Leaving
The daze of the morning’s events hadn’t lifted, and the day had waned into the evening. Jubilee sat on the edge of Marie’s bed, staring out of the window. She imagined she had been there for hours. Not moving. Trying not to think. And failing repeatedly.
Earlier, it was Kitty and Marie sitting on their beds watching a manic Jubilee’s frantic pacing.
They had tried to reason with Jubilee during the peak of her anxiety.
“It’s not an expulsion, this is supposed to be a good thing.”
“This is the safest place you could be right now.”
“No one got seriously hurt, Boom Boom is going to be fine.”
“All of Logan’s hair finally grew back.”
It had sunk into Jubilee’s mind the severity of her behavior. She lashed out and struck another student. She broke that girl’s face. And Logan. Her stomach still turned at the sound of his screams. No one, especially not Jubilee, knew the limits of her powers - because before yesterday all she could make were simple fireworks - not anything like the napalm that almost took off Logan’s head.
In a group home this was enough to get her booted and thrown into juvi. But instead they wanted to hone her abilities, train with the likes of the elite, and -
The mattress shifted beneath Jubilee and she lifted an arm as Marie slipped close, leaning into her side.
The girl was wrapped like a burrito in one of their comforters - Kitty’s idea, after Jubilee had woken from a string of particularly awful night terrors and the girls created a fort of blankets, pillows and a mattress while Jubilee fidgeted and slumbered sandwiched between them. The best part of that following morning was rolling a sleeping Marie right out of her cocoon.
“Don’t leave.”
Jubilee worked her face against the tears that stung her eyes. Marie knew she wouldn’t leave. But Marie also knew everything inside of her wanted to flee from this place.
She drew a trembling breath, unable to look at her friend.
“I won’t,” Jubilee choked out, her arm tightening around Marie.
It was scary, this feeling. Jubilee had no problem leaving behind the other kids at other homes. Especially the smaller ones. The ones craving for a big sister. Someone to keep them safe. Jubilee would still pack her shit and bolt without a second thought. All she could be worried about was herself. What’s a six year old with cigarette burns on their back compared to her own preservation? There were hundreds - thousands - of children like that, and saving one wasn’t going to help them all.
But Jubilee, for all she could barely understand, refused to leave Marie and this place.
She hated herself for it.
Marie wasn’t a child. She was more than capable of taking care of herself. Jubilee barely enjoyed the curriculum and couldn’t stand the other students.
So why stay?
Jubilee was unwilling to give up what little of herself she had gained back.
Like honestly, fuck Logan for doing this to her, though.
And yet she didn’t have to explain herself to Marie. And that - that right there was too precious to walk away from.
“You’re going to go anyway,” Marie replied.
Jubilee covered her mouth, trying to strangle the sob crawling its way up her throat. She stood then, her feet unsteady, her side cold without Marie there.
“I just need space I need to think.”
Marie pushed the cover down to her waist, her fingers already twisting together between her hands, appearing and disappearing under the sleeves of her oversized sweater. Jubilee recognized that tick. She was scared.
Jubilee turned away, taking slow breaths.
“I’ll be fine. This happens. But I know and you know that this is what you do.”
“Oh yeah,” Jubilee spun around, anger striking through her. “What is it that I do?”
A strange calm passed over Marie. She regarded Jubilee with a sideways glance, an expression usually reserved for other students. That was annoyance. Detachment. Jubilee couldn’t reconcile the emotions that began to bloom within her.
“You’ll run. You’ll try and clear your head but just end up somewhere else and start over. It’s easier for you to start over than confront the problems you want to get away from.”
“Good job, Doctor Phil, you can recall my psych eval notes verbatim.”
“I used to runaway from here all the time,” Marie’s voice dropped an octave. She was practically sneering at Jubilee. “They used to make Logan go fetch me. Took me back kicking and screaming too. After a while he stopped coming. Got tired of it, I guess. Good call on his part, because I would just come crawling back. Stopped doing it entirely. So don’t worry no one will miss you because every kid here does the same thing.”
Jubilee just stared at her, unable to recognize the girl.
