spiral
Maria can’t help but poke her head into her office to check in on Yelena in the new bed.
Yelena woke up as soon as Maria entered the room, on guard and defensive before she relaxes slightly when she sees that it was only Maria.
Maria’s eyes are drawn to Yelena’s wrist dangling from a handcuff attached to the frame of the bed. Yelena gripped the chain in her fingers as if to reassure herself that it was there and the thought disturbed Maria.
Yelena was sleeping well for the first time and it was because she couldn’t sleep without handcuffs.
Maria lays on the couch that night and can’t get the picture of Yelena laying in bed with handcuffs out of her mind.
It’s not normal to sleep with handcuffs but it’s normal to them and Maria wonders what else is normal to them that would bewilder or horrify anyone else.
Maybe the way Yelena constantly saved half of her food for Natalia, even if she couldn’t give it to Natalia until much later.
Maybe the way Natalia always ate a bite of Yelena’s food before her to check for poison or medication.
Maybe the way Yelena will assume she’s guilty for anything that goes wrong, even if she had nothing to do with it.
Maybe the way Yelena constantly assumes that she’s in trouble whenever Maria wants to talk to her.
Maybe the way they both have the emotional maturity of children, Yelena having one around a child the age of ten and Natalia having one in a teenager of sixteen or seventeen.
Maybe the way both girls were small in growth and thin in form from skipped meals and constant training.
Maybe the way Yelena doesn’t realize she flinches whenever Maria gets within arms reach of her. Or Natalia will take the fall for Yelena even after repeated reassurances that they’re not in trouble.
Maybe the way Natalia tried to seduce the Director thinking he was sexually abusing Yelena.
Maybe the severe separation anxiety Yelena displayed if her sister was gone for more than one day.
Maybe the way Yelena was willing to walk into the same room as her rapist because she missed her sister so much on missions that she wanted to talk to her.
Maybe the way the girls think that anything less than a stab wound isn’t important to take care of.
Maria sighs, turning to push her face into her pillow, and tries not to spiral down a rabbit hole of just how depraved humanity was.
Natalia misses her call with Yelena the next day.
Maria thinks nothing of it, things happen in the field and Natalia wasn’t required to call Yelena to check-in. Of course, that doesn’t mean that Yelena is any less upset over what happened.
Natalia misses one call and Yelena’s mind instantly goes to abandonment. Yelena sits and waits by the phone all day. She does nothing but waits, refusing to go to bed. She calls and calls but eventually, Maria has to stop her before she filled up the inbox with messages.
Yelena stares up at Maria when Maria takes the phone from her. “That’s mine.” She said, something dangerous creeping into her tone. Skye can sense it, shifting slightly and glancing at Maria with worry in her eyes.
“I know,” Maria doesn’t correct Yelena that it’s her phone that she was letting her use. “But you cannot keep calling her.”
Yelena’s jaw sets and Maria can see a familiar stubbornness that crosses her face that Natalia had sometimes. Finally, she spoke slowly, as if it pained her to admit it. “I know.”
“It’s time to go to bed,” Maria tells them. Skye doesn’t hesitate to bolt from the terse atmosphere, slipping out of the room to go get ready for bed. Yelena stays there sitting at the table and stares at the phone in Maria’s grip. “Everything will be alright, Yelena. It’s time for you to head to bed.”
Yelena’s eyes flicker to peer up at Maria and the look on her face makes her appear older. “Don’t lie to me, Maria.” She said before she pushed her chair back and disappeared from the room quickly.
Maria hadn’t expected that response. She looks down at the phone in her hand and hesitates before leaving a message herself.
“Natalia? It’s Maria…” Maria thinks of what to say before she sighs softly. “Come back safe.”
Maria can hear Yelena shift restlessly throughout the night. Maria’s busy with work, flicking through resumes on her laptop as she searches for an appropriate child psychologist.
Not only did she need one that specialized all forms of abuse and abandonment but had an idea of how to cope with human trafficking. The most difficult part was finding one willing to be employed by the government and live on or near a SHIELD base, maybe even on the Helicarrier itself if they were lucky.
Maria had made it clear to Fury that Yelena’s therapist could not help her. Fury had tried to question her but Maria told him in no uncertain terms that since Skye was now another asset to SHIELD and also a minor that they had reason to employ a child psychologist.
Fury agrees but leaves it to her to find one.
