Chapter 1
“Welcome to Camp Let’s Be Super Friends!”
There was a giant guy made of rocks standing at the check-in desk.
Ned nudges Peter’s side, “Dude,” he whispers excitedly, “There’s a giant talking rock guy working the check-in table!”
“Yeah,” Rock guy says, “Hey, hi. I’m Korg, now if you could give me your names so I can match you to whatever cabin you’ve been assigned to on this list,” he holds up a Starkpad, “that’d be great since we don’t have all day and you’re holding up the line.”
Peter and Ned give him their names.
Korg scrolls through the list, “Ah, here you are. Yeah, you’re both bunking in Loser cabin under counselor Lewis.”
Pump the breaks.
Peter: “Uh, Loser cabin? There must be some mistake. See, I’m Spiderman and I work with Mr. Star-“
“Sorry, gonna have to cut you off there, but I sort of don’t care. The list’s the list, and if the list says Loser cabin then see I click here and now you’re checked in,” Korg taps the little checkbox next to his name, turning it green.
“But, wait, I’m sure Tony wouldn’t put-“
“See? And it’s done so if you two losers would just move along so I can handle the rest of the people that’d be great.”
Ned and Peter share a look; Peter’s face full of impotent confusion. Ned shrugs in a ‘what can we do about it’ kind of way. After all, it’s not like they’re totally not used to being considered losers anyways. With nothing left they heft their bags through the gate in search of Loser cabin.
“I just, I just don’t understand,” says Peter, “I’m like a real Avenger. I fought Thanos and everything. Why would Tony put me in the loser cabin?”
“Uhohnuh,” Ned hums, shrugging as much as his bags allow, “Maybe it’s payback for all those times you didn’t listen to him?”
The almost adult thinks about it for a sec then shakes his head in the negative, “That can’t be it.”
They pass cabin after cabin, each one with a name over its door, and a small pack of teens, some obviously mutant, surrounding a super hero counsellor.
“Woaaaah,” Ned says in awe, “That’s Dare Devil. He’s sooo cool. Oh man, over there’s Mantis, she’s sooo hot–“
On and on it goes, Ned practically swooning and giving himself whiplash over every Super he sees.
“Maybe we missed it,” Peter murmurs. They’re almost to the back of the camp cabin area, and still haven’t caught sight of the cabin named Loser. They’re just about to turn back and recheck all of them when something catches his eye.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Crammed between two trees, with lopsided front steps and a crooked sign is cabin Loser. Out front is a medley of odd looking adult-type persons and teens with looks on their faces that scream more court-ordered attendance than excited to make junior super hero friends.
Like one-hundred-percent the first one, and zero the second.
“Dude,” Ned leans over and whispers, “They look like they should be at super villain friendship camp.”
Peter puffs out his cheeks, releasing a slow breath, “Well. Maybe we’re not on her list and the rock guy was wrong. Come on.”
They make their way over to the intimidating group.
A giant chrome man is instructing two girls, one with black lips and cropped hair and the other with long hair dyed pink, in a thick Russian accent, “Be sure to drink plenty of water and eat all vegetables,” he holds out a box of protein bars to each of them, “Here. Snacks.”
Peter Quill (the guy who messed up the plan when he and Tony almost had Thanos’ glove off) is standing with his space friends faced off against a sullen looking tree guy.
“It’ll be good for you,” the green chick says, trying to sound optimistically convincing (she’s failing), “You’ll be able to hang out with people your own age.”
The tree rolls his eyes, letting out a huff.
“You better check your attitude pal,” Quill snaps, “You’re lucky to be here. When I was your age Yondu had me greasin’ engine sprockets ‘cus I was the only one small enough to fit. I’da killed, literallykilled, to go to camp with a buncha kids with cool powers.”
Groot rolls his eyes again and snarks, “I am Groot.”
“Woah!” the raccoon yelps.
“That was uncalled for,” the blue shirtless one agrees.
“Hey,” a short-ish woman with dark hair and a ‘Counsellor’ shirt (Stretched tight over her chest. That was a thing. That he noticed. Absently) calmly greets them, “can I help you guys?”
