Present Day
How do you live in a world fixated on death?
That was the question everyone was asking themselves these days, what with the creation of The List.
The List had popped up overnight a year ago, a website with a mile-long list of names, under three simple words: Rest In Peace.
At first, no one thought anything of it. Who cared about some random, anonymous person who had compiled a list of names with a slightly ominous header? If anything, some people found it fun to look at the list and see if their names were on it.
Until they found out what The List was for.
Every day, without fail, every person on the list passed away. Some died of old age and natural causes, some in tragic accidents. The first time it happened, it was dismissed. It was scary, sure, but it had to be a cosmic fluke. But when the list continued to predict the deaths every single day with unfailing accuracy, things changed.
The list was posted at midnight exactly, and most stayed up until then, anxiously refreshing the page before scanning it for their names. In cities across the world, sighs of relief and sobs of anguish escaped. Some retreated to the sanctuary of a warm, comforting bed while others placed frantic calls to loved ones.
Each day was supposed to be treated like a blessing, but it was hard to truly live when constantly surrounded by the reminders of death. The List was seen by many as a blessing - a way to tie up any loose ends and spend your last day on Earth doing everything you’d always wanted to do. But sometimes you couldn’t help but wonder - wouldn’t your time be better served doing all those things before your name ended up on The List?
That was how Peter and Tony always tried to live each day.
They checked The List every day like everyone else, knowing one day one or both of their names would be on it. They were Avengers, for crying out loud. They were at risk of death far more than the average person, and had had several close calls. When their names weren’t on it, they shared a soft kiss, murmured to each other about how grateful they were for another day, and headed off to bed to curl up in each other’s arms and drift off, comforted by the promise of another day.
That didn’t happen this time.
A few minutes after midnight, Peter reluctantly removed himself from where he was plastered against Tony’s chest while they watched a movie together.
“Excuse me, I don’t recall giving you permission to leave,” Tony protested, holding his arms out to the sides in the universal what the hell gesture. Peter just smiled back at him, shaking his head in fond exasperation.
“I’ll be right back. You know I have to check,” the younger man insisted before silently padding off to a different part of the penthouse. Tony sighed, pausing the movie and fiddling with his phone as he waited for Peter to come back.
His entire world slowed to a stop when, instead of feeling Peter settle back in his arms, he heard sniffling. Despite the icy chill of fear rapidly making its way through his body, Tony sprang up and turned around to see Peter standing behind the couch, eyes red and rapidly filling with tears.
“Peter?” Tony whispered, unable to take even one step forward towards his boyfriend. He knew what this kind of reaction meant. “Which one of us is it?”
Instead of giving him an answer, Peter averted his gaze and bit his lip. “What would you do if it was your last day?” He asked, voice cracking in the middle of his question as tears began to silently stream down his face.
Tony inhaled sharply. It was his name, then. Why else would Peter be asking him that question?
As long as Peter lived on, Tony could live with this fate.
It’s not like he’d have to live with it for very long anyway.
“Well,” he started, feeling tears prick in his own eyes but he did his best to shove them back. “Luckily, I have a boyfriend who encourages me to live every day to the fullest anyway. So I don’t really have a long list of things I’d want to make sure I’d do.” Tony’s feet finally unfroze from the ground and he made his way to Peter’s side, wrapping an arm around him. How many more times would he get to do that?
“Sounds like a good boyfriend,” Peter whispered back with a wet chuckle, looking up at Tony. The older man gently wiped his boyfriend’s tears away, leaning in to press a long kiss to his forehead.
“I think I’d head to bed, wrap my arms around him for a while. And then, when the sun starts to rise, I’d suit up and enjoy the sight with him. You know why?” Tony smiled as he leaned in and pressed another kiss to Peter’s cheek.
“Why?” Peter asked like he didn’t already know the answer.
“Because the only thing prettier than a sunrise is you,” Tony murmured, finally capturing Peter’s lips in a soft kiss. Their bodies pressed together as their mouths moved, everything tender and nothing urgent even though now they both knew their time was rapidly running out. Peter was the first to pull away, sniffling and managing a small smile.
