Melina vostokoff was well acquainted with misery. Hell, she was even friends with it.
All her life, she did Dreykov's bidding, helped him in every task possible and took pleasure in it. She never had a family or a place to call home. In a life as disdain as hers, the contentment was accomplishments. The repetitive announcements of her being acclaimed as the best widow and as an example to the rest. Her sole mission was to return alive, even though her life was horrible she wanted to live. Strange.
She knew she was Dreykov's favourite and yet was always determined on her missions to prove her worth time and again. So, she was grateful she was considered worthy of an extremely crucial project in Ohio. She was briefed about it, on how she was supposed to play a mother to two young girls. She was scared, of failure (she had never experienced it before and the thought of it was unnerving), she was scared she wouldn't be able to play the role of a mother. She never herself experienced the warmth that was expected of her. But she masked her insecurities.
She was a widow and well versed in the skill of masking her emotions.
The girls, one of no more than three, innocent and amiable and the other of eight, cautious, aware and reserved were both a tender and affectionate addition to her otherwise monotonous and horrifying life.
Yelena had quickly accepted Melina as her mother. To a widow, children were liabilities, a punishment and yet Melina smiled every time yelena called her 'mama' , braided her hair with efficiency, cupped her face when she was sad. She was a mother and happy in her newly found role. She tensed at the thought that it was all fake and would one day be taken away from her. The innocent soul wrapped around her arms would soon be taken to be turned into a weapon.
Natasha, who was already acquainted with the horrors of the red room was at first scared of both Melina and Alexie. Sometimes while sneaking out of her room late at night due to a nightmare, on being caught, she would hold her hands above, ready for a beating. Melina's heart ached every time she looked at the poor girl. The first time Natasha did this, she was ordered to go back to her room. The second time Melina had hugged and comforted her.
"I am here. Don't be scared." She had said and even though she meant it, it was delivered with a face that masked sympathy for she still didn't know how to un-mask her feelings.
She remembered the incident very clearly. She was in the house doing her expected chores when a call disrupted her. She immediately went to the school and found Alexei already present there. Natasha had managed to break a boy's nose. Melina should have been furious and yet she was proud that her hand wasn't much bruised. Habits from red room die hard.
Later, after a session with the Principal, a suspension letter for a week was given and the girls were taken home. Yelena confessed that Natasha had did so to punish the bully who was pestering at her.
Melina understood and yet to show her sterness ordered Natasha to her room. She obliged. Throughout the journey, she hadn't said a word.
"Is that what you are up to now, breaking others' noses? I expected better of you" Melina commented as she was talking to Natasha.
The girl's eyes were fixated to the ground and in response came a soft reply, "Will you just let me take a picture?"
"What?" Melina asked ,confused.
"I jeopardized the mission, risked all of our lives. So, I must be taken back to the red room, right?"
Melina sensed her heart aching. Poor Nat! Her pasts still haunts her and yet she was ready to accept her dreadful fate.
"But please take Lena. Please, she is nice, she wouldn't trouble anyone." Natasha almost begged.
Melina could see a drop of tear escaping her stoic face. She immediately held her by the arms and hugged her tightly to comfort her.
"You are not going anywhere, Tasha. You are our daughter and parents don't leave their child behind. You won't go back there."
Melina immediately regretted her words. She was never one to give fake reassurances. And yet, she had promised her girl a tranquil life. It wasn't in her hands. Nothing was. They were just puppets playing their roles to perfection. It wasn't real and yet Melina had in someway accepted the two girls as her daughters and they has given her the pleasure of motherhood. She was a mother. A mother who would be forced to give her children to a life of plight and misery.
She thought of escape but she would never be able to keep the girls safe from Dreykov.
It was just a mission, she reminded herself, another mission you have to win. And when the mission was over, the goal was accomplished but Melina had lost. She couldn't meet her own eyes and yet she masked her pain and sufferings.
"You're a coward." The words were dipped in extreme hatred. Her little Natasha, whom she had comforted at nights from her nightmares, whom she had helped riding bicycles, whom she had loved with her heart had grown up so much. And the adoring daughter of hers addressed her as a coward. Yes, melina deserved it. She had promised her to never leave her to the horror of the Red room, to never let anyone take away her childhood. But she didn't keep her word. She had turned over her own girls to experience the ruthlessness that she was herself scared of. Her innocent girls were turned to weapons and she didn't do anything. Heck, she even helped in their mental manipulation. She deserved every pain in the world and still when confronted with such hatred, she felt the pain. She wanted to scream "I never wanted to leave you" but that wouldn't matter. It wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't give their childhood back to them. It wouldn't help in the usual nightmares. It wouldn't help.
