Ich Liebe Dich
"This one?" Kurt said, he held up a handful of blueberries. Which Logan grabbed with a nod. "Okay, have you ever tried peaches?" Kurt said. Logan shook his head and Kurt held out a peach he had maybe sort of stolen out for Logan to take. Logan hesitated but his eyes lit up when he bit into it. Pupils expanding like a cat. Kurt grinned.
"I love them too." Kurt said. Logan nodded.
"Thank you." He mumbled. Kurt grinned.
"Bitte shon, had a good day Logan?"
Logan shrugged and grumbled; he looked up at Kurt through the matted fringe of his hair.
"Yeah. Good." Logan said. Kurt closed his eyes with a smile. Logan moved and pressed right up against Kurt's side. Something Kurt hadn't expected at all but enjoyed nonetheless. Logan nudged Kurt's shoulder with his head.
"I've been fine thank you. I have a big show tonight. So many people will be there…I'm nervous, but I'm so excited. They all want to see, well, me." Kurt almost shivered. All those eyes, all those people, he couldn't wait and yet he wanted to hide under his bed.
Logan dropped his chin on Kurt's shoulder with a hum.
"Good at flying," he said. Kurt turned his head to smile at him.
"Thank you Logan," He said. Logan sat up straighter and while his face was always either blank or exploding with emotion Kurt could see in the tilt of his head that he was listening to something.
"You have to go." Logan said. A second later Kurt heard his mother yelling for him. Kurt giggled and stood up in a smooth motion.
"I'll see you soon mein fruend," Kurt said.
He felt Logan staring and rumbling in what Kurt thought was a growl behind him. A kind growl.
—--------------------
Logan huffed and sat up; the pile of his furs he was borrowing under falling onto his shoulders and the floor. The biggest girl in his pack looked at him and Logan scowled.
He turned back to pawing at his bed and shuffling things around until he was content to flop onto it on his side with a growl.
Logan felt the cold nose of his brown wolf and got to his feet again.
The only thing on his mind was blue, brimstone and fur and blue.
Logan dug through the only part of his bed he left undisturbed. Where his only belongings sat. At the moment the only thing under there a pencil he had made from a stick and charcoal.
Logan crouched down and put the pencil to the cave wall. In the coming night-darkness other drawings could barely be made out. Smudged faces or words in an unsteady scrawl.
But the picture under his hand at the moment had big beautiful eyes; so big, so golden. The ruff of fur at the hinge of his jaw. Yes, yes right there.
How his curls swooped into his eyes. The motion of flicking his head to toss those curls away from his eyes, perfect.
Logan grunted and sat back, planted his hands on the ground behind him. He stared up at the sprawling sketch.
He scowled.
He dropped his pencil in its hiding place with a growl.
It was only charcoal and stone, nothing st all like the real thing. Logan pawed his furs around and then finally with a glance out to the moon he relented. He might as well go on a run.
—---------------------
Stefan poked Kurt's ribs, right where it always made him laugh.
"If I had that many girls flirting with me before a show I would never leave the trailer," he said. Kurt laughed.
"They only want to experience the freak is all Stefan. You know that." Kurt said with a small shake of his head. Stefan hummed.
"Youre not just the freak little brother." He said.
"Stefan its alright I know I am." Kurt said. He grinned and stepped away, tossed a look over his shoulder. "I've got to go. But I'll visit you after I promise. Make sure Jimaine leaves a spot for me!" Kurt said.
Then the lights hit him. Dull as he slipped into the big top proper and to the ladder.
His breath caught as he grabbed on and started to climb; see, that was the worst part.
The climb.
But he made it up okay, and he sat to wait for his cues. The crowd below him truly a sight to see. Kurt smiled.
His tail swayed behind him as he propped his chin in his hand and watched the strong men finish their routine with a cheer.
He thought to himself, I'll congratulate them later, then stood up to his full height.
As lights got brighter with the burning smell he knew so well and he heard the scream of,
"Our own wonder of the world, our inhuman acrobat, the incredible Nightcrawler!"
Kurt bowed, and then he fell. A nosedive off the platform, the crowd gasped until he caught himself. Like He always did.