“That’s still just as cheesy as the first time you said it,” he said with another little laugh, and Tony shrugged.
“It got you to go out with me, didn’t it?” He asked, and Peter rolled his eyes. Tony took his hand and led them to the bedroom, laying down and drawing Peter into his arms. Peter, for his part, latched onto Tony with all the stickiness he had, and probably a little super strength, too. The two laid like that for a while, relishing in the sound of each other’s breathing and the soft thump of their heartbeats.
---
4 years earlier
“You know, I think May would have wanted you to get out there more.”
“Oh hell no, you are not using my dead aunt as a way to flirt with me. Right, Tony?”
Peter fixed Tony with a glare from where he was sitting across the lab, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the billionaire currently leaning back against a table, arms crossed over his chest and one eyebrow cocked confidently. The eyebrow slowly slid back down as Tony’s eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly.
“No! Of course not.” Peter huffed out a breath, turning his gaze back to his web shooters.
“I’m using your aunt to explain why you should go out with me.” Peter dropped the parts he was holding in shock, eyes immediately moving back to fixate on Tony.
“Anthony!” He yelped, picking up the pieces of his web shooter with a muttered curse. For his part, Tony simply chuckled and made his way over. While Peter tried to collect the pieces of his work with trembling hands, Tony leaned down, resting his elbows on the lab table and looking at the younger man intently.
“I’m being serious, Peter.” Something about his tone made Peter freeze, looking over at him with wide eyes.
“Um, what?” He asked intelligently, a blush rising to his cheeks as Tony laughed.
“Go out on a date with me. One date, and if you hate it I promise I’ll drop it. Just give me a chance?” He looked so eager and earnest that Peter found himself unable to deny him.
“What would this date entail?” He asked first, wanting to play with Tony a bit, as the older man had just done to him. There was no way he’d actually planned something out - spontaneity was a hallmark of Tony’s personality.
“Easy,” Tony said, starting to tick items off on his fingers. “Pick you up, which is slightly ridiculous since we both live in the tower but whatever. Flowers. Lilies specifically, since I know those are your favorite even though you tried to tell Barton you didn’t have a favorite.”
Peter blushed.
“A picnic date on the rooftop around six. I’ll make you that pesto pasta that you love so much, and chocolate covered strawberries because even though you try to hide it, I know you have a sweet tooth. Then, talking as you watch the sunset and I stare at you.”
“Stare at me? Why?” Peter couldn’t help but laugh.
“The only thing prettier than a sunset is you,” Tony shot back smoothly, a small smirk forming on his face as Peter blushed even darker and looked away. He’d walked right into that one. Taking a few deep breaths, Peter looked back at Tony and stood up.
“What about a sunrise?” He asked. One last attempt to make Tony slip up.
“It’s got nothing on you.” Peter smiled a little bit to himself.
“Great. I’ll see you on Friday,” he said before making his way to the door of the lab.
Thanks to his super-hearing, he didn’t miss the celebratory whoop that Tony let out when the door closed behind him.
---
Present Day
“Tony?”
Peter’s voice brought him out of his head as he stared at his clothes. They were supposed to be getting dressed, but how could he do that knowing that this was the outfit he’d likely die in? Tony just looked at his boyfriend, unable to put his feelings into words. Peter, ever the angel, understood without him having to say anything. He moved to Tony’s side, looking over the options before picking up a hanger holding a navy blue long-sleeve shirt.
“You know, I’ve always loved how this looks on you,” he said. That was all the encouragement Tony needed to take it from him.
“Thank you,” he murmured, drawing Peter in for another soft kiss. Before things could heat up, Peter pulled away with a whispered reminder of their sunrise date. The two finished getting dressed then, grabbing some fruit from the kitchen and putting it in their picnic basket. After that first date, which Peter had loved so much, Tony had kept a picnic basket on hand for whenever the urge struck them. With how much they loved to watch sunrises and sunsets together, it had been a good investment.
