Iris (Druig)
Iris (Druig)
I dreamt of a cottage by the sea, soft blue window panes that reflected in the sunlight that bounced off the bustling waters that rolled up onto the soft sandy shore. I could feel the crisp wind against my wind and in my long hair. I looked down to notice I was wearing a cotton dress that was mint green, my feet bare in the sand, and the misty ocean air dancing along my freckles.
Something felt both real about this place, this small house that had lavender growing on the side near an open glass window, but it also felt….off. I didn't know it was because no sound was heard throughout the area except for the crashing waves, or the mixing of colors on the stones that were on the walls of the home, but was almost picture-perfect. I had to wonder if this was a trick of the mind, someone was playing a prank on me in how I subconsciously wanted this. I never spoke of it, but this was the kind of place I wanted to live. It was quiet, it was charming, and it was peaceful.
Peaceful.
I felt someone take my hand on my right side, making me look over to see a hand laced in my own. I slowly then looked up, seeing Druig standing right next to me. He was wearing a white, cotton shirt and brown slacks. He both looked like himself and not like himself at all, almost like a unique version of Druig that I have never seen before.
He too was watching the roaring ocean, his brown hair being pushed around on his forehead by the wind as his eyes were shining in the light. Finally, he looked over at me, showing me one of those rare smiles that he would only reserve for me and me alone.
"You look gorgeous in the sunlight, sweetheart," he hummed at me, bringing our joined hands up to kiss the back of my hand. I knew that gesture, he would do it with me so many times. But something was new in this gesture, having me notice something shiny on his ring finger as our hands were between the both of us. My eyes gravitated down to see the shiny object, and I froze seeing what it was.
A wedding band.
"Are you alright, Soteri?" His voice floated between us, making me look up and see him watch me with his pristine blue eyes. My stomach dropped and my head was spinning, almost like I was about to vomit or pass out at the same time. This wasn't right, a voice in my head was telling me that something about this whole thing was wrong. I pulled my hand back, in which my vision went black
I gasped out, waking up from that dream. It took me a few moments of calming myself down, revisiting that dream over and over in my mind as I realized that it was all a dream and not reality. I was in my bed on the Domo, Druig was right next to me fast asleep and no sense of dread was seen on his face. We were facing each other, Druig's arm over my hip as my hand was on his arm. I sighed, still riding that small high of that dream and what I was experiencing.
I needed air.
Slowly and without making a sound, I moved out of the bed and without waking Druig. He almost shifted a bit in his spot but stayed deep asleep. The last thing I wanted to do at that moment was wake Druig up and have him worry about me over some stupid dream. Once I got out of bed, I walked over to the nightstand and dug out my iPod and headphones. Something inside of me was telling me to give myself some space and get my mind back in one place again. Maybe listening to music was going to help, almost drain out those festering thoughts and planted notions. I then leaned back over to give Druig a gentle kiss on his cheek, barely there to not wake him. This Druig, the Druig who was asleep in front of me, was my anchor and safe haven.
Whatever Druig I dreamt of, that wasn't the same Druig I knew.
I watched the stars as I sat Indian Style in front of the massive window, my eyes going back and forth amongst the scattering of energy and the cosmic colors. My headphones were in, but I haven't found the right song to listen to. At that moment, my mind was occupied with something else, and it was raising so many questions.
Another life, married to Druig.
Was it my unconscious telling me something? Did the dream show me some kind of secret desire I never thought I knew? Was that a small tease as to what Druig and I could have had if we stayed behind on Earth? The last question haunted me to my core, having me stay still in my spot on the floor as I replied that question over and over like my record player.
I chose to leave Earth behind, thinking that there was nothing left for me there that I wanted to go back to. Sure, I thought of my students back at the preschool, I thought about my small apartment that was cramped but cozy, I even thought about being amongst humans again with the reassurance that they were safe from extinction. However, that small hesitation of "what if" was there too. Leaving behind all that I knew about that planet and jumping into the void. Not knowing what there was in front of us or what we could encounter.
Was it really the right choice?
