“Boys and girls dancing in chaste harmony, just as God intended. Wouldn’t you agree, Miss Blossom?”
“Yes. Everything is as it’s meant to be.”
Because Cheryl Blossom is meant to be alone.
Destined to be, even.
And any fantasies that she succumbs to are foolish delusions that will never come to fruition.
She knows that.
Yet, her eyes still linger, with tears threatening to fill them as she stares longingly at the pretty girl in the pretty dress, perched on the bleachers and sipping from a liquor bottle wrapped in brown paper.
Hope is a dangerous thing, she decides, and while she didn’t necessarily have any… There was a glimmer of it, somewhere. Somewhere in between chestnut eyes and looks that lingered a second too long, in flirtatious tones and swift touches - she could see it, lingering just out of her reach.
…Only you can make all this world seem right…
She can’t tear her eyes away.
Despite the warning shots fired from Featherhead, she remains frozen in place, locked in a moment that she seems to be sharing only with herself. Toni’s eyes are focused on the dance floor, admiring the dancing couples and occasionally venturing to her friend on stage.
Cheryl wonders what was going through her mind.
Does she envy the swaying pairs as much as she did?
Is she envisioning herself in their places, perhaps even with Cheryl as a partner?
Or is that another absurdity she’s fooled herself into thinking could be?
Perhaps not.
Because Toni’s eyes are on hers then, locked on them; her expression is a mix of sympathy and longing and Cheryl has to look away. She has to look away because Toni, with one single look, bursts the bubble she created for herself. It was almost safe, when she was longing for her from a distance, unbeknownst to the brunette but when their eyes lock, she is ripped from her fantasy and brought into reality.
And Cheryl cannot handle that.
This cannot be the reality for her, she decides. She has faced enough cruelty in her life, she has faced enough torture without the illusion of love being dangled before her, pulling away as she approaches it, like a cat with a string.
She has been tortured enough - she will not do it to herself.
Her wringing hands still shake, she notices, as she looks down at them. Her porcelain fingers cling to each other, as if trying to pull her from this place of yearning and despair. It’s difficult to keep her tears at bay, especially as she can feel Toni’s eye bore into her from across the room, but she manages.
And it becomes easier, when Ethel Muggs falls through the gym doors and onto her knees, sobbing in a blood-stained dress.
It seems she’s one of the few to notice her, given that the music still echoes through the gym and only Jughead Jones rushes to her aid.
He must be over his fixation on time travel and parallel universes, Cheryl thinks, given that she hasn’t heard a peep from him since the previous week.
Admittedly, her mind had opened to his idea of his and she did envision herself sixty-seven years in the future and wondered what that looked like. Would times have changed? Would Toni really be running a biker bar? Would she know Toni, even in that time, in some capacity?
Would doors have been opened in the time between the years? Would love be more complex than they perceive it to be now?
Would she be brave enough there to approach the bleachers, hold out her hand and ask the pretty girl in the pretty dress to dance with her?
In that time, could Cheryl love and be loved in return?
Or was she destined for perpetual loneliness no matter the decade?
There’s little time to dwell as the commotion begins and the music comes to an abrupt halt. Students circle Ethel, blurt questions and voice concerns. Principal Featherhead is quick to intervene, picks the girl up from the floor and almost drags her out of the gym, with Jughead and a couple of others following closely behind them.
The lights that suddenly fill the room startle her, and she frowns as she adjusts to the brightness.
It had all felt so much easier in the dark.
Now, she feels exposed. It’s as if she’s shouting her thoughts for all to hear. Can they hear them? Is it written all over her face?
Not that it matters to her now, but Ethel’s startling entrance has put quite the dampener on the evening, so it’s cut short.
In a way, she’s grateful, as selfish as that is. No longer does she have to stand there and torture herself. No. Now, she can do it privately in the darkness of her bedroom where she will curse herself for every unholy thought that dares to enter her mind - like the way Toni’s hand had felt in hers for the brief moment she got to hold it, or the way her heart raced every time their shoulders brushed while dancing together, or just how free she allowed herself to feel just for a few moments.
Cheryl finds herself lost in the crowd as she files out with her fellow students. Couples swing their joined hands, friends discuss after-parties and such - the ruckus almost drowns out her thoughts.
She’s forgotten in the chaos, and she’s okay with that.
Even Julian pays her no mind, as he escorts Veronica Lodge to the car - their car - without a second thought.
She can’t bring herself to care.
There’s no fight left in her tonight.
And maybe a walk would do her good.
The roar of engines fill her ears as cars race by her, along with the pack of greasers on their motorcycles, and she can’t help but sneak a glance as they ride into the distance. Is Toni amongst them? Is she on her way to a party to dance with someone braver than she is?
The thought makes her stomach twist and turn into knots until she feels as though she may throw up.
The streets have begun to empty, with most of the students vacating to places other than Riverdale High, which leaves Cheryl Blossom in the company of only the streetlights and with the echoing of her heels that clap against the concrete.
“You shouldn’t be out here alone this late. You never know what scoundrels are lurking around dark corners.”
It’s silent again, apart from the breathy gasp that leaves Cheryl’s lips when she realises, in an instant, who that voice belongs to. She stops dead in her tracks, not yet bold enough to turn around to cast her eyes upon Toni Topaz once again.
Must she continue to be tortured this way?
Did it secretly thrill her, to see her… To hear her again?
Were these stolen moments of bliss worth the heartache?
“I think the only scoundrel here is you,” Cheryl calls out, gathering up everything inside of herself to mask the emotions she is so desperate to bury.