And if the climb is the worst part then this was the best. The strain of muscle and whistle of air in his ears. A twist in the air to catch a bar, Kurt laughed out loud.
Then came his finale, his favorite trick, twisting in the air and catching himself on his tail.
The cheers drowned out every thought Kurt could have. The thunderous noise making his ears ring. He smiled wide and the lights turned downward again for the next act as Kurt scrambled off to the ladder and down.
"Good job kid," one of the animal trainers said with a slap on his shoulder. Kurt grinned and giggled with a bounce on his feet. The after show high his favorite feeling by far.
Kurt cartwheeled once,twice, and then a third time to land next to where his mother and sister sat at a table. Pulling card tricks and palm readings.
"There you are blau, did it go well?" Margali said, Kurt nodded and palmed his sweaty hair out of his face.
"Very well!" Kurt bounced on the balls of his feet and jumped up to perch on the back of Jimaine's chair. "The lights hit me, silence, then, The Incredible nightcrawler!" He threw his hands out to the side.
Jimaine hit him in the stomach with her elbow.
"Off, I'm trying to count cards here blue," she said. Kurt laughed and leaned his forearm on her head.
"You could do that with your eyes closed schwester, you never let me have any fun." He said. Jimaine smiled, tilting her head down to hide it from him, and shook her head.
"How's your imaginary friend blue?" She said. Kurts face split into a dopey smile.
"He's wonderful. And he isn't imaginary," He said. Jimaine laughed.
"Sure, tell yourself that." She said. Before kurt could respond somebody, more than likely bored of the big top events at the moment, wandered closer with money in hand.
Kurt put on his best smile and moved his arm off Jimaine's head to sit more prim and proper on the back of her chair.
—-----------------------
Logan woke up with a smile. A soft sort of thing pressed against the fur of one of his pack. He sighed soft and slow and wiggled into a more comfortable position with a huff. The biggest girl licked his face and Logan turned his head away with a purr.
His purr wasn't rare really, not here at least, and it wasn't truly a purr either. More of a growl under his ribs that he did without thinking. A rumbling thing that didn't come from fear or anger like his growl, which was much much louder, but more a sound like a small motor that stemmed from contentment or joy. A feeling of safety or at times a way of self soothing.
Logan stretched out and made a sound almost a chirp before wriggling out from under the dogpile of his family.
Within a few moments of walking through the woods he caught his favorite smell, brimstone and cat.
He found Kurt knee-deep in a stream humming a song. Mumbling lyrics out loud every few seconds in a language Logan didn't understand.
Kurt hadn't noticed him, not yet, so Logan crouched down into the brush and watched. Stiff as a statue as he saw the wind ruffling Kurt's hair. The small splashes made by his tail. Kurt spun with an arm out and sang out a full line of the song with a laugh.
Logan tilted his head; Kurt seemed to stand as if he was holding something- or someone- and spun around with the gentle splash of the water around his knees.
Kurt stopped and leaned down to grab for something under the water; Logan ducked forward and caught the spade of Kurt's tail between his teeth.
Kurt screamed and spun around, but his panicked babbling turned into a smile and a shaking laugh when he saw Logan. Sitting on the edge of the water letting his tail slide out of his mouth as he turned.
"Logan!" Kurt said. He rushed to sit beside Logan. Logan tensed up but all Kurt did was throw an arm around Logan's shoulders and pull him into a half hug.
Logan was pushing him away before his mind caught up. Cracking his fist on Kurt's jaw and falling into a crouch with a panicked growl.
Kurt put a hand on his jaw and scooted back until his shoulders hit a tree.
"I'm sorry!" Kurt said, he held his free hand up in front of him. His golden eyes so wide and the air clouded with fear. Logans heart beat faster and he shrunk in on himself. He felt the burn of tears in his eyes but he refused to let them fall.
"I'm sorry Logan, I shouldn't have moved so fast," Kurt kept his hands visible, but he sat up straighter.
Logan glanced up at him through his hair, then he whined and covered his face with his hands.
He knew this feeling. This scream and this pain and the fear coming off of people he doesn't want to be scared. He never wants Kurt to be scared. Not of him. Never, no. But Kurt's scared. Kurt's hurt.
