A Lovely Morning
Missy looked at the photograph of the small box. "That's it," she said. "Let's get this thing moving." She pounded on the console. "Go, you wreck!"
"She didn't mean it like that," Joyce said soothingly to Idris, gently rubbing the console.
"Missy, please refrain from insulting Idris," Romana said, also sending soothing feelings to Idris.
"How are we going to get it out of the cannon?" Joyce said. "The little hole Henry took that picture through is too small, and the other end is blocked by concrete."
"I can disintegrate it," Missy said. "No cleanup necessary."
"We don't go disintegrating human historical artifacts, if we can help it," Romana said, frowning at her. "Think of another way."
"Can you disintegrate just the concrete on the end? Wouldn't that be simpler?" Joyce asked. Before anyone could answer, the console phone rang.
"It's for you," Romana said, looking at the phone number calling the TARDIS. "It's local."
Joyce reached over and picked up the phone. "Joyce here," she said. "Hi Henry, what can I do for you?" She nodded. "We can be there. Do you need us to bring anything? An umbrella?" She laughed at his response. Romana tapped her on her arm and pointed at the picture. "Oh, right," Joyce said. "Henry, if you get into that cannon before we get there, please leave that little box there. The person looking for it says it might be dangerous. Thanks."
Hanging up the phone, she turned to Romana. "Henry has a plan to remove the cement plug from the cannon."
"Acid?" Missy said hopefully. "Too primitive for a ray gun."
"He didn't say," Joyce said. "I think we should take the TARDIS if we want to get there first. They think someone has been snooping and were going to check it out."
"Can they keep a secret?" Romana said. "We don't want to attract too much attention in this era. Even with the perception filter on, someone will notice us."
"Definitely," Joyce said. "As long as that Harmon Muldoon doesn't show up. No one ever found out about that lake monster."
"The best place to put the TARDIS?" Romana said, looking at a secondary screen on the console. "Idris says there are a lot of trees around the hill but most of the hill is clear except for the cannon, and statues."
"Next to one of the statues? No one is going to be standing there," Joyce said. "Especially if we go now."
"Okay," Romana said. "Shifting locations now." There was a slight hum. "and we're now on Brake Hill, next to a statue. No one appears to be here yet."
"Good, I need to go change," Joyce said, looking down at her dress. "This would give some of those nerdy boys heart attacks. Too much skin for the early sixties. And maybe a hat instead of a scarf for the ears. Don't go anywhere."
"A heart attack would do some of them good," Missy said. "That pet of yours attracts too much attention sometimes. She needs to watch what she wears around them."
"She's perfectly fine the way she is," Romana said. "She's young, and this isn't stuffy Gallifrey."
There was a clatter of boots, and Joyce raced back into the console room. "I'm back," she said.
"And?" Missy, raising an eyebrow.
"Are they here yet?" Joyce asked. "Or do you mean the cute outfit?" She twirled around. "I like it, and if it gets wet it won't melt. I hope."
"No," Romana said. "Engaging perception filter." The lights in the TARDIS dimmed for a moment. "That shouldn't have happened," she said. "There must be a power drain somewhere." She gave Missy a sharp look.
"Figure it out later," Joyce said. "Come see the cannon!" Walking quickly, she reached the TARDIS exit and stepped outside. "A slight chill in the air."
"Not bad," Romana said, joining her.
"Needs a little ozone," Missy said, sniffing the air. Opening her parasol, she held it up to block the weak morning sunlight.
Joyce sighed. "You don't need that," she said.
Missy swung it around and pointed the tip at Joyce. The tip flashed red for a second before she swung it back in place.
"That's a disintegration ray, isn't it," Joyce said, grimacing.
"Affirmative, Miss," K-9 said, joining them on the grass. "A Mark XI Disruptor."
"I thought we weren't going to disintegrate anything?" Joyce said.
"We aren't," Romana said, giving Missy a firm look before heading towards the cannon.
"I make no promises," Missy said, smirking, strolling towards the cannon as if out for a walk.
Shaking her head, Joyce raced after Romana. "Isn't that an awesome cannon?" she said.
"It's a lot of metal," Romana said, neutrally.
"Primitive," Missy said, dismissively. "Throwing exploding metal balls is for amateurs."
Just as they reached the cannon there was the sound of a gun, and the ping of a bullet against metal.
"Somebody shooting at us?" Joyce said looking around wildly.
Two people raced from one side of the clearing to the other, moving as fast as they could, disappearing down the path to the bottom of Brake Hill.
"Incorrect, Miss," K-9 said.
"Who are you!" a gravelly voice said. "What are you doing here?"
"Admiring this wonderful cannon in the early morning sun," Missy said, waltzing up to the scraggly figure holding a gun of some sort in one hand.
"You shouldn't be here," he said.
"We're waiting for someone," Joyce said, carefully putting Missy between herself and the gun.
"They ain't here," the man said. "Go away."
"We are a little early," Joyce said, watching Missy and Romana casually stepping around him to get to the cannon. Shrugging, she did the same.
"Tarnation!" the old man said, staring at them in surprise. Grumbling to himself, he wandered off out of the clearing, into the woods.
"Charming," Missy said. She took out a small hand-held device and aimed it at the cannon. "Something is in there," she muttered. "Too much iron shielding it."
Romana aimed her sonic at the cannon next. She looked at it and adjusted it, before trying again. "Yes, something is there," she said in agreement. "I don't recognize the signature."
"It's in a box," Missy said. "Made from an odd metal I discovered in my travels. It absorbs vibrations at the molecular level."
"That sounds familiar," Joyce said, giggling. "Was it round? Painted red, white, and blue?"
"Got it from one of those snotty pests running around pretending to be one of your gods," Missy said. "They had no need of it."
"Not one of my gods," Joyce said, leaning against the cannon. "We should have brought a breakfast picnic."
"We can take it elsewhere," Missy said. "That little blue box should have enough lifting capacity."
"Idris is not a cargo vessel," Romana said, glaring at Missy. "The cannon stays here."
"Were you here back in 1910?" Joyce asked Missy. "Someone must have helped the bank robber. Who would even think a cannon was a safe place to put money?"
"I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting about that year," Missy said, smirking.