Kate was hanging out with America, Clint, and Lucky watching the newest episode of Dog Cops when it happened. A giant blue portal opens up in the middle of Clint’s apartment, not unlike America’s. Kate, Clint, and even Lucky turn around to stare quizzically at America. She raises her hands in defense,
“Hey, that’s not mine.” Their heads shoot back around as they hear a clammer of noise, seeing seven strangely dressed people come out.
Heh, come out. Okay, shut up Kate, FOCUSSSSS. As they take a closer look at the strangers, Kate notices something weird. They all looked almost exactly like the Avengers, except for some differences. Captain America and Hulk looked pretty much the same, if not a little grimier. Stark looked…. well, like Stark. Natasha and Thor both look pretty similar too, except their usually long hair was cropped short. There was one unfamiliar face in that crowd as well, and-
“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” An older Clint.
The seven probably-from-another-universe Avengers all raise their weapons at Clint, Kate, and America. The alternate Steve Rogers steps forward and questions them aggressively. “Who are you. Where are we? Why are there two Hawkeyes? What did you do!”
“Three Hawkeyes actually.” Kate intercepts, holding out a hand trying to gesture at him that they aren’t dangerous. Well, they were, but they wouldn’t hurt them. Probably. The other Clint blanched.
“Three?”
“Uh, yeah? She, as she likes to call herself, is the better Hawkeye.” Her Clint jerks a thumb towards Kate, taking a long sip of his coffee.
I’m going to make this easier for myself and call the other Clint Clint2. Steve, clearly annoyed at no one answering his questions, repeats himself.
“Who are you, and where are we.”
“Uh well I’m America, this is Kate, and as you probably guessed it that’s Clint.” America finally makes herself known by explaining.
“Don’t forget Lucky!” Both Kate and Clint chime in.
America sighs, and bends down to pet the previously mentioned dog. “Right, and this is Lucky, or Pizza Dog, whatever you wanna call him.” She stands up, brushing off Lucky’s fur from her pants, and continues her explanation. “So right I’m assuming you guys are from another universe since some of you look very different from our Earth’s Avengers. Oh by the way, who are those two in the back?”
“There are multiple universes?” Bruce Banner steps forward, eyes lighting up.
America gives him a look that says duh. “Yeah, and my lovely girlfriend here is a badass who kicks her way to other universes!” Kate explains proudly.
America coughs, blushing slightly. “Anyways, this is Earth 616, and I’m guessing you don’t know what your earth is called since you didn’t even know about the multiverse?” Multiple nods confirm what she is saying. “Okay, so we know most of you, like Tony, Steve, Thor, Bruce, Natasha, and Clint, but who is that in the back? Also, why is Clint so goddamn old.”
“Language.”
“Hey, I’m not that old!”
The one whose name they don’t know yet steps forward says in a thick Russian accent, “I’m Wanda Maximoff.”
Clint, Kate, and America take a step back, eyes wide. THIS is their version of the Scarlet Witch? She looks like a Hot Topic employee. Clint drops his favorite mug, splattering coffee and porcelain shards over the floor. Her next thought was, oh god… Clint. Her head shoots to look at Clint, and rushes beside him, keeping him steady.
Cons of being a superhero: More trauma than before! Pros of being a superhero: You usually have someone who knows how to help. Kate and Clint were like that for each other, since they were basically siblings, while they bickered, they still cared about each other.
She slips off Clint’s bright purple hearing aid, knowing how he prefers the quiet to calm down. She makes sure that her hands are in his line of sight and signs quickly.
Take deep breaths, okay? You’re good, you’re alive, this is another Earth’s version of her, she’s… probably better than ours.
“What is happening? And why was Clint wearing a hearing aid?” Tony demands. Kate nods at America, begging her to tell the story as she was preoccupied with helping Clint.
“So first of all, our Clint is deaf, so it yknow, helps him hear. Also, our Wanda Maximoff was not a good person, she killed Clint, Scott Lang, and countless others, but eventually brought them back. So, obviously, he has trauma from being killed and revived.” The other Avengers paled, and the probably-alright-Wanda claps her hands over her mouth and backs up.
“Okay, I’m uh good now! Thanks, Katie-Kate.” Clint claps Kate on the back awkwardly, still not looking at Hot-Topic-Wanda. “America?” Clint looks pointedly at her.
“Right. So if you all with follow me back to your universe!” America kicks a star-shaped portal in front of the TV, still blaring Dog Cops as they forgot to turn it off.
“Alright, Avengers let’s go!” Steve calls towards the others, already stepping through the portal after America. Clint2 stays behind, hesitating.
“Uh, what the hell happened to us here? What about Laura and the kids?” Clint looks shocked.
“Wait what you have a wife and kids?”
“You don’t?”
“Dude, I live in a shitty apartment with a dog that’s diet consists of Pizza and my 24-year-old annoying protege. I got divorced like 5 different times. I got divorced on Valentine’s Day! I’m dating an ex-Russian spy!”
“You’re dating Nat?”
“Nah that sunk a while ago, I’m dating Bucky.”
Kate suppresses a laugh, but chimes in anyways. “Yeah, I thought it was basically a requirement for Hawkeye’s to have a disaster life.”
“Also be gay,” Clint adds on
“Right, and that.” Kate nods, thinking about her friend group.
Clint2 shakes his head, trying to wrap his head around the new information apparently. “You’re dating the Winter Soldier? Wait, also no offense but you’re gay?”
Clint quirks his head quizzically. “You’re not? And yeah, I mean it was a big step up from the disaster of dating Deapool, he was always hung up on Spiderman anyways.”
Clint2 looks even more surprised at that fact. “Okay, one, yeah I am not gay, I’m happily married to my wife and have two kids, and two, is Spiderman not 16 in your universe? Because Deadpool is like a full-grown adult.”
“Dude Peter is like, 32 here, he’s older than Kate!”
“Anyways I cannot deal with two Clints for long, on you go.” Kate ushers Clint2 towards America’s portal and basically shoves him into it. Clint gives her a deadpan stare. “What? Cishet Clint freaks me out!”
America interrupts by stepping out of her portal, the star closing behind her. “Honestly, yeah. Those Avengers were all a little too cishet for my taste.”
“Even Nat?”
America shakes her head sadly and pretends to wipe tears from her eyes. “Even her, we lost a good lesbian everyone.”
Kate laughs and swings an arm over America’s shoulder. “Cmon you goofs! Let’s continue Dog Cops!”