“Uhhh,” Peter says, trying not to talk to her boobs, “I’m Peter Parker,” and please let this be a mistake, he finishes in his head.
She checks her Starkpad, “You’re in the right place,” he feels his heart sink. She glancing at Ned, “You gotta be Ned, right?”
“That’s, uh, that’s me,” Ned stammers, never taking his eyes off of Quill’s group. It looks like they’re trying to wrestle an ancient Gameboy from tree kid’s hands.
“Groot, hand it over or I’m gonna chop the hand off!” the raccoon growls, “And since this is a null powers zone it ain’t commin’ back until we pick you up, buddy!”
“Cool, cool,” the counsellor continues like nothing’s going on at all over there, “We’re just waiting for one more. I’m Camp Counsellor Lewis, just call me Darcy, or Darce. Whatever works for you guys.”
An obviously ruffled Peter Quill marches over, “He’s all yours,” he growls, shooting a dark look at a pouting Groot, then stalks away with the rest of his crew.
“We’re here! We’re here, we’ve made it.”
They look over and there’s a plump boy bracketed by two guys with babies strapped to their chests.
Holy shit, one was the Winter Soldier and the other-
“Dude,” Ned breathes in his ear, “That guy’s got a Freddy Kruger face.”
“Ohmigosh, I think my ovaries just exploded,” pink hair gushes, taking in the sight of Bucky effing Barnes bouncing an adorable mahogany haired babe in an Ergobaby.
“You get used to it,” black lips drones, completely impervious to the sight before her.
“Sorry we’re late,” Kruger face says cheerily, “Cher had a massive blow out, like up the back, out the legs. Which triggered my vomit reflex-“
“Which trigger my vomit reflex,” Bucky Barnes says drily.
“Then Russell started puking and for a minute there it was a like a three way poltergeist reenactment minus the whole, you know, self-harm with a cross-“
“So gross,” the girl with the cropped hair says.
“-but we managed to pull it together and here we are,” he finishes with a flourish then leans to the side, “Hi, Yukio!” he says in a chipper tone waving.
“Hi, Wade,” the pink girl bubbles back, waving as well.
Darcy rolls her eyes, “Better late than never,” she kisses the baby attached to Bucky then tilts her head up to receive a kiss from the man himself, “You shut the shop down today? And left ‘Nessa alone? It’s inventory day.”
“Of course not,” Wade reassures, “Cable’s with her. Domino’s at the bookstore.”
Their counsellor shakes her head and turns to them.
“Alright, guys, some of you already know each other, but this is Ru-“
“I’m Fire Fist,” the boy interrupts with a slight accent that makes him sound kinda like Thor.
“No, nuh-uh,” Wade says, shaking a finger at him.
Bucky sighs, Yukio giggles.
“Dude, we’ve talked about this,” Darcy tells the pouty kid firmly before turning back to them, “This is Russell-“
“Fire Fist,” the kid mutters.
“-Over there’s Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Nega for short,” the dour girl rolls her eyes, “Yukio,” the bubbly one waves, “that’s Groot,” the tree huffs, “and this is Peter and Ned.” She finishes with them.
For the next few weeks you guys are going to be each other’s team. You’re not X-Men, or X-Force,”
“Mascot,” Wade interrupts, “He’s the X-Force mascot. We’ve all agreed that in order for him to come off the bench he has to maintain a B average GPA.”
Darcy just rolls her eyes and continues, “Or an Avenger, or a Guardian of the Universe-“
“I am Groot!”
“Why is the tree just telling us his name?” Ned whispers.
“My bad, Galaxy. For every task we take first place in, we rack up cabin points. At the end of camp, the cabin with the most points wins the prize.”
“Which is?” Asks Bucky curiously.
Here Darcy takes a breath, and a forced cheerful expression curdles over her face, “An ice cream and pizza party.”
“Lame,” Wade groans.
“Dude,” Darcy admonishes him with a frown.
“No, that’s pretty lame,” Nega states, Yukio nods along in agreement.
“It kinda… is,” Peter mutters awkwardly as the rest of the campers nod in agreeance of the total lameness of an ice cream party.
