“Hi sweetie, my name is Dr. Carter but you can call me Miss Linda.”
The woman smiled pleasantly and sat down in a chair near the foot of Stephen’s long hospital bed. He watched with big, curious eyes as she opened a Manila folder containing his medical records and began to read. He even sat up a bit straighter in an effort to see what she was looking at so intently.
Dr. Carter chuckled when she looked up from the paperwork and saw Stephen staring at her with the innocence of a two-year-old.
“This is your file, Stephen. It tells me all about you, see?” She turned the papers toward him and pointed at his photo.
“Hm!”
Christine held one of his fragile hands in both of hers. She stroked the freshly healed skin gently, just enough to keep her little patient calm.
“Yes, that is you, smart boy,” she praised.
The doctors exchanged glances, both happy and relieved that this first therapy session was off to a good start.
Dr. Carter took out a notepad and pen before continuing on. “Now, I’d really like to get to know you better, Stephen. Is it okay if I ask you some questions?”
Stephen hesitated and looked to Christine for guidance. This woman seemed nice, but was she someone he could trust?
“Sweetie, Miss Linda is a good friend of mine. There’s nothing to be afraid of, she isn’t going to hurt you,” Christine reassured.
“P’omise?” he whispered to her as he chewed his lip nervously.
“I promise,” Christine confirmed with a smile that never failed to dispel Stephen’s doubts. “Here, baby, chew on this,” she added and gave him a ring shaped teether.
“Mommy stay?” Stephen looked at Dr. Carter imploringly.
“Yes, of course sweetie,” she said while writing some notes on her pad.
“Then yeth,” he replied as he nibbled away.
“Thank you, Stephen,” Dr. Carter smiled before moving on. “Your mommy told me you’ve been feeling sad lately. Is that right?”
“Mmhmm,” he mumbled and looked down. It seemed that the buttons on his pajama top were suddenly very interesting.
“Could you tell me why that is?”
Stephen squeezed Christine’s hand with all of the feeble grip strength he could muster and gave a sad little sniffle that broke both of the doctors’ hearts.
“Hands,” he said as he held his free hand up for her to see. The bandages had been removed earlier that day to reveal angry, scarred skin and mangled fingers that Stephen didn’t even recognize as his own.
“Oh, I’m sorry sweetie,” Dr. Carter couldn’t help but coo at the little boy in front of her. The last time she saw Stephen was at the hospital’s annual charity dinner. He’d been dressed to the nines in a fine tailored suit and exuded confidence as he presented his achievements to the board of directors. The shy little she beheld now was a far cry from the proud, self-assured man he once was.
“They must hurt a lot, hm?”
“Ouchie,” Stephen agreed timidly.
“That must not feel very nice at all.” She regarded him sympathetically. “Is there anything that makes you feel better when you’re sad?”
“Mommy!” He answered immediately.
“Yes, I know Mommy is taking such good care of you,” said Dr. Carter, her tone nurturing and relaxed. “What’s one of your favorite things to do with Mommy?”
While he was thinking, Stephen stuck his tongue out just enough to blow a spit bubble. He giggled when it popped and looked at Christine, who had never once left his side since she arrived early that morning.
“Mommy see?”
Christine sighed and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Baby, it’s not playtime. Miss Linda would like to know about something fun we like doing together,” she reminded him quietly.
“Hmm … um, b’eak-fiss time?” Stephen finally answered with restored focus.
“You like when Mommy feeds you breakfast?”
He nodded eagerly and bounced up and down as much as his aching body would allow.
“Oh yes, that sounds like a lot of fun. I love breakfast too,” she said, encouraging his cheerfulness. Their first meeting was going unbelievably well, and she didn’t want to break her connection with him, especially now when it was at its strongest. “Why is breakfast time one of your favorite things?”
“Mommy here … No one ‘cept Mommy,” Stephen replied with a dreamy, distant look in his eyes.
“Yes, I know you love Mommy very much. How do you feel when she has to go to work?”
“Nuh-uh! Hate work!” Stephen’s face contorted back into an unhappy expression as he raised his voice.
“Shh, Mommy’s here now, Stephen. It’s okay, Mommy’s here,” Christine murmured as she smoothed his hair back.
“I know it’s not easy when Mommy has to leave, but I’m sure there are other good doctors and nurses who take care of you?”
“Doc-tuh Nic …”
“Do you like him?”
“Wan’ Mommy! Nic not like Mommy!”
“I’m sure Mommy thinks about you all day, but she has other people to take care of too. That’s what doctors do, right?”
“Remember we talked about it before, sweetie? Doctors help people-” Christine started.
“Get better!” Stephen shouted out happily.
“That’s right, sweetie. Your Mommy has a lot of patients, so that’s why she has to leave sometimes. They need her just like you do,” Dr. Carter explained.
Stephen listened closely even though his lower lip quivered as if he was about to cry. Even just the thought of Christine going away was enough to provoke his anxiety. She looked at him knowingly and pressed a featherlight kiss to the back of his hand. She had tried to explain this to him more times than she could count, but he couldn’t understand while in littlespace.
Dr. Carter was quick to change the subject. “Have you ever thought about what you might want to be when you grow up?” she asked.
“Hm … Doctuh! Like Mommy!”
The two women looked at each other fondly and then at the little boy in their care. It comforted them to know that in some ways, Stephen hadn’t changed at all.
“Wow, that’s a big job!” Dr. Carter said with the excitement that one only displays for children, or in this case, littles. “You’re such a smart boy. I’m sure you’ll be a great doctor someday.”
