Goodbye late dancer
"Steve my dear, its time to let me go."
The already cracking mask of joy crumpled and dusted all over the white hospital sheets that covered Peggy Carter.
Steve look at her. The words he so desperately did not want to hear came so out of the blue and sudden, it caught him off guard. "What?"
"You heard me Steven."
They looked at each other, only staring. Steve looked in desperation, searching for some kind of break in her resolve- but Peggy only gazed back from beneath wrinkled eyelids and a tired brow. "You and i both know this. I have lived a life, gotten married, had children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren- for Christ sake i have a great- grandchild on the way," she took in a great, labored breath, "but you?"
Her eyes continued to see into him, "you have hardly had a life. You were 27 when you became americas hero, and 27 when you gave up 70 years of life to save it. for only 6 years were you at legal drinking age, and not once did you get a drink with your father- and me?" she paused and looked to the ceilin, as if searching for something- something to say perhaps? "I hardly knew you. Sure we talked and laughed and you told me things about yourself and your past, but for only 7 months did we talk in total. and when a war is happening, its very hard to find an intimate relationship with someone."
she looked back to steve, "I was not to one to teach you dance, to love, to talk to girls. i was not there to love you and be your partner. yes, i liked you and you liked me, but we were not in love. we kissed but once, shared so few truly private moments and i can surely count them on one hand. we did not have a family, get married. we did not share our first dance and we did not have to chance to dat-" coughs suddenly sputtered to life from Pegs throat.
Steve instinctively reached for water, but of course peggy had already gotten it for herself
"what i am trying to say," she got out after a nice gulp of water, "is that you need to live your life without me holding you back-God knows i don't need to live with that on my consious." she giggled, but got no laughs in reply from Steve. "I want you to find someone who will make you just as- no, more happy than i ever did, do you hear me? if i ever find out you only lived out the rest of your days in sorrow because of me, Lord knows what i would do to you."
one more breath and she spoke again, weaker than before "Live the life you wanted to have with me, only better, happier, and much more exciting."
and with one more steely glance at Steve, Pegger Carter said only one more thing.
"And my dearest late dance partner, don't you ever rain check someone ever again." with a kidding smile on her face.
...
The heart monitor rang with the non stopping sound of the flat, high pitched tone.
But Steve didn't hear it.
All he heard were Peggy Carters final lecture she ever gave him. of course. only she would scold him for coming back wishing that they could spark their love again. it was almost laughable how Peggy that was.
only, the fresh tears on his face said very differently.
eventually, the resident nurses helped him up and out of the door, but he didn't really feel them pull his arms or hear them reassure it was going to be all right. he was just numb.
of course it was exactly what he needed to hear- from Peg especially- but that doesn't mean he wanted to hear it.
So he just sat in the waiting room chair debating between taking this to his counselor or just blocking it out completely.
.
.
.
he should take this to his counselor