The dream felt so pleasant and so real, the colors of the landscaped and the ocean air touching my skin. It pushed my brain and had me dig deep, real deep in wonder and confusion about what I really was dreaming. Did I want that life, being tucked away in a cottage with no one else around? A cookie-cutter life that seemed too good to be true didn't seem like the kind of life I thought I would ever want. I didn't know if it was because Druig was there, or if we both looked so blissfully happy and in love, but something was teasing me into thinking that I did want that life.
Did I want that? Would I have wanted that?
My ears were muffled because of the headphones, so I didn't hear him walk up behind me with his bare feet on the ground. Nor did I hear him sit right next to me with his own legs crossed, but I did feel him reach over to touch my arm with his fingers to get my attention. I gently took off my headphones, finally hearing the gentle hum of the ship and the coolness in the air as I stayed so still and stoic.
"If you wanted to look at the stars at this time of night, you should have woken me up too," Druig since with a hint of amusement in his voice, his tone sounding light and gentle, "Although you're far more beautiful,"
"I'm sorry," I replied, my eyes still looking at the galaxy in front of us as Druig sighed, scooting a bit closer now to me as I knew he was looking at me with fondness and almost concern, "I just…have a lot on my mind. I didn't want to worry or wake you,"
"I think it's safe to say that I'll always worry for you, sweetheart," Druig reminded me, though it sounded light and had no hint of negativity, "Talk to me. What are you thinking about?"
He was trying to sound light with me, seeing me almost in distress. He paused, looking at me up and down before I finally asked the infamous question that was haunting my mind.
"Did we make the right choice in leaving Earth?"
Druig paused, not saying a word to me as I asked him that. It felt so heavy in my heart and my brain, and once it was out in the open, it was almost like I knew I was going to open a conversation that I may not be ready for.
"What do you mean?" Druig asked carefully and slowly, sounding a bit confused with my question as I was fighting the deep urge to look over at him. I tried to re-think how I was going to reiterate what I ask.
"I had a dream," I explained, sitting up a bit in my spot as I was looking at a particular cluster of stars that were passing by, "I was at a cottage on the beach by the sea, and I was happy. It made me think of what my life would have been like…if I stayed on Earth."
I replayed the dream in my head, seeing the little cottage perched on the edge of the sand and facing the ocean. I could still feel the ocean spray on my face, the sand beneath my toes, and the sun against my arms. I could hear the seagulls in the background, the crashing of the waves, and even Druig's voice.
"You were in my dream," I said then, my voice getting a bit wavy now since I mentioned him, "We were together there at the cottage, and we were very happy. Almost like a normal couple really. We were even married,"
Druig was still quiet, listening to me tell him all that I saw in my dream. I could picture the band on his finger when we were holding hands, how it looked both shiny and yet worn down. In that dream, it felt like we were married for years and years on end, yet we looked the same. Rationally, I didn't think it would be a reality. But deep with me, way deep within me, I was yearning for a life like that with Druig.
Since we got together right after the Emergence, I knew I wanted a future with Druig. We were dancing around each other for the last 7,000 years, wanting to be together but we never dared to leap. Yet after we fought together and stopped the Emergence, there was no holding back in how we felt with one another. I didn't care how specific we were going to be in our relationship, there was no real need to place a title on what we had. But that dream almost changed my viewpoint then, not my love for Druig. I was always going to love him until there was no more breath in me.
But marriage?
"I have to wonder," I said between the both of us as I was still keeping my eyes on the stars, though they were feeling more intense than before as I took in a long breath, "If we would have had that life if we stayed on Earth. Or if we were ever going to have that life together,"
It almost made me sound so bitter about it, regretting being there on the ship and throwing my past life away. I knew it sounded like that as soon as I said it, and the last thing I would ever want to do was make Druig think I have regretted any choices I have made that included him. Any choice I made with Druig involved was not of regret or a bad choice. On the contrary, they were great choices and decisions. If there was any bad decision with Druig, it was of me not acting on my feelings with him sooner to save us centuries of separation and grief. But Druig felt the same way too, that mutual choice of hesitance was hard for both of us.
"You know, I did a lot of thinking when I was in the Amazon," Druig spoke, having me look over at him now finally for the first time since our conversation started. His face was tinted with the purples and blues of the cosmos that were in front of us, yet he looked so relaxed and deep in thought as he kept talking, "Those 500 years of being deep in the jungle in that village had me think. I wondered if I made the right choice,"
"Right choice?" I asked, not understanding him as I moved a bit to face him more as he nodded his head.
