22.
It was the twenty-fourth of December, and if Tony hadn't been on the phone, he would have been singing carols. It was snowing heavily outside the window, the smell of gingerbread wafted through the air, and he had a big mug of hot chocolate in his hand. He planned to switch to eggnog in the evening. Steve stood by the oven, waiting for the next tray to come out, and he was in a good mood too. He was wearing one of those awful Christmas sweaters, but this one made Tony giggle whenever he saw it. It was bright red and had two snowmen on it, one, the one without a nose, was pointing a hairdryer at the other. It had a bubble coming out of it that said
CARROT OR LIFE!
The whole floor was aglow with lights, the smell of pine needles mingled with the smell of gingerbread, and if it hadn't been for the two annoying issues they still had to deal with, it would have been a perfect day indeed. The first issue was a phone call with Rhodes, which he was currently working on. The second was a discussion with Happy and Amanda, who should be on their way. This morning, Happy’s and brother family’s flight had mysteriously been cancelled (surely Tony hadn't been involved), so Tony had offered to let them borrow his plane, but on the condition that Happy would stop by to see him. Tony had to discuss their safety with everyone. He didn't want to spoil their Christmas, but he knew he couldn't put it off.
Tony filled Rhodey in on all the necessary details and left out the rest. He didn't need to know everything.
"What have you gotten yourself into again, Tony?" Rhodey sighed unenthusiastically, but there was no trace of resentment in his voice. He didn't hold anything against Tony.
"You know me, Rhodey, I always manage to fall into some shit," he said casually, taking a sip. "I don't want to take any chances, so I'm going to send you somewhere very far away with very large security guys. Where would you like to go? Canaries? Bali? Or maybe Finland? You name it."
"Don't be an idiot. I can't just leave. I have my duties as an Iron Patriot-"
"As an Iron Patriot, you have to protect the United States and rick your own ass, yada yada, I know that story," Tony didn't let him finish. This was exactly where he didn't want the conversation to go. Of course, he didn't expect Rhodey to nod enthusiastically and let Tony to send him somewhere safe, but he could hope. At least a little.
"That's right, Tony. So no, I'm not going anywhere. I can take care of myself, I'm a hell of a soldier."
"And Natasha is the scary Amazon," he retorted. There was silence on the other side. Tony sighed, set his mug down on the kitchen island and his eyes sought Steve's, pleading for help. All he got was an encouraging smile and a plate with the first batch of gingerbread shifted just enough for him to reach. He reached for it willingly.
"I can't hide. If it's just for a few days, fine. But you don't know who's after you or when they'll show up again."
True. The painful and annoying truth. Tony bit the gingerbread man's head off furiously, as if maybe it was its fault. He grumbled discontentedly.
"They are sending me on a mission to Afghanistan until the New Year. I don't want to say I'll be safe, but I certainly don't think they'll go after me if I'm next. And when I get back, I'll be spending most of my time on a military base. There's just no way anyone's going to get in there."
"They're not just anyone, Rhodes."
Rhodey paused. "SHIELD?"
"Yeah."
"Shit... This is going to get pretty bad, isn't it?"
"I hope not," he sighed, looking at Steve again. Yeah, wishful thinking for both of them. "You sure you don't want to be a good boy and get sent on a proper long holiday?"
"No, not really," Rhodey laughed. "If anyone comes after me, I'll make sure they don’t come out of it unscathed. And who knows, you might get the information you need that way."
Tony frowned. He didn't like it, not one bit, but Rhodey was right. They needed to wait for their enemies to strike again. It made him feel sick and he wondered if this was how FBI agents felt, searching for an all-too-clever serial killer. He'd have to make a mistake someday. Until then, we have more dead bodies to deal with.
He pushed the unfinished chocolate away. He lost his appetite for gingerbread, too. And he doubted he'd get more than a few bites of the delicious-looking turkey that was already resting in the other oven. Mrs. Rogers' recipe straight from the past.
"I could get you kidnapped and put you in a two-by-two-foot box instead of a vacation," he said with mock seriousness. Rhodey snorted.
"I'd like to see that."
"Is that a challenge, honeybear?"
"Don't call me that," Rhodey grumbled and hurriedly changed the subject. "I haven't seen any more weird articles. Did you give the reporters a break and now you're chasing someone else?" He asked caustically.
"Yep," he nodded with a broad smile. "Women journalists are a thing of the past. Now I'm going after the cooks and bakers."
Steve turned to him and narrowed his eyes in displeasure. Tony returned the look and couldn't guess if Rogers was actually grumpy at him or if he was about to start smiling. Yep, the latter. Tony blew him an air kiss and the amused grin never left his lips.
"Glad to hear it. I don't want to read lies like that again. That was over the line even for you," Rhodey laughed. The amused smirk left him after all. He slid a finger over the gingerbread on his plate.
"Hey Rhodey..."
"Yeah?"
Would you really mind that much? It was on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't dare say it. His stomach tightened strangely.
"Why did it bother you so much?" He finally asked, making sure Rhodey knew he was teasing him. "Does it bother you that they're writing about your childhood hero? Do you still have his poster above your bed?"
