goodbyes
Clint was agreeable to Natalia and Yelena accompanying him. In fact, he seemed excited that they wanted to go with him to wherever he lived, Yelena still wasn’t quite sure yet.
That’s when he shows Yelena the wedding ring he kept but didn’t wear.
“You’re married?” Yelena should have assumed, she should have known, but who would want to marry a goofball like Clint?
Natalia’s expression tells her that she already knew, which Yelena supposed probably came up during the week and a half she was trapped in Budapest with him.
“Yup,” Clint doesn’t hesitate to pass the ring to Yelena so she can inspect it. “Her name’s Laura and she’s the best.”
“How long have you been married?” Yelena asked, turning the ring over in her hand. There’s an inscription on the inside of the band, a date. Probably the date they were engaged or married.
“Four years,” Clint grins and Yelena glances up at him. “Don’t give me that look. I can have a healthy marriage despite being a SHIELD agent.”
“You’ve been on near-constant missions for the past few months with Natalia,” Yelena reminds him. “We’ve been keeping you away from your wife, apparently. Why would she want to meet us?” There’s a small voice in the back of Yelena’s head telling her that she probably wants to get even.
“She understands,” Clint says with a shrug before giving a dopey grin. “She’s great like that. You’ll see, someday you’ll find your better half.”
Yelena wrinkles her nose, shoving the ring back at him. “I’m not going to get married.” She tells him.
“You’ll see. One day you’ll change your mind,” Clint rings, slipping the ring onto his finger. “You’ll find a great guy-- or girl and you’ll be all mushy and lovey-dovey with them.”
Yelena was extremely uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was turning. “Sure.” She agrees because she doesn’t want Clint to take back the invite to wherever the hell it was that he lived.
Natalia’s arm suddenly draped over her shoulder and Yelena tries not to show the relief of the reassuring touch on her face. Clint continues on and on about his wife, something that he must have been wanting to share with others for a while now but never did because it wasn’t safe.
Natalia finally interrupts him to ask what kind of clothes they should pack.
“We’re going to Iowa,” Clint says and Yelena wasn’t sure if she would have pegged Clint as the Iowa type. “It’ll be kinda rainy and humid while you’re there. Pack a rain jacket and boots if you have any.”
“Clint,” Natalia raised an eyebrow. “Why would we have raincoats and boots?”
Clint seemed to realize that his statement was stupid and his face burned red. “Right. Okay, we’ll pick something up for you.” He says as if only remembering that the only clothes they had were SHIELD issued and from the shopping trip Carol had taken them on. “We’ll even get you an ‘I heart Iowa’ shirt.”
“I know where you sleep,” Natalia comments and Clint gives her an innocent grin.
Threatening people was on the list of things they weren’t allowed to do but Clint never seemed to take Natalia’s threats seriously. He’d always grin like she was joking but would change the subject.
Yelena was all packed up and ready to go when Maria tracks her down and presents her with a flip phone.
“I’m not allowed technology.” Yelena says, holding the phone warily in her hand like it was a test. “That’s part of the rules.”
“The rules have been amended. Skye has a phone too provided that she promised not to hack into anything important with it. This is for you to call us.” Maria reaches out to open the phone and pull up the contacts. “Numbers are already in but you can add more.”
Yelena scrolls through the numbers. Clint. Bobbi. Coulson. Skye. Hunter. Timothea.
Yelena looks at the last name on the list. “Is this really your number?” She stares at the MARIA HILL contact.
“Do you think I would give you a fake number?” Maria questioned and Yelena instantly felt foolish. “Call it.”
Yelena does, pressing the button to call Maria. Maria’s phone rings and she pulls it out of her pocket, flipping it open and answering it.
Yelena had to admit that she did feel better knowing she had a secure line to Maria even though she would be far away.
Maria hangs up the phone, sliding it back into her pocket before looking at Yelena. “You can call me for whatever you need.”
“Don’t say that.” Yelena can’t help but reply. Because Maria probably didn’t realize just how much that statement meant.
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, Yelena,” Maria says before setting a hand onto her shoulder. “Look at me.”
Yelena’s eyes flicker to peer up at Maria.
“If you or your sister need me then you call me. Day or night, no matter the problem. I will answer,” Maria promised, briefly squeezing Yelena’s shoulder. “Do you understand?”
“Not really.” Yelena admits quietly. She understands the words and the meaning but not why Maria was offering them to her. She didn’t do anything to deserve this. She hadn’t earned it.
“That’s okay,” Maria reassures her. Yelena thinks that it’s probably out of some obligation from Maria looking after her and Skye. “Do you think you can promise me that you’ll try to remember to call me if you need me?”
