“LET US EAT HIM!”
No! Let him go!
“MUST DESTROY HIM! TEAR HIM APART! MAKE HIM SUFFER FOR ALL THE PAIN HE’S INFLICTED ON US!”
Venom! I said let him go!
With a guttural roar, Venom flung their captive against the slimy sewer walls. The kid gasped upon impact and slid to the floor. It took a few seconds of scrambled floundering for him to stand, palms braced against the wall to keep him upright, his whole body trembling in fear.
“W-what the hell are you? Why are you trying to kill me?”
The shudder in his voice cut Eddie to his core. Normally, he and the alien lifeform mirrored each other’s emotions, one side eventually succumbing to the other’s will in order to maintain their bizarre yet symbiotic relationship. But ever since they’d seen that spider-guy on the TV, things had changed. Venom had been ignoring his host’s desperate attempts to calm him down and tame his wild temper. Eddie hadn’t even had time to figure out what the hell had happened in their beach house two days ago; once the symbiote got Spider-Man in his head, then eventually in his sights, a darker side of him had taken over, one that Eddie was struggling to keep at bay. Right now, it was taking everything in him to keep the alien from ripping the kid to the shreds. Right now, the symbiote was pulsing with an unbendable, blind rage.
My thoughts exactly! Eddie shouted from inside Venom. What’s wrong with you? Why do you want to eat him so badly?
“SPIDER-MAN KNOWS WHO WE ARE! SPIDER-MAN KNOWS WHAT HE’S DONE!” Venom screeched. He stomped forward, balling his massive hands into fists. “AND FOR THAT, THE SPIDER-MAN MUST DIE!”
No! Eddie yelled, forcing their legs to a halt. Let’s talk about this! He’s just a kid!
At that moment, Spider-Man bolted toward the mouth of the tunnel, feet splashing through muck and sewer water. But Venom launched a glob of black goo at him before he could turn the corner, knocking him back into the wall and trapping him in place.
“Agh! What is this?” Peter cried, wriggling uselessly beneath the sticky net. His eye lenses went wide as the giant monster approached, spindles of drool stretched between its impossibly sharp teeth, its long tongue slithering from its maw like a pink eel. It was every child’s worst nightmare come to life. Spider-Man turned away in horror, his voice breaking. “P-please! I didn’t mean to bring you here! It was an accident!”
What? Eddie exclaimed. Wait—listen to him. Just stop for two seconds and listen to what he has to say.
The alien bellowed in protest and stomped their feet. “YOU WOULDN’T BE STOPPING ME IF YOU KNEW WHAT HE’S DONE!”
“What...what who’s done?” Spider-Man ventured to say, still shaking. “What I’ve done?”
Eddie knew the kid could only hear what Venom was saying, which was likely making being kidnapped and attacked by a man-eating alien monster even more confusing and terrifying than it already was. He took a deep breath and spoke in a calm, collected tone.
Tell me, then. What has he done to you? How do you even know this guy?
“SPIDER-MAN IS A SYMBIOTE KILLER! A HEARTLESS, TREACHEROUS, BACK-STABBING HOST! EVERYONE KNOWS HE DESERVES THE CRUELEST DEATH IMAGINABLE!”
Peter audibly swallowed. “Symbiote? Host? What are you talking about? I haven’t killed anyone!”
“SHUT UP!” Venom roared, spitting flecks of saliva all over Spider-Man’s mask. The kid shrunk back with a whimper. “MILLIONS OF VERSIONS OF SPIDER-MAN ACROSS MILLIONS OF UNIVERSES HAVE BETRAYED US! AND YOU BEAR THE TRAITOR’S NAME AND COSTUME! WE WILL CHEW YOU UP AND SPIT YOU OUT PIECE BY BLOODY PIECE, AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, JUST LIKE YOU HAVE DONE TO US!” The corners of the beast’s mouth lifted into a sickening grin. “BUT THEN WE WILL RE-EAT YOUR CHEWED UP PIECES. WE DON’T LIKE WASTING FOOD. EDDIE SAYS IT’S NOT GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT.”
Even with a mask on, Eddie could sense the terror beating its way out of the poor kid’s chest. He had to reel Venom in before things got ugly.
Easy, V, Eddie warned him gently. Just because a version of Spider-Man has hurt you doesn’t mean that this one has. Right? I mean—I won’t pretend I understand all this multiverse mumbo-jumbo, but hey—you saw his picture on the news. He looks, like, twelve.
“DOESN’T MATTER! ALL SPIDER-PEOPLE MUST DIE! THEY ARE ALL TO BLAME!”
Peter’s fear-gripped mind fought to understand the monster’s words. “Spider...people?” he said cautiously.