Steve rubbed his forehead and pretended he'd had enough. Tony laughed softly into the palm of his hand so that Rhodey, who was now yelling something in his ear, wouldn't hear.
"I never had his poster above my bed!"
"You had! I saw it!"
"You're a bloody liar, Tony Stark," he said. Tony laughed out loud. He knew this was going to get him fuming. Every grown man instantly blushed when you mentioned his childhood hero. Everyone. Tony had tried it.
"Hey, we're celebrating New Year's in the tower, are you coming?"
"If I'm back by then, yeah."
"Fine. But in a suit, not like the Iron Patriot. It's bad enough I already have one walking flag at home, I don't need another."
Another disgruntled look from Captain Perfect, but this time there was no smile. Steve didn't like it when anyone alluded to his love for their country.
"Whatever. Hey, Tony... whatever they're doing this for, I'm sure it's not your fault. So don't beat yourself up, okay?"
Tony just smiled. They said their goodbyes, Tony hung up and let out a long sigh. Don't beat yourself up, sure. That's easier said than done.
"He doesn’t want a nice vacation?" asked Steve. Tony didn't even notice when he appeared behind him, but he welcomed it. He leaned against Steve, letting him wrap his arms around his waist and close his eyes. He was hidden from the world, at least for a while.
"No. He's a stubborn idiot."
Steve hummed understandingly, his lips and the tip of his nose running gently over Tony’s neck. Tony shuddered. He understood very quickly that Steve liked touch. Hugs, kisses, fleeting finger rubs. It didn't matter what kind, as long as they were there and not denied. And Tony really didn't have to do that, it made him feel good too.
"Happy will be here soon," Tony reminded quietly. Another understanding hum. "And Amanda."
"It's not like I'm doing anything," Steve smiled into his skin and stopped but didn’t let go of the hug. And Tony wasn't complaining. He chuckled in amusement.
"And that's what amazes me about you. How can you resist me?" Tony waved a hand toward himself. Steve laughed softly.
"Years of practice,” he said. Tony dug his elbow into his side, laughing. He pulled away, went back for his mug and sipped the lukewarm chocolate. Steve rubbed his ribs, offended.
"Rhodes doesn't know?"
Tony sighed, not really in the mood to deal with this. There was no remorse in the question, just sheer curiosity. Why would he judge you, idiot? Tony thought sourly. He doesn't want to talk about it much himself. Tony shrugged vaguely.
"No, not yet. I'm planning the big reveal, you know? Like, I'm going to come to him in a van with a drawing of the two of us and a rainbow sign above it that says, "I'm dating Captain America!" Or he'll get a "Captain America is my future brother-in-law!" T-shirt."
That indulgent smile spread across Steve's face. That kind of a smile that Tony wasn’t sure whether he liked it or not. About halfway. He knew full well that Steve only got that look on his face when he was willing to tolerate Tony’s stupidity. And that was boring. It amused him when Steve disagreed and argued.
"Are you scared?"
"Pfff," Tony snorted in mock annoyance, but he didn't deny it. Well, he didn't even acknowledge it! Just let Rogers think what he wanted. He moved casually over to the sofa and started throwing all the pillows he could find on the floor in front of the elevator. Mandy mentioned the obstacle course last time, didn't she?
"I don't know how Rhodes feels about that. He was pretty freaked out after that first article," he finally grumbled, more to himself, but he could tell Steve heard him. He didn't look back at him. "I'm sure he'll get over it somehow. But you never know. He's a soldier, it's still pretty bad in the army, as far as I know."
Murmuring in agreement, Steve didn't comment further. He returned to the oven, replaced the baking trays and sipped his tea. His gaze was absent, obviously lost in his own thoughts. Tony didn't nag him, but he returned to his side and laid down on the kitchen island.
"What do you want to tell them?"
"The truth," Tony said, the conversation quickly turning to Happy and Mandy. "No problem with Happy, it is pretty easy to talk him into anything. Amanda will protest though, she's even more stubborn than Rhodey."
"She's the most vulnerable of them all," Steve remarked and Tony couldn't help but agree. It wasn't just her blindness, which of course was a very big handicap, but herself. The others had at least some training, like the Avengers and Rhodes, or had proper security at almost every turn, like Pepper. And Happy was a former boxer. They knew full well that their (his, he corrected himself sourly) enemies were very strong, and even Natasha's training wasn't enough, but there was at least some chance. A tiny one. But Amanda was a psychologist. A very good one, true, but as far as Tony knew, she'd never done anything that would give her an advantage in a potential attack.
God, I'll have to send her to the Moon at least, he realized in horror.
"I'll do something about it." Tony waved a hand casually. Another grumble. Steve was a grumbling bear today and Tony had no idea why, but it was fun to watch. "Do you have any plans? Or are you going to be lazy with me all day today?" He teased, tilting his head to see him.
"I want to pop in to see Peggy around lunchtime. And then to church for mass."
Tony grinned unenthusiastically, none of this sounded like fun. Although, going to see Aunt Peggy for Christmas would certainly be a very nice gesture worthy of a model godson. Unless, that is, she'd mistaken him as Howard, and no, he really wasn't in the mood for that today. Besides, he was never a model godson.
