It all feels so wrong.
The room is perfectly normal. Messy bed with a set of fresh pyjamas left under the pillow. A picture frame of a vibrant, young girl along the beach. It all feels like in a few seconds Davis will walk through the door and tell her to stay out of his stuff.
So why isn’t he here?
Why is he in that disgusting body bag and not going home to his family? The sound of his wife’s harrowing sobs over the phone are buried deep within Piper’s chest. She couldn’t bring herself to break the news but she also couldn’t stop herself from listening outside the office as May called her personally.
It’s horrifying. Every second since the sound of his bones cracking on the concrete floor boomed throughout the lighthouse has only felt more empty. Her mind can’t let anything else through other than replaying the memory of his blood painting the grey floor. They’re a team, a team since they started in the training room of the playground. They were each other’s home away from home when everything they worked for came crashing down. They support each other though coming out failures, the search for wedding rings, learning how to read alien. That can’t all just be gone? So she just stands there in the centre of the room, waiting to hear his voice again. For the chance to call him a big baby or for him to call her a headache. That’s what she knows, it’s all she knows.
The small pile of empty boxes makes her shiver, she can’t begin to imagine the idea of fitting his life into neat boxes and shipping it away. It takes all of her energy to push herself to open his drawer, knowing that would be the easiest place to start. Davis always harasses her for not folding her clothes but at least now she could pack them faster. Moving each section robotically instead having to look at each individual as she packs his life away. She almost manages to make it through the t-shirt section when something metallic crashes onto the ground and she brings her hands up to her ears anxiously, dropping the small pile of clothes. As she bends down to frantically shove each item of clothing into the box, she realises the object on the ground and her heart sinks. She bites her lip to hold back the tears that were quickly rising inside of her as she grips the pen with her quivering hand. She sits herself on the floor as slowly rocks herself back and forth as her eyes scan the pen’s every detail.
“Is that the space pen? I think we’re probably meant to give that to Simmons to make sure we don’t have another alien virus outbreak.” Piper turns around to see Daisy leaning against the doorframe with a pitying look in her eyes. It makes Piper’s stomach tie itself into knots because it’s the look she’s seen so many times throughout her career. The look that screams “I’m so sorry for your loss” before the words leave the tip-off your tongue. It’s not like she’s never done it, she’s used it more times in the past 2 years than she would like to remember. But seeing it being used towards her feels wrong. Piper slowly lets out a shaky breathe and shrugs. “Look I understand how tough it is so if you need to talk.”
“So if you need to talk.” Piper repeats and her body freezes as soon as she recognises her words. Daisy raises an eyebrow in confusion and Piper shakes her head. Daisy bends down to pick up the pen, keeping her eyes on Piper to make sure she doesn’t mind but her eyes are completely glassed over, trying to keep a slight composure. She tucks the pen into her pocket before asking another question.
“Piper do you need any help with the clothes?” Daisy attempts to ask her again but Piper is too far in her mind to not repeat the sounds around her.
“Help with the clothes?” Piper shakes her head again and presses her knuckles into her eyes to subdue the stinging sensation of tears. Daisy stays a good distance away, not wanting to confuse Piper in her spiral of shock. Before Daisy turns to leave Piper, she lets out a small whimpering plea. “Light.” Piper squeezes out from her throat and Daisy nods as she hits the light switch and the room soon flickers into darkness.
Piper stands in the dark with the illumination from the hallway to light the room. Right now Piper would like nothing more than to be frozen in the dark until everything went back to normal. She wants to run into the comfort of a hug from her friend and not worry about anything. She can’t because she didn’t realise he got possessed when she had stood next to him for hours. She brushed off and didn’t blink twice when he was more tired than usual. She can’t ever have midnight drinks after a long mission with him again because she failed to look out for him when all he ever does is look out for her. She somehow manages to walk away from everything with nothing more than a sore hand and he-
He dies. He’s dead and it feels like Piper is dying with him.
As if on instinct, she crushes her finger into the bandage on her hand. The pain sending an antagonising ache through her whole body which finally manages to drown out everything else. She takes a deep breath in as she basks in the silence she so desperately needs before doing it again, deeper and more painful each time. She feels the tears rolling down her face as the bandage begins to turn a soft white to red.
“Piper?” A voice whispered from the doorway and her eyes open to see May standing in the doorway. May clearly takes notice of the bandage because she turns back into the hallway and tells a passer-by some small, unclear instructions. Her whole body feels as if it’s been set on fire and she takes deep breaths in and out as her hands progress to violently flap beside her shoulders.
“I’m sorry. It’s just all my thoughts are racing and I can’t catch up with them but at the same time I can’t think because every time I blink I just. I keep replaying that stupid moment in my mind. And everything is just racing and racing racing racing and usually I can just get Davis to squeeze me until they stop but they can’t stop anymore because I can’t find Davis and now I can’t breath.” She tries to suck a deep breath in and brings her hand to her chest when it can’t enter. She hits her chest harder and harder as she begins to hyperventilate, the thud rippling through her whole body. “May- I can’t- I can’t- b-b-bre-athe. I can’t-” Her legs buckle from underneath her and she collapses onto the ground as she screams with the sound of tears echoing in her wobbly voice. May rushes over to engulf her in a hug, grabbing Davis’ jacket to help replicate the safety she so desperately needs. The mentor slowly rocks the shaking young girl curled up in a ball as she makes a soft hushing noise. Piper howls in pain as her chest feels like it’s on the brink of explosion. “I need him May! We all- Everyone needs him and now he’s- He can’t be gone!” Piper feels May squeeze her tighter as the weeping grows. Her whole body is rumbling and all of a sudden she cups her hand with her mouth. Piper squirms out of May’s slightly comforting grasps to run to the hallway and ends up spewing vomit in the corner. Turning herself around to let her back slide down the wall and back into a ball, keeping her head in between her knees as her cries resumed. May follows quickly behind her and strokes her hair as other footsteps approach.
“Piper, I’m going to need to check your hand, is that okay?” Simmons requests making her voice as soft as possible though it still causes Piper to bring her shoulders closer to her ears.
“Is that okay?” Piper echoes and softly lets her head thud on the wall behind her as she looks up to the roof. She nods and slowly moves her hand out for Simmons to re-bandage. The British scientist is meticulously cautious in ensuring that she doesn’t send her into further meltdown as May takes to blocking off the hallway and ordering Deke to go figure out a way to dim the lights. Piper doesn’t object to any instruction or guidance they give her, mostly out of pure exhaustion. Eventually May helps guide her back to her bed and lets her cling onto Davis’ clean jacket. Every part of her hurts. Her hand is in complete agony and her throat feels like its on fire. But the worst part of it all is her heart shattering into a thousand pieces every time she breaths in.
Knowing that Davis can’t save her and she can’t save him.