childhood
Yelena spent the last day on the Barton farm with her sister. She wanted to squeeze all the time she could in with her before SHIELD shipped her off once again.
Clint took them into town to pick up groceries because Laura insisted on making a big meal for their last dinner there.
It was nice except the whole time Laura cooked, Yelena kept thinking back to her last day in Ohio. There had been a big meal that night too. Yelena had helped set the table while Natasha was out riding her bike. Then they played in the backyard until not-mom came to get them when the food was ready.
Yelena didn’t mean to keep slipping into the memory of Ohio but she kept getting lost in her head. She could feel Natasha’s glance at the side of her head every time it happened, especially when Yelena was on her Game Boy and kept dying at easy parts because she just kept thinking about that memory.
Finally, she spoke up. “Do you remember our last day in Ohio?” She asked Natasha.
And then understanding flickers behind Natasha’s eyes as she shifts closer to Yelena and wraps an arm around her. “I do.”
Yelena hums, shifting to lay across Natasha’s lap, giving up trying to focus on anything right now.
“Do you need to dance?” Natasha asked in a low murmur as her fingers run along Yelena’s back.
“Not yet,” Yelena closed her eyes, focusing on the scent she associated with safety and the kind touch along her back.
And Yelena was okay for a little bit but it’s the sound of Cooper crying that finally pushed her too far and Natasha needed to guide her out to the barn as Yelena gets lost in a slew of memories in her head.
She knew that one day they would be going on that big adventure that her dad told her all about. But now that the day had arrived, Yelena was a little less excited and much more nervous.
Why did they have to leave now? Mom just set the table for dinner, she didn’t even eat yet! Why couldn’t they eat first?
Why was everybody rushing around? She wanted to help but she didn’t know how. Yelena slips out of her chair and pads down the hallway to where dad was pulling things out of the closet and stuffing them into his bag. He drops a box and golden pellets spill onto the ground.
Wanting to be helpful, Yelena squats down and starts to pick them up, dumping them into her dad’s hand when she finished.
Dad told her to go to the car and Yelena mentions that she’s not wearing any shoes. She’d usually be told what kind of shoes to be put on. She’d wear flip-flops if they were going swimming or boots out into the snow.
To her surprise, dad tells her that she doesn’t need shoes and to just get in the car. Yelena would have reminded him that mom didn’t like when she didn’t wear shoes outside but he seemed kinda angry and Nattie taught her never to argue with him when he was mad.
Yelena climbs into her booster seat and almost manages to put the belt on all by herself. It gets a little bit tangled which frustrates her but Nattie climbs into the car and kneels on the seat next to her and helps her finish buckling in.
Nattie looks sad, probably because they didn’t get to eat dinner. Yelena tells her that there are fruit roll-ups in the trunk, blinking in surprise when Nattie kisses her cheek before settling down and buckling herself in.
When they’re finally on the road, the nervousness had completely overtaken the excited happiness in her. They were going on a big adventure, why didn’t they look happy?
Yelena asks for her song. Her song made her happy and she wanted them to be happy too.
Yelena’s song comes to an end, and with it so does her childhood.
By the time Yelena manages to pull herself out of her head, she’d stopped dancing and was staring at the wall of the barn where the targets were pinned up. Clint was leaning in the doorway of the barn once again, arms folded as he watched the sky. Natasha was waiting near her, her hand outstretched but not touching her.
Yelena slowly reaches out, taking Natasha’s hand, and lets her big sister pull her into her arms. “Sorry.” Yelena murmurs softly.
“Don’t be,” Natasha murmurs, pressing a kiss to the side of Yelena’s head. Yelena liked it that Natasha was comfortable enough to do these things with her here and she would miss it when they got back to SHIELD and Natasha once again hesitate to even hold Yelena’s hand in public.
Yelena soaks up the affection, nuzzling her nose against Natasha's shoulder as she sinks into her big sister’s embrace. “I love you.”
“I adore you,” Natasha cups the back of Yelena’s neck, giving it a loving squeeze. Yelena lets out a soft sigh of content.
Clint eventually interrupts them to let them know that dinner is ready.
Dinner was very, very good. Yelena clears her plate quickly, Natasha following in her footsteps. To their great delight, Laura made another apple pie.
The uneasy feeling Yelena had all day fades when dinner was completed and they were stuffed with delicious cooking.
That night, they all watch a movie on the television. It’s one of Yelena’s favorites and she’s pretty sure that Clint knew that when he put it on.
Yelena curls up with her sister on the couch and for the first time in a very, very long time, she feels like the kid that she is.
