A month and a half had passed since Peter had returned to his home world. For the first time in months, he was able to feel safe around Tony Stark. He had his best friend back--though every time he saw MJ he’d blush madly at the memory of kissing her--and the Midtown here was still entirely intact. Everything was back as it should be, and he was safer than he’d been for months.
If only Peter’s mind would accept that.
Ever since he’d come home, there’d been days when he’d flinch away from a friendly pat on the shoulder from Ned, or when he’d catch himself almost leaning over to ask Flash a question in class, momentarily mistaking him for his much nicer interdimensional double.
The worst moments by far, though, were when it would affect his time with Tony. The man would rub at his hair affectionately and Peter had to force himself not to jerk away; any touch from Tony anywhere near Peter’s wrists threatened to send his mind into attack mode, and Tony’s trademark sarcastic, amused chuckle now grated against Peter’s ears painfully.
He couldn’t tell anyone about it, though. They all just wanted to help, and he knew that, but the Avengers--Tony especially--had a way of beating themselves up over things that weren’t their fault. Peter didn’t want to add to their stress by constantly complaining about something that, objectively, he should be over by now.
Especially the nightmares. Those Peter seriously needed to get over faster.
Nightmares were no stranger to Peter Parker--between his parents, Ben, constant criminals, the Vulture, etc, etc, Peter was used to not getting much sleep at night. But the difference now was that Tony was the villain in Peter’s nightmares, and Peter had no idea how to handle that.
Especially not tonight.
Iron Man stood over May as she bled out, his gauntlet still smoking, spatters of May’s blood painting his metal fingers. The mouth of Iron Man’s faceplate grinned at the scene in its soulless way that sent shivers into Peter’s brain. Peter wasn’t even a part of the scene, some external force keeping him from interfering.
“Take a good look, Peter,” Tony Stark crooned, Iron Man’s mouth moving slightly out of sync with the words. “After all--you’re why this happened.”
“No!” Peter screamed, trying to force his way onto the scene. He couldn’t take May, she was all he had! “Stop, just leave her alone!”
Stark laughed. “You’re a little late for that, little Spider. First your uncle, now your aunt. I wonder who you’ll be the death of next.”
Iron Man flew away, and whatever force had been keeping Peter out of the scene disappeared, leaving him to fall next to May, landing in a crouch and immediately taking her hand.
“May, no,” He sobbed. “Please don’t leave me. I need you.”
He’d thought she was already gone, so when she turned weak, barely open eyes on him Peter gasped. “May?”
“Why did you do it, Peter?” She whispered. “Everyone told you not to. Why didn’t you just listen?”
“I’m sorry.” She was right. This was all his fault. “I’m so sorry.”
Peter woke with the sound of Stark’s horrible, mocking laugh in his head, nearly choking on a sob.
He immediately tried to stifle the sound; since he’d come back, every Friday he’d spent the night at the tower. At times it was beyond hard, when his nerves would urge him to stay away from Tony, that he wasn’t safe here, but he was trying to tell himself that the more time he spent around the man, the more used to it he’d be.
The strategy hadn’t been working so far.
Thank everything that is Holy that the May of Earth 2354 didn’t actually die while he was there fighting against Stark, but Peter knew that if she had, it would have been his fault. The image of Iron Man’s amused smile as he’d tried to wrest Peter’s mask off with his suits--of the blisters burned into little Callie’s face, of the panic in Flash’s voice as Midtown had been under a bombing threat--were forever etched into Peter’s mind.
As his doorknob started to turn, Peter’s chest tightened, and he internally cursed at himself--usually after a nightmare involving the other Tony Peter remembered to tell FRIDAY not to alert Tony about it, that he didn’t need help. The stress of seeing May’s body had shaken him up too much, though, and now Tony was here.
“Hey, Pete.” The man himself came in, a bit of light streaming in from the hall, enough to illuminate Tony’s gentle smile. It was nothing at all like the soulless smile of the Iron Man mask’s smile from the other world, but it still made Peter’s heart skip a beat, his mind too stuck in that other universe to tell the past from the present.
“H-hey, Tony.” Peter’s fingers were shaking slightly, so he shoved them under the blanket. “I’m fine, you don’t have to help me.”
“Are you sure, bud? It’s no trouble.” Tony, to Peter’s relief, stayed about a foot from the bed, waiting for permission to come closer.
“Yeah, I’m sure. It wasn’t that bad. I just need to be alone right now, okay? Thanks,” He exhaled as Tony gave an assenting nod, wishing him goodnight again as he shut the door behind him.
Peter slumped back against his headboard, dropping any bit of a calm pretense he’d managed to build up.
There was no way he was going back to sleep after that.
/*/*/*/*/
Tony Stark may bumble through a few things involving Peter, but he’s not completely clueless. His kid is struggling, despite Peter’s desperate attempts to hide it from them all.
The only problem? None of them have any idea how to fix it.
The day after Peter returned to them, Tony started noticing the signs. How Peter would tense sometimes when Tony entered a room, cradling his wrists protectively; or flinched once when someone suggested they watch Back to the Future for movie night. He’d been excited before when they’d arranged for Peter to sleep over at the tower every Friday--and then the nightmares had started.
Almost every time Tony would go to help the poor kid, Peter would try to look calm as he insisted that he was fine, the underlying fear in his eyes the only thing keeping Tony back from still trying to help the kid.
Because no longer was Tony the cure-all comfort source for Peter’s nightmares--now Tony was the nightmare.
Tony had tried everything. He’d tried giving the kid space, he’d tried staying despite the boy’s protests and trying to help anyway–he’d even gone to Bucky to ask him to help Peter through his nightmares.