And the church? That was a bad joke. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd been to church in his adult life. Once. At a wedding where he'd gotten an exemplary blow job and Happy had to take him back to his hotel room before midnight. On the other hand, he'd been to church almost every Sunday as a kid, and yes, he hated it. His mother took him there. She would tell him stories from the Bible and explain to him how important it was to love Jesus and crap like that. Tony had some idea of faith, but he never believed in God. He believed in science, it was real. God was just a human invention to help them deal with their own bad consciences. He snorted in annoyance.
"Problem?"
"It's all bullshit, you know? Religion and all that. None of it's real."
"Interesting," Steve said slowly. "You've met God and you still don't believe."
"Interesting, you met a god and you're still a Christian," he shot back immediately, grinning. Now it was Steve's turn to snort.
"Thor is not a god. I mean... he's just a person from another world. There's only one god, and Thor's definitely not him."
Tony laughed and pulled himself up to a sitting position. "That's a pretty shallow opinion. There are clear records that him and the other Norse gods were once worshipped by humans. I even heard recently that in Iceland it's the official religion again. And frankly, if I'm going to believe into something, I'd rather believe in Thor and his family than our dude with a capital G who created Adam and Eve and then watched them shag in paradise."
"Sir, Happy and Dr. Griffin just parked in the underground garage," Jarvis interrupted their discussion. Tony hopped down to the floor and made his way to the elevator.
"Well, finally," he grumbled to himself. He didn't turn around, so he couldn't see that he'd insulted Steve quite a bit.
The familiar tapping of the white cane didn't surprise Steve, he knew full well that Amanda was going to visit them as well. But the child's enthusiastic yelp, followed by Tony's escape behind the bar, was surprising enough. He was one hundred percent sure he heard him whisper something like "shit, a child!"
"Lily, honey, don't touch anything," Happy warned her softly, exiting the elevator. A tiny red-haired creature in a red Christmas dress ran out with him, dropped onto the cushions, and shrieked excitedly through her pacifier, "Tony!"
"You didn't tell me you were taking the monkey with you," Tony said, safely hidden behind the bar. Lily looked around, trying to find him by his voice. Despite Tony's recent carelessness, Steve smiled. He could get angry later. He said hello to Happy and tried to do the same with Lily, but she was afraid of him, hiding behind Happy's legs and peeking out uncertainly.
"Give her time, Captain, she's shy," he told him. Steve nodded, inviting him in and greeting Amanda as well. She looked tired and haggard, but she smiled at him anyway and squeezed his palm tightly.
"It's nice to meet you again, Steve. How are you?"
"I'm not complaining. How are you, Doc?" He returned her smile, kicking the pillows aside and leading her to the couches.
"I'd complain," she sighed, her hand gripping his almost spasmodically, her palm sweating. Steve looked her over again, she really didn't look well. Stressed, maybe scared. He was sorry that today's visit wasn't going to make her feel better. "But I won't burden you with that. You two obviously have something on your minds. Honestly, Steve, is it too bad?"
"Unfortunately. But we're working on it."
"Of course."
They sat down and Steve went to make coffee, watching Tony out of the corner of his eye. He was still standing at the bar, trying not to draw attention to himself. But no matter his efford, Lily finally noticed him.
"Tony!" She exclaimed again, rushing over to him. Tony backed away.
"No, no, no. Stupid idea, don't come near me- oh dear," he sighed when Lily gripped his legs tightly and smiled at him with her head cocked. He picked her up and sat her on his forearm, giving her a quizzical look. She looked pleased.
"She missed you," Happy chuckled. "When I said I was coming to see you, she refused to go shopping with Mom and Dad and ran to my car right away. Right, Lily?"
"Yeah!" She clapped her little hands. Steve laughed softly. Tony told him that Happy had a brother who had a three year old daughter. Happy was just about to fly away with them to spend the holidays with the rest of their family. And Tony had cancelled their flight. Of course Tony was involved. Who else?
"You have a little admirer," Amanda said. She was smiling, but she was tense, unhappy. Steve was worried about her, what if she was in some kind of trouble? He took the mugs to the coffee table and sat down across from them. His gaze searched for Tony, but he didn't seem to want to join them. He strolled confidently behind the bar, preparing something.
"You picked the worst one though, you know that?" He said towards Lily. "You should've gone and pestered Steve, he sure knows how to handle kids. And he would have given you a lollipop or a cookie. All you got now is an egotistical genius, and believe me, it's not a win-win. I know it, people say it all the time."
Lily hung on him with her eyes, not caring what he said. She smiled widely and tried to offer him her own pacifier. Steve noticed there was already a hole in it. Lily was too big for a pacifier, but she probably didn't want to give it up just yet.
"Do you want to start, Tony?" Steve asked. There was only a dismissive wave of his hand. Steve frowned, he thought Tony would tell them himself. Steve didn't know what Tony wanted them to know and didn't feel he had the authority to decide. But there was a pleading, slightly broken look in Tony’s eyes. Steve understood. He turned to their waiting visitors and linked his hands in his lap. He smiled.
