Syrax, the huge golden dragon stares at her mount and gives away the distance she is in, Alicent can only see Rhaenyra reach out and touch Syrax's skin, the contact is enough for the animal to lean over allowing Rhaenyra - smiling the whole time - to climb on her. Alicent is pushing the cuticles from her fingers, she can't stop herself, every time Rhaenyra gets close to that damn animal she gets a bad feeling.

She watches as Rhaenyra starts to be taken to the skies, the dragon circles the castle two, three, times making a perfect turn. She sits back in her seat as she can hear Rhaenyra's loud and happy laughter. It has been a while since she heard the sound, it surprises her and causes her to push the worry away.

When Rhaenyra returns, hours have passed, Alicent puts the book she has been reading aside and looks at her, her friend is a mess, smelling like a dragon, her hair messy, her leather riding clothes give her an air of wildness, but it is her eyes - hard, bright, happy and determined - that make Alicent raise her eyebrows.

"What?"

"I'm going to talk to my father today." Alicent takes a deep breath.

"You changed your mind?"

"You made me change my mind. You're right about doing this for my mother, I felt...happy today for the first time, I thought I didn't know how to feel that anymore, but I do. I'm not broken, and if I can live, then it's only fair that her memory should live too." Rhaenyra reaches her hand out and holds it, she'ss still in her riding gloves, but Alicent doesn't mind. "Thank you."

Viserys is summoned to the dragon room that very afternoon. Rhaenyra watches Balerion, the most legendary dragon that ever lived and wonders if her ancestors are listening to her, she hopes they can help her. That they will be proud of her.

"You send for me, daughter?" Viserys approaches curious. It had been almost two weeks since they spoke in that very room, he learned of her illness and she gives order not to be disturbed by him, didn't stop him from asking for constant updates on her state of health.

"Yes" Rhaenyra turns to him, she still wears her choir clothes, deciding that looking like a warrior would make her feel more powerful than her normal princess robes. "I accept to be your heiress." She thought that by speaking those words something would change in the world, maybe a storm or earthquakes, some divine sign from nature that this was a mistake. But nothing happens.

"Good." Viserys looks serene. It irritates her that he already figured she would change her mind, but there's nothing to be done, she's already gone over her ego by accepting.

"But I have conditions." Adds, the power is still in her hands. Her father just nods. "I want to have the treatment you would give any male child of yours, I want to be trained for physical battles, learn how to war, I'm already behind because I know absolutely nothing. I also need theory classes on battle tactics, attend all council meetings and not just as a room object, I will give suggestions and hope to be heard and if they are bad suggestions I want explanations as why, you will teach me everything." She was about to continue her demands, but her father interrupts her.

"That's quite a list, don't you think?" Viserys doesn't seem upset, he actually smiles gently and Rhaenyra wants to make it clear that she still doesn't forgive him. That she's doing this for her mother. "I will agree to all these conditions and whatever else you come up with, imposing just one more condition."

Rhaenyra raises her head; this is the first time she has participated in a negotiation.

"Which one?"

"That you hear about the secret." She blinks. He had talked about it, the secret that everyone who sits on the throne must know.

"All right." She stands still and waits. Viserys points to Balerion's skull in front of them.

"Aegon the conqueror was a powerful dreamer; his visions saved the Targaryen family from ruin." Rhaenyra nods. "I have reason to believe that this message should be passed on and never forgotten, that all who sit on the throne after me will know that they need to maintain the unity that Aegon conquered."

"I know all that, Father." She wasn't dumb, the conquest and her importance were a story recounted several times in their family. He looks at her quite seriously as she has never seen it before.

"But you don't know about the song of Ice and Fire."