control
Yelena has to break the news to Natalia that night that Clint and Bobbi knew that she slept with handcuffs.
Natalia stares at her for a few moments before demanding to know how they found out.
Yelena admits to her stupid mistake in misplacing the keys, Clint finding out, getting upset when confronted, and asking for Bobbi.
She doesn’t really expect how upset Natalia gets with her. She knows she made a foolish mistake and she knows that they would have been punished severely for it in the Red Room.
And maybe she should have waited for Natalia to not be upset over her deprogramming.
But Natalia yells. She yells and she paces and she shoves her finger at Yelena.
Natalia calls her foolish. Calls her naive. Tells her that they’re lucky she’s not in the Red Room because they would have beat them there.
Yelena listens quietly, too frightened to interrupt Natalia. She’s never seen Natalia this upset, never at her.
Natalia makes a movement too sharp and it causes Yelena to flinch. Natalia froze immediately when she saw Yelena’s reaction before she turns and she leaves the room so abruptly that Yelena is left staring at the open space where Natalia had been for a few moments.
Yelena lets out a grunt, curling her fingers into fists before she lets out a frustrated yell.
Stupid. How could she have been so stupid?
It’s all her fault.
She doesn’t know how to deal with the overwhelming feeling washing over her as she paces, twisting to kick at the wall because she feels like she’s going to explode.
The tears fall without her meaning to. She has no right to cry, this is all her own doing.
The feeling of hot tears rolling down her cheeks just makes her upset even more. Yelena hits the wall and yells and pulls at her hair because she doesn’t know what else she can do.
Natalia is upset with her. Yelena doesn’t know how to handle that.
Yelena can usually pull a mask over her face and go about her life as usual but she is compromised when it comes to her sister. Yelena loves her sister more than anything else in the world and she can’t separate herself from the situation.
Yelena’s so overwhelmed that she doesn’t realize someone was in their room until a hand grabs her shoulder. She spins around, expecting to find Natalia.
It’s Maria, a frown on her face as she tries to ask Yelena something but all Yelena hears is white noise in her ears as she struggles to stop herself from hurting Maria.
Maria grabs the back of Yelena’s neck and while Yelena does not trust Maria to do it as she does with Bobbi, and while she absolutely hates that Maria did it while knowing it’s a trigger, it’s what she needed at the moment.
Maria pulls her close when Yelena sags in defeat, the grip on her neck softening but not fading.
Yelena still squirms in her grip, yelling about how foolish she had been and pleading for her sister to come back.
Yelena doesn’t want to be alone again. She doesn’t want to lose Natalia.
Natalia promised. She promised they’d never be split apart again but her wording meant that one of them could leave voluntarily and never look back.
Maria’s mumbling something quietly into Yelena’s ear and it takes the teenager a few moments to realize that it’s broken Russian. She’s not quite pronouncing it correctly but she’s trying.
“You’re okay.” Maria tells Yelena, her thin arms wrapped around Yelena’s back to pin the girl against her as her other hand cupped the back of Yelena’s neck. “You’re safe.”
Yelena wonders when Maria took the time to look up specific translated phrases in Russian . “You’re okay.” She echoes quietly, correcting the pronunciation.
“You’re okay,” Maria amends, quickly mimicking Yelena.
Yelena listens to Maria’s mantra of “you’re okay” in Russian over and over as the commander holds her close to stop her from lashing out.
Still, Yelena worries about Natalia. Natalia had been very upset because of her deprogramming but now she was angry on top of that.
Yelena tries to squirm out of Maria’s hold but the commander won’t loosen her grip. “Lemme go. I’m fine, lemme go.”
It takes a few moments before Maria lets her grip go and Yelena stumbles back. Yelena can feel Maria’s blue eyes on her and takes a few moments before peering up at her.
“I’m sorry.” Yelena said before glancing away. “Were you looking for Natalia?”
“No. I had reports of banging against the walls from your room,” Maria replies and Yelena flushes red in shame and embarrassment at her lack of control.
She wracks her head any rule she might have broken for losing control like that. “Am I in trouble?” If she is, she needs to know for the future.
“No. It’s been a very stressful few weeks for you and your sister,” Maria takes a moment, glancing around the room. “Where is she?”
Yelena’s shoulders slump as she stares at her feet. “She’s mad at me.” She murmurs.
“Mad at you?” Maria echoes, furrowing her brow. “Why?”
Yelena’s not spilling their secret to anyone else. “Is that an order?”
Maria blinks down at Yelena. “What? No. No, that was a question. You have a right to privacy.”
Yelena has a hard time telling with Maria. She doesn’t know what’s an order and what isn’t and needs it specified. Yelena thinks Maria wants to be their friend but having a superior as a friend is dangerous as much as it is useful.
Yelena becomes aware of a throbbing in her hands and looks down at her knuckles, flexing her fingers when she sees the damaged skin on her knuckles.
“We need to patch that up,” Maria comments, and Yelena tenses up at the thought of going to medical. “Come on. Let’s go to my office.”
