Nightmares
Even the best of days can end in nightmares.
They always came when you least expect it, and when you're at your lowest. Souring a perfectly happy day.
And there he was, sucked into a nightmare he couldn't escape.
The day he heard the news.
It was so vivid, nine years hadn't faded the memory in the slightest. He wasn't alone that night. He was watching a movie with Pepper and Rhodey. It was supposed to be a good day.
He could even remember the line they left off when the news came to him. The most cliched line that timed itself just right.
He could recall how all three of them had sat there, laughing at how cliche it was.
"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get."
And then his phone has buzzed incessantly. So strongly that he excused himself to grab a glass of water and to read what he was sent.
His ears buzzed at the memory of shattering glass. As it split and spread along his floors. How his phone shattered alongside his glass. The buzzing of noise telling him it couldn't be.
The day Peter's parents were found dead.
His mouth was bitter, filling with bile as nausea rose within him. Voices rushed into his ears, worried cries from Rhodey and Pepper. Their words were so clear, but all Tony could feel or hear was the blood rushing to his ears and the pain in his chest as he hurled. His eyes were blinded with hot tears that refused to stop.
It should've only just been that, a nightmare about truly one of the darker times in his life.
But Nightmares never stopped where it was convenient. They built upon all the small anxieties and fears the bubbled up in the mind. All those festering worries that seemed so wild and impossible.
They were a plague.
As Tony's worst day started to fade, his stomach sunk at a newer scene. Surrounded by rumble, as flames licked up his sides and filled his vision with red, he saw his worst nightmare.
Peter.
His son lying lifeless on the ground, parts of his suit torn and bloodied, caking the dirt below in a pool of crimson.
Tony couldn't feel his body move, every muscle breaking down and collapsing on itself, while he itched for them to spring into action. But the wouldn't. He could only stand and stare in horror at his son's lifeless form.
"Peter? Oh my god-" may stumbled into view, looking disheveled, Ben quick behind her as they rushed to Peter's side. "Peter!" They both dropped to his side. Their faces covered in trembling, sloppy tears that pooled on their cheeks and down their chin. They fell like rain into Peter, who they clung to do desperately. His cold skin and unbreathing body resting there. Their tears soaked his suit. The suit that should've saved him.
"Peter!" And the words finally escaped him, his face still swimming with tears. Peter is his most important person. His baby boy. Outliving your kid was the worst fate Tony could think of.
He wanted to run to Peter too, but Ben and May looked up at him with cold eyes, angry eyes.
"You said you'd protect him!" Ben shouted out in anger. "You lied! Peter is dead because of you!"
"N-no. I never wanted-" it was the truth, in the end. He built up a billion walls and yet he hadn't built enough. His nightmare was festering his own self hatred. It flickered and circled around his skull to infect all his memories. His limbs finally gave out as he fell to the ground. May and Ben hated him, and his son was dead.
"I never wanted this."
With a start, Tony bolted upright in his bed gasping for breath. Sweat rolled down his body, shocking him with a cold shock all the way down his spine.
He laughed shakily as he managed to somewhat calm his breathing. "It was a nightmare." This was reality. Peter was alive. "Just a nightmare." He had to repeat the words to make sure he could trust them. He'd seen so much death that his nightmares felt so scarily believable. And when Tony could practically feel everything in those dreams, he had to remind himself when they finally ended.
When that realization finally hit that he was no longer dreaming, he fell back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, still catching his breath. His chest heaved and he could see the subtle glow from his arc reactor, as it reflected on faint lights scattered about the room.
Peter was alive.
Alive.
He closed his eyes, counting as he took deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth, letting his body settle. As soon as his heart stopped thundering in his ears, he opened his eyes again, sighing. His nightmares always seemed to hit where it hurt.
His thoughts were filled with the Parker family. After he lost Mary and Richard, he had slowly stopped having nightmares. And after two years, every time he had nightmares, it was about the avengers or his science kids. But Peter was back in his life, and he had all these emotions he didn’t want to acknowledge towards Ben and May. All it did was add fuel to the fire, making his already horrible nightmares downright terrifying.
The bed creaked under Tony’s weight as he pushed himself up, throwing his legs over the side so he could get up. After all that, he needed tea. A warm drink really, but coffee wasn’t going to help him right now. Every muscle felt heavy as he left his room, making his way through the halls of the tower and to the kitchen.
Unexpectedly, someone was already there.
Tony sighed at the sight, recognizing that broad back anywhere. Steve heard the sigh and glanced up from a. Sketch he was working on, spotting Tony. His relaxed face dropped and he looked annoyed more than anything, even somewhat guilty after his eyes grazed Tony’s cast.
Serves him right.
Neither of them greeted the other as Tony went to grab the kettle, filling it with water. He yawned as he set it on the stove and turned on the heat. It was still silent between them as Tony got his mug and picked out a tea. He stood by the counter, leaning against it as he rubbed at his eyes. They felt agitated. Apparently Tony had been crying when he woke up and didn’t even realize, the skin hot and puffy where he rubbed.
Nightmares were the worst.
As he waited for the kettle to boil, he cast a glance to Steve, who looked away quickly once they made eye contact. “If you’re going to stare, say something,” Tony muttered.
“You look like shit,” Steve finally said.
Tony shrugged. “Yeah. It happens. I tend to look like shit a lot. In the years you’ve known me, I’m pretty sure most of the times we’ve seen each other, I looked like shit.”
“That’s not what I meant Tony.” Steve sighed. Setting down his pencil. “You’ve been crying.”
Yeah. He had. And the thing is, Tony really didn’t want to share with Steve of all people what happened. “Since when do you care. Last I checked, you broke my wrist.”
“Tony-“
“What?” He snapped. “Can’t I just get tea in peace?”
Steve looked away, sighing again. “Are we ever going to get along? Is this everything we are?”
A loaded question. Since day one, they two opposed everything the other did. They were at odds when it came to anything and everything. And the wrist incident wasn’t the first time they’d had physical altercations. It was genuinely hard for Tony to believe they could ever get along.
And Tony couldn’t help his snide comment about it all. “We burned our bridges the day we met.”
“I guess we did.”
The pit behind Tony started to whistle, and he turned his back to Steve, turning off the heat. As he prepared his tea, he heard Steve move. He paid the idiot no mind as he steeped his tea.
He only stopped when he sensed Steve was behind him. So, he set his mug down and turned to face him. “What?”
“Seriously, what’s wrong?”
Well, he just wouldn’t go away. Tony was tired of self righteous being up in his business. “None of your business,” Tony informed. He continued steeping his drink, ignoring Steve.
“Tony.”
“Stop. You already broke my wrist, can’t you leave me alone?”
Steve stilled, stiffening at the though. “I never meant for that to happen,” he excused. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“As the leader of this team, you should think more.” Tony took out the teabag, tossing it into the garbage can under the sink, grabbing his mug with his good hand. His wrist was healing well, but still, that didn’t change that Steve was the one to break it. Tony went to move away and Steve clutched at his arm, stopping Tony dead in his tracks.
“Why can’t you jus-“
“What are you doing?” Both of them snapped in the direction of the voice. Peter and Harley were standing there, looking horrified. They had obviously not fallen asleep yet, as they had a small pile of trash they were planning on throwing out.
At the shock, Tony yanked him arm away. And quickly, he went over to the boys. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s get back to bed.”
The two looked confused, but nodded, throwing their rash away and leaving with Tony.
Steve let them go, staring at his hands in shock.
He had grabbed Tony again. It was an accident, yet he knew he was grabbing too strong. Fuck.