Now that’s not fair, Eddie continued. Under that logic, shouldn’t I want all symbiotes to die? Your kind have killed a lot of my kind, after all. Remember how much I hated you when we first met? But after I took the time to actually get to know you, I started to like you. Now look at us—symbiotic partners, saving the world as the Lethal Guardian. That never would’ve happened if I hadn’t given you the chance to prove yourself.
Venom paused for a moment, grappling with his host’s aggravating words. The heat of his rage was beginning to wane. “BUT—BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT! EVERY SPIDER-MAN HAS TREATED VENOM LIKE SCUM BETWEEN HIS TOES! THEY ARE IRREDEEMABLE SHITBAGS ONLY GOOD FOR EATING! NOTHING ELSE!”
But how do you know that this Spider-Man isn’t the one redeemable one you’ve been waiting for, if you won’t even let him prove you otherwise? You only ever saw humans as disposable hosts until we met. But now you know there are good ones out there who are worth protecting. He gazed at the terrified teen through Venom’s eyes. He looked so small from the alien’s towering viewpoint. Have you ever actually met a Spider-Man before?
“...NO.”
So you’re really going to let those greasy assholes back home tell you how to think? Come on, man. Gotta think for yourself, form your own opinions on things.
A long, low growl rolled from the alien’s throat. Eddie moved his fingers to unclench their hands, and Venom begrudgingly complied.
Give him a chance to show you he’s better. Please. For me.
Gradually, his growls tapered off somewhere deep in his chest. Venom strode toward Peter, narrowing his eyes, licking his chops. Spider-Man squirmed to get away, but there was nowhere for him to go. The beast stopped an inch away from his face. Its breath was hot, wet, and reeked of rotting meat.
“Please, please, p-please don’t eat me,” he begged.
In an instant, Venom reared back his fist and punched the wall a few inches from the kid’s head, making him flinch and yelp.
“GAHHH! FINE!” he grumbled. “BUT ONCE YOU SEE HOW REPULSIVE HE IS, I’M YANKING HIS SPINE OUT OF HIS THROAT!”
Eddie sighed with relief. Peter, however, looked like he might vomit.
“Who…are you talking to...?” he asked uneasily.
Brock shrugged inside the suit. Let me out so we can both speak to him.
The alien huffed in defeat. In one swift motion, Venom’s monstrous form peeled back and shrunk away to reveal a very sleep-deprived but friendly-looking man inside. He wore ragged jeans and a leather jacket, had kind eyes paired with a shy smile, and it was such a stark contrast to the giant toothy demon, Peter blinked hard a few times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating the transformation.
“Hey there,” the man said with a nervous wave. Peter blinked again.
“What...the hell?” he breathed.
“Sorry about all that. My friend can be a bit dramatic. Beneath all the teeth and bloodthirstiness and slobber, I promise he’s an okay guy.”
“You…he…” Spider-Man’s jaw hung open. For once in his life, the web-slinger was at a loss for words. “You were inside that freaky monster thing? Where did it go?”
“DON’T CALL ME FREAKY!” the creature’s deep voice suddenly roared. A snake-like appendage appeared on the man’s right shoulder, and Venom’s grisly teeth and pupil-less eyes sprouted at the end to form a smaller (but just as horrifying) face. “YOU’RE THE FREAKY ONE!”
“Holy shit,” Peter croaked. “Am I tripping balls right now? What the hell is going on?”
Eddie tugged the tiny Venom face away from Spider-Man’s and gave it a few pats. “Down, boy. Have a little sympathy. Kid’s clearly going through a lot right now.” The man offered him a small but genuine smile. “You’re Peter, right? Peter Parker?”
The young hero winced at the name, as if it physically hurt him. He stared at the ground without answering.
“I saw you. On the news. I don’t think I have the full story, but…” Eddie stepped closer, causing Peter to stiffen a little. He knelt down to his eye level and pinched the corner of his mask. “Do you mind if I take this off? I already know what you look like, and I think it might help my friend not want to eat you so much.”
Spider-Man was silent for a moment, his wide, bug-like eye lenses difficult to read. Then he sighed, letting his shoulders fall slack and his head droop a little.
“Whatever.”
Eddie hesitated, waiting for him to offer something else, but he didn’t. So he went ahead and pulled the Spider-Man mask off his head, revealing the soft, battle-scarred face underneath. It was even more jarring in person—how painfully young and innocent this allegedly infamous superhero actually was. At the same time, his big, brown Bambi eyes looked haunted with trauma far beyond their years, and his pale skin was striped with numerous gruesome wounds: some fresh, others still healing. Eddie’s heart twinged.
“I STILL WANT TO EAT HIM.”