"If I made the right choice of protecting those people from the outside world. If me staying in the village was what was best for me. But mostly, if I made the right choice in walking away from you all," Druig explained, sounding so certain and soft in what he was telling me. I stayed quiet, watching him with my own eyes and a tilt of my head, "I regretted it sometimes, late in the night and with my thoughts getting the best of me. But the more I was battling with those thoughts, the more I realized something,"
"What?" I asked him, now wanting to hear some more. He reached down, taking our hands together and resting our joined hands on his knee. I knew this touch, I was familiar with it so many times when we would embrace or just hold hands. He never felt my hands in an egressive manner, nor was it too gentle like a breath of air. His hold was always with the right amount of pressure and with the perfect amount of warmth too.
"The choices I made were mine, and I made them on my own," Druig said simply, "They weren't Arishems's choices, nor were they Ajak's choices. They were my own, and it was the closest to being a human I have ever felt. Apart from being in love with you,"
I saw him smirk from the last part, finally looking over at me with his bright eyes and that smile that made me melt. Druig always knew he was going to go down his own path, he never wanted to go with the flow when it came to taking orders. Even since the beginning, he was never one to blindly follow orders, and he hasn't changed too much since. His own choices defined him in how he was.
"I don't regret being out here, On this ship, looking for other Eternals that are out there on those planets. It was all my choice, I'd rather let the past die and just worry about what's in front of me," Druig explained some more then I felt him brush his thumb against my skin with our joined hands, "Out of all things I never regretted, kissing you was one of them. I would never take that back because it brought me to you,"
"Druig," I said his name, seeing him watch me intensely as I searched his eyes, "I don't regret us at all, either. I wouldn't trade what we have for anything. I'm only thinking of what it would have been like for the both of us if we stayed behind and tried for a normal life together. But now that I think about it, I don't think we were meant for a normal life,"
"I don't think so either," Druig hummed in agreement, making me lean my shoulder against his shoulder, "But who knows. Once we're done with all of this…maybe we can go back to Earth and try it,"
"Try at a normal life?" I questioned him, seeing him nod his head as I then gave him a slow smile, "You really can picture yourself shacked up in a house?"
"I lived in a house before," Druig reasoned with me, though I raised an eyebrow at him as he shrugged, "Maybe it was a shack back in the Amazon. But it was a house to me,"
"Still," I went on, "You picture yourself…back on earth…in a house and staying still in one place?"
"I can picture myself living anywhere if it meant I was with you," He explained calmly to me, not hesitating in his words as I grinned at him, "I meant what I said when we were back on the farm: We're a package deal. Where you go, I go. If you want that house on the beach, I'll give it to you,"
I rested my head on his shoulder then, feeling him press his head against my own gently as I snuggled a bit closer to him. He smelled of a hint of sweat, a small twinge of linen from our bedsheets, but mostly he smelled like himself. It made me feel centered again from the inner ramblings of my mind and the constant questioning of my own choices.
"Let's try it," I said to him softly as I squeezed our joined hands together, "Once we've done all we can out here, let's go back and live together on Earth. It would be nice to be somewhere quiet, no one around to distract us,"
"I thought you hated the quiet," Druig commented lightly against my hair as he pressed a kiss there, having me grin.
"I prefer peace, honey. There's a difference between peace and quiet, and the quiet that was in the Amazon that was too quiet for my taste," I explained, "Plus, the ocean would be nice to listen to throughout the day,"
"We'll find a place near the ocean, just you and me," Druig promised me, "It'll just be us, no one around for miles."
"But we'll have to invite the others to come by every once in awhile," I reasoned, hearing him give off a playful groan.
"Do we have to?" Druig asked in a mocking annoying tone. I chuckled, moving over to look at him with my sweet smile as I saw him grin back at me.
"Of course! They’re family," I reminded him, seeing him roll his eye playfully.