“Not the worst thing I’ve been called,” Toni shoots back, and Cheryl can hear the lazy grin in her voice. She can also hear that she’s approaching, but she’s still too frightened to turn around. “Without a jacket, too. You’re lucky I came by, you might have frozen to death out here.”
“And how could you possibly stop-”
Oh.
A jacket is thrown around her shoulders before she can even think about her next words, and once again, she’s frozen.
It’s too much too fast and she’s absolutely overwhelmed by the gesture. The cool leather feels warm against her skin, and she’s desperate to slip her arms through the sleeves, to feel the warmth that belongs to Toni Topaz.
But she can’t.
“What on god’s good earth are you doing?” Cheryl snaps as she shrugs the garment from her shoulders, only to have it caught by Toni before it falls to the floor.
“Trying to make sure you don’t freeze?” Toni answers, completely unfazed by Cheryl’s sudden change in demeanour and the venom that is laced through her tone. “Don’t flip your lid, Blossom.”
“And if someone saw- What would- What would they think?”
“Beats me,” Toni chuckles as she moves to stand in front of Cheryl now, only making her current predicament all the more difficult. “Cheryl Blossom looks good in leather?”
God, what was this feeling? Her stomach continues to twist. Her heart continues to race. She’s smitten yet furious all at once.
And there’s Toni, so calm, so collected - as if not one worry resides in her pretty little head.
How could that possibly be?
“You’re insufferable,” Cheryl says and she tries not to make it sound affectionate in the slightest, but her voice fails her. She even almost lets a smile slip.
But she can’t.
It has gone far enough already.
“I’ve got to get home,” Cheryl excuses, shaking her head, moreso to herself than towards Toni.
But it’s clear from the few interactions they’ve already shared, that Toni doesn’t give up too easily and the point is made clear when she shuffles along the street beside Cheryl.
“Let me walk you,” Toni insists.
It’s everything she wants. It’s everything she can’t allow herself to have.
“You said you’d leave me be.” Cheryl’s voice is shaky and it comes out just above a whisper and it almost sounds like a plea. “You… You said if I danced with you, you’d stop hassling me.”
“I remember saying if that’s what you really want,” Toni says gently, seemingly careful with her words now that Cheryl is on the brink of tears. “And I’m not sure I’m convinced.”
Cheryl doesn’t reply, just keeps walking. One foot in front of the other. Her dress sways against her legs, and she tries to ignore the cool night air that seems to be dropping in temperature by the minute.
It’s real. It’s too real and this cannot be her reality.
“Did it scare you?” Toni wonders after the stretches of silence don’t seem to be coming to an end. “When we danced together, did it scare you?”
“You said you’d leave me be,” Cheryl repeats through a broken sob that slips from her before she can stop it. She can’t answer Toni’s question. If the truth falls from her, she’ll be admitting something bigger than she’s ready to admit - bigger than she’ll ever be ready to admit. “Why won’t you?”
Gone is Toni’s soft smile, gone is her relaxed demeanour. Cheryl hasn’t once seen her falter yet, but when she dares sneak a glance at her face under the streetlight, all she sees is pain.
A reflection of herself - her mirror in that moment.
“It scared me a little,” Toni says with a sad chuckle. “And I don’t scare too easy.”
Cheryl almost asks her why. A small part of her wants to hear her say it, just so she can know that this isn’t all in her head.
But the rest of her needs it to be in her head - something she has concocted in her mind based on her own delusions.
They’re not too far from Thornhill now, and the panic she already feels within her chest begins to rise. Despite the bitter chill in the air, she can feel her body heating up as the draw closer to the mansion, one heeled step at a time.
“You-You need to go,” Cheryl blurts, quickening her step. “If my mother sees you, I-”
“I know, I know,” Toni tells her softly, and the simple words are more comforting than Cheryl could have expected. “I wasn’t going to walk you to your door, don’t sweat it.”
She’s sure that Toni will have heard the tales of her family, given what a horror her mother can be to many of the town’s residents, so it’s no surprise that she seems to have no follow up questions as to why it would be calamitous if her mother caught of glimpse of a girl in a Serpent jacket by her daughter’s side.
“You don’t need to be scared of me,” Toni tells her seriously. “I will. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want. But if it’s not then… I’ll be around.”
Cheryl visibly shakes, and a few burning tears continue to fall down her cheeks. She’s thankful that Toni hasn’t acknowledged her emotional outburst; it’s as if she knows how to handle her already.
This isn’t Toni's fault, and Cheryl feels cruel for trying to push her away when the only person to blame here is herself. She is the one who’s lost control and allowed herself to indulge, albeit briefly, in something she knew she wasn’t allowed.
“Thanks for walking me home,” Cheryl says, her tone a little softer as she wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“Thanks for the dance,” Toni replies.
Cheryl feels Toni’s eyes on her as she walks away and approaches the grounds of Thornhill. Oh, how she dreads it. Her mother could have no possible way of knowing of the events of her evening, but the fear still rises within Cheryl with each step closer to the front door.
Home is not a place of comfort for Cheryl Blossom - it’s a place of fear.
And the only sanctuary she has within those walls is that of her bedroom, which she rushes to immediately, thankful that her mother is nowhere in sight.
It isn’t the first time she cries herself to sleep and it won’t be the last… But it’s different from the other occasions.
The sobs rack through her entire body, the hands that cover her mouth to conceal the sound shake against her face, and she can’t even bring herself to take off the dress that suddenly feels suffocatingly uncomfortable.
Sleep doesn’t come easily or for hours, and she spends her time wondering if Toni, somewhere on the other side of town, is laid in bed battling with her own head as her thoughts become clouded by Cheryl Blossom.
And she has no way of knowing that the answer is yes.