Just About Time

"I need coffee," Joyce said, resting her head on the library table. Looking through the large stack of old books in front of her seemed a daunting task.

"Later," Romana said, carefully turning the pages of an old book.

"If Xander shows up we can send him out for coffee," Willow said. "As long as we let him get donuts, he'll gladly do it."

"How'd these old books end up in a high school library?" Joyce asked, picking one up. "I don't recognize this language."

"Giles brought them from Merry Old England," Buffy said.

"Interesting," Romana said, leaning over to look at the book in front of Joyce. "The TARDIS should be able to translate almost any language we encounter."

"Like a universal translator?" Willow said, looking at her in interest. "Does it work for anyone?"

"You have to be part of the crew," Joyce said. "Or Idris, the pilot, has to really like you. She does the translating."

"Idris?" Willow said. "There's someone else in your blue box?"

"Idris is what you'd probably call an artificial intelligence," Romana said, "though not that artificial. She is part of the TARDIS, the 'blue box'. It's her body, mostly."

"Oh," Willow said. "A demon was scanned into the internet, and some guys built it a body, before we stopped it, but I'm sure that isn't the same thing."

"A demon?" Joyce said. "Like something out of the bible or something else?"

"Most of what you've been calling monsters are really demons," Willow said. "Right Buffy?"

"Calling them monsters makes them sound like Saturday morning cartoons," Buffy said, from her perch on the counter. "Demons are usually evil, and are mostly self cleaning. So, not out of the bible, I don't think. Nothing to do with angels and God."

"Self cleaning?" Romana said. "What do you mean?"

"You usually don't have to put them in the trash or bury them. Vampires, the demon kind, I'm not sure there are any other kinds, turn to dust when you stake or behead them. Demon demons turn into piles of nasty goo which eventually soaks into the ground. Does a number on your shoes if you aren't careful."

"Buffy's shoe budget is crazy," Willow said.

"I spend a large chunk of my allowance on clothes, and shoes that were ruined by demons," Buffy said.

"I, I mean your mother, doesn't pay for that kind of thing?" Joyce said.

"Nope," Buffy said. "She doesn't believe in magic. So telling her that some demon died all over my shoes? Not a good idea."

"Magic isn't real," Joyce said, frowning. "Right, Romana?"

"We haven't run into anything that I would classify as magic," Romana said. "Beings who can manipulate the forces of the universe with psychic powers, yes. Actual magic? Unlikely."

"Well, if you stick around here you'll believe in magic," Buffy said. "Because it's real, lady."

"Really real," Willow said. "Buffy, why doesn't your mother believe in magic?"

"Because she's friends with a hotshot astrophysicist pilot?" Buffy said. "I don't know. Maybe she forgot? Maybe too much time traveling makes you forget things?"

"Not that I'm aware of," Romana said. "We'll have to look into it later. Right now we have monsters to deal with."

"And you need a short intro to The Slayer," Willow said.

"You hunt these demons?" Joyce said, the lightbulb suddenly coming on. "How'd you start doing that?"

"That's part of the whole 'What's a Slayer' spiel," Buffy said. "And really a tale for another time."

"I found it," Willow said, excitedly.

"And without serious research snacks," Buffy said, sliding off of the counter to look over Willow's shoulder. "Giles would be impressed. And that looks scary."

"Yup," Willow said. "It says you have to kill the matriarch to stop them. Until you do they keep killing."

"How?"" Joyce said, leaning forward. "Our friend has been beheading them with an old machete."

"Beheading is always a good method. I once beheaded a vampire with an X-acto knife," Buffy said. "Using a machete is much better for something that big."

"Beheading with steel or iron, or destroying that gem in their forehead," Willow said, reading the book.

"But killing the matriarch stops all of them?" Joyce said.

"Kill her, and that takes out all of them," Buffy said, reading the page. "Or kill them one at a time. Your choice. I'd go for the matriarch. Less damage to your clothes."

"Is there any way to deal with them without killing them?" Romana said. "There's something distasteful about killing thinking beings."

"You mean peaceful coexistence?" Buffy said, shaking her head. "If only."

"According to some sources, there are peaceful demon tribes," Willow said. "Not that the Watcher's Council will agree. But most are like anti-matter compared to humans. They just want to wipe us out and turn the world into their idea of a demonic paradise. According to Giles anyway."

"So, self defense?" Romana said. "Destroy them before they destroy you?"

"Pretty much," Buffy said, pulling out a chair and flopping onto it. "Pacifists don't last very long in a demon hotspot like Sunnydale."

"I'm not Missy," Joyce said, "but I'd prefer to not get killed by a demon."

"Who's Missy?" Willow asked.

"She's like that crazy aunt you can't bring to family reunions," Joyce said. "She likes chaos."

"Sounds like Giles' friend Ethan," Buffy said. "If it causes chaos he's all for it."

"Missy is friends, as much as she has friends, with someone called Ethan," Joyce said. "Ethan Rayne."

"That sounds like Giles' Ethan," Willow said. "Do you think Giles knows your Missy?"