"Go ahead, Steve. Like a Band-Aid," Amanda urged him tensely, her head tilted to the side. However, she didn't quite seem to be paying attention to him, but rather to Tony and his conversation with Lily. Steve nodded and started.
He told them everything important. Everything they needed to get a picture of the problem, but he didn't mention Ruby and the other missing children and their dead relatives. Drops of sweat trickled down Happy's temples, his face was pale, and his eyes kept darting to Tony. He was worried for himself as well as for him. Even Amanda didn't remain unresponsive. She curled up on the sofa, clutching her cane tightly in her hand, her blind eyes staring into space. When Steve finished, she took a shaky breath.
"Can we be targets?" She asked, her voice low and weak. Steve confirmed that. She shook her head, ran a shaking hand through her hair. "Oh my God," she muttered to herself.
Happy squeezed her shoulder.
Tony joined them, Lily still perched on his forearm, a glass of whiskey in his other hand. Lily drank contentedly from her baby bottle.
"I'll send you somewhere safe," he began, but Happy wouldn't let him finish. With a strange screech, he scrambled to his feet and hurriedly snatched the bottle from Lily's hand.
"For God's sake, Tony! You can't give her that, are you crazy? It's a chi-!" He paused. He sniffed the open bottle in confusion, having to defend it from the excited child. "It's..."
"I'm not allowed to give her apple juice?" Tony cocked an eyebrow and turned to Lily in mock annoyance. "That's not what we agreed on, young lady! You should have told me I wasn't allowed to give it to you. Now you've got me in trouble and Uncle Happy is yelling at me."
"Sowwy," she apologized, contritely offering him her pacifier. Tony shrugged, took it and caught the ring in his teeth. Happy, meanwhile, screwed the bottle back on and handed it back to Lily.
"I thought it was whiskey," he grumbled. Tony smacked his forehead.
"Happy, don't be an idiot. She's a kid, after all. If I'd pour her anything, it'd be wine."
"Tony!"
Steve laughed. He hid his lips behind his hand and laughed. Tony joined him, and eventually Lily did too. She tried to take her pacifier back while she did so, but Tony kept ducking his head.
"No, no, no, once you give, you don't take it back. What they teach you in that kindergarten, girl."
He finally gave it back to her and set her on the floor. Jarvis put on a Disney movie of his own accord, successfully hypnotizing her. She remained standing between them, drinking absently, her eyes never leaving the screen. Tony swept the others with his gaze.
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I'll send you somewhere safe. Happy, you have a lot of uncollected vacation time, so just ask for a place and you'll have it. I'll send security with you of course, you'll be under surveillance, but trust me, it's for your own good."
"Can't they go after my brother too? And the little one?" he worried. Tony shook his head.
"No, I don't think so. They're going after people that... that... that I care about."
"Okay... Yeah, okay," Happy bit out, his gaze fixed on nothing. He nodded. He wrung his hands and looked up at Tony. He trusted him.
"It would be best if you flew right away after Christmas. I'll send you a plane."
He agreed, they'd made a deal. Happy offered no resistance. At one point his past job, being Tony's bodyguard, came up and he tried to suggest that he should actually stay and keep an eye on Tony, but it didn't last long. Happy didn't have an exaggerated opinion of himself and knew he was no match for the Avengers.
Tony turned his attention to Amanda. She seemed a little calmer, not shaking, just facing them and waiting. Steve heard Tony's deep breath.
"And you too, sweetheart," he told her with a wide smile. "You're going to go roll out on a beach somewhere, how about that? Or to some very interesting lecture about sick brains." He squatted down in front of her and took her hands in his. Amanda smiled weakly.
"No, Tony."
"Don't argue with me. You know I always win."
Tony did the best he could. He cajoled, promised, warned and threatened, but Amanda still insisted. Steve joined in, wanting to help, but even that didn't help. She wouldn't be swayed. She persisted, arguing that she had a lot of patients she couldn't just abandon.
"Besides," she smiled, "almost no one knows we know each other, Tony. You've always kept me more or less a secret."
When they left half an hour later, Tony was distraught. Angry. Steve knew full well how much he hated it when people didn't do what he wanted. And Amanda was the second person today who'd ditched her own safety and turned Tony down. No wonder he wasn't happy about it. If anything was going to happen, it was going to be on Tony's head. It would definitely feel like it. Steve wanted to give him some comfort, show him that he was there with him. Hold his hand. He paused in time, left his hands in his pockets. Discretion, Rogers.
He said goodbye to both Amanda and Happy and watched them board the elevator with Tony. Lily wrapped her arms around Tony's neck and watched Steve intently before sticking her tongue out at him. Steve made a face at her. She laughed and Tony chuckled softly as well.
"You like that soldier, don't you? Yeah, yeah, he's pretty cool. I'm sure he'd give you that lollipop. What? No, no, it's too late, you'll have to be quicker next time. Will you say bye-bye?"
Lily's waving little hand disappeared behind the elevator door. Steve smiled, resting in his seat a moment longer before he went to put the coffee cups away. And waited.