“Honey,” Bucky says, gently rocking the baby from side to side, “Stark shelled out for an entire summer camp on an alien planet, plus travel costs, but he couldn’t come up with something better than an ice cream and pizza party as a reward? It’s pretty stupid, Darce.”
The tiny brunette woman is starting to look mildly hunted.
“It is not lame,” the chrome terminator dude says, heroically coming to their counsellor’s rescue.
“Thank you,” Darcy says shooting the Winter Soldier a nasty look. Bucky glares daggers at the shiny butt-kisser.
Wade looks at Bucky, “You know he only said that because he wants to marry your wife, right?”
Somehow the shiny guy’s cheeks are able to blush, “I do not want to marry your wife, Barnes. We are friends.”
“Dude,” Ned whispers, terrified, “What even.”
Peter just shakes his head. He has no clue. How did he even end up here?
“ANYways,” Darcy practically shouts, bringing them all back to focus, “As I was saying, the cabin with the most points at the end wins the ice cream party. We’ll have to work as a team-“
“How are we supposed to win,” Yukio sweetly interrupts, “when our powers don’t even work here?”
“She has a point,” Russell agrees, “I mean, we’re not exactly,” he glances around at the other members of Loser cabin, “the most physically fit group,” Peter shuffles awkwardly, and sees the other’s do it too. Without his Spider Man powers he’s just a scrawny kid, “And you know Stark put us all together because he wants us to lose. So why shouldn’t we just spend the next couple weeks kicking back, making friendship bracelets and singing kumbaya?”
Darcy takes a fortifying breath, “Well-“
“Hey Lewis,” Johnny Storm, leading his six campers on what appears to be a tour of the campus, shouts smarmily as he struts by, taking them all in, “Looks like you got yourself a group of real winners,” He chuckles, and his squad of preppy super teens giggles meanly along with him.
Peter, Ned, and Russell all shrink self-consciously in on themselves. Groot growls, and Nega takes an aggressive step towards the group of twat clones, only to have Yukio grab her arm.
Darcy narrows her eyes, then shouts at him, “Why don’t you and your receding hair line come say that to my face, Storm!”
Johnny’s hand flies to his forehead, smirk instantly dropping from his face.
“Hey Storm,” Wade shouts, “how’s it feel to be the butt of every VD joke ever?”
“Anyone ever mention how he kinda looks like a knock-off Steve?” Bucky muses, “Like a really bad knock-off?”
The quarter of the Fantastic Four bristles at the mentioning of an obvious sore topic.
“Maybe. If Steve was going for creepy, aged frat guy with penis insecurity,” Wade pops his pinky up, “and an unhealthy sister fixation.”
Johnny storms (see what I did there) off, his pouty campers trailing behind him.
“That guy is asshole,” Colossus states.
“A bleached asshole,” Russell adds, doing a convoluted arm windmill ending in a double flip-off at Johnny’s back.
Darcy spins back towards them, “I want to win that fucking Ice cream party, no matter how god damn lame, and I want us to fucking annihilate Johnny Storm’s squad on the way. Tony Stark may have stuck us together as some sort of guaranteed fail but that asshole fucked up and you know why?”
She doesn’t wait for them to answer.
“Because we’ve been the underdogs our whole lives, and still won. Every battle we’ve ever faced has been uphill, with the odds stacked against us, and we’ve still fucking won. We know how it feels to face a hopeless situation head on and make it to the other side as winners.”
Peter feels his spine straighten at her words, and sees the others’ stand taller too.
“When they’ve already written us off, we prove them wrong. Nothings been handed to us; we’ve had to earn our places at the super hero table, and keep proving that we belong there.”
“Testify, sister!” Wade sings.
“So,” Darcy continues, “Are we going to prove them right? Are we going to just let them push us into the box they think we belong in, or are we going to show them that they should never underestimate us? Because if you guys are fine with just kicking back for the next two weeks and taking bottom in everything, that’s what we’ll do. Or do we give it out all and show them they just because we don’t fit into their ideal little categories doesn’t mean we don’t deserve our places in life? Let me know guys.”
The teens exchange looks. Then Nega shrugs and answers for all of them, “Fuck it. We’re in.”