“Your office?” Yelena echoes. “Am I in trouble?” She asks again.
“No. Going to my office doesn’t mean you’re in trouble,” Maria sets a hand onto Yelena’s shoulder. “Come on.”
Yelena swallows hard, wondering if Natalia would freak out if she came back to find an empty bunk.
But Maria gives her a small, firm push toward the door and Yelena doesn’t resist, letting Maria guide her down the hallway toward her office.
Yelena takes a seat on the couch when they enter Maria’s office. Maria rifles through her drawers and pulls out a small first aid kit.
Yelena’s still not used to people taking care of her injuries for her. It used to be every man for themselves and Yelena learned to roll up her shirt and stuff it into her mouth to muffle the screams as she pours alcohol onto the wound and stitches herself up.
Maria takes a seat next to her on the couch, holding her hand out, and waits for Yelena to initiate the touch. Yelena takes a moment before stretching out her right hand and setting it into Maria’s palm.
Yelena watches Maria patch up her right hand first before setting it down and holding her hand out again to wait for Yelena’s left.
“Did you kick anything?” Maria asked as she nears finishing with patching Yelena’s left hand up. “I only ask to ensure you haven’t broken your toes.”
“Nothing’s broken,” Yelena’s broken enough bones to know what it felt like. Although she did kick the wall and her foot throbbed slightly, nothing was broken.
Maria raised an eyebrow, glancing Yelena over as she tries to tell if Yelena was lying. “Shoes off.”
Yelena pulls her feet up and undoes her laces, pulling her shoes off to reveal her socked feet to Maria.
“Socks too,” Maria said and Yelena tugs her socks off obediently.
Yelena’s feet had been damaged many times over the years, almost all of them injuries from ballet. Yelena forces herself to stay still as Maria grasps her ankle to twist her foot and look it over for injuries.
Satisfied when she sees nothing of importance, Maria lets Yelena’s ankle go. “Do you mind if I ask about the scarring on the bottom of your feet?”
Yelena tugs her socks back on quickly. She takes a few moments to think about if she wanted to answer before she replies. “They were whipped.”
Yelena only has one shoe on when the door to Maria’s office slides open. Yelena jumps and doesn’t miss the way that Maria tenses, leaning closer to Yelena as if to protect her from whoever walked through the door.
Instead, there’s a soft chirp as a certain orange cat pads softly into the room.
“Goose,” Yelena can’t help the smile that comes across her face as she leans down to offer her hand out.
Goose happily brushes up against Yelena’s legs before hopping up into her lap when Yelena sits back.
Yelena can feel Maria’s surprised gaze.
“Only one other person can hold Goose like that,” Maria comments, and Yelena ducks her head down, unsure of why the cat liked her so much. It wasn’t that Yelena minded, she loved whenever Goose would find her first.
“Danvers, yeah?” Yelena pulls Goose up into her arms and the cat burrows into her chest, letting out a soft purr that soothes Yelena.
“Carol Danvers,” Maria nods her head, busying herself cleaning up the packaging from the bandages.
Yelena buries her face into Goose’s soft fur, letting the rumbling against her chest comfort her. She doesn’t know how long she holds Goose but Maria leaves them be and Yelena appreciates that. Yelena shifts to lay back on the couch slightly when Maria moves to her chair at her desk, busying herself with work.
Goose becomes unsettled and lets out a chirp seconds before there’s a knock on Maria’s door and it slides open to reveal Clint. “Hill, have you seen Yelena--” Clint goes quiet as he glances from Maria at her desk to where Yelena was on the couch. His eyes immediately narrow at the bandaged fingers stroking the cat’s orange fur.
Yelena tenses up slightly when she sees Natalia right behind Clint. Natalia doesn’t look as angry as she did earlier but Yelena didn’t want to chance anything.
Goose lets out a small hiss at the pair in the doorway, standing up and moving to Yelena’s chest as if to protect her.
Yelena sits up slightly, trying to push Goose off of her so that she can go to her sister.
Natalia takes a step forward, pausing when Goose hissed again.
“Stop it, Goose,” Yelena murmurs at the cat, scratching just under Goose’s chin. “She’s not gonna hurt me.”
Goose seems to begrudgingly accept her answer, hopping off of Yelena’s chest to slink over to Maria.
Maria doesn’t dare try to pet Goose, letting the cat brush against her legs but nothing more. Yelena stands, realizing that she only has one shoe on. She feels very unsorted and ruffled as she tugs her other shoe on and moves toward Natalia.
“I’m so sorry, Yelena,” Natalia murmurs, hesitantly reaching out. Her hands gently cup Yelena’s face and her thumb strokes over Yelena’s cheeks just like Melina used to do to comfort them when they were hurt and upset.
Yelena leans into the touch slightly, peering up at Natalia. “Are you still mad at me?” She hesitantly questioned.
Natalia leans down to press her forehead against Yelena’s and Yelena knows that all is forgiven.