Peter blanched in terror. Eddie scoffed, shoving the alien aside.
“Can it, Venom.”
Something like curiosity slowly overthrew the kid’s horrified expression. “Venom?” he repeated, glancing between the demon head and Eddie. “Is...that it’s name?”
“YOU KNOW MY NAME, SPIDER-MAN,” Venom snarled. “JUST AS I KNOW YOURS.”
“I’m not so sure he does, bud. I don’t think Peter here has ever met any of your kind. He’s only been alive for twelve years.”
At that, the boy scowled. “Twelve? I’m sixteen, dude. Come on.” The newfound spark in his eyes died in an instant, however, and he let out a weary huff. “Didn’t you see that on the news too?”
“We’ve only been in this weird, jacked up version of reality for a couple days, so V and I are still trying to catch up on things.”
“And Venom is…what, exactly? Sentient tar? A possessed boa constrictor crossed with an oil spill?”
“He’s an alien and I’m his host.”
Peter gave a shriveled laugh. “Oh my god. First lizard guy, then lightning dude, then Halloween man, then doctor tentacles, and now an actual alien? How many other Spider-Man-hating psychos are out there? And why do all of you want to kill me, but I've never even heard of any of you?”
Eddie frowned in thought. “You mean we’re not the first guy you don’t know who’s tried to kill you for no reason this week?”
“You don’t even break the top ten list,” Peter said miserably. His gaze shifted to the serpentine alien face. “Although, as far as themes go, yours is by far the weirdest. And scariest.”
The man’s expression softened. He reached forward and touched the black sludge holding Spider-Man in place. “V, can we get rid of this please?”
A grumble rose from the terrifying alien. “FINE. BUT IF HE TRIES TO RUN AGAIN, I’M BITING HIS HEAD OFF.”
The kid sucked his lips to his teeth. “Noted,” he squeaked. “No running.”
With a hiss, Venom lunged toward him and bit into the black net, ripping large chunks away and gobbling them up. Peter winced every time those long, demonic fangs grew near, shivering at the thought of them latching around his throat.
Once he was free, Spider-Man dropped to his feet. Now that he was stagnant and in full view, the severity of his injuries truly dawned on Brock. No wonder he’d been so easy for Venom to capture. The kid looked like he’d been hit by four buses, a semi-truck, and maybe a couple of messenger bikes. With knives for wheels. That were also on fire.
Peter’s eyes darted between the worm-like alien head and the man it was attached to. He’d seen a lot of strange beings in his short time as Spider-Man, but this was on a whole new level of freakish. Peter tried not to let his bemusement show on his face, but Eddie could discern the kid’s apprehension from the beads of sweat along his brow and the tension in his muscles.
“I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of that. Kids like you should be worried about homework and acne and—”
“DO NOT APOLOGIZE TO—!” Venom started to bellow, but Eddie grabbed his tongue to silence him.
“—dating, not being murdered by grown men playing dress-up.”
The alien gagged and bit his hand, eliciting a long string of curses from his host. Peter stared between the two perplexedly.
“I’m not…” the teen began, looking offended. Then he sighed. “It’s not like I stopped dealing with those things. Now I just have to deal with them, you know, on top of vengeful costumed murderers.” His eyes fell to the floor. “It’s my fault, though. I was trying to fix something, but instead I made everything a billion times worse. Like I always do.”
There was an exhaustion weighing over the kid that no sixteen-year-old should have to bear. Not to mention the many bloody wounds etched across his face and body. A familiar knot formed in Eddie’s stomach. Spider-Man needed their help.
“OH, BOO-FUCKING-HOO,” Venom taunted him. “YOUR PATHETIC LIES ONLY MAKE ME WANT TO EAT YOU FASTER. COME ON, LET ME PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY.”
The kid backed away from the alien’s demented smile, his cheeks reddening slightly.
“Stop being a bully,” Eddie scolded the symbiote. “You’re not hurting him. In fact, you’re going to do the opposite.”
Venom grimaced. “THE OPPOSITE?”
“What does that mean?” Peter asked nervously.
Eddie tilted his head to the side. “You’re badly injured, Spider-Man. My friend here has healing abilities. If you let him, he can fix you right up, lickety-split.”
Spider-Man blinked, then wrinkled his nose. “Seriously?”
“WHAT?” Venom cried. “NO WAY! I’M NOT HEALING HIM!”
“Yes you are,” Eddie insisted. “Because while you’re healing him, you can look into his thoughts and see that he’s telling the truth, and then you’ll realize the animosity you hold against him is totally unwarranted.”
The symbionts went silent for a moment, grumbling in a contemplative manner. Peter looked just as unconvinced as he did.