It’s not an impossible promise. Yelena was just promising to try. “Yes.”
“Cross-your-heart promise?” Maria questioned and Yelena blinks in surprise. She only ever did cross-your-heart promises with Natalia. Yelena wonders briefly how Maria knew about it before writing it off as something Maria just knows as the Deputy Director.
Yelena glances away, reaching up to mark an X over her heart. “Cross-my-heart promise.” She murmurs.
“Good,” Maria finally pulls her hand away. “Why don’t you go say goodbye to Bobbi and Skye. I need to talk with your sister.”
Yelena doesn’t even think about how she turned and left after knowing that Maria was going to be alone with her sister.
She doesn’t think about the trust it took for her to leave Maria alone with Natalia and not worry.
Bobbi seemed pleased that Yelena was going to get to spend some time off with Natalia. “I know you’ve really missed her.”
“Yeah,” Yelena missed Bobbi too. She had only just gotten back into the swing of training with her only to leave once again. “I’ll miss you.”
Bobbi’s grin softens. “I’ll miss you too, kiddo.” She says. “But I know you’ll be having fun.”
“Maria gave me your number,” Yelena says although she already knew Bobbi’s phone number by heart. “I have a phone.”
“Maria told me. You can call me whenever you need to talk,” Bobbi throws an arm around Yelena’s shoulders. “Or just because you wanna. Doesn’t have to be a reason to call. I wanna hear all about it.”
Yelena frowns slightly. “I don’t have to have a reason to call you?”
“Nope,” Bobbi shakes her head. “You could call me just because you missed my voice. You could call me to say you saw a really cool dog. You can call me just because you missed me.”
“Will you do the same?” Yelena asked her and Bobbi grins.
“Sure. Lemme see your phone,” Bobbi says and Yelena doesn’t hesitate to pass it over to Bobbi. Bobbi fiddles with it for a few moments before passing it back over. “I’ve sent myself a text from your phone so I have your number. I’ll call you too, okay?”
Yelena never had people to call before other than her handlers. She’d never been trusted with a phone unless she was under chemical subjugation. “Okay.”
Hunter strides into the room, pausing when he sees Yelena before he grins. “Tiny! I heard you’re going on vacation!”
Yelena nods her head. “Clint’s letting me and Natalia stay with him for a little bit.”
Hunter nods his head before he perks up. “Wait! I have something for you!”
Yelena tilts her head in confusion. “You do?” She hadn’t done anything to earn anything, she didn’t think.
“Yeah. Be right back!” Hunter then bounds out of the door in a way that reminded Yelena of those golden retriever puppies she watched in videos with Bobbi.
Hunter returns a few minutes later with a triumphant grin on his face. Yelena glances at Bobbi, trying to pick up on what she needed to be doing. Bobbi was just watching Hunter with a fond exasperated look on her face.
“Tada!” Hunter brandished a red square from his pocket, holding it out to Yelena.
Yelena stares down at it. “What is it?” She questioned, reaching out to take it slowly.
“It’s my old Game Boy. I had my Ma dig it outta the attic and ship it here,” Hunter reaches out to show Yelena that it flips open. “It’s a gaming system.”
“Like the one we played on?” Yelena remembers Hunter teaching her how to play video games and giving her a beer.
“Yup. Except this one is tiny and portable,” Hunter shows her how it turns on and digs a few little cartridges out of his pocket to reveal that each one was a different game. “I’m passing this on to you.”
“But it’s yours.” Yelena freezes, the device in her hand feeling heavy. “I didn’t earn it.”
“It was just collecting dust in the attic. This way I’ll know someone is enjoying it like I did,” Hunter says. “Besides, think of it as an investment. I expect some real competition the next time we play.” He sniffs.
“I don’t have anything to give you in return,” Yelena points out, glancing at Bobbi for help.
Except, Bobbi takes Hunter’s side. “How about you text Hunter after you play each game and tell him if you liked it or not?” She suggests.
That’s not repayment and Yelena is a little overwhelmed. She doesn’t know how much the device in her hand costs but it’s a whole gaming system so Yelena figures it must have been a pretty penny despite the dings and scratches on it.
Hunter nods his head enthusiastically at Bobbi’s idea. “If you like the games then I’m sure I can figure out where I stored the rest of them.”
Yelena glances down at the handful of games he had in his hand. “Those aren’t all of them?”
“Please,” Hunter tilts his head up in faux snobbery. “I am a gaming master. Of course, I have more than six games.”
Bobbi’s hand brushes against the back of Yelena’s neck, a comforting reassurance that it was okay. Yelena slowly reaches her hand out and lets Hunter dump the fistful of games into her palm.