The pair made their way up to the roof, sitting further back from the edge than they normally did but still staying pressed close together. They ate in silence, the air charged with all the things they wanted to say but couldn’t. Couldn’t because they didn’t have the words. Couldn’t because it would make things all too real.
The sky grew lighter, painted with soft pinks and yellows, and an ever-deepening shade of blue as the sun steadily rose higher in the sky.
Not a bad last sunrise, Tony thought to himself.
The city started to wake up beneath them - if it had ever slept. Peter could hear it far better than Tony could - car engines sputtering to life as people climbed in for their daily commute; the bell ringing on coffee shop doors as others headed in for their much-needed caffeine boost. The fluttering of bird’s wings as they awoke and began their journeys for the day, the whistles to hail a taxi and the hum of constant traffic.
New York City was coming to life just as Tony’s life was coming to an end.
The thought was almost too much to handle.
“I love you,” Peter said softly, breaking the silence just as Tony’s thoughts were on the verge of spinning out of control. Their eyes met, and Peter looked like he was holding back tears again. “I just-I really need you to know just how much I love you, okay? I never thought I could love someone this much. It’s just one of so many things you’ve shown me over the past five years, and-” Peter swallowed down a sob, “and I’m so grateful. I love you.”
Tony was speechless, leaning in to give him a long, searing kiss. When he absolutely had to pull away, he whispered his words against Peter’s lips.
“I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.”
---
3 years earlier
“Do you ever wish you didn’t live in New York?” Peter asked one day. Tony reached out and caught the hacky sack his boyfriend had been repeatedly tossing up towards the ceiling and then catching as it fell back down.
“What makes you ask that?” He asked, peering down at where his boyfriend’s head rested in his lap. Peter shrugged.
“I’ve never lived anywhere but here. I know you’ve got the place in Malibu, and it’s awesome, but you don’t live there. So I guess I was just wondering if you stay here because you want to, or because it’s where the Avengers are.”
Tony hummed softly, contemplating his response before realizing that his not knowing the answer was the answer.
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I mean, this is where I grew up. It’s where the Avengers are, where the company is. Most importantly, it’s where you are.” Peter blushed, smiling softly to himself at that. “I don’t think I’ve ever wished to live elsewhere, but I never exactly chose this place, either.”
“You fell into it,” Peter said with a nod of understanding.
“Exactly.”
There was a pause then, where Tony gave Peter his ball back but the younger man only squeezed it gently, gazing up at the ceiling.
“Wanna tell me what’s going on in that oversized brain of yours?” Tony asked, poking Peter’s cheek gently and laughing when the man attempted to nip his finger.
“I never really chose this place either. I was born in Queens and when I was younger I had grand plans about seeing the world. But then I became Spider-Man, and…I couldn’t do that, you know?”
Tony didn’t know.
“Why not?” He asked, thoroughly confused.
“They needed me, and it’s not like I’ve ever had the funds to do something like that anyway,” Peter explained with another shrug. “Just a silly dream.” He squawked indignantly as Tony stood up, abruptly dislodging him from where he’d been resting comfortably. “Hey!”
“Come on, Parker,” Tony said, standing before him with an outstretched hand. “Time to go plan that dream.”
“What? Are you serious?!” Peter asked, and Tony nodded. “Holy shit!” Peter yelled in excitement. “Holy shit, this is crazy! Oh my god, I love you!”
They both froze.
Neither one of them had said that before.
Peter, to his credit, didn’t shy away or take it back. He looked Tony in the eyes and opened his mouth to repeat himself. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” The words fell from Tony’s lips so easily he couldn’t believe he hadn’t said them before. “Fuck, Peter, I love you too.” He fell back onto the couch, hands grabbing desperately at Peter’s shirt as their lips met.
---
Present day
After their silent breakfast on the rooftop, Tony and Peter retreated back to the penthouse and laid down on the couch together. Their hands wandered over each other’s bodies, just exploring and attempting to commit every little detail to memory.
“What else would you do on your last day?” Peter asked eventually, voice soft as he looked up at Tony.