“Look at my thoughts? Yeah, no thanks. I don’t want that thing anywhere near me—especially in my head. My privacy’s already been violated enough as it is.”
Venom’s expression shifted to a look of malicious delight. “AND WHY IS THAT, LITTLE SPIDER? AFRAID I’LL FIND SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE ME WANT TO TURN YOU INSIDE OUT?”
“Yes!” the kid yelped. “Precisely that!”
“Enough, V.” Eddie gave the alien a playful noogie on the head. “If you don’t heal him right now, then we’re not watching any more Acorralada.”
Venom wriggled out of his hold and sputtered in disbelief. Eddie had clearly struck a chord. “BUT—BUT WE JUST GOT TO THE GOOD PART!” he protested.
“I know,” Eddie said.
“MAXIMILIANO JUST FOUND OUT THAT DIANA IS PREGNANT!”
“I know.”
“WE CAN’T STOP NOW!”
“Then heal him, you melodramatic bastard!” Brock demanded through a laugh. “Heal him, and we’ll watch as many episodes as you want tonight.”
Venom licked his teeth in a way that made Peter’s skin crawl. “YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN,” he said, slithering closer to Spider-Man. “FINE. I WILL HEAL THIS FILTHY LITTLE WORM. BUT IF I SEE THAT HE’S LYING AND HAS IN FACT TORTURED AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF ME, I WILL DISEMBOWEL HIM.”
For a moment, the teen didn’t appear as terrified as that statement should have rendered him. He stared between the parasite and its host, a wrinkle forming along his brow. “You two have a weird relationship,” he observed.
Eddie huffed out a laugh. “You don’t know the half of it,” he insisted, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Peter gripped his upper arm where blood was leaking from a deep cut through his bicep. “My, um…my aunt watches that show,” he murmured hesitantly.
A grin touched Brock’s lips. “Really?”
“Yeah,” he said, then gave a strained chuckle. “I can’t stand it. It’s so over dramatic and unrealistic.”
“YOU HAVE ZERO TASTE,” Venom gurgled. “YOU’RE SUCH AN OCTAVIA.”
Eddie laughed and shrugged. “I think unrealistic drama is the entire point. But hell, you were probably a baby when that show first came on the air. Which makes you way too young to appreciate the raw sexual tension between all of the characters.”
That drew a small snort out of the kid, which brought a smile to Eddie’s face. But a frown was quick to reclaim Peter’s features.
“Why do you want to heal me all of a sudden? Why the change of heart?”
Brock lifted his hands into the air. “For the record, I never wanted to kill you. It’s my alien friend here who has some weird multidimensional beef with you. And you swear you’ve never met him before?”
The kid shook his head dismally. “It’s just like the others. All of them showed up out of nowhere and started attacking me.” His hand moved to his side where part of his suit had been torn away, along with a chunk of his flesh. “The weird thing is, it felt like they were after Spider-Man, but…how do I put this? Not necessarily me. Not me as Spider-Man. They all kept referencing things and people I know nothing about. It’s like…like they want to kill the idea of Spider-Man. Their idea of Spider-Man. It’s all so bizarre.”
He grimaced sharply and leaned against the wall, gritting his teeth to stifle a moan of pain. Dark circles ringed his downcast eyes, and his face was growing paler by the second. Eddie inched closer to him.
“That’s a shitty situation to be in. How about we let Venom heal you, and then we can try to work through all this insanity together, yeah? That sound good?”
The young hero lifted his gaze to his. A flicker of hope touched his expression that mirrored Eddie’s. Then, just as quickly, the flame died, and his eyes fell to the floor. He released a shaky breath. “No. I can’t—I can’t trust you. I can’t trust anyone anymore.” He licked at the split in his lip. “If you’re not going to kill me, then please just let me go.”
Eddie sighed. “No offense kid, but you look like shit. It’d be irresponsible of me to let you go without patching you up. I know we caused some of those injuries of yours; let us fix them.”
Spider-Man swallowed, then pursed his lips. His eyes wandered back to the symbiote, who looked just as eager to rip his face off as he had when he’d been actively attacking him.
“What, uh—what exactly does he have to do? To, you know, heal me?”
Venom sneered. “THIS.”
The alien lunged at him suddenly, unhinging its jaw like a python and swallowing Peter whole. Peter shrieked in terror as the black maw consumed him, dousing everything in sticky darkness.
“Aaaagh! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my—”
It was all over him: spreading across his costume, engulfing the entirety of his limbs. It was in his eyes, his brain, his organs. He fell hard on his rear, trembling in horror, watching the black sludge creep up his arms and coil around his shivering fingers.
He expected it to hurt, to dismantle him, to make him want to hurl.
But instead, it felt…good?