It had gone even worse than when Tony had tried to help.
When Bucky had gone in and tried to soothe the kid’s fears, Peter had panicked, thinking he was back in Earth 2354, where Bucky had always helped him through his nightmares. As hard as things were in his own world, he didn’t want to be back in that other world. He’d finally found his way back to his Tony, even if he’d been doing a pretty terrible job of showing his gratitude for it.
At this point, Tony Stark was faced with the reality of something he didn’t have to face often: that he had absolutely no idea what to do.
May was scheduled to pick Peter up at noon today, and Tony intended to do something about this then. This had been going on for far too long.
At long last, it was time to fix things between him and Peter.
When May arrived, Peter was still packing his stuff, so Tony invited her up to the common floor for some coffee–better to broach the conversation over some caffeine.
“May, look, I’m going to say it straight: Peter needs help, and we both know it.”
She paused with the mug almost to her lips, setting it down with a sigh. “Yeah, I know. I just . . . I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to talk about what happened there, and I don’t want to force it out of him.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say force, per se, but we need to get him talking about it more. Whatever happened. . . well, we can’t help him with it if we don’t know what’s wrong. Nothing’s going to get better if he doesn’t talk about it.”
“It’s only been about a month, Tony, you have to give him time. I know it took him far longer than that to open up about the Vulture incident, just like I know it took you a lot longer to start talking about the Battle of New York. He needs time.”
Tony gritted his teeth, feeling the tension in the room starting to rise.
“But all the while, he’s trying to force himself to get better without talking about it. He’s only hurting himself by keeping it all bottled in. Sooner or later, it’s going to explode.”
Unbeknownst to them, yes, Peter would explode–sooner rather than later, unfortunately.
/*/*/*/*/
Exhausted, Peter picked up his backpack, still blinking away sleepiness.
He loved Tony. He knew that. Even with all of the craziness since he’d come back, they’d still gotten in some good, quality lab days together, and Peter was grateful for it all. After everything he’d endured in Earth 2354, nothing made him happier than knowing that he was back with his own mentor, who loved him and would never hurt him.
Still. After last night’s ordeal, Peter was absolutely dreading going to say goodbye to Tony before going home. His mind was stuck back in Earth 2354, and it was making everything here seem dangerous. Peter could have walked in on Tony solving world hunger and his mind would have been able to turn it into something threatening with the state it was in.
That being said, him walking in on Tony and May arguing nearly drove hi minto a panic.
Peter wasn’t even listening to what they were saying when he came down in the elevator, all his mind able to focus on was the fact that Tony Stark was yelling at his aunt. He could be threatening her, about to hurt her.
When Peter had screwed up enough to reveal his identity to the other Stark, it had gotten so many people hurt. Now, it was his worst nightmare coming true–Stark hurting his aunt, his last living family member, smiling in his amused, devil-may-care way as he shot her through the heart with a gauntlet.
Peter wasn’t thinking about the fact that Stark wasn’t wearing any armor, nor about how May didn’t seem to be frightened of the situation at all; his mind was too far away for such details. All that filled his mind was the need to stop him and protect her.
Which was how he found himself activating the webshooters at his wrists and flying forward with a kick to Stark’s chest, knocking the man into the wall by the stove. Ignoring May’s protests–why was she protesting?--he shot a taser web at the man for good measure before webbing him to the wall, satisfied that the man was dealt with for now.
“May, are you okay?” He rushed back to her, his chest tight. Was he supposed to be breathing this fast? It was probably just the adrenaline.
May was staring at him in something more than shock, holding Peter’s shoulders; it wasn’t until she held them that he realized he was shaking.
“Peter, sweetheart, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
“I’m f-fine.” Of course he was fine, he’d just saved her from Iron Man. But in Peter’s opinion, for someone doing so fine, he sure was pretty dizzy. Someone as fine as he claimed probably wouldn’t have black spots dotting their vision.
Or have the floor suddenly rising up to meet them.
/*/*/*/*/
The headache was what gave it away.
Like a hangover, the panic attacks that took his mind back to Earth 2354 always left him with a raging headache at the front of his forehead. At first he wouldn’t remember anything about what had happened immediately before the panic attack, and then, he knew, it’d all come rushing back in almost worse pain than the headache.
“Peter?” May’s tired, concerned voice said from his right, as she took his hand. “You waking up, sweetie?”
Actually, Peter was already awake, but the light in the room was on too high, and he knew it’d only make things worse if he opened his eyes. Too tired and groggy still to talk, he whined a bit, squeezing at May’s hand.
She soon understood his meaning, and had FRIDAY dim the lights. Still moaning a bit, but not wanting her to worry any more, Peter opened his eyes halfway.
He could barely look at her, clinging to the sheets on his bed. Up till now, he’d managed to have his panic attacks in private, not allowing anyone to know about them. He didn’t want her to know now.
“Here.” May carefully guided a glass of water to him, helping him get the straw in his mouth and sip some to ease his aching throat. “Better?”
Peter nodded–to his dismay, in the middle of the action was when it happened, when it all came rushing back.
His nightmare, Tony, his dread, Tony and May’s arguing, Peter webbing Tony to the wall and–oh, no. Peter had tased him.
He slumped back against the pillow, eyes somber with guilt. As he should have guessed, May caught on quickly, putting a comforting hand on her nephew’s arm.
“Tony’s okay, Peter. He was fine a while ago, and he’s not mad.”
“I can’t believe I hit him. He’s not him, I should know this by now!”
“There’s no rush,” May assured him. “Would you be okay if he came in here? I know he’s been wanting to see you