One chance, there was only that one chance of fighting Dreykov and she took it. As the ashes of the red room fell to the ground, she realized she would never be a slave again. She would never let anyone control her free will. She would never let Dreykov decide the course of her life. She would be free and if lucky, she would even be forgiven. The mask unveiled and Melina smiled with drops of tears in her eyes. She was free.
What commenced as a family ruse during 1995 was her reality now. She was an adoring wife of a man-child. Her youngest worked hard to free other widows and her eldest was an Avenger. She was proud and jovial. But happiness was never something Melina deserved. She watched as Alexei was turned to dust before her eyes. Her horrified eyes wandered everywhere, she couldn't make sense of what was happening. She looked for Yelena throughout the house and when she was stumbled upon ashes, she knew she had lost her family but she wouldn't accept it. She had fought hard to get them back together and she wouldn't lose them. She called Natasha immediately, her heart beating faster than ever. Pick up the call, she cried. She would give anything just to hear her voice once. To make sure that she wasn't gone.
She hadn't remembered she didn't breath while waiting. The bell rang for a few seconds, one of the most heart wrenching seconds of her life, before Natasha picked up.
"Melina!"
"Natasha! Are you alright?" She exclaimed.
"I am fine. Where's Yelena and Alexei."
Melina couldn't get herself to respond.
"They-they were right here and then-"
Melina heard a sniffle through the phone.
"They were dusted. We lost."Nat completed.
It was something too much for Melina to process.
"You want me to come?" She asked
Melina could sense the desperation. "Yes" she replied, it was probably the first time she had asked for help. She knew Natasha wouldn't turn down the offer.
The visits became regular. Melina and Natasha sometimes sat in complete silence. Not a word exchanged and yet, volumes spoken. They rekindled, at least that's what Melina thought, their mother-daughter relationship. Sometimes,she couldn't look at the heart broken Natasha. At a young age, she was reminded of the fact time and again that she lost, and the cost was her family. Melina wanted that in some way she could convey it to Natasha that it wasn't her fault. But every attempt seemed futile.
Melina heard something during the night and immediately got moving, she went to the kitchen to discover Natasha in her widow outfit. Even with the extreme black colour, she could see her bleeding from a wound near the chest. Natasha had presumably snuck up from the window.
"Natasha you are bleeding" she exclaimed.
"Shh..I am sneaking about" she answered in an unusual voice.
"You are drunk?" She asked even though she could smell the intense smell of liquor.
"No!"She replied as she searched some cabinets. "Do you have vodka?" She asked.
"No, now come here and let me tend to your wound."
"You don't have vodka. What kind of Russian are you?" Her accept slipped off, revealing the true Russian.
"A sensible one. Now , come here."She tried to drag her from the arm but even drunk Natasha was strong enough to deflect her hand. She moved swiftly to the bookshelf and picked up a photo frame. Melina tensed at it and waited tenderly for her reaction.
"You still have this."
It was a photo of Natasha and Yelena, clicked during the little time Natasha could afford on the run. They were playing a video game. And being sisters, the elder had her hands around the youngest's face in an attempt to cheat. Both were laughing whole heartedly. The winner was not declared for the video game match soon turned into a real life WWE match. Even then, no one won for Melina had to interfere when knives were brought into action. She was later termed as a 'kill-joy'.
"She finally escaped and I couldn't even let her have a free life of her own." Natasha claimed with tears filling her eyes.
"I miss her" she added.
"Me too." Melina responded.
Natasha glared hard at the picture, experiencing a mental breakdown behind her trained stoic face. Eventually, her grip tightened and her teeth clenched in agitation as she threw away the photo. Melina flinched at the sudden reaction.
"Avenger! Freaking, Avenger. Supposed to save the world, couldn't even save her own sister."
Melina watched her daughter unable to live with her own failure. The once jovial was now completely heart broken. Melina realized in her own sorrow, she had forgotten about Natasha. Melina was older, experienced but Natasha was blaming herself for the fate of her sister. Her heart sank.
No, she wouldn't lose another daughter. She took Natasha gently, and even though she resisted at first, gave away as Melina placed her at the couch.
Natasha was already drifting to sleep. Melina wouldn't know if she heard her or not but she said it anyway,"Natasha, it wasn't your fault. You hear me, it wasn't your fault. Nothing was. I miss her too but the last thing she would've wanted was to see you this miserable."
Natasha had already closed her eyes. "Mama" she said innocently as she drifted to sleep.
Melina smiled. Yelena had at several occasions addressed her as mama but not Natasha, never Natasha. Her daughter had finally called her mama, she didn't care if it was during the time she was drunk and sleepy, she didn't care if Natasha wasn't in her conscience while saying this. She didn't care, Nat had called her mama. She relished the moment and then went on to tend to her wounds as she slept soundly.