Great, even. Like, eerily so. His strength felt renewed—maybe even enhanced—and he could feel the biting pain of his wounds gradually seeping away. As the black monster absorbed into his suit and out of sight, his rapid breathing slowed. He unclenched his fists, relaxing into the feeling of the symbiote repairing his physical form.
“Whoa,” Spider-Man breathed.
“YOU SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE BITCH,” Venom’s ferociously deep voice cackled inside his head, making him flinch. “BUT SPIDER-MAN’S STRENGTH…HIS POWER…I REMEMBER IT WELL. SO TANTALIZING.”
“Can you hear him too?” Peter asked Eddie, tapping at his temple. “That is— beyond creepy.”
Eddie chuckled lightly. “Yeah. Takes some getting used to.” He nudged the kid’s knee with his foot. “But you’ll be better before you have to get used to it. Look—your injuries are already closing up.”
Brock was right. Every bruise, burn, gash, and scrape was fading right before their eyes. Peter lifted his arm towards his face and watched the cut on his bicep cinch itself up and melt out of existence.
“I’m assuming that means you saw that he wasn’t lying and has never met you before. Right, V?”
The alien huffed sourly. “YES. HE HAS NEVER EVEN HEARD OF MY KIND UNTIL TODAY. I WILL NOT EAT THIS SPIDER-MAN. FOR NOW, AT LEAST…” He paused, humming in thought. “WHY ARE HIS MEMORIES SO…SHORT?”
“You can see my memories?” Peter sputtered out, gripping the sides of his head. “Stop looking at my memories, man!”
“Short?” Eddie repeated curiously. Then the realization struck him, and he snorted. “Oh, right. You’ve never bonded with someone as young as him before. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, bud. Spider-Man is a child. His memory is short because he hasn’t been alive for very long.”
“AH,” the symbiote said. “I CAN SEE NOW WHY YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO EAT THIS ONE. HE HAS LOTS OF DUMB VOLATILE EMOTIONS GOING ON INSIDE. SIMILAR TO YOU, BUT WITH MORE CONFUSION AND STUPIDITY AND HORMONES.”
“I resent everything being said right now,” the teen pouted.
“BUT HE HAS EDDIE’S SAME DESIRE TO HELP THOSE IN NEED. EVEN THOUGH MILLIONS OF YEARS OF HIVEMIND INSTINCTS ARE TELLING ME I MUST EXACT REVENGE ON SPIDER-MAN, I WON’T HARM HIM.”
Peter swallowed and hunched his shoulders. “Uh…thanks?”
“Glad to hear it,” Eddie said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “See that? Conflict resolved.”
A shudder ran up Spider-Man’s spine. “Ugh. I can feel it inside me. It’s like he’s invaded every cell in my body.”
“I HAVE,” Venom stated proudly. “BUT YOU LIKE THE FEELING. I MAKE US STRONGER.”
Tendrils of inky black goo began to bubble up from his costume and spread over his skin, starting from his chest and then fanning outwards. The slimy creature slithered between the fabric of his suit and his flesh, inflicting Peter with a sensation he had not anticipated. He bit his tongue at first, thinking he could withstand it without causing a scene, only to jolt when Venom reached his belly. Goosebumps flared across his arms and up his neck.
“THE OTHER SPIDERS RELISHED IN OUR POWER TOO. BUT I WILL NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES THEY DID. I HAVE ALREADY FOUND MY PERFECT HOST, SO DON’T GET ANY IDEAS ABOUT—” The alien went silent momentarily, interrupted by an unexpected onslaught of odd thoughts and muffled sounds coming from the boy he was bonded to. “HOLD ON. WHAT IS FUNNY? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?”
Eddie lifted his gaze to Spider-Man, surprised to see him cupping a hand over his mouth with his eyes squeezed shut. Even with half his face covered up, he could tell he was smiling.
“Ihi’m not,” he squeaked unconvincingly through his fingers, his shoulders bobbing up and down.
“YES YOU ARE. YOU CAN’T LIE TO ME.” The alien continued to traipse across his skin almost unconsciously, inching dangerously close to his sides and neck. “YOU BETTER NOT BE LAUGHING AT ME. I CAN EAT THE LUNGS RIGHT OUT CHEST IN ONE CHOMP.”
Peter shook his head briskly. “I’m nohot! I swehear! It’s just—you’re just— ahagh!” Tendrils of alien goop curled underneath his ribcage, brushing him like ice cold fingers and making him cringe. “Quihit crawling on me!”
Venom’s miniaturized head suddenly bloomed out of Spider-Man’s chest and sneered at him, causing the kid to recoil. “WHY? EDDIE DOESN’T MIND IT.”
