struggling
Yelena’s exhausted. Her thoughts keep getting jumbled up in her head and its making her paranoid and antsy.
Maria obviously notices because Yelena’s not doing a very good job at hiding it. Skye seems to pick up that something changed but can’t discern what.
Maria takes them running again the next day and Yelena is so exhausted that she trips three-fourths of the way though the run and scrapes her knee.
It’s such a stupid mistake, not to mention she’s bleeding sluggishly from the wound on her knee, that Yelena nearly spirals into a panic attack right there on the streets.
Maria crouches down next to her and Yelena tries to focus on her as Maria asks her something.
Yelena’s just so tired. She can’t focus and her head hurts and she just wants her sister.
“Are you okay?” The sound of Russian gets her attention and she turns her head to look at Maria. She knew Maria had been learning Russian but didn’t know if she’d be able to hold a conversation with her.
“I’m fine.” Yelena breathes out a shaky exhale, digging her fingers into the palm of her hand. “I’m sorry.”
Maria is quiet for a few moments, likely trying to find a way to reply to Yelena in Russian before sighing and responding in English. “These things happen. There’s nothing to be sorry about. Can you stand?”
It’s a simple scraped knee, not a broken foot. Even then, Yelena probably could manage to stand and finish the run. “Yes.”
Maria offers a hand out to her and Yelena does her best not to flinch at it, reaching out to take it with a shaking hand. Maria pulls her up to her feet, her other hand reaching out to steady her. “Come on. There’s a shortcut we can take back.”
“I’m fine!” Yelena protests immediately. “I can keep going.”
“Dude, you’re white as a ghost,” Skye interrupts, her usual blunt self. “And I’m tired of running. Let’s just head back.”
Yelena knows when she’s outnumbered and she’s too tired to argue. “Okay.” She mumbles. Maria doesn’t let go of her shoulder as they start to head back at a much more sedated pace. When they arrive back, Maria insists on properly bandaging Yelena’s knee.
The Red Room wouldn’t have wasted supplies on such a stupid thing as a scraped knee. Yelena tries to insist that she’s fine but Maria won’t back down.
“Do I need to make this an order?” Maria questioned and Yelena goes still at the question. “I’m only trying to help you, Yelena.”
“I’m fine!” Yelena finally snaps at her before realizing what she did and shrinking in on herself. “I mean--”
“Sit down, Yelena,” Maria tells her firmly. “That’s an order.”
Yelena does her best to not drop to the ground to sit right where she is and makes her way over to the chair Maria had pulled out. She takes a seat and watches as Maria kneels in front of her to clean up her knee.
Skye is in the living room and Yelena has a sneaking suspicion that she’s watching a horror movie.
“What am I not?” Maria asked and Yelena knows the answer to this question, Maria likes to ask it whenever Yelena gets stressed about the rules.
“The Red Room.” Yelena said quietly, watching Maria wipe away the blood from her knee. “I know that.” She then adds as an afterthought.
“Scraped knees probably weren’t a big deal in the Red Room,” Maria comments and Yelena watches her spread ointment over the raw skin. “What kind of injury would be severe enough for the Red Room to give you medical help?”
It’s not an order. Yelena doesn’t have to answer the question. Still, Yelena finds herself answering it anyway. “Broken bones if they had to be set… cracked ribs… puncture wounds, trauma to the throat… uh…” She hesitates. “Tearing.”
“Tearing?” Maria’s brow furrows at the phrasing and she looks up at Yelena for a moment and then her eyes flicker down to her pelvis where Yelena’s hand unconsciously went before pieces click into place and her jaw clenches. “I see…”
Yelena’s glad she doesn’t ask any more questions. She watches as Maria smoothes a cartoon band-aid over her knee. Yelena inspects the design, her finger moving out to run over the shiny exterior. “What is this?”
Maria glances at the band-aid. “Oh. Those are some stegosauruses.”
“Stegosauruses?” Yelena repeats. “What are stegosauruses?”
“Dinosaurs,” Maria stands and starts to clean up the wrappers. “Clint gave them to me as a joke.”
“Why?” Yelena didn’t understand what was so funny about dinosaur band-aids.
Maria shakes her head, a fond smile crossing her face. “That involves Clint and an undercover mission at the natural history museum. Maybe I’ll tell you about it one day. Why don’t you go join Skye, I have some emails I need to attend to.”
Yelena stands and glances at Maria once more before moving and heading into the living room.
Skye was watching something that was very dark as a man is killed on screen. Yelena stares at it for a few seconds before Skye notices her.