“Thank you.” Yelena says quietly, tucking the games into her pocket and then accepting the charger for the Game Boy.
“No prob,” Hunter shrugs, a sheepish grin on his face. “Just thought you might enjoy it. I played on it when I was your age.”
Yelena wonders if this was just another attempt by people to get her to try and act normally. Then again, Hunter seemed genuine in his actions.
When Yelena goes to say goodbye to Skye, she shows off the new Game Boy in her possession, and Skye got really excited over one of the games.
“Ooh, you totally have to play this one. This one is good too!” Skye sifts through the games, giving Yelena a brief overview of the ones she recognized from ads and commercials.
Yelena then starts one of the games up and she and Skye hunch over the device, hip to hip as they play.
Yelena does have fun. She enjoys the game and Skye’s excited rambling in her ear as she quickly gets the hang of it.
“Maria says that you got a phone,” Yelena comments, briefly glancing up from the screen. “She gave me one too.”
“Oh, yeah!” Skye pulls a phone out of her pocket. “Phil made me sign a wavier promising him that I wouldn’t use it to hack into anything. It was really just a statement on a handwritten piece of paper but I think it made Phil feel better.”
Yelena lets out a soft laugh as she paused the game. “Will you be okay with me leaving?” She asked.
Skye shrugs. “Kinda have to be.” She says and Yelena’s smile falls some. “I mean, you’re like the only person here that I really truly trust. I’ve known you for like… two years? We’ve been through some shit together. We’re trauma buddies. Partners. I’m the badass hacker and you’re that super-secret ninja spy person.”
Yelena bumps Skye’s shoulder with her own. “You can call me whenever you need to. I’ll be coming back.”
“They all say they’re coming back and they never do,” Skye huffs and Yelena closes the game at the sudden turn in Skye’s behavior.
“I’m not leaving you, Skynet,” Yelena tells her. “I’m just going to spend some time with my sister, that’s all.”
Skye shrugs slightly. “Yeah. But what if you decide you like living there more? I’m sure Maria would let you, she likes you a lot.”
“But Clint’s not my partner,” Yelena says, nudging Skye. “He can’t hack into a computer from the other side of the world. He hasn’t saved my ass twice and he isn’t the only person my age who just seems to get me. That’s you, Skye. I need you.”
Skye leans against Yelena, dropping her head to rest it on Yelena’s shoulder. “I’m being clingy.” She says.
“So?” Yelena tentatively rests her head on Skye’s. “I can be clingy too.” Yelena had only recently let Natalia out of her sight for more than an hour. “That’s not a bad thing.” No matter how much the Red Room tried to drill that into her head.
Skye lets out a long sigh. “A lot of people would have run for the hills by now.”
“You’re stuck with me,” Yelena hopes she wasn’t overstepping any boundaries but the way that Skye seemed to relax at the statement assures Yelena that she hadn’t.
“Good, good…” Skye breathes out before looking down at the closed Game Boy. “Have time for another game?”
Yelena passes over the Game Boy to let Skye have a chance. Skye doesn’t remove her head from Yelena’s shoulder and Yelena doesn’t pull away.
When the time eventually does come for Yelena to leave, Skye wraps her arms around her tightly.
Yelena hugs Skye back. Never did she think the hacker she formed an alliance with all those years ago would end up being her friend.
Clint glances at the bag that Natalia and Yelena had. “Is that it?”
Yelena and Natalia only needed one bag to fit everything. Yelena was wearing her vest so it wouldn’t take up so much room in her bag. She paired it with her favorite dark purple shirt and a pair of beige cargo pants.
“Yup,” Natalia nods her head. They really only needed their clothes, toiletries, handcuffs, and the stuffed cat Carol had given Yelena.
Yelena carried the Game Boy in the pockets of her vest along with her phone. She glances at Clint’s three big bags. She knows she has everything she needs but she feels unprepared compared to it.
They take a plan down to ground headquarters. Clint leads them to an old pickup truck that has some mud sprinkled around the sides telling Yelena that wherever they were going would be dirty.
Clint tosses their bags into the back and then slides behind the wheel. Yelena gets squished between him and Natalia in the middle.
Clint turns the radio up and rolls the windows down. He tells them to prepare because it’s about an eight-hour drive.
Yelena rests her head onto Natalia’s shoulder, content to watch the scenery pass by for a little bit.
Clint sets a hand onto his right knee about half an hour into the drive and Yelena is hit with a memory of being squished between two people in a car. It’s fuzzy which tells her she was either sedated or under control. She half expects Clint to move his hand to her knee and then slide up along the inside of her thigh.