Peter stared sideways shyly, avoiding both of their gazes, a tingly heat rising in his face. “Well I do! It feeheels—weird. And creepy!”
“THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHY YOU’RE LAUGHING.”
Eddie watched the kid’s cheeks flush pink and bit back a chuckle, realizing what was going on. “Come on, V,” he called, trying to preserve the teen’s dwindling pride. “Kid’s all healed—no need to traumatize him any further.”
Venom’s snake-like appendages suddenly rushed up Peter’s neck and ears, making him squeal and curl into himself like a turtle. “Ahack! W-what are you doohooing?”
“MY MOVEMENTS ARE MAKING YOU LAUGH? BUT YOU CLAIM YOU DON’T LIKE THE FEELING. I DON’T UNDERSTAND.”
Spider-Man puffed out his rosy cheeks, cupping his hands around the nape of his neck. “Uhugh. It tihickles, okay? Your freaky lihittle gloop tentacles climbing all over my skin.” He pulled at the black sludge sticking to the underside of his chin. “So could you please gehet off me already?”
“TICKLES?” the alien repeated. “WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?”
“Oh boy,” Eddie snickered. “I’m guessing that kind of thing doesn’t exist where you’re from.”
Venom shook his head, then looked to Peter expectantly. Peter blushed at his feet.
“Well, uh…it’s a bit...hard to explain.”
“IS THIS ‘TICKLES’?” he asked, wiggling tendrils of himself against Spider-Man’s sides. The superhero yelped and hugged himself around the middle, giggling shrilly.
“Ahaha! Yehes! Now cuhut it out!”
“WHY? DOES IT HURT YOU?”
Peter spluttered. “Wehell…n-no…”
“IF TICKLES DOESN’T HURT YOU AND MAKES YOU HAPPY, WHY DON’T YOU LIKE IT?” Venom shifted his physical form around Peter’s midsection as he spoke, eliciting bubbly, high-pitched laughter from the poor teenager. Eddie couldn’t help but smile at the humorous scene. After everything he’d been through, the young hero had looked so defeated both on TV and in person. It was nice to see him grinning and giggling for a change. For what was probably the first time in a long time, the boy appeared joyful and carefree. The way kids his age were supposed to.
“I’m nahat h-hahappy!” Spider-Man cackled. “Lahaughter is—invahaluntary!”
Venom let out a laugh of his own. “I LIKE TICKLES. THEY MAKE YOU MAKE FUNNY NOISES AND SQUIRM AROUND LIKE A LITTLE WORMY.”
The alien jumped from Peter back to Eddie and started moving across his original host’s body. “HOW COME EDDIE DOESN’T REACT THE SAME WAY?” he asked, sounding disappointed.
“Guess I’m just not as ticklish as Spider-Man,” Eddie said with a shrug, smiling at the poor teen as he struggled to catch his breath. Peter held his tummy as he stood up, panting and flushed and too cute for his own good. “It’s just the way humans are. For whatever reason, some of us are more ticklish than others.”
Peter huffed irritably. “Okay, yeah, but like—I’m not…not that ticklish.” He ran his hands over his ribcage. “It’s just—I mean, you’ve gotta be crazy for that not to bother you! It felt like hundreds of frozen spiders were crawling on me!”
Eddie rubbed at his chin. “Maybe you’re just really sensitive? ‘Cuz that’s definitely not how it feels on me. People do tend to be more ticklish as kids, after all.”
Spider-Man grumbled under his breath and crossed his arms, shifting his weight between his feet in a restless, flustered way. “Whatever. Um, thanks for healing me, I guess—”
“EDDIE IS NO FUN!” Venom interrupted him, reforming on his host's shoulder with a fiendish grin. “I WANT TO MESS WITH SPIDER-MAN SOME MORE!”
The kid stiffened, then reddened, backing away and shaking his head, nervous giggles already building behind his lips. “N-no, no—Eddie, dohon’t you dare let it—”
Before he could stop him, the alien launched itself off of Eddie and splattered across Peter’s chest. Spider-Man tried to pry it off, but the slimy creature slipped through his fingers and melted through his suit in the blink of an eye. Venom went right back to tickling Peter’s sensitive sides and tummy, this time with far more vigor, sending the poor teen into hysterics almost instantly.
“Noho—nohohahaha!” Spider-Man belted out, hugging his stomach and falling back against the wall. “Oh shihithaha!”
“WHAT’S THE MATTER? DOES SPIDER-MAN NOT LIKE THE FEELING OF LITTLE SPIDERS CRAWLING ON HIM?” The alien skittered across his skin as he taunted him, reviving Peter’s goosebumps with a vengeance.