"Only because I love you so much," He replied in a murmur, to which I just smiled at him. There was lightness again between the both of us, nothing heavy or intense anymore. Although I was glad that Druig and I could end this conversation carefully and sincerely, the lingering thought of what I dreamt of was well in the back of my mind. The one thing that was still haunting me was seeing the Druig in my dream wearing a wedding ring, which made me have more questions in my head. What did Druig think about when it came to marriage? Did he believe in it?
Did he want to get married?
"Let's go to bed, okay?" Druig asked me, having me nod in agreement as I watched him get up from the ground. He then reached down to take my hand, having me take it and feel him pull me up on my feet. Once I was standing again, Druig looked down at my other hadn't that was still holding my iPod within its fingers.
"What are you listening to, anyway?" he asked, sounding genuinely curious as I held it up for him to see the title. He took the iPod in his hand, looking at the screen with a hint of confusion.
"I didn't around to listening to it. It's an older song, from the 1990s," I explained to him, yet he was still a bit confused with it. I remembered then that he wasn't in tune with the modern pop scene, given the fact that he lived in the jungle for the past 500 years. I grabbed the earphone that was dangling in the air.
"Here," I said, placing one earpiece in my ear and the other in his ear. Druig watched me as I did this, almost entranced with my movements as I then looked down at the iPod and hit the play button. It was a softer song, gentle in melody and tune. I remembered listening to it on repeat when it first came out. Something about the lyrics moved me, having me almost feel like a young teenager even though I never once was.
I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't wanna go home right now
My eyes were drifting closed as the words were floating in my ear. I remembered hearing these words and thinking of it raw and real. It was the yearning of wanting to be close to someone and there was still hesitation there. Someone willing to move the earth for love, for being in love and full of love. It was painful to listen to at times, thinking how emotional it would be if I was ever in that position.
But maybe I was after all, with the Eternal in front of me.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
Arishem never told us to not fall in love, only to not interfere with humans and their way of life. We were only there to protect them from Deviants, though that was more of a lie later on in life. I had to ponder and wonder why we were created, truly created in the first place. Were we meant to feel and express life as the humans did? Did we have souls like humans to express ourselves and steer our own destiny?
I thought of those questions when I listened to this song, thinking that I had some human in me to feel what these words were saying. I perhaps was thinking that I would move the earth for someone I loved, to give up everything I knew for the love of another person. At the time, that person I loved was a mere blurry face, no real feature or distinct image for me to see who it was. It was a blank face, maybe to me to fill in whoever I thought I loved.
Now that face was Druig. Only Druig.
And I don't want the world to see me
"cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I felt two hands cradling my face then, so gentle like I was made of glass. The feeling of a forehead was pressed against my own, having me take in a long breath as I moved my hands to grab Druig's waist within my fingers. I may not have said it, but the song itself was telling Druig everything. I didn't know why at that moment I chose to listen to that song, maybe I was feeling nostalgic and reminiscent or I was wanting to find another way in telling Druig how I felt about him. But it was the right song at that moment for Druig.
As the song kept playing, I pressed a gentle yet possessive kiss against his lips. There was no way I could let him go that night without showing him how much he meant for me. How he was willing to listen to my crazy dreams and give me sound advice. Druig couldn't read my thoughts, which was a blessing and a curse.
There were times that I wanted him to tap in, to read my mind to help me and sense what I was feeling. But with him being shut out from my mind, that block made us truly work at our friendship. We knew the good and the and of each other, what brought us life and what brought us to our knees. I still regretted not showing it sooner how he truly moved me inside and out, how he made me feel whole when I thought I was broken.
But the way he kissed me back, the way he held me close with his grasp as the song was continuing to play between the both of us, had me believe that he knew what I would do for him. He made me feel more human than I ever felt before, more grounded in who I was and what I felt within myself. There weren't enough words to tell him how I felt, to tell him what he did to change me for the better. Druig saw my soul before my appearance, he craved my love over my affection.
He was all and more to me.
I didn't know if we were ever going to have the cottage on the beach in our near future, or we were ever going to be married together. It almost felt like a fleeting dream, so close and yet so far away. All I cared about was the moment I was sharing with Druig, listening to an old love song in the eery night on the Domo. The past was long gone, and I wanted to focus on this future I had with him. I knew he felt the same, not wanting to re-thinking those moments we regretted in the past.
My focus was Druig, and with how each passing day I was falling for him harder and harder.