But Marie shrugged, standing, folding the blanket and setting it on her bed. “I warned you. This thing we have always fades. Leave it to me to get stuck with the ones just as broken as -“
“You know what, I’ll stop you right there. Save the monologue,” Jubilee was already marching to her own bed, snatching a duffle bag from the floor, dumping out the soiled gyms clothes and ripping the drawers of her dresser open.
“Sounds like you totally have the break up thing down to a science. That’s great because I have this down to a science too,” Jubilee was speaking faster than she could think, her voice rising with every word. But she didn’t want silence to fill the chasm that had opened up between them, and she didn’t want Marie to fill it with her own cutting words.
Her hands grasped at clothes - it looked blind but she was present enough in the moment to count the number of clean underwear, shirts, and pants she shoved into the duffle. Years of practice made her an excellent escape artist. She scowled at the thought.
“Real smart trying to make this about you - I mean fuck me, right? Keep your novels and your stupid poetry, dude.” She turned to her desk and snatched up the small book laying there, her knuckles almost white as she gripped it. It was all falling apart too fast, the anger rolling in her gut. She clung to that, because the pain of what was happening was definitely going to snap her in two. “You know I’ve left places worse than this and NEVER LOOKED BACK -“
Jubilee turned to throw it, and a hand shot out and snatched her wrist.
Marie’s brown eyes were staring into hers, welling with tears. “Okay. OKAY.”
“You -“
“I take it back. All of it. Just. Just WAIT.”
“Marie - “
“I know and you know that I know that you know that this is stupid bullshit.”
“Dude -“
“We’re stuck in this never ending loop and if you go I know I won’t have this again and you’ll be alone again and-“
Jubilee cut her off, thrusting the hand that Marie was holding in a bone crushing grip between their faces. Her free hand plucked the book from the other, tossing it aside, and pointed.
Marie was touching the skin of Jubilee’s wrist.
With her bare hand.
And nothing was happening.
Marie stared. Her mouth tried to form words, but none came as she brought Jubilee’s hand closer, almost closing the space between them.
Her grip relaxed, her fingers almost letting go, the tips of them just touching the inside of the girl’s wrist. Her thumb pressed against Jubilee’s pulse, and Marie’s eyes slid closed.
There were a lot of firsts for Jubilee in this place. And here was the moment she witnessed true, weightless, peace.
They stood like this for what felt like a long time, Jubilee almost as transfixed with the contact as Marie, feeling that chasm between them slowly disappearing.
When the tears began to fall, Marie didn’t open her eyes until she felt a callused thumb brush against her cheek. They looked at each other with shared awe. Marie moved her touch from Jubilee’s pulse and intertwined their fingers, clasping their hands together, letting go of a trembling breath.
Forgotten was their argument. And everything else for that matter.
Jubilee wanted to say something. Anything, really.
*Maybe this was a little gay.*
*It wasn’t gay, right?*
*Okay, cool, I wasn’t sure but I had to say it out loud but you know. *
*And like who cares anyway, people are so scared of intimacy on any level outside of sexual relationships so*
And then Marie’s hands were on her face, in her hair, around her neck, her palms pressing into curves and hollows and ridges, unable to use words as she whimpered and gasped.
It was frantic, as if Marie didn’t know how much time she had in this moment, trying to take as much as she could. Her nails grazing Jubilee’s scalp, fingertips pressing against her lips, tracing the contours of her face, the line of her neck to the exposed muscle of her shoulder.
To Jubilee, it was like Marie was seeing her for the first time.
And this was perhaps the most intimate she had ever been with anyone, after her parents died.
It broke her heart.
The mountain that Marie had put between them was crumbling before their eyes. Neither could even begin to understand how and why.
And for just a moment, Jubilee didn’t want to be anywhere else but there, keeping Marie grounded as her world fell away.
Their eyes eventually met as Marie held Jubilee’s face in her hands, almost with reverence.
A laugh escaped Marie, her expression unbelieving. There it was. Absolute joy. Wonder.
“How...how long does will this last?”
“...I don’t know. But...we’ll make the best of it.”
“You mean together?”
“I mean, together.”