Logan was shaking and he tried to tense up to stop himself but it only made it worse.
"Logan?"
Logan cried.
Thick blood on his hands he knew probably wasn't actually there since he had only pushed Kurt but still stuck to his skin all the same. Digging deep into his bones to forever mark him as a monster.
Marked
Bloody.
Tired.
Logan drew in a slow breath and pulled his hands away from his face.
He tried not to look up, he knew he wouldn't be able to stand Kurt's terrified expression, but he couldn't help himself.
And yet…
Kurt wasn't terrified. He was empathetic. He was moving closer. He was trying to touch Logan but thinking better of it. He was trying to give Logan a smile and meet his eyes and he waved.
"There you are. I'm sorry liebchen I didn't mean to upset you. I'm not going to hurt you I promise." Kurt said.
Logan whined and curled up on his side on the ground.
"Hurt you." He mumbled.
"Whatd you say?" Kurt said. He moved ever closer, still far of course but close enough to reach out and touch Logan if he wanted to.
Logan looked up from the ground and moved to press his head against Kurt's thigh.
"Hurt you kitty cat…" Logan said.
"Oh," Kurt hesitantly brushed a hand through Logan's hair. The bits that weren't tangled or caught with dirt. Logan pressed closer at the touch. "It's alright Logan." Logan shook his head. "No, I promise. I've been hurt worse running into a wall, and I scared you. It's my fault. It's okay." Kurt said. A whisper now. Logan's eyes drifting closed and a purr starting to rumble. Kurt giggled and laid on his back. Logan glanced at him and oh so slowly moved to rest his head on Kurt's stomach.
"Stay." Logan said. It didn't sound like a question but it had to be.
—--------------------
"Kurt!" It was Jimaine that woke Kurt up. Not that he wanted to wake up yet, much less have to go follow Jimaine back home.
Kurt groaned and tried to stretch but he found he couldn't move much. On account of Logan being stretched out on top of him. Logan snorted and curled tighter around Kurt in his sleep.
Kurt cooed and he heard Jimaine yell again. He sat up and hissed out a sound as loud as he could. Trying to get her attention with the closed thing to a whistle he could manage.
He needed to learn how to whistle.
Jimaine stopped yelling and soon Kurt sat up a bit to see her peeking into the clearing next to the stream.
"The fuck-"
"Shh!"
Jimaine shut her mouth with a clack.
She sat down with an expression that can only be called unnerving.
"He isn't imaginary." She said, Kurt shook his head, one of his hands sliding through Logan's dark hair. "Interesting."
Kurt broke out into a grin, he started to speak but before he could get a full word out Logan was awake and hiding Kurt in his arms with a savage growl at Jimaine.
Jimaine stood up with a pretty dark glare. Kurt was just trying to figure out heads and tails after getting sort of scooped up and thrown to the floor so Logan could protect him.
"Logan it's okay she's my sister." Kurt said. Logan grunted and glanced from Kurt to Jimaine. He sniffed the air. Then finally sat back and let Kurt stand up.
Kurt gave Logan a smile and turned to Jimaine, he held out a hand to wave at Logan.
"Logan!" He said, Logan looked Up at her with a rough growl.
Jimaine was unaffected. She only smiled and pulled a flower from what seemed like nowhere to offer to Logan.
"I'm Kurt's big sister, wolf boy. And I'm not scared of you." She said,
Logan was silent, like a statue made of rage, but then he laughed.
Rolling his head back with the force of it, his mouth open to show those brilliant fangs.
Kurt smiled, small but genuine.
Logan snorted and grinned up at Jimaine, quick as lightning he snapped the flower from her hand with his teeth. That, at least, got a reaction from Jimaine. A small yelp, but she took it in good humor and smiled.
"Mutti says its time to come home, Kurt. Herr Getmann wants to talk to you." She said, she took Kurt's hand in her own and he looked from her to Logan and nodded.
"Alright, I'll visit soon Logan, I promise." Kurt said. He let go of Jimaine then to hug Logan, slow and gentle so as to not scare him again, then took his sister's hand again. Logan watched them go. His eyes glued to the sway of kurts tail and the giggle he let out at something Jimaine said.