Maria discards all the ones that were male. She’s pretty sure that both girls would be more comfortable with a female. She then tosses out the ones fresh out of college. She doesn’t doubt they’re capable but she needs experience. She tosses out ones close to retirement.
She doesn’t have a lot of options. She sends off emails to the few candidates she has available as she listens to Yelena shift restlessly.
Maria finally closes her laptop after she hears Yelena shift for the umpteenth time in the past hour. She doesn’t know what she can do to make it better but the poor kid needed to sleep before she ran herself into the ground.
Yelena is wide awake when Maria peers into her office. Maria doesn’t pretend she’s there for something else other than checking on her. Yelena’s wrist is secured but she looks less comfortable than the previous night.
Yelena sits up slightly as Maria enters the room. “Did Natalia call?” There’s a tinge of hope in her voice that Maria hates to snuff out.
“No, sorry,” Maria approached the bed, and Yelena shifts to face her better. “What do you need in order to rest?” Maria doesn’t specify that Yelena needs to sleep, just relax enough to rest.
Yelena seems to consider Maria’s question. “Natalia usually lies next to me. She’d handcuff her wrist to the headboard too but she always lay between me and the door.”
Maria considers her options before she moves to pull out the second pair of handcuffs she had bought for Natalia, locking them to her own wrist. Yelena frowns and watches her but scoots over to let Maria take a seat on the bed and lock her own wrist to the headboard.
Maria usually wouldn’t do this. This was crossing many lines and getting into the same bed as a child felt wrong but Yelena needed to sleep, but more importantly, she needed comfort that Maria wasn’t sure how to give.
Yelena lays back down hesitantly, her eyes trained on Maria as Maria shifts to get comfy on the air mattress. “Ask me a question.” Maria tells Yelena as she lay next to her. “Any question at all. Nothing’s off-limits.”
Yelena, considering the weight of Maria’s words, thinks for a few moments. “When’s your birthday?”
Of all the things she could have asked, Maria was a little surprised it was so simple. “April 4th.”
Yelena lets out a hum, a look of concentration on her face as she files the information away.
“Ask me another,” Maria prompts, hoping that if she opened up to Yelena then she might be at ease around her. She just hoped Yelena didn’t pry or god forbid trigger her.
Yelena mostly asks silly questions like the ones Coulson had asked her on cheesy bread Tuesdays. Her favorite color, favorite animal, a place she wanted to travel.
Finally, once Yelena had seemed to gather up her courage, she completely blind-sided Maria. “What is one of your triggers?”
Maria pauses and she can feel Yelena tense up beside her. Maria considers her options for a few moments. She could lie, she could deny the question, she could change the subject… “Sand.” She said after a few moments. “Wet sand to be specific.”
It sounds so silly to be triggered by such a thing but if anyone gets it then it’s the child soldier lying next to her.
Maria’s arm is starting to ache from the cuff around her wrist and she will definitely have a sore shoulder in the morning but Yelena is finally starting to relax some.
Luckily, Yelena doesn’t ask for an explanation or a story. She simply accepts Maria’s answer and moves on. There are more simple questions. Favorite foods, sweets she liked, her favorite movie.
Then Yelena heaps another unexpected question on her. “Have you ever had to watch someone you loved die?”
Maria thinks about when she was a soldier and how she lost her whole squad in the sandy desert, the feeling of wet bloody sand pressed against her skin and the metallic, gritty taste in her mouth. “Yes.”
Yelena’s quiet for another few moments. “I watched my mom die.” Her voice was so quiet that Maria almost didn’t hear her. “She wasn’t really my mom.” She quickly corrects just as softly before shaking her head slowly. “She got shot.”
Yelena glances away from Maria, pressing her face into the pillow just a little more until her cheek squishes against the pillowcase. “Natalia’s not really my sister.” She tells Maria. “But she’s my family and the only one I got. She’ll be back.”
Maria thinks Yelena is trying to convince herself more than her. “I don’t doubt it.” Maria had seen just what Natalia would do for Yelena. Yelena had unbunched from her anxious position curled up earlier and was relaxed against the sheets despite the topics they had spoken about. It isn’t until Maria sees her eyes close that she dares to adjust the blanket up over her.
Yelena doesn’t sleep, Maria hadn’t quite earned that trust yet, but she rests and it’s more than Maria could have hoped for.