Lily laughed and Tony looked up in time to catch a glimpse of Steve’s reflection in the mirror. He was grinning like a fool at her, and yeah, it made him feel a little better. He grinned. Of course Steve liked kids, it wasn't surprising. He was a big strong giant with a heart of gold. Tony'd known that even before they'd started dating.
"You like that soldier, huh? Yeah, yeah, he's pretty cool. I'm sure he'd give you that lollipop. What? No, no, it's too late, you'll have to be quicker next time. Will you say bye-bye?"
Lily waved enthusiastically, then grabbed him tightly around the neck again and gave him a little squeeze. He could already see the scene she was going to make by the car. Tony didn't understand her. He'd never really played with her, they'd only seen each other a few times and each time he'd stayed away from her, but she'd just decided she liked him. Kids are such strange little creatures. It wasn't that he didn't like them, he just didn't know what to do with them.
Silently, his gaze wandered to Amanda. He wasn't blind or stupid, he'd seen the state she'd been in since she'd arrived. He had an idea what was behind it and he hated the fact that she had refused his help. It would kill two birds with one stone.
"You'll get security, Mandy. A proper one. I've already got them picked out, I'll send them to you today."
"I'll have my own personal monkeys?" She snickered, but it was a mask. Interesting how the person whose job it was to look under other people's masks and try to get them not to use them had her own.
"The best gorillas I've found," he smiled. "One of them even protected the Pope. And as we all know, he's still alive."
She laughed tightly and nodded. Tony exchanged a look with Happy, he too had observed that something was wrong with her. Tony winked at him, trying not to worry. He'd have to take care of this, he promised her. And even if he didn't, he would never turn his back on her.
"Hey, monkey, you're going to Happy for a while," he said to Lily as they entered the garage. "I need to talk to Aunt Mandy here."
Lily didn't like it, but she finally obeyed and let Happy take over.
Tony waited until Happy got to the car and started strapping her into her car seat before turning to Amanda. She was clutching her cane to her body, her face turned toward him.
"They let him go, Tony," she whispered. Her chin quivered."They let him go. This morning."
A touch on her shoulder and she collapsed into his arms. Tony held her in a tight embrace, closed his eyes and remained silent. She sobbed into his shirt and shook all over, but he himself was overwhelmed with rage. This was what he feared.
According to Murphy's Law, bad luck never sticks in small increments.
When Mandy first told him, he immediately called Richard J. Donovan Correctional Facility. He called his lawyer, he got the judge on board. He did everything he could to keep the early release from being approved. Brian Bennett was a menace to the public, everyone had to see that. He kept Amanda locked in his apartment for a week. He didn’t feed her. He blinded her. He beat her. She lost her baby as a result of the stress and the injuries. She was seven months pregnant at the time. Tony never forgot it. She once excitedly showed him pictures of the room and the crib they'd finally managed to get. It was solid dark wood, a beautiful piece. She was radiant, grey eyes full of joy.
The gift he had bought her and her unborn child that day was still sitting somewhere in the bottom of his closet. He couldn't throw it away, much less give it to someone else.
Amanda hadn't been his therapist for more than two years at that point, but they still kept in touch.
She helped him, she helped him so much and he couldn't just cut her out of his life.
When the incident with Brian happened, he was the first to come to her rescue. She would have won the trial without his lawyers, but Brian would have gotten a much lighter sentence. But Tony took care of it. He wanted him to rot in prison, but 15 years had to be enough in the end. Fifteen... And now they wanted him out early.
"Then take my suggestion and leave," he urged her. She immediately shook her head.
"No," she said firmly, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "I'm not going to run away, Tony. I'm scared to death, but this guy won't control my life again. Not anymore."
He never ceased to be impressed by her courage and strength. He didn't dare question her words now, or press her further. Of course he continued to think his own thoughts, but that was only because he wanted to protect her. He pulled her to him again.
"But you'll still get security," he warned her.
"I wouldn't turn that down. I've always wanted my own personal monkeys."
They laughed together, briefly and strained, but it relaxed the atmosphere perfectly. Tony led her to the car, opened the door for her, and said goodbye to them. He wished them both a safe flight and, when Happy wasn't looking, handed Lily a lollipop.
"Don’t say a thing," he whispered to her. She squealed excitedly. Tony backed away from the car, waved them off, and watched the back of the gray sedan, hands in his pockets, until it disappeared from view. He let out a long sigh. Anger tickled under his skin, and it was only with the last vestiges of his wits that he didn't jump in the car himself and go find Brian Bennett. That son of a bitch. Goddamn it!
Angrily, he kicked the tool bag someone had left behind. The screwdrivers rolled across the concrete floor, Tony watched them angrily. He was worried about her. Fuck, of course he was worried about her!
He didn't go upstairs until he'd calmed down. He wasn't going to take his frustration out on Steve, that wouldn't be fair. He leaned against one of the cars for a long time, staring at the floor, wondering what else he could do. In the meantime, he'd contacted the four bodyguards he'd worked with in the past and had the best experience with. He wasn't going to leave Mandy unprotected for a single moment. He let her know that they were coming to see her (Amanda had decided to spend Christmas somewhere else as well) and he was at least partially reassured. He'll still help her get a restraining order, but that's when she gets back. When she gets back. She deserved to have a peaceful holiday too.