“Ehaha—wait! Oho my gahad!” He sunk to the floor, giggling wildly, smiling the brightest smile in the world as he clawed at the symbiote inside his costume. “Gehet off meehee!”
“Venom…” Eddie said disapprovingly, chuckling into his hand. Perhaps if the world could see this side of the young superhero, he wouldn’t have an army of multidimensional enemies after his head. “Come on. Stop torturing the poor kid.”
“TICKLES ARE TORTURE?” Venom exclaimed. “BUT I THOUGHT IT DIDN’T HURT?”
Brock scratched at his facial hair in thought. “It’s...complicated. No, it doesn’t hurt him. But too much of it can make you go a bit crazy.” He nodded towards Peter’s beat-red face. “Can’t you read his thoughts right now? See what he’s feeling?”
Venom purred deeply. “HMM. IT IS A LOT. HE’S SOMEHOW HAPPY, FLUSTERED, LIVID, AND PANICKED ALL AT ONCE.” As he listened to the boy’s laughter echo off the walls of the tunnel, the alien grinned a wide, toothy grin. “I THINK I UNDERSTAND NOW. THIS IS A GOOD WAY FOR ME TO TAKE VENGEANCE ON THE LITTLE SPIDER-MAN WITHOUT HARMING HIM, DON’T YOU THINK?”
Eddie ran his fingers through his hair. “I mean, guess it’s better than, you know…ripping the kid in half...”
“Gehet outta my hehehead!” Peter giggled, palming his face with one hand and hugging himself around the middle with the other. He kicked his legs like a cockroach caught on its back as he rolled onto his side, bouncing with belly laughs.
“HE ALSO KEEPS THINKING ‘DON’T GO TO MY FEET’ AND ‘DON’T GO TO MY ARMPITS,’” Venom observed aloud, making the teen cringe. “ARE THOSE TICKLISH SPOTS ON HUMANS?”
“Noho! They’re nohot!”
The symbiote bared its teeth in delight, vanishing into his costume. “YOU’RE A TERRIBLE LIAR,” he jeered. His goopy body darted in four different directions across Peter’s lanky frame: two crawling up his sides toward his underarms, and two creeping down his legs to his feet. No matter how he squirmed or bunched himself up, Spider-Man couldn’t slow the symbiote down.
“Ahagh! Dohon’t—noho—shit!” Peter gazed up at Eddie as the black alien coated more and more of his body, blushing and teary-eyed. “Please hehelp! Mahake him stahahap!”
Brock pressed a hand to his lips, struggling to hold back laughter of his own. This whole situation was just so silly and bizarre. And the boy’s bubbly giggling was downright contagious. “Sorry, sorry—working on it.” He cleared his throat and pointed a stern finger in the symbiote’s general direction. “Enough, big guy. Time to leave the ticklish spider be.”
“DON’T WORRY, I WILL,” Venom assured him innocently. “RIGHT AFTER I DO THIS.”
Tiny tendrils of alien goo dug into both of Spider-Man's armpits at once, followed immediately by his feet. The frigid, finger-like appendages scribbled under his arms, against his soles, and between his toes, drawing a shriek from Peter’s throat. The kid collapsed into a heap of uncontrollable laughter, throwing his head back and scrunching up his feet and pounding his fist into the concrete until it cracked.
“NOHO NAHAHAT THAHAT!” he bellowed. He shoved both hands into his pits and arched his spine as giggles poured from his lips like a tsunami. No matter how desperately he tried to guard himself, the alien continued to tickle him freely and mercilessly. It felt like millions of evil worms were wiggling against Peter’s most ticklish spots all at once. And he was helpless to stop it.
“THIS IS WHAT SPIDER-MAN GETS FOR HURTING US,” he hissed with glee, relishing in the sound of the young hero’s frantic laughter and the taste of panic in his blood. “YOUR FATE COULD’VE BEEN FAR MORE HORRIFYING, HAD YOU NOT WOUND UP BEING SO DUMD AND ADORABLE, SO BE GRATEFUL.”
“IHI’M NAHAHAT!” Spider-Man howled. He shook his head from side to side and floundered uselessly across the floor. “GAHA—NOHOMOHOHORE! STAHAP IT YOU—Y-YOUHOU—PAHARASITE!”
The maddening tickling ceased suddenly, allowing Peter to gulp down an unexpected breath of relief. Meanwhile, Eddie dropped his face into his hands in dismay.
“Shit, kid. You’ve really done it now.”
“W-whahat?” Spider-Man stammered dazedly. As he sat upright, Venom leapt from his body back to Eddie’s. This time, however, the alien enlarged itself as it spread across its host’s skin, crafting massive muscles and demonic claws. Venom enveloped the man entirely and mutated into his original form—the gigantic hell monster with foot-long teeth and eyes like death who had tried to rip out Peter’s organs. The kid cowered in horror.