Stephen fidgeted excitedly and reached out to touch the stethoscope draped over Christine’s neck. His focus was starting to dwindle, so Dr. Carter made her last task for him easy.
“You’ve been such a good boy for me today, Stephen! I wish all of my patients were as good as you,” she congratulated. “We’re almost done, but I’d like to show you some pictures before I go. Tell me the first thing you think of when you see each one, okay?”
He quickly nodded yes, still delighted by the compliments he’d just received.
Dr. Carter reached into her bag and pulled out a file of photos.
“Okay sweetie, here’s the first one,” she said as she held up a picture of Stephen himself at a Neurological Society fundraising gala.
“P’etty!” Stephen said with a sweet but naïve smile. There wasn’t even a hint of recognition in his eyes despite the fact that he’d easily identified himself at the beginning of the session. Now, he seemed to be much more interested in the elegant decorations than the people.
“Okay, how about this one?”
It was a picture of the Columbia University campus where Stephen had spent long years learning to become a surgeon. It was autumn, and some of the students sported sweatshirts featuring the school logo as they walked to class. A small group or two of those willing to brave the chilly air sat studying beneath large trees as auburn leaves fell around them.
Stephen regarded the photo with blissful ignorance. It was very clear that his mind was either drawing a blank or simply didn’t want to make the connection. The two women knew it was very possible that Stephen was deliberately suppressing his adult memories, so his current behavior was no surprise to them. He made some joyful little noises but didn’t speak any words they could understand.
“Alright, and here is the last one,” Dr. Carter announced as she showed him a colorful picture of children’s toy cars.
Stephen’s eyes widened a bit before welling up with fresh tears. Again he said nothing, but the sounds he made were sad and scared.
“Okay, that’s all for today,” Dr. Carter said cheerfully. She put away the file of photos in one swift motion and pulled out a sheet of stickers instead. “You did sooo well today, Stephen! I’m very proud of you. Here’s a little reward for being such a good boy,” she said and placed a gold star on his shirt. She wanted this to be a positive experience for him and knew that a little bit of positive reinforcement went a long way.
“Yay yay yay!”
“Stephen, what do we say when someone does something nice for us?” Christine prompted him gently.
“Oh! Uhm … tank ‘oo!”
Linda laughed now that the session was finished and allowed herself to look at Christine as her longtime friend, not just a colleague. Stephen babbled on in the background while the two women stepped a short distance away to talk at the windowsill.
“Linda, I can’t thank you enough for seeing him today! I know you’re super busy, but I really appreciate it,” said Christine.
“No problem at all! Luckily someone cancelled earlier this morning so this time slot was free. Christine, I just have to tell you he is the most precious thing!” Dr. Carter couldn’t help but gush.
Christine smiled and nodded in agreement. “I know, he’s a completely different person in littlespace. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it to some degree, but it is exhausting,” she lamented like a real mother.
“No worries, I completely understand. I’ll send in a request to free up your schedule so you aren’t running from here to the ER every hour. I can use my notes from this appointment to move you to part time ER duty if that’s something you’d like.”
“And that’s okay?”
“Absolutely. It’s all legal, and administration owes me a favor anyway,” she laughed.
“If you could arrange that, I’d be forever in your debt too!” Christine chuckled. “He’s such a sweetie but so, so needy,” she paused and cast her gaze to the floor. “I feel so guilty when I have to go … His separation anxiety is through the roof!”
“I know, and that takes a lot out of you - especially when you have a ton of other work!”
“Yeah!”
Christine quickly glanced at Stephen to make sure he hadn’t gotten into anything dangerous. She gave a little sigh of relief when she saw him tracing shaky fingers over the little star sticker.
“So, Doctor, what’s your assessment?” She half-teased in an effort to bring back the jovial mood.
“He’s reverting back to a state of childlike dependence to cope with the accident. Clearly he can’t handle it as an adult, and he feels safe in littlespace because of you,” Linda replied honestly. “We have to let him work through this at his own pace. He’ll return to his normal self when he’s ready, and we absolutely cannot try to shock him back into reality. I’ve seen cases where that’s been done, and trust me, it is not a pretty sight. Ultimately it does more damage in the long run,” she explained. “The only thing we can do is guide him in the right direction, and I think the therapy will definitely help with that. In the meantime I’ll try to teach him some coping skills for when you’re not here.”
“Okay, so everything we predicted is true,” Christine said aloud, partly to herself and partly to the room.
“Yep! For now he’s a little and you’re Mama Christine!” Dr. Carter laughed.
Christine rolled her eyes and batted Linda’s shoulder playfully. “Gee thanks for your sage wisdom, O Doctor of Psychology!”
Her friend laughed again before turning her attention to a crinkling noise coming from Stephen’s bed.
“Is he supposed to be doing that?”
Stephen was currently trying to open a cup of chocolate pudding but to no avail.
“Mommy!” he whined.
“Well, I guess that concludes girls’ time,” Christine said before giving Linda a warm hug. “Thank you again for everything.”
“No problem! Stephen is one of my patients now too, so he’s in good hands,” Dr. Carter reassured as she started making her way to the door. “I’ll see you guys soon, okay? Bye Stephen!” She smiled at him before starting to make her way down the hall.
“Can’d do it,” Stephen said and held up his injured hands.
“That’s okay, I know sweetie. I thought you weren’t allowed to eat dessert before dinner anyway,” Christine said as she ruffled his hair.
Stephen giggled and leaned into her touch.
“Love you Mommy.”
“Love you more, baby boy.”