Natasha has a nightmare so violent that night that Yelena has to pin her wrists down to stop her from hurting herself or Yelena. Natasha hadn’t had a single nightmare the whole time that they’ve been there but this time she peers up at Yelena and she just sobs.
Yelena’s bewildered at the reaction. Never had Natasha started sobbing after recognizing her. She got upset and quiet but never just fell apart like that.
Yelena doesn’t really know what to do. She scoots back off of Natasha’s stomach to sit on her upper thighs and tugs her sister upright to wrap her arms around her. Natasha drags her closer, her fingers digging into Yelena’s back in an uncomfortable way as she tries to press Yelena against her more.
“I don’t know what you dreamt about, Natashen’ka,” Yelena said softly, the nickname slipping past her lips. “But I’m here, and you’re safe.”
“Lenochka,” Natasha whimpers out, her fingers pressing against Yelena’s spine harshly. “I don’t want them to take you away.”
“Nobody is taking me anywhere,” Yelena pressed her forehead against Natasha’s. “I’m yours. I’ll follow you anywhere. I love you.”
Natasha squeezed her eyes shut, her breath hitching as her grip on Yelena shifted to clutching fistfuls of her pajamas instead. “I love you.” She manages to breathe out quietly. “Please don’t ever think that I don’t.”
Yelena frowns at the abrupt turn in conversation because never once had she doubted the love her sister held for her. “I love you too.”
Natasha lets out a soft whistle. Find me.
Yelena doesn’t hesitate to reply with a whistle of her own. I’m here.
Natasha seems to relax at that, inhaling softly. “You never whistle back in my dreams.” She confessed quietly.
Yelena reaches a hand up to card through Natasha’s hair. “I’ll always whistle back.” She swore.
“I’m sorry I can’t give you this,” Natasha said and it takes a moment for Yelena to realize what ‘this’ is. “I’m sorry I’m so selfish to need you with me.”
“Natasha, I don’t want this,” Yelena said, gesturing to the room around them. “Yeah, it’s nice here and it makes me think of Ohio a lot. But I don’t want this forever. I want to fight. I want to get rid of the red in my ledger.” Yelena pulls away from Natasha and cups her big sister’s face. “I want you, Natashen’ka.”
“You deserve to have things like this,” Natasha tells Yelena. “You deserve a home like this.”
Yelena remembers being unsure of what home was when Timothea asked her. She hadn’t known what to draw because the others drew places they lived. Yelena lived in the Red Room and the Red Room certainly wasn’t home.
Yelena thinks she understood now, though. “Natashen’ka, you are my home.”
Natasha seems to slump in on herself with the revelation, pulling Yelena close once again. “And you are mine, Lenochka.”
Yelena knew the answer to Timothea’s question now.
When saying goodbye to Laura the next morning, Yelena doesn’t expect the sudden hug that Laura wraps them up in. Natasha stiffens up and Yelena is slightly unsure of what to do.
“You both are welcome back here,” Laura tells them, her voice warm and her body language indicating nothing but the truth. “It was a real joy to have you here.”
“I’d like to come back sometimes,” Yelena comments, freezing when Laura cupped her cheek.
“You two are good girls,” Laura said sincerely. Natasha stiffens at the comment and Laura pulls away. “Until next time.”
Yelena and Natasha say goodbye to Cooper and Lila. Natasha still refused to hold Cooper but did hold Lila.
“Say bye-bye to aunt Natasha and aunt Yelena,” Clint instructs Cooper. Yelena stares up at him in surprise.
“Aunt?” She repeats because to be their aunt then she’d have to be Clint’s sister.
“Is that okay?” Clint asked and Yelena glances at the toddler in her arms.
“I dunno how to be one,” She tells him, not hating the new title. She glances over at Natasha holding Lila, who didn’t protest the title at all.
“You’re already great at it. Just keep doing what you’re doing,” Clint tells her and Yelena slowly nods her head.
Goodbye’s take longer than Yelena anticipated but she had really grown close to the Barton family in the past five days. They had opened their home up to her and her sister and didn’t hesitate to accommodate them. The nightlight Laura had given her was in their bag, tucked away safely with Captain.
Yelena watches as Laura stands on the front porch with Lila and Cooper, waving to them as they leave. She reaches out to grasp Natasha’s hand, resting her head on her big sister’s shoulder.
Clint leans against the door once again, the radio turned up.
“Thank you for letting us into your home, Clint,” Yelena tells him sincerely.
Clint grins at her. “You two deserved it.” He said, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “I trust you two.”
Yelena remembers their conversation back on the first night in Cooper’s nursery.
“Trusting you is my decision, Yelena. Proving me wrong is your choice.” Clint had told her.
Yelena’s determined to never make him regret the trust he put in her.