I know I shouldn’t bother him at work but my feet started carrying me there before I even thought about it.
I was driving home from a really intense therapy session and the building Bucky works in was significantly closer than home. I didn’t think I could make it home in my current state. I couldn’t stop shaking and my mind would not slow down so every noise made me tense. I didn’t have anything with me that would calm me; Bucky was my only option.
Before I stepped out of the car, I wiped my tears best I could and grabbed for my bag. I began overthinking… how do I explain this to anyone? Maybe I should go. But I really didn’t trust myself. So I went. The lobby was busy but before I had to think too much Steve saw me.
“Steve.” It came out as a whisper. I think he understood right when he saw my face. He’s spent vacations, weekend dinners, birthdays, and long work nights at the apartment Bucky and I own. He’s not only Bucky’s best friend but mine as well. “Steve.” I grabbed onto his arm and he pulled me aside from everyone.
“Hey. Hey. It’s okay.” I couldn’t look him in the eye. I shouldn’t be here right now. I’m bothering them at work.
“I- I’m sorry. I-“ The tears began falling and I let my head fall to his chest. My hands covered my face to shield myself from everything.
“Let’s go see Buck.” He pulled me into a hug and held me tight against him. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.” He walked me to the private elevator that is used for Bucky and his business partners. It takes you directly to him. Steve’s hand never left my back, guiding me as well as painting his fingers along my spine. There was calm in his rhythm. When we got inside the elevator car and the doors shut, he bent down to see me eye to eye. “He’s in a meeting for the next half hour. Do you want me to take you to him or his office?”
I shook my head. I can’t pull him away from work just because of my emotions. “No, no.” I looked at Steve’s eyes for the first time. God I’m pulling Steve from work. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about.” He held my hands away from my face when I tried to cover my tears again.
“You both are working and- and I just-“
“Now what would Buck tell me if I didn’t take care of his girl?” He cracked a smile at me as the doors began to open and we were on the top floor. I smiled at his words. “Huh?” He stood up and playfully nudged my side. “He’d kill me right on the spot.” His hand found my back again and took me to the room at the far end of the hall. The one with a white star on the dark glass door. Steve opened the door and opened the curtains a little to light up the room a bit. “This man lives in the dark, I swear. I’m pretty sure I walked in the other day and he was just wallowing in this dark office.” I sat on the chair in front of Bucky’s desk and smiled again at Steve. He’s good at distracting. “Maybe you’ll light this place up a bit.” When he saw I was settled, he moved to the door. “I’ll be down the hall if you-“
“You’re not staying?” I quickly turned in my seat to face Steve.
“No- I mean, I can. I just thought you’d want to be alone or…” He released the door handle but didn’t move.
“That’s the last thing I want.” He nodded and sat on the couch near the windows.
“Well. I’ll report to Buck that you’ve spoken one full sentence today.” He laughed and fixed his suit in his sitting position. Then the room fell silent. I stared at the bracelet I was fidgeting with in my hands. “Do…” Steve cleared his throat. “Do you wanna talk about it?” When I looked over to him, he moved so he was leaning on his knees and he was a little closer now. He offered a friendly smile. If I spoke right now, I’d cry. I shook my head and continued fidgeting with the beads of the bracelet. “Okay.” I think he was kind of relieved. This wasn’t his territory. “What are you playing with?”
“What?” I looked at him and furrowed my eyebrows. Steve pointed at my lap. The beads. Oh! The beads. “Oh! Buck got me it.” I held it up. “It’s a bracelet.” I let him take it from my shaking hands, he didn’t notice or he didn’t point it out. Either way I was thankful. “They have little charms on it.” Steve looked them over before handing it back to me.
“What do they mean? The charms.” He was relaxed against the couch now that I was making coherent sentences. See, he’s good at distracting.
“They’re from different dates he took me on.” I held up one bead for him to see. “That’s from the night we met at the diner I worked at. You were there.” His smile grew bigger and he nodded. “You remember?” I couldn’t help but smile, too.
“Of course I remember!” I leant forward again. “You know, I told him to talk to you. I told him and he was all shy about it.” I laughed at the story he’s told many times. “Where would you guys be with out me?” Before he could finish his question, I answered it from memory of the last few times he’s told this story.
“No where!” We both laughed at my enthusiasm. “Yeah, yeah, I know.” When we stopped laughing, the door shot open.
“Doll?” I whipped around and ran to Bucky at the doorway. My hands wrapped around his waist, under his jacket. Both of his arms held me tight to him. One cradling my head, the other around my waist. Before he pulled away, he kissed my temple and whispered in my ear. “I’ve got you.” I stepped back and Steve slid past both of us.
“I’ll be downstairs, Buck.” And pat his shoulder as Bucky told him a quick thanks. Then the door shutting left us in the quiet.
“Buck, I didn’t mean to bother-“
“Nope. Nope. I’m stopping you there.” He waved a hand in the air as his metal one held mine and led me to the couch. “I’ve told you that you could come whenever you need.” I sat in the corner of the couch and he sat next to me, I turned so I was facing his side. “No bother, doll. You know that.” He sat looking down at his hands. “You’re not okay?”
“What?” Kind of straight forward, Buck. Don’t you think?
“Steve texted me. You came in crying.” His hands pointed around the room. I didn’t even see Steve pull out his phone… “So what’s wrong?”
“I- uh- I don’t know. I just… had a hard session in therapy and, and I was driving home. I couldn’t stop all the- everything.” I could feel tears again. But they didn’t fall. “I didn’t think I could get home so I stopped here. I couldn’t stop crying or shaking and-“ Oop, there’s the tears.
“Baby.” He pulled me to his chest and let me cry against him. His hands drew over my back just as Steve had done earlier. When I began to gasp as I tried to stop crying, he pulled me onto his lap. I held onto his shirt with one hand and wiped my cheeks with the other. He put his metal hand on the back of my neck and my skin melted against the cool sensations. He held my neck as I turned to look at his face, tears still tempted to fall.
“I think-“ I held in a hiccup from the crying. “I just got overstimulated.” He nodded and looked down at me. “And I didn’t have anywhere quiet to go to.”
The hand on the back of my neck moved into my hair. I began to relax into him. I looked at my hands planted on his chest. Maybe I was bothering him. Yeah. I shouldn’t have come. “I love you, baby. You know you always come before work.” Bucky kissed my forehead as he spoke. “You can come here whenever you want. Steve will bring you up. You know that right?” His hands moved to lift my face so I was looking at him. “You come here whenever you need to. No one will stop you. And I’ll always take you.” I moved forward, smiling at his outpour of comfort, and rest my forehead on his.
“I love you, too, Bucky.” I kissed him quickly on the lips and moved back to laying my head on his shoulder. We stayed quiet like that for a few moments. Both his hands wrapped around my middle and squeezed me a bit closer. I couldn’t help but smile into his neck.
“So… my love…” He tried to sit up. “Am I going to be able to finish work today? Or should I come home with you?” He let out a laugh when I moved closer into him. “Alright then.” Bucky stood, putting his hands under me so I would move from my position on him. He picked up his keys from his desk and my bag from the chair, and walked out of his office. Steve was downstairs, like he said, and when Buck walked past him, he gave me a smile and wave from behind us.
Bucky walked out to the back and whispered in my ear, “next therapy session, I’ll pick you up.” And his private driver opened the door to his SUV. Bucky set me down in the seat; I pulled my legs up to my chest. He came around the other side and slipped in next to me.
“Let’s go home, doll.”