—------------------------------
Jimaine stuck by his side all the way to the small trailer that served as Herr Getmann's office. Kurt knocked and expected to wait for awhile but instead the door jerked open to Herr Getmann's red angry-face.
"I'm busy! Come back later!"
"You asked for m-"
"Busy!"
Before he slammed the door Kurt caught sight of a man that seemed very very familair, but Kurt was sure he had never seen him before.
"He's going to work here apparently. I heard talk about it." Jimaine said, Kurt only hummed. He was beyond used to his sister knowing every thought he had. She knew him too well.
"Does he seem familiar to you schwester?" Kurt said, Jimaine shrugged and tugged on his tail.
"Come on, if you don't have to talk to Him, we have chores to do." She said.
—-------------------------
Kurt couldn't sleep.
Not that he wasn't exhausted. He was, no he just couldn't sleep. Something pulled at him. Like an itch in the back of your throat you just can't get.
He slid out of the tangle of limbs and blankets and snuck out into the chill of the night air. It almost stung, but Kurt didn't pay any mind to it. His fur kept him comfortable enough.
The trees gave some cover once he ducked into the woods, but he stopped a few steps in.
He didn't know how to find Logan.
Kurt dropped his head into his hands with a groan, Logan always found him first. He didn't have any clue where to go. Kurt huffed and picked a direction. Some start was better than none. He only hoped God gave him some luck.
Some time later it seemed he had, as Kurt heard rustling leaves and Logan peeked up at him from his crouch behind a tree. Kurt dropped to sit on the ground with a sigh and a smile.
"There you are, I'm sorry if I woke you. I couldn't sleep." Kurt said. Logan grinned and leaned heavy on kurts side.
"Y'cold." Logan said, he tucked his face up against Kurt's neck and Kurt froze. He didn't move a single muscle, only goosebumps on his skin as Logan's warm breath ghosted across the skin of his throat. Kurt's eyes went wide and he broke out into a dopey smile.
He chanced tilting his head against Logan's and his bid paid off in full. Logan pressed closer and snuffled against his neck; the warmth he gave Kurt more than just body heat, Kurt was embarrassed to admit. He felt Logan breathe in deep and it only made the situation worse- Kurt almost whined but he just gasped when he heard something else.
A rumble on his side, where Logan was up against him.
A purr. Coming from Logan!
Kurt made a small sound and reached out to drape his arm over Logan's shoulders, impossibly warm for not having a shirt on in this weather. Logans purr stuttered, then got louder as he pressed closer. Sliding his arms around Kurt's middle to hold him tight.
Kurts tail whipped around in the air, he was silent but he couldn't really ever get a handle on that thing. He ignored it in favor of pressing a kiss to Logan's head; he had to bite back a gleeful giggle when Logan smiled.
A crack in the air had Logan growling and yanking Kurt into a bush. Kurt tried to stand up with a mumble but Logan held him down. Taking up that defensive stance he had with Jimaine.
Another crack, finally Kurt's brain caught up with him and he realized it was a gunshot.
Logan sniffed and his eyes went wide, pure terror in the way he shook and crawled deeper into the brush.
Lurt looked around and tried to stand again, but Logan grabbed his hand and pulled him down, into a hug that was more wrapping himself around Kurt than hugging.
"I know you're here!" Kurt heard, a deep voice followed by another gunshot. A familiar scratch to his voice.
He sounded like Logan.
Logan held Kurt tighter, he felt like he was being crushed and he wiggled until Logan relaxed a bit. He started to whisper but Logan covered his mouth.
"Quiet. Quiet." Logan hissed.
The yelling came closer now.
"Logan! You ran off, but I found you!"
Logan started to pant, breathing faster and looking around with wild eyes. Kurt had never seen him this scared, he made a choice then.
Kurt twisted out of Logan's arms and moved to kneel in front of him. Between the stranger and Logan, reaching out to hold tight to Logan's hand with his own.
"Come out and talk you beast!"
Logan whined and curled up on the ground. Kurt glanced back at him, then he leaned close enough to whisper.