Melina couldn't believe her eyes, Yelena and Alexei had turned to dust in front of her and yet there they stood, sound and healthy. She had run right to them and had wrapped them both tightly in her arms. They were confused. Gestures of love weren't usual for Melina. Melina explained everthying to them in the simplest way possible.
"So, a purple alien collected magic stones to erase half the universe and I am supposed to believe that?" Yelena questioned. It did sound ridiculous but only those who survived through the snap know the consequences. Melina tried calling Natasha numerous times but everytime the call would end in the same way
'You've reached Natasha. If I am not answering,then get the clue and leave me alone.'
Melina was surprised, Natasha would've definitely tried to reach Yelena and Alexei as soon as possible. She would've given anything to see them back again and yet there was no sign of her.
Both Yelena and Alexei tried to convince her that it had only been two days and she was an Avenger, she would've other affairs to attend but nothing could stop her restlessness and anxiousness. She hoped they were right but as the time progressed the hope seemed less possible. Melina didn't mask her feelings this time. Yelena was surprised for it was the first time Melina was open about her emotions.
The news broke out a week later. They had to hear about Natasha's demise through a television screen.
"Natasha Ramanoff, most commonly known as the Black Widow sacrificed herself to bring back half the population. The heroes will be forever remembered"
Yelena stared through the screen in utter shock. Alexei growled and punched the nearest wall. Melina sat in uttef dismay as tears fell from her eyes. She didn't try to hide them. She didn't know tears filled her eyes for her brain couldn't process that information. All she could think about was Natasha.
Her little baby Natasha, who flinched at everyone's touch but hers, who had let Melina comfort her, who had comforted Melina in turn through those nights, who had burnt her hair in an attempt to bleach it, who had given Melina a motherhood was gone. She would never see her again. She would never get to say what she wanted to. She would never get to say sorry or admit that she had loved her forever.
She locked herself in her room for a while, still trying to process the information. She remembered last time she saw Natasha, she had appeared refreshed. "Can I not be happy?" She had commented when asked the reason for her unusual cheerfulness. Now she knew, Natasha had found a way to get them back, a way that included her own demise.
Stupid Natasha. Always have to be the hero. She was angry at her to consider her life so little as to sacrifice herself. She wished with all her heart that it would've been her who had died. Not Natasha. She would've happily given her own life if it meant it could save Natasha.
She refused to visit the grave. Melina had put on the mask again. She couldn't afford to be seen broken but Yelena knew better to not persuade her. She knew behind all the layers was just a broken woman grieving her daughter. So, she left with Alexei leaving Melina alone in the house. When the doorbell rang, for a fraction of second Melina thought Natasha would be standing their at the other end. But she pulled herself together and opened the door. It was a man she didn't recognize.
"Ma'am. You may not know me but I am Mason. Natasha's fixer. I am sorry for your loss. Natasha-she told me to give this to you" With that he handed her a package and took leave.
Melina took it with trembling hands. It was her last souvenir. She couldn't bring herself to open it at first but eventually she did. There was a vest addressed to Yelena, a vodka bottle for Alexei and a letter for her.
She swallowed hard. Those were her last words. She instantly hid the letter and presented the package to Yelena and Alexei. They both delightedly and sorrowfully took their respected items. Melina couldn't open the package for a few days. But eventually she took it out
Melina,
You know there's a slight chance that we could bring those people back. We could bring back Alexei and Yelena. Sounds odd but I am hopeful it will turn out well. I want to see them so badly. Finally, if we succeed I'll be doing somthing worthy of being called an Avenger. And not to sound dramatic, but I may die. And if you are reading this, I am already dead because this letter would never reach you while I am alive. So, Rip me.
In the red room at nights I used to think you'll someday barge into the hallway and take me and yelena with you. You were always my hero. You know, I have always wondered who was my real mother. My chain of thoughts would always end with your face. You were my mother, and it's okay if you don't feel the same way for me but I want you to know
I love you Melina, I really do.
Natasha.
Melina didn't put on her mask. She unveiled it free as she sobbed. She wanted Natasha to know she was loved too, that she was always her daughter.
And so a trip was made to the cemetery. She came alone. She wanted this moment all to herself.
She rested before her grave. She looked at it and shivered. She placed a hand at the gravestone and planted a kiss.
"Natasha, she finally talked through fits of sobs,"I could've never done what you did. I could've never given my life for a world which treated me so unjustly. You did well, brave one. Mama is proud of you. You were always my daughter and I loved you forever. You gave life to many others. You've done enough. Time to rest "
She didn't know how much time she spend there. She didn't know when the mask came free. She didn't care when from then on she started displaying her emotions. She wasn't a widow anymore, she was a mother. But misery still didn't escape her for she was a broken one at that.