"Are you listening?" Steve asked, and Tony only now realized he was talking to him.
He blinked, looked up, and finally snapped back to reality. Steve was wearing a jacket and was obviously about to go out. Right, a visit to Peggy's. And church. Tony remembered.
"Yeah. Sorry."
"Good," he smiled. "I'll be back in about two hours."
"Hmm." Tony looked down at himself.
He was wearing work jeans with a few oil stains and now a stained shirt. He reassessed the situation. If he stayed here, he'd shut himself up in the workshop. He had a lot on his plate and the work was helping. Except then he wouldn't get out for the next three days and he really wanted to spend today with Steve. So the decision was made.
"Give me a minute, I'll change."
"Are you... coming with me?" Steve stared at him in surprise. Tony shrugged uncertainly and nodded. He didn't wait for any further reaction and disappeared into the elevator again. A few minutes later, he walked contentedly to his car in one of his suits. Steve was a few steps behind him, smiling ruefully, and Tony remembered his conversation with Clint. Rogers was really checking out his ass, and quite ostentatiously.
"Should I be blushing?" He asked, looking over his shoulder.
Steve immediately looked up and his smile only widened.
"I'd like to see that."
"Well, you're out of luck." He laughed, and they got in the car and took off.
In the end, it wasn't as bad as Tony had feared. Peggy was having an unusually good day, she recognized them both and refrained from talking about Howard. They talked and laughed and reminisced about old times. She had gaps and dark places, but Tony was happy to remind her of them, subtly and unobtrusively. Steve let them talk. He leaned against the windowsill, listening to them with a smile, but not getting too involved. Tony was grateful for it deep down, but he didn't say it out loud. He never realized how much he missed Aunt Peggy.
They ended up the same way as last time. Reading. Peggy smiled contentedly with her eyes closed as Tony read her The Great Gatsby by Francis Scott Fitzgerald, which Steve had brought her.
"Do you think I'm like Gatsby?" He asked in the car. Steve chuckled.
"No," he said confidently, squeezing his knee. He didn't elaborate further, a simple 'no' was enough. Tony relaxed, he was glad. He'd hate to end up like Gatsby. Chasing after someone who was only looking at his money and ending up dead. No one even came to his funeral, except Nick. Sad ending. It's not what he wanted.
They each entered the church as someone else, the camouflage device was back in place on their temples. Tony sat in the rearmost seat and sent Steve to the front alone.
"Go, go, enjoy," he told him, nudging him. He sat in the back with one other man and watched the whole service in silence. He didn't get up when the others got up, nor did he pray. He just listened. They sang carols and read from the Bible. Everyone was given a candle at the entrance, which they eventually lit, wished each other a happy holiday, and less than an hour later it was all over. Tony watched the altar, trying to make sense of it all, but failing miserably. This was just a waste of time for him. He couldn't understand what people saw in going to church. At one point he lowered his gaze to the back of Steve's head and squinted. What did Steve see in that? Was his faith in God helping him survive the war and every next day? Or why did he want to come here? Just sit around for an hour and listen to this crap. Tony sighed. I guess I'll never understand.
He noticed the bag of coloring books and crayons, meant for the smaller kids who couldn't and probably didn't want to pay their attention for the entire mass. He reached for it, picked up one of the coloring books, and set about coloring so he wouldn't get bored.
Faith had gone beyond him. It never made sense to him, it was stupid. Believing in some higher power, some God who supposedly created us all and then left us to languish. If God really existed, why would he allow so much evil? Famine and wars, genocides. God is merciful and loves everyone. Ha, right. If there is a God, he's a filthy sadist.
Still, the look on Steve's happy face was something. An hour in church and he looked like all the weight from his shoulders had left him.
"Shall we go?" He asked, throwing the coloring book away. Steve agreed. He paused at the exit and looked thoughtfully at a board. It was full of flyers and notices, and a white A4 sized piece of paper loomed in the middle. It was dominated by an apology in bold letters and a rainbow cross.
We are sorry that Christians have hurt the lgbtq community
it said. If Tony didn't know Steve better, he would have thought he had tears in his eyes. He blinked in surprise and took a step back. Steve didn't take his eyes off the paper, he was smiling.
"The world has changed a lot, after all," he muttered. "In my day, all I ever heard was how disgusting and sinful homosexuals are..."
"Believers are and always will be idiots," Tony said. Several eyes stared at him in shock and annoyance, one of the mothers even covered her kid’s ears, but Tony didn't care. He put his hands in his pockets and returned their looks in annoyance. But the low blow was that Steve was giving him the exact same look.
"Don't say that."
"Why not? It's the truth," he insisted. They strode to the car. "They've done more harm than good, Steve."
"That's not true."
"You've got a very poor argument, you know that?" he laughed. "How can it not be true? If you look at history, most of the shit that happened was because of the Christian church. Crusades, wars. All in the name of God!"