"I'll take care of it liebling. I will. Stay here." He said. Then he let go of Logan's hand and slid up into the tree. Logan reached up after him, but he stayed where he was. Hidden in the brush.
Kurt climbed up through the tree in complete silence, until he could jump to another with barely a rustle of leaves and drop to the ground.
He was met with a gun pointed his way, and behind that a tall man with brown hair and blue eyes. A beard, a hat pulled down low on his brow, and three deep scars across his face.
It was the man from Herr Getmann's trailer, it shocked Kurt for a moment.
"What the hell?" The man said, Kurt cleared his throat and held his hands up.
"Hallo. I'm Kurt." He said, he waved a little.
"You ain't who I was looking for." He said. Kurt kept smiling. He wanted to look at Logan, to make sure he was hidden, but he didn't.
"No but I'm the only one out here. Sorry." Kurt said. The man looked around with a grunt and finally put his gun away.
"You be careful out in these woods. Wouldn't want Getmann's favorite pet to get hurt. Wolves can be dangerous kid." He said. Kurt crossed his arms with a small smirk. A sly smile just for himself.
"I'll be alright. The wolves don't bother me." He said.
The big man turned with a scowl and lumbered off back towards the tents. Kurt kept an eye on him until he disappeared into the trees. Then a few seconds after.
As soon as he started to turn to find Logan, Logan came jumping out of the bush to tackle him against a tree with a frown. Tears on his face that Logan scrubbed away with the back of his hand before sniffing Kurt. Poking him looking for injuries. Kurt smiled and waited for Logan to finish, then pulled him into a hug.
"I'm okay. I took care of it, I told you I would." Kurt said, Logan squeezed him tight. Crowding him against the tree at his back.
"Don't do that." Logan whispered, one of his longer sentences. "Dangerous." Logan stretched up to press their foreheads together. "Don't die Kurt. Don't die."
Kurt choked on his words. All he did was nod.
—--------------------------------
"Kurt Szardos!" Kurt jolted awake, perfectly warm and perfectly comfortable in Logan's arms, to Jimaine pulling on his tail.
"You scared our mother half to death! You could've frozen to death out here!" She said, Kurt blinked and sat up, Logan let him. But he was certainly awake now.
"I'm alright Kimaine. I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep. I didn't mean to stay out all night I promise-"
"Tell mother that. She's been searching for you since dawn." Jimaine offered a hand, Kurt took it and stood. He smiled down at Logan. A sleepy thing.
Loga was just as drowsy. Smiling up at him with one arm pillowed under his head. Purring loud enough that Kurt still heard it, even standing up. Kurt laughed and went to say goodbye, but Jimaine yanked him by the hand back through the woods to the tents.
"Staying out all night with your boyfriend-" Jimaine let out a labored sigh. "You have to be more careful. I've got a bad feeling about this place. Something terrible has happened here. Or will. I'm not sure." She said, but she shook her head as if to toss the thoughts from her mind and put on a soft smile.
"But if you do that again, at least wear more layers." She said with a laugh. Kurt grinned wide and let go of her hand to throw his arm over her shoulders.
"I've got fur Jimaine! I don't need layers." He said. She snorted and jabbed him in the ribs. He howled in a laugh. Ever since the day Jimaine had found out he was ticklish she'd used it as a weapon.
He wouldn't trade it for the world.
—--------------------------------
Kurt saw the man again the next day. Standing outside the big tent as though he was waiting for Kurt. It made his fur stand on end. Kurt tried to slide past him but the man was large, and he got in Kurt's way.
"You could freeze to death, sneaking around the woods like that." He said. Kurt tried not to make a face.
"So I've been told, and I wasn't sneaking-"
The man grabbed kurts arm and jerked him closer.
"I don't give a shit. Stay out of my way. I've got pests to take care of." He said, then he pushed Kurt away and stalked off to go lurk somewhere else.
Kurt wrapped his arms around himself and ducked into the tent with a shiver.
Stefan was waiting for him, lounging on the ground with a sewing project in his lap.
"Tag, brother." He said, more of a mumble than anything else. Sticking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and squinting the way he did when he was counting stitches.