Yelena squeezes her legs shut, her hands moving to grip her own knees to ward off unwanted touches, and keeps a close eye on Clint’s hand.
Natalia feels the change in Yelena’s body language and raises a hand to cup the back of her neck.
Yelena tries to focus on the touch, leaning more heavily against Natalia.
Clint seems to pick up on the change in the air and changes his hand on the steering wheel and leans against the door to poke his elbow through the open window. He’s leaning away from her now and Yelena has to admit that the action made her feel better.
Yelena can turn her face to tuck it into Natalia’s neck now, breathing in the scent she associated with safety and comfort. She missed being able to just sit and lean against Natalia like this.
They’re nearing the two-hour mark when a song comes across the radio that makes Yelena jerk.
Clint glances at her in concern. “You okay?” He questioned.
“Can I turn up the radio?” Yelena breathes out and Clint nods. Yelena fiddles with the knob until she turns the music up.
Miss American Pie flows out of the speakers and Yelena is hit with a wave of nostalgia. She remembers it being her favorite song when she was little in Ohio. It was the last thing she listened to before her life in Ohio ended.
Natalia recognizes the song as well. The soft grip she had on the back of Yelena’s neck tightens briefly.
Yelena taps the beat out on her knee, unable to help herself from humming along quietly.
Clint doesn’t stare at her. He doesn’t turn the radio down or change the station. He doesn’t even glance at her as Yelena hums.
When the song finally finishes, Yelena curls into Natalia. Her mind feels a little crowded with emotions that she’s having a hard time discerning.
The whole car ride goes by quickly after that. They pull over about halfway through to have a bathroom break and pick out snacks at the gas station.
“The rule is that you get a drink, something salty, and something sweet,” Clint says as the sisters glance at the unfamiliar American snacks. “That’s what makes a road trip a good road trip.”
Clint grabs a root beer, a pack of beef jerky, and a Snickers bar. With some further prompting, the sisters find their snacks.
Natalia picks out a vanilla Coke, some Chex Mix, and a Reese’s peanut butter cup.
Yelena takes longer to decide. She finally settles on an orange soda, some Pringles, and a pack of M&Ms.
It turns out that Yelena didn’t need to think too hard about what she wanted because they pretty much share snacks. Natalia and Yelena always shared food but Clint exchanges some of his beef jerky for some Chex Mix and a few Pringles. He splits his Snickers bar with Yelena in exchange for a handful of M&Ms. Yelena then splits the Snickers with Natalia.
Yelena noticed when they start on a long stretch of dirt road. What she didn’t expect when they finally arrived was what appeared to be a farm.
Clint is grinning at the look on their face. “Don’t seem like a farmer, huh?” He laughs as he parks the truck and gets out, stretching before picking up their bags.
Natalia and Yelena exit the truck, peering around for danger, exits, and cameras.
Clint then leads them up to the front door and knocks on it.
The door swings open a few moments later, a woman with a warm smile stood in the doorway.
What Yelena didn’t expect was the baby propped on the woman’s hip.
She glances up at Natalia who seemed startled by the sight of the infant as well.
“Daddy!” A toddler blurs between the woman’s legs and the door frame. Clint drops the bag to hoist the little boy up into his arms.
Yelena pressed herself against Natalia’s side. Nobody said anything about babies.
“Yelena, Natalia,” Clint addressed them before glancing at the woman. “This is my lovely wife, Laura.” He then nods to the boy in his arms. “My son, Cooper.” And then he smiles at the baby. “And my daughter, Lila.”
“You’re a dad.” Yelena can’t help but blurt in surprise and confusion.
“Yup,” Clint nods his head, pressing a kiss to the boy’s chubby cheek. “Cooper, this is Natalia and Yelena. Can you say hi?”
The boy ducks his head down shyly when he notices the new people. “Hi.” He breathes out before shoving his face into Clint’s neck.
Yelena can feel how stiff Natalia is next to her. Yelena herself was barely holding it together.
Nobody thought to mention children. Yelena and children didn’t go together.
Widows and children go together.
Doesn’t Clint remember who they are? What they did? Why would he take them here around his children?
“Why don’t you come inside?” Laura says with a soft smile at the sisters. “It’s a little bit of a mess.”
Yelena can spot the variety of toys spilled around the living room along with baby bouncers and play mats.
This home is much different than Maria’s. This home felt weird, foreign. Yelena felt like she was intruding on something sacred. Somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be.
Clint moves past them and Yelena flinches when the toddler’s hand brushes against her vest.
Natalia pulls her against her side as they slowly follow Clint deeper into the house.