Steve was sulking. Or raging, Tony wasn't sure. Frowning, he walked beside him, his gaze fixed on the ground, silent.
"You didn't have to come with me," he finally said. Tony blinked in puzzlement.
"I wanted to go."
"Then don't bother next time if it means challenging my faith," he shot back, his voice icy and sharp. He walked faster, leaving Tony behind. Tony rolled his eyes at that.
Message received, Steve is overprotective when it comes to sketchbooks and talk of faith is a big no-no territory. Oh god, horribly offensive guy.
"Honestly, what do you see in that?" He asked in the car, and this time he sounded sincere. He wasn't being provocative. Steve watched him in silence for a long time, and if Tony was reading him correctly, he wondered if he was serious about the question. And yes, he was.
It was a long debate. When they got to the tower, they sat in the car for another hour while Tony listened. He really listened, because if he couldn't understand faith in general, he wanted to at least understand Steve and his reason for believing. He knew he'd been raised that way, of course. So he had lived with the idea since he was a little boy that there was a big boss out there somewhere who was supposedly watching over us.
Steve explained to him that he didn't exactly recognize the church. What was important to him was what was written in the Bible, not what some priest or pope preached. People liked to colour things in, and then horrors like the Crusades and witch burnings happened. People twisted the words of God.
Tony understood that. And frankly, when he listened to it, he understood him a little. No miracle had happened, of course not. He hadn't been enlightened by the divine light and he certainly hadn't converted, but he figured he'd been an asshole when he'd challenged Steve's beliefs. He didn't apologize, but he promised himself he'd be a little more considerate. But only a little. He wasn't going to back down completely, and he knew full well that they would discuss this topic a few more times.
They finally sat in silence and when it was clear that neither had anything more to say, Steve got out and walked towards the elevator. Suddenly a strange wave of panic hit Tony and he hurried out of the car.
"Steve!"
He stopped and turned to look at him, his eyebrows flying up.
"I didn't fuck up, did I?"
"No, Tony," he shook his head. "You're just a bit of an idiot."
They had no real reason for it, but they spent the night on the common floor in front of the TV. They made a huge nest out of all the blankets and pillows they could find in the tower and Tony felt like he was on a sleepover. It was fun, after dinner (which Tony pretty much ate by himself because Steve wasn't feeling well. Tony joked that he'd gotten a moldy Sacramental bread at church, whereupon Steve just rolled his eyes) they just lay around and watched Christmas movies because Steve had to catch up on all the parts of Home Alone, The Polar Express, The Grinch and Love Actually. Not that they were really watching. They barely made it through half of the first movie, it was hard to keep their hands to themselves. It wasn't long before clothes were flying through the air until Steve was wearing nothing but his dog tags and Tony nothing at all.
"Merry Christmas," Tony mumbled in his ear as they just lay there, listening to the movie, Tony pressed against his back. Satisfied, soothed. For a moment, he forgot all the threats, all the problems. He locked himself in a fragile bubble with Steve, determined not to leave it until morning.
"Joyeux noël, princesse."
Tony blinked in surprise and laughed softly. "Buon natale," he replied. "Hey, and what does prince-" He fell silent, because it dawned on him immediately. He puffed out his cheeks. "Rogers!"
Steve laughed heartily into his pillow until his shoulders shook. Tony began to push him away, growling and pinching his ass.
"Well now you've fucked up pretty bad! Santa sees it all and he's not bringing you any presents tonight. You're on the naughty list now, just so you know!"
"You're sulking like a princess," he insisted.
"That's not true at all!"
"Hmm... I can see that," Steve grinned slyly, and Tony just marveled again and again at how wrong the whole world was about the great Captain America. If they only knew what a bastard he was! He hit him over the head with a pillow, but he couldn't help smiling stupidly. Steve just laughed louder and grabbed at him. Tony disappeared in a heap of blankets and pillows and didn't reappear until morning.
Tony quietly disappeared into the bathroom, wearing only his boxers and Steve's Christmas sweater. On his way back, he grabbed the carefully wrapped package he'd hidden the day before and tossed it under the tree. One present was already lying there, Steve must have put ut there during the night. Trouble sleeping? Tony scanned him with his eyes, it would explain why he wasn't awake yet. He frowned carefully. He knew Steve was sleeping better than before, but he hadn't gotten rid of the nightmares yet. Unfortunately. Well, it would take time, he shrugged, and slipped under the blanket. He made himself comfortable on Steve's broad back. He hadn't woken up, hadn't moved, and Tony felt oddly honoured. He knew Steve's reflexes were dialed up to immeasurable heights when they were on a mission and if he fell asleep, he would wake at the slightest sound or movement. Now he slept on peacefully like a baby, not caring that Tony was sprawled on top of him.
"Wake up," he said in his ear and bit him. Steve grumbled, tossed and turned, and slept on.
"Waaaaake up."
Another grumble. Tony puffed out his cheeks in displeasure and tickled his sides. Steve jerked.
"Wake up or you won't get any presents," he threatened. "I'll unwrap yours and keep it too."
