Sometimes Tony looked at himself and wondered where it went. The time. The years. People magazine said that he was the #1 sexiest man of the year, yet he never felt it. He instead felt the burning disappointment every time he looked in a mirror.
He saw the wrinkles near his eyes, around his mouth, on his forehead. He saw the eye bags that never seemed to lighten. He saw worst of all the blue glow of something that could never go away. Makeup could make it appear as though he was ageing well, becoming a distigueshed yet still hot middle-aged man. Yet when they saw the glow of something lodged into his chest, well goodbye to that night and hello to an empty bed.
When he had come home and finally begun a relationship with Pepper and when they had finally gotten far enough into their wonderful relationship that they shared a bed and she saw the blue ring of the arc reactor, she freaked.
“Oh my god that’s still in your chest? Why can’t you get it removed? You’re Tony Stark aren’t you?”
Tony had felt the shame of being different before. He knew the feeling of being left out and someone being repulsed by him. But when someone nearest to him, the one person who should have known him the best turned their back? He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Not again.
Tony slowly looked in the mirror again. All he saw was blue. The blue of the little thing keeping him alive. That little blue ring that had caused so many to leave him. Obie, with his greed. If Tony had simply died without the arc reactor then Obie wouldn’t have had to go to all the trouble of dealing with retrieving it.
Rhodey with his need to always satisfy others. Especially his superiors. The man was always on duty never taking leave and staying with Tony or comforting him. Tony had made Rhodey promise to take more leave after he came back and instead Rhodey seemed to have more demands and less time to spend with Tony. Maybe if Tony had died Rhodey wouldn’t feel so pressured.
The Rogues with their constant belittlement. Wanda was always saying he was better off gone or better yet not even existing. And now he would fulfill her wishes. He would be completely gone. Nothing would be left of his soul or his mind or of what made Tony Stark TONY STARK. Now he would never hear words like that again.
Pepper with her want of more. The want of more expensive shoes, and more gowns and more presents, more, more, more. Maybe if Tony had died (like he was supposed to) she would have taken over the company and found a good boyfriend. One who she could safely spend the night with and want to do something with him.
So Tony looked and he saw what had caused him all his troubles. The arc reactor. A genius idea in theory yet when he actually put it to work all it ever seemed to do was push people away. Obie dead, Rhodey basically gone, and Pepper leaving him. Maybe he should just take it out. It would solve all his troubles and as an added plus he wouldn’t exist any more.
No more worrying over if Pepper was angry or not. No more Rhodey making promises he wasn’t going to keep. No more betraying godfathers and people just wanting him for his body or his brain. If he got rid of everybody on earth who said they cared for Tony Stark but lied, the world would be composed of a few random people and his bots.
Slowly making his way down to his workshop, Tony asked JARVIS to play his song one last time. His special song sung by his mother when he couldn’t sleep. It was called nico's lullaby and was partly in english and partly in italian. Slowly Tony grabbed what he needed and called butterfingers, U, and Dum-E to him.
“My sweet little babies. You are my creations and my life but I can’t. I just… I can’t be seen as moneybags, or as a way to get free amazing tech. I just can't. Not after Obbie. So my sweet little babies, remember I love you and you always were my favorite people.” Tony confessed to his bots as tears streamed down his cheeks.
Slowly Tony rose and as he listened to the last chorus of the song he slowly grabbed a knife. It was hidden behind a large poster of Ironman that had been given to him as fanart from Harley. Poor Harley. Tony loved Harley and Peter with all his heart but with all the recent betrayals between the rogues and the supposed people who cared about him? He couldn’t do it anymore. But he made sure to include them in his will and make sure they would be comfortable after he died.
Slowly he raised the knife to his arms and sliced.The red splattered on the concrete floor little drops of life hitting the metal tables. Huh, poetic. Life hitting something as dead as metal as the owner of the life died. Huh.
Tony looked at his arm and saw that while the cut was bleeding a substantial amount he knew if he wanted to get this done he would need to cut more. So he went on top of old scars, of healing scars and created some entirely new lines in his olive skin. He watched with an odd fascination as one of the things keeping him alive drained out of him.
Slowly Tony felt the blood loss begin to take effect. He slowly sank down the wall until he was sitting slightly haphazard. He looked at the wall and decided the world needed one final message from Iron Man, superhero, from Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, genius, philanthropist, and maybe his boys would get the message from Tony, the man behind the mask.
Slowly Pepper walked down the steps, annoyance clear on her face. Tony had missed the R&D meeting and she was pissed. She descended into the lab like a bat from hell sweeping over the area bringing boring business stuff with her. Slowly she looked around for Tony and saw a sight that would haunt her forever. Written in blood were words that never quite would leave.
“I am TONY.” -Tony stark, adoptive dad, mechanic, comedian
She quickly dialed 911 and saw through the haze them preparing his body. As she sat at his grave a couple of weeks later she saw a little of what they had lost.