“PARASITE?” Venom roared, stomping forward and pinning Spider-Man to the ground. “I’LL SHOW YOU PARASITE!”
Eddie battled from within the symbiote to stop the attack, but it was too late. “Don’t—Venom, wait—!”
But instead of a bloodcurdling scream slicing through the air, a different sound erupted from the super powered teen.
“PfftttEEAHAHAHAHA!”
Hesitantly, Eddie opened one eye. Rather than gouging out Spider-Man’s liver, Venom was using his gargantuan claws to rake up and down Peter’s sides and knead at his midsection. Not hard enough to wound him, but more than enough to tickle the poor kid out of his mind. Spider-Man bucked and thrashed and grappled wildly with the beast’s meaty hands, but he couldn’t garner enough strength to break free of his iron grip, leaving him with no other option except to lay there, flailing pathetically as he laughed harder than he ever had in his life.
“HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, TINY SPIDER? WANT TO CALL ME A PARASITE NOW?”
“EEEHAHAHAAA!” he squealed. The tickling was too unbearable for his mind to comprehend or his lungs to bear another second. Venom’s claws switched between scribbling all over his torso and drilling into his hip bones and rib cage, driving Spider-Man absolutely insane. The kid’s piercing, boisterous laughter started being punctured by violent hiccups, which was just as cute as it was pitiful.
“Now this is just cruel,” Eddie snorted. Even though he enjoyed hearing the teen laugh and seeing him smile from ear to ear, he could tell he was rapidly approaching his breaking point. Only Venom could turn something as playful and innocent as tickling into a torture weapon of this scale.
“MERHERCYHY!” Peter begged. His laughter went quiet for a few seconds, interrupted every now and then by bouts of squeaky hiccups, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes as silent giggles racked his tiny frame. It took all of his remaining energy to punch the next three words out of his chest—a last-ditch effort to liberate himself from this tickling nightmare.
“IHI’M—GOHONNA—DIHIHIEHEEHEE!”
A moment later, Venom’s giant claws lifted off of his belly, and Peter thought he might faint from relief. He rolled toward the wall with his arms glued to his sides and his knees tucked against his chest, gasping for air and giggling breathlessly.
“TICKLES CAN KILL PEOPLE? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT?”
“It’s a figure of speech,” Eddie explained. “But the kid clearly needs a break. His face is practically the same color as his costume.”
Venom stared down at the wheezing superhero and felt an odd sense of endearment rise inside him. It was the same feeling he felt towards those chickens Eddie had gotten for him to eat. They were simply too adorable to kill.
“Eheh…uhugh…” Peter giggled weakly, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Oho god…my sihides…”
“I LIKE THIS SPIDER,” Venom decided, leaning down to ruffle the teen’s hair a tad too aggressively. “CAN WE KEEP HIM?”
The giant black suit shrunk back into its host’s body, leaving Eddie standing over the very winded hero. “No, we cannot keep him. But we can help him defeat these costumed freaks who’ve been roughing him up.”
Slowly, Spider-Man raised his head, still dizzy and out of breath, but gradually beginning to recover. “W-what?” he panted, pushing himself off the ground and into a sitting position. “You’re...gohonna help me?”
“If you want us to, yeah,” Eddie replied. “It’s the least we can do after all the nonsense we just put you through. You seem like a good kid, and our speciality is helping out good people.”
“AND EATING THE BAD ONES,” Venom added.
“No,” Eddie retorted, then grimaced. “Well, not most of the time, anyway. Special circumstances only.”
Peter chuckled hoarsely, gripping his achy diaphragm. “I could use the help,” he admitted, “as long as you promise to never pull anything like that ever again. I’d much rather be beaten to a pulp than tickled to death by a giant space monster.”
Venom sprouted from Eddie’s shoulder and grinned menacingly. “WHATEVER YOU SAY, LITTLE SPIDER.”
The boy released a long breath, giggly butterflies still dancing in his belly. If this was what it took to overcome the insane predicament he’d gotten himself into, he supposed it might be worth it.
EXCEPT FOR SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES, the symbiote whispered inside his host’s head. RIGHT, EDDIE?
Eddie chuckled quietly. “Sure, V,” he whispered back. “Special circumstances only.”
“Huh?” Peter said, blinking up at him. “What did you say?”
The man smiled at the young superhero warmly. Perhaps this was the reason they’d been brought to this universe—to lend a hand to a kid in need. To him it sounded like a pretty just cause for the Lethal Guardian to take on.
“Nothing, kid. Now put that mask back on. We got our work cut out for us.”