"This was back in the 70s," Joyce said. "Which we have to get back to."

"It must be amazing to travel in time," Willow said.

"You can't go," Buffy said. "You can't take her," she said to Romana. "Letting a Willow loose on the universe would be a bad idea."

"Buffy!" Willow said, poking her. "It would probably create a paradox if I went back in time."

"Time is very flexible. There are a few basic rules of time travel that prevent most problems," Romana said. "You can't change fixed points in time, and don't cross your own time stream."

"Meeting your self is apparently a big no no, also," Joyce said. "So, it's a good thing old me isn't here. She's probably off in New York, canoodling with Sam at some art museum. Or fighting some Goa'uld."

"Goa'uld?" Willow said.

"Alien parasite things," Joyce said. "Apparently they're dangerous. Haven't met any myself."

"Not yet," Romana said. "They're rare on this planet. They aren't a concern at the moment. Sam and her people are dealing with them."

"Janet said that's how old me and Sam met," Joyce said in a whisper to Buffy and Willow, "But we aren't supposed to know that or about the Goa'uld. It's a government secret."

"So, we know about that monster, sorry demon," Joyce said. "What's a slayer? Ethan's friend Ripper said our friend couldn't be one because the real one was somewhere else."

"Willow is better at explaining this," Buffy said.

"Not true," Willow said.

"The Slayer," Buffy said, shaking her head at Willow. "The full title is 'Vampire Slayer'. And the job is what that sounds like."

"Because the most common demons are vampires," Willow inserted. "And even they aren't actually that common, unless you're some place like Sunnydale."

"Vampires are like the pests of the supernatural world," Buffy said. "And the person, girl, unlucky enough to be tapped as the Slayer spends most of her time killing them."

"So, pest control?" Joyce said.

"Don't let Giles hear you saying that," Buffy said. "To him, being the Chosen One is an honor. Personally I think it's a ticket to an early death."

"Her? Chosen One?" Romana said. "Is it always a girl or woman? And why only one?"

"Whoever created the Slayer seemed to think one was enough," Buffy said. "One dies and some random girl gets the baton."

"What's so special about being this Chosen One?" Joyce said. "I know our friend has strange dreams, is a lot stronger than she used to be, and she can hear a lot better."

"Everything gets amped up to eleven," Buffy said. "The strength and better eyesight is useful when fighting creatures that are stronger than humans. The improved sense of smell? Not so much." She made a face.

"And you're the slayer for this time and place?" Romana said.

"Do I know this?" Joyce asked, wide eyed.

"I don't think so," Buffy said. "At least you haven't mentioned it."

"What makes the slayer special?" Joyce asked again. "You're some kind of super strong monster hunter, but why?"

"Prophetic dreams?" Willow said.

"Those are so annoying" Buffy said, grimacing. "Slayer dreams are confusing. They sometimes tell me about some Big Bad who is going try to end the world, but usually it's just some foggy dream about previous slayers."

"So, you have prophetic dreams, are extra strong, and hunt monsters and prevent the world from ending? Is that basically it?" Romana said.

"Can't forget the faster healing," Buffy said. "But yes, that's about it."

"And the Council," Willow said.

"Right. Them," Buffy said "Giles is okay but what little I know of them? Not a fan."

"Missy's Ethan said they control all info on slayers," Joyce said. "And that looking like this around them would be fatal." She tugged at an ear. "And they probably wouldn't like Romana."

"Yeah," Buffy said. "We aren't telling the Council about the whole alien ancestry thing. But with the whole slayer thing, the bennies of that form don't really help me."

"And she's shorter like that," Willow said, giggling.

"What did I say about that?" Buffy said, growling at her, which caused her to giggle even more.

"I've noticed the shortness," Joyce said, sighing, "but traveling as a Furling? I'm tougher and slightly stronger like this, and the better senses can be useful."

"So, the two heartbeats means you aren't human?" Buffy said, nodding at Romana. "I can see where the Council wouldn't approve."

"She's from a planet called Gallifrey," Joyce said. "Apparently having two hearts is a thing. Along with being able to manipulate time energy."

"We were called Time Lords," Romana said. "There are very few of us left."

"Do we know enough about slayers?" Joyce said.

"Daphne needs training," Romana said. "I'd like to see what you actually do as a slayer," she said to Buffy. "So I have a better idea of where to go for a trainer."

"So, a field trip? That can be arranged," Buffy said. "Tonight if you want. Before Mom gets back."

"Time and place?" Romana said.

"I'll have to check to see where the most likely vampire rising is tonight," Willow said. "Do you have a phone?"

"The TARDIS has all of the modern conveniences," Joyce said. "Except an espresso maker."

Grabbing a piece of paper, Romana wrote down a number. "This will reach us wherever and whenever we are."

"Cool," Willow said, looking down at the number. "Give me an hour. I have to run home first."

"And I have to go pick up Dawn from Janice's," Buffy said, starting to pick things up. "So we'll meet up later."

"Good, we'll be there," Joyce said, pulling Romana to her feet and dragging her to the TARDIS.