“I think I’d make a fantastic lunch. All our favorites, you know? Maybe even bake something. I know my boyfriend has a sweet tooth.” Tony winked down at Peter, whose smile was rapidly becoming even larger.
“Well, what are we waiting for then?” He asked, hopping off the couch and holding out a hand. Tony took it, kissing the back of it reverently before following Peter to the kitchen. The smaller man headed to get their box of recipe cards, Tony protesting that he could get it and Peter turning around and ignoring him in favor of getting it anyway.
Well, fine. It wasn’t like Tony was going to complain about the view.
“So, when you say all our favorites, you mean…?” Peter asked, trailing off as he placed the box on the counter and looked at Tony.
“I mean all of them,” the other man said seriously. “The pesto pasta you love, my mom’s lasagna, that salad we made one time with the almonds and the feta cheese,” Tony said, listing off their favorite dishes to have.
“Well, it’s a good thing we went grocery shopping, then!” Peter said with a laugh, opening their recipe box and pulling out the cards they needed. Tony smiled, watching him for a moment as he started to read over the ingredients and flutter about the kitchen, pulling out various spices and pasta boxes and meat.
The two cooked the way they always had - with JARVIS playing some music quietly in the background so they could take frequent breaks to grab onto each other and sway, dancing in their kitchen like the lovesick couple they were. Sauces were smeared on cheeks, and laughter echoed throughout the penthouse.
The laughter and conversation flowed easily on through lunch, nothing like the near-silent breakfast on the roof. Tony could almost forget what had happened that morning, and what was to come later. He distracted himself by watching Peter’s tongue dart out and lick his lips as he finished his meal and set down his fork.
“And what will we be having for dessert, Chef Stark?” He asked, eyes twinkling as he teased Tony.
“If I’m lucky? You,” Tony said, allowing his gaze to rake up and down Peter’s body appreciatively. Peter gasped in mock scandal, placing a hand to his heart as Tony walked over to him, pulling him to his feet and pressing close.
“That’s not a proper dessert,” Peter tried to tease again, but the effect fell flat when his voice came out breathy and his cheeks flushed pink.
“Oh yeah?” Tony murmured, moving his hands to hold onto Peter’s hips and leaning in to kiss at his neck. “Then why does it always taste so good?” He emphasized the last two words by rolling their hips together.
Peter struggled to answer, breathy moans falling from his lips as he tried to think of words. “Um, because-because-”
“Tell me all about it once we’re in bed, my love. If you can say anything but my name,” Tony all but growled into Peter’s ear before picking him up and carrying him off.
---
One year earlier
“What the hell were you thinking, Tony?! You could have been killed!”
“Oh, so this is my fault, now? I was attacked!”
Peter and Tony were standing inches from each other in the living room of the penthouse. Both were dirty and a little bloody, Peter still in his Spider-Man suit and Tony in his regular clothes. The Mark XV had long been sent down to the labs for repairs.
“Yes, you were attacked, but your response should have been to play defense and wait for me! Not go flying off into a horde of zombie creatures on your own!” Peter yelled.
“My name’s not on The List today, I’m not going to die! I was fine - I am fine!” Tony shouted back, gesturing to himself.
“Who gives a fuck about The List, Tony? You gave me a heart attack! You could have turned into one! You could’ve gotten really hurt and died tomorrow instead! How do you think that would make me feel? You can’t do this to me, Tony! I’ve lost everyone - I can’t lose you, too!” Peter screamed, and Tony immediately took note of the tears streaming down his face.
Well, shit. He felt like a total asshole now.
“Peter-hey, Peter,” he said, voice infinitely softer now. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.”
“Really?” Peter asked, hiccuping as the tears came a little faster. Tony would have laughed if his boyfriend wasn’t in such deep, genuine distress.
“Yes, really. That was stupid and reckless of me, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like I was a solo act. I’m not anymore. We’re a team, and I should have waited for you. I won’t do that again, I promise. I swear to you that I won’t.”
Tony meant it.
Peter was right, he had lost everyone who loved him. It was selfish of Tony to take off into battle without considering how Peter might feel or the effect it could have if something happened to him.
