Chapter 8
Yelena burrows into her sister’s hold, letting go of the knitted blanket to wrap her arms around her in return. “Are you done yelling?”
“All done for now,” Natasha runs her fingers over Yelena’s hair. “Fury approved Coulson and Hill accompanying us so we could talk.”
Hill’s head jerks up. “I’m really busy. I can’t--”
“Cool it, Hill,” Tony said as he entered the room. “It’ll be for a few hours. Come on.”
Yelena watches the hesitation in Hill’s frame before the woman stood and nodded.
Yelena knows that Natasha needs some support because her sister had been crying and was clinging to Yelena with more fervor than usual. Yelena tries to push away the need to just have a meltdown from the long day.
She’d just call MJ when they got back and the two of them could work things out from there. Natasha didn’t need to be bothered with her at the moment.
But for the moment she had her sister. “Did you even bring a big enough car?”
“I did!” Tony grins. “Pepper found out that you rode on Natasha’s lap the whole time last time and refused to do something that dangerous again.”
Yelena glances up at Pepper who winks at her and her body untenses some. “What are we waiting for then?”
“Good question,” Tony opens the door to the office wider. “Let’s go.”
The six of them head down the hallway. Tony holds Pepper’s hand as he leads. Natasha and Yelena follow after them, Coulson and Hill bringing up the rear as they head toward the exit.
“Did they hurt you?” Natasha asked her quietly, slipping a few fingers under Yelena’s shirt to run across Yelena’s stomach and tap out a message.
“No. Hill was really good to me,” Yelena replies, frowning when Natasha taps on her stomach.
W O R R I E D
M E
The last time Natasha tapped on her stomach like this, Yelena was dissociating. Yelena needed to find a safe place to cry but she didn't think she was going to dissociate.
She doesn’t know what Natasha and Fury talked about but it was distressing her.
I
A M
F I N E
Yelena taps back against Natasha’s hip. She leans against her as they reach the exit and head outside.
Yelena lets out a small laugh when she sees the car. Three of them would have to squish in the back seat and two fit up front.
“Don’t laugh!” Tony smacks his hand against her shoulder and Yelena manages to not flinch. “I didn’t know we were bringing back two strays with us!”
“Maybe you should buy a minivan,” Natasha said and Yelena laughed.
“It’d rather drive a bus here than drive a minivan,” Tony retorts, rolling his eyes as he slips behind the wheel.
“You ride with her up front,” Pepper tells Natasha. “I’ll sit in the back.”
“I’m sorry, I thought that was ‘too dangerous’,” Tony raised his voice to a falsetto as he mimicked Pepper.
Pepper raised an eyebrow at him and he went quiet, letting out a cough. “Sure. I’ll just ride in Phil’s lap then.”
“No need!” Tony interrupts. “Barbie’s tiny enough to sit with her sister.”
Natasha slips into the passenger seat and Yelena climbs in and curls up on Natasha’s lap. It’s not as comfortable as she remembers it being last time but she was also drugged up and bleeding last time so her judgment was probably impaired.
Pepper squeezes in the back between Hill and Coulson. It was a tight squeeze but none of them complained.
It was quiet in the car and Yelena felt like she could drown in the suffocating awkwardness.
Yelena rests her head onto Natasha’s shoulder and watches the scenery go by out the window. She tries to control herself but the day just weighs on her and she twists to press her face into Natasha’s neck when tears slide down her cheeks.
“Yelena?” Natasha murmurs quietly when she feels the neckline of her shirt gets damp.
Yelena presses her face harder into Natasha’s shoulder. She can’t make the tears stop.
Natasha’s hand moves to cup the back of her head and pull her closer. “You can cry, little one.”
But Yelena doesn’t want to. It’s not safe. There are two people she doesn’t know in the car and she’s crying like a fucking toddler.
It’s weak. Shameful. Yelena curls her fingers into Natasha’s shirt as she tries to muffle the whine that threatens to escape her lips.
She fails and it comes out as a choked sob.
“Yelena?” Pepper leans forward in the back seat so she can reach out and touch Yelena.
Yelena moves a hand to clamp over her mouth as she curls up tighter. “I’m sorry--”
“The whole day is just now hitting you, huh?” Pepper asked softly and Yelena managed a jerky nod into Natasha’s shoulder. “Phil’s seen me cry before. It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry--” Yelena repeats, the emotions bottled up inside her just pouring out as she lets out another sob. “I want-- I want to be good.”
Yelena can’t manage to hear the reply because she cries so hard. Natasha pulls her close, rubbing her back and tapping out short messages on her back.
I T S
O K A Y
Y O U
A R E
S A F E
I
L O V E
Y O U
Yelena knows that she shouldn’t bottle up all of her emotions until she can’t anymore. She knows that it’s not healthy and that meltdowns like the current one she’s having.
“I w-want to be g-good,” Yelena manages to get out from where she was pressed against her sister. “I d-didn’t wanna h-hurt those p-people.”
“I know. You weren’t in control of yourself,” Natasha said softly.
In control or not, Yelena still killed those people. She killed those people and now retribution is being demanded for the blood she shed. She invaded SHIELD and now she was paying the price.
“I w-wanna go h-home…” Yelena whimpers out, pressing her forehead against Natasha’s jaw. She just wants to get where it’s safe.
“Just an hour and a half, Barbie,” Tony finally pipes up from the driver's seat.
Yelena can manage to pull herself together that long. She can manage until she can slip away from Natasha and hopefully MJ can come over and they can just lay in bed as she cries.
Because Natasha needed Hill and Coulson more than Yelena needed her.
Yelena was taking up all of Natasha’s attention and causing her older sister to put her needs first. Natasha needs someone to take care of her, Yelena has her people to help her. Yelena can manage without Natasha, even if she doesn’t like it.