“Hey, come here, this good part if just starting!” Skye pats the spot next to her.
“Maria said no gore,” Yelena comments but takes the spot next to Skye anyway.
“I’ve watched worse things than this,” Skye shrugs her shoulders. “Besides, this isn’t even the goriest one there is.”
Yelena watches the screen for a few seconds as the masked man killed a teenage girl. “I don’t like this.” She finally tells Skye. “Can we watch something else?”
“But it’s just geting to the good part!” Skye protests and Yelena doesn’t really want to fight over something as silly as a movie on the television.
Still, her hand reaches out to grab Skye’s wrist to take the remote from her before she realizes what she was doing and jerks her hand away.
Yelena had zero contact with girls younger than her outside of the Red Room. For a moment, Yelena thought she might strike Skye for daring to argue with her. Younger Widows always listened to the older Widows. It’s how the hierarchy worked.
But this wasn’t the Red Room and Skye wasn’t a Widow. Yelena sighs, rubbing her face. She was exhausted and that meant she was going to keep making mistakes.
“Are you okay?” Skye questioned, genuine concern in her tone.
Yelena doesn’t know how to answer that without tipping off to the fact that she was very much not okay.
“Skye!” Maria’s voice cuts through the silence and both teenagers jump. “What did I say about horror movies!”
Skye huffs. “It’s not even one of the bad ones!”
“I have these rules for a reason,” Maria flicks off the television. “Go into the kitchen and sit at the table, I’ll be with you in a minute.”
Skye froze for a split second, her gaze landing on Yelena before she stands and marches into the kitchen, all joking gone.
Instead of following her, Maria turns to Yelena. “Are you okay?”
Yelena’s tired of that question. Her answer to it doesn’t even matter. “I’m fine.” She tries not to snap.
“Did the movie bother you?” Maria inquired and Yelena doesn’t see the harm in admitting that it did. “I made the rule because it can be triggering to see things you’re not prepared for. I caught a glimpse of it. I’m sure that watching a little girl be killed wasn’t very nice.”
Watching it had made Yelena feel sick to her stomach. “No.” She agrees quietly. “Is Skye in trouble?”
“She is.” Maria doesn’t deny it. “She broke the rules. Do you remember the punishment I set up?”
“You said we’d write lines…” Yelena looks up at Maria. “Am I in trouble too?”
“Did you want to watch the movie?” Maria asked her and Yelena shakes her head. “Did you mention to Skye she shouldn't watch it?” Yelena nods. “Then no. You’re not in trouble.”
Yelena nods her head. “Can I sit with Skye?” She doesn’t know if it’s her or Skye that needs the company and reassurance that writing lines it just as Maria described it.
Yelena’s grateful that Maria understands because she nods. “Go sit. I’ll be there in a second.”
Skye looks very nervous sitting at the table and she glances at Yelena. “Oh shit, did I get you in trouble?”
“No.” Yelena takes a seat next to Skye.
Skye still seems grateful for the company. Maria returns, setting down a piece of paper and a pencil in front of Skye. “You’re going to write ‘I won’t watch horror movies without permission’ until I tell you to stop.”
Skye wrinkles her nose but picks up the pencil and starts to write. Maria starts on making dinner while Skye writes.
Skye’s nearly filled the back of the page when Maria stops her and asks them to set the table.
The act of doing something so simple reminded her of when she helped set the table back with her not-mom. It makes her think of Ohio and that just makes her heart hurt.
Maria makes the spaghetti she got at the store for dinner and Yelena knows that Maria wouldn’t withhold food from them but she’s still surprised to see Skye get a second helping of noodles and sauce.
The Red Room would have told her off for being greedy and that she should be grateful with what she got. Yelena pokes at her food, not very hungry in the first place. She just wants her big sister to come back and hold her so she can sleep.
Natalia calls again that night and Yelena admits to her that she’s just trying to adjust when Natalia asks her what’s wrong. It’s too obvious so Yelena doesn’t even bother to lie and say that she’s fine.
So many things are making her think of Ohio and the Red Room. Yelena has so much time on her hands and she doesn’t know what to do with it.
Yelena stares up at the ceiling once again that night. She’s memorized where the shadows fall on the wall and each slight crack in the ceiling. Skye falls asleep quickly, snoring softly as she curls up into a ball.
Yelena doesn’t mean to fall asleep.
But she’s just so tired that she rests her eyes for a moment, unable to stand and do her usual methods of keeping herself awake.
She doesn’t even remember falling asleep.