He was part of a unit, and he needed to start acting like it.
“You’d better not. If you do, I’m gonna kick your ass,” Peter said, deadly serious for once. Tony nodded.
“I wouldn’t expect anything less. But, I’ve made you a promise. I don’t intend on breaking it. I know how important this is to you.” Tony held his arms out, and Peter only hesitated for a second before leaning in and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend in return. The two stayed like that for a while, hugging in the middle of the apartment with Tony rubbing Peter’s back and whispering affirmations of how much he loved him as Peter tried to take deep breaths and slow his tears.
“Thank you,” Peter whispered eventually, pulling back from the hug just enough to lean up and give Tony a quick kiss.
“Now do we get to have the makeup sex?” Tony asked, and Peter was unable to keep his laugh to himself. He decided not to speak, simply pulling away and walking towards the bedroom. He pretended not to smile as Tony eagerly chased after him.
---
The alarm signaling an Avengers-level threat started blaring through the tower, disrupting Tony and Peter from their hazy cuddling.
“Why?” Tony groaned, dragging the word out as he threw a pillow towards the door to their bedroom, as though he could hit some magical switch to turn it off. “Come on, it’s almost time for dinner. Why do we have to deal with this?”
Peter just giggled, leaning in and nuzzling him, peppering kisses over his cheeks and jaw.
“Because we’re Avengers, and that means we never get a good moment to ourselves,” he joked before reluctantly leaving the bed. “Come on, let’s go.”
They’d had an excellent afternoon, all things considered. After the amazing sex, they had laid there for hours, talking about everything and nothing all at once. For a few moments, they’d gotten up and danced slowly around their bedroom before falling right back onto the mattress. It was everything Tony could have ever wanted.
As they suited up, Tony couldn’t help but think that if he had to die today, then saving people wouldn’t be a bad way to go. Not after a day like today.
“Ready to go, Iron Man?” Peter asked as they entered the elevator, smiling up at Tony. His mask was in his hands, and he looked slightly pale. Tony would bet good money on the reason for that paleness.
“Always, Spider-Man,” he replied easily as the elevator brought them down to the helicopter landing pad. Tony leaned in and stole a kiss from Peter, leaving his boyfriend breathless and blushing like a teenager as the doors opened.
“Alright, now that you two are here we can get started. We won’t have to travel far, since the problem is right here,” Steve started as soon as Peter and Tony walked up to the group of Avengers waiting for them. If anyone had seen his name on The List, no one said anything. No one made a snarky comment about Tony wrapping his arm around Peter’s waist, either.
“There’s a group of aliens-”
“Sakaarans,” Thor supplied helpfully, ignoring the slight look of annoyance on Steve’s face at being cut off.
“They’re wreaking havoc across the city. Let’s handle this like we did with the Chitauri a while back - just take them out. They’re a finite group with a ship, no portal this time. Just good, old-fashioned combat,” Steve explained. “Rhodey, I want you dealing with that ship. Everyone else, fan out and take out as many as you can.” He looked around, seeing the nods from their group of heroes. “Alright. Avengers--”
“Assemble!” Tony cut in. At the look of annoyance he got, he started backing towards the edge of the landing pad. “Uh oh, I’ve pissed off the Capsicle,” he snarked. “Let’s go, Spidey.” Peter quickly hopped up, sticking to the back of Tony’s suit in a hilarious version of a piggy-back ride. Tony blasted off, heading straight for Central Park where a large group of Sakaarans were terrorizing civilians and destroying anything that dared get in their way.
“You guys have absolutely no respect for park maintenance,” Tony quipped as he zoomed in closer. Peter hopped off his back, shooting a web and swinging through the trees as he webbed up Sakaarans. Tony simply weaved straight through them, blasting as many as he could with his repulsors and straight-up body slamming the ones that got in his way.
Not unlike the Battle of New York, the chaos and destruction extended in every direction. Avengers and SHIELD agents alike were bringing down as many of the Sakaarans as possible. Only when Rhodey radioed in and confirmed the destruction of the massive ship did anyone breathe a sigh of relief. The fight was far from over, but at least now they knew that no more were on their way.
Slowly, the Avengers worked their way towards each other. They finally met up a few blocks west of Central Park, where Tony and Peter had first started their fight. The remaining Sakaarans advanced from every angle. There weren’t many left, but they were deadly and most of the heroes were sporting injuries that proved it. Natasha was favoring her right foot over her left, Steve had a deep gash running the length of his forearm, and even Rhodey’s suit was looking worse for wear.
“Alright, let’s take these guys out,” Tony said, mimicking cracking his knuckles. He turned to Peter, faceplate flipping up long enough to give him a meaningful look. Though Peter couldn’t take off his mask, Tony didn’t miss the minute movement of the eye pieces or the slight tilt of his head.
The first of the Sakaarans charged at them, weapon out and ready to blast. The Avengers leaped into action, each doing their damn best to keep themselves from harm and protect their teammates.
Thor got hit first, grunting as he bent over and took a minute to recover.
Agent Hill went down next, Fury covering her body and shouting for a medic.
Facing down the last handful of Sakaarans, Tony knew there were too many weapons trained on them for the odds to be in his favor. There was no way all of them would miss him.
This had to be it. Tony knew it, and he was ready.
What he wasn’t ready for was their abrupt change in position, the Sakaarans shooting upwards as Peter swung past.
He wasn’t ready to watch in horror as one blast hit its mark, hitting Peter in the chest and sending him flying back, slamming to the ground and rolling across the pavement before coming to a stop.
He wasn’t ready for Peter to lie still and not get back up.
“No!” Tony yelled, pure rage and fury in his voice. He could see the Avengers quickly dispatched the last Sakaarans, but he didn’t focus on that. The repulsors flared up as he shot across the street to where Peter was laying.
“Peter, hey. Peter. Peter,” Tony said, the armor opening up as he reached Peter’s side. He all but collapsed next to his boyfriend, whose chest was barely rising and falling. Tony felt tears pool in his eyes, ignoring the blood as he drew Peter into his lap and ripped off the man’s mask.
“Hey,” he whispered, choking on a sob. “Come on, talk to me.”
Peter’s eyes slowly fluttered open, and he looked up at Tony. The little shit had the nerve to give him a sad smile, his hand reaching up. Tony immediately caught it in his own, his grip gentle.
“Hey Tony,” Peter whispered back, drawing in another shaky breath. Tony felt tears streaming down his face, dripping onto Peter’s suit. “It’s okay,” he murmured.
“It’s not okay! This was supposed to be me!” Tony whispered. He would have screamed it if he could have. It was like someone had sucker punched all the air out of him.
“No, it wasn’t,” Peter murmured, trying to shake his head.
Tony couldn’t breathe.
All day, he’d thought it was his name on The List.
And all this time, it had actually been Peter’s.
“No,” he breathed, hating how Peter nodded in response. “No-why did we spend your last day doing all the things I wanted to do, then? Why weren’t you selfish? Why didn’t we do what you wanted? Why didn’t you tell me?” Tony gripped Peter’s hand a little tighter.
“You’re what makes me happy,” Peter wheezed out. “I didn’t care what we did, as long as we did it together.”
Tony actually did sob out loud at that.
“I can’t lose you,” he gasped out, holding onto Peter tightly.
“It’ll be okay, Tony,” Peter whispered back. “I love you so much, and I know it’s going to hurt. I lived through it. But you’ll be okay.”
“How can I be okay in a world without you in it? I love you so fucking much. How could I ever be okay again?” Tony asked, voice smaller than it had ever been.
“You’ll learn how. I know you will.” For a moment, there was silence. If Tony couldn’t see Peter’s chest rising and falling, he would’ve thought he was gone already. Peter’s eyes shifted from his face to the sky, taking in the changing colors.
“It’s a pretty sunset,” Tony forced himself to say.
“The only thing prettier than a sunset is you,” Peter whispered back. The two locked eyes, and Peter took one more stuttered breath before letting it out.
He didn’t take another breath in.