Kurt sighed and flopped onto the ground next to him. Stefan stopped for a second and glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.
"I'm fine." Kurt said, immediately.
"Sure." Stefan went back to sewing, his own passive aggressive way of waiting for Kurt to speak.
"Okay," Kurt mumbled.
It always worked.
"I'm worried about Logan. It's getting colder outside, and I think the new roadie has something against him. He was wandering the woods last night waving a shotgun." Kurt sat up and covered his face with his hands. "But Logan won't listen to me. He won't even try to come back to the trailer with me. It's not safe for him out there." Kurt sighed.
Stefan was silent for a second, processing his word vomit.
"You can't force him." He finally said.
Kurt smacked him on the head with his tail.
"Ich weiß das!" Kurt said, Stefan only smiled.
"You can't stay out there all night every night either little brother. Logan's lived out there a long time apparently. He'll be alright." Stefan stood up and ruffled Kurt's hair, Kurt only pouted. "And Mutti wanted me to tell you to see her when you're done practicing."
Kurt smiled, and Stefan wandered off.
—--------------------------------
Logan sat in the woods staring at his hands for far too long.
See, his hands were covered in blue fur. Not covered really, but to his senses it was close enough. Kurt's fine blue fur on his rough palms was something…godly.
He didn't understand it, he didn't really want to, but it felt wrong to touch anything but Kurt now. Or to even look at something that wasn't Kurt smiling in his sleep and wagging his tail around while he dreamed.
Logan had slept for maybe ten minutes that night. The chance to see Kurt in his most vulnerable moments aas to much to pass up. Though Logan knew, from someone somewhere, that watching people sleep was considered wrong.
Eventually he shook his head and got up to walk.
A chill carried in the air, winter only getting colder now. It didn't bother him, nor did the heat during summer, but everytime Kurt brought it up he could smell his worry.
Low on the list. Low Low Low.
Dog.
Dog was here. Dog had found him. Logan snarled and started to run. He couldn't stay, but he had to.
Kurt.
Dog.
What to do?
—--------------------------------
Another night, another hour of flying through the air while everyone in the stands gasped and cheered.
It still held the same charm, the same joy, over Kurt it always had. But another worry dug into his mind.
Dog had disappeared. The wind was howling. Everything in Kurt told him something was wrong.
His mutti always told him to trust his instincts.
So, the second he finished the show he dashed out of the big tent and straight to the trailer. He changed out of his costume and ran into the woods so hard he could barely breathe.
But all was silent.
Peaceful as always. With the distant howl of wolves.
Kurt breathed deeper, softly smiling. He walked deeper into the woods, towards the river.
Then came a sound, a sound that had made mothers cry and orphans weep for centuries, cracking the silence. The other shoe dropping.
A gunshot.
And a scream.
Kurt started to run again, following the sound closer to the river.
When he broke the tree line he saw blood. Splattered, streaming.
And Logan, with a hole in his gut. Flesh torn. Blood coating him. A fuzzy look in his eyes.
"Logan!" Kurt screamed and ran to him.
He caught Logan as he stumbled, fighting the dizzy feeling of blood loss.
Then he heard the click and clack of a gun reloading, and looked up to find Dog. With his shotgun pointed not at him; no, at logan.
"I told you to stay out of my way." Dog said.
Kurt could barely see through the tears in hisbeyes.
"You've killed him!" He said, he held Logan tighter.
"That's the goal." Dog said, he stepped closer and gestured with his gun. "Move or I'll kill you too." He said.
Logan growled and pushed Kurt off him, only to put himself between him and Dog. Still. Bleeding.
The gun went off again, a smile on Dog's face, blood splattered everywhere, Kurt's ears rang.
He grabbed Logan and then-
He wasn't there anymore. The pale blue-gray winter sky filled his eyes.
Then ice cold shocked him. He gasped and his mouth filled with water, he'd let go of Logan at some point and the cold made it hard to move or see. Kurt flailed but he just kept sinking. Not knowing which was aas up, where he was, or if Logan was even still alive. Kurt gasped as water filled his lungs.
The last thing he felt, as the world bled into black and ice blue, was a strong hand around his wrist.