Another grumble, but this time Steve opened his eyes and looked at him unenthusiastically. Steve was as lazy as a sloth after sex. He didn't even want to talk, let alone move. Which was really surprising for such an active guy.
"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," Tony noted contentedly, propping his head up. His elbows dug not-so-gently between his shoulder blades. "Did you sleep well?"
And again just a grunt, a disgruntled grunt. Tony grinned in amusement.
"You have my sweater," Steve remarked absently, and Tony had to roll his eyes. Seriously, was that the first thing he'd noticed?
"Yeah. It was so awful I just had to try it on."
"It's not awful," he defended, "it's funny."
"Yeah, but it's red! So horrible!"
"Said Iron Man. Remind me, what's the main color of your suit?"
Tony chuckled, he got him on that one. He decided not to answer, instead he leaned down and showered Steve’s neck and shoulder with kisses and light bites. His crotch brushed against Steve’s ass a few times and Steve chuckled.
"Didn't you want to go to unwrap presents?"
"Can't I unwrap yours first?"
"Already did that yesterday."
He laughed and nodded. Steve finally slipped out from under him, pulled up his pants and went into the bathroom. Tony made himself some coffee, wrapped himself in the fluffiest blanket he could find, sat down in front of the tree and waited. Steve was right back. He sat behind him, wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to his neck. Tony smiled.
"Merry Christmas," Steve wished him again and pressed a box in blue wrapping paper with snowflakes into his hand. Without waiting, Tony set to tearing into it and soon pulled out a seemingly plain white mug. When he turned it over, he laughed.
"I noticed your collection thinned out," Steve defended, sounding perhaps a little uncertain. The mug was hand painted and Tony recognized himself on it. Next to his tiny picture, it read in big letters, "WORLD'S GREATEST EVERYTHING."
"Are you trying to fuel my ego?"
"Like you need it" Steve shrugged carelessly. Tony laughed. He leaned in for a kiss, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile.
"It's awesome," he assured him, inspecting the mug enthusiastically again. He definitely wasn't going to break this one, he was going to guard it like a treasure! Tony was curious to see how Steve would handle a gift for him, because what to give a guy who could have literally anything? Well, he surprised him. The handmade things were what Tony appreciated the most. He looked closely at the picture of himself and smiled. It wasn't a realistic drawing, more like something cut out of a cartoon. But even if Steve hadn't painted him a reactor, he would have recognized himself.
He poured coffee into it and splashed the carpet in the process, but who cared? Except Steve, who grumbled something discontentedly behind him. Ignoring him, Tony sipped the coffee and smiled.
"Yeah, it's awesome."
"I'm glad."
Tony set the mug down and handed Steve his present, in red wrapping paper with a huge bow. Steve scooted over so they were sitting next to each other and yeah, he definitely didn't disappoint Tony's expectations. There was no ripping of the paper, instead he carefully peeled off bits of tape and the whole process was more like brain surgery.
"Don't forget to iron it afterwards and save it for next year," he teased. Steve made no bones about it, setting the wrapping paper down on the table and curiously turning his present over in his hands several times. He raised a puzzled eyebrow.
It was a sketchbook, but it smacked of modern technology just by looking at it. Tony let him think for a moment, but eventually took pity.
"It's a sketchbook."
"That... that's what I was thinking," he admitted slowly, running his fingers over the fairly simple mechanism that prevented him from opening it. "But this thing is usually not on sketchbooks."
"It's for fingerprinting!" Tony finally exclaimed with excitement in his voice. "Like this. You take your thumb and press it in here," he explained, as he placed Steve's right thumb in the appropriate rectangle. The mechanism clicked and unlocked. Getting Steve's fingerprints wasn't difficult, and replacing the original sketchbook cover with new, handmade ones was even easier. Tony continued to smile proudly, he was a true genius!
"This way you can be sure I won't be messing with your sketchbooks again."
"Not with this one," he acknowledged with a grin, absently running his fingers over the pages. "But what's to stop you getting into the other fifty?"
"You have fifty?"
"No. Only about thirty."
"Only thirty," Tony repeated incredulously. "You should be ashamed to have so few. That's an insult to artists."
Another chuckle, whereupon Steve looked up and smiled genuinely. "Thank you, Tony."
He examined the lock carefully with his eyes again, and clicked it, only to unlock it again. Shaking his head at that, Tony had to smile.
"I should draw something in it right away, don't you think?" Steve said, reaching for a pencil. Tony blinked in surprise. "What? Didn't you ask me recently if I draw nude paintings too?"
Tony opened his mouth and closed it again. Not that he was ashamed, but he had never been a model for anyone. His cheeks began to burn slightly. Oh well, this was a challenge. And Tony readily accepted it. He stripped down, made himself comfortable between the pillows and propped his head up. He watched Steve's hungry eyes roam over his body before he bent over the first clean sheet and set to work. Excitement tickled under Tony's skin as this was a whole new kind of intimacy he had never experienced before. At one point he even found himself shivering.
It was snowing outside the windows, the world was quiet and peaceful, and the bubble, the fragile bubble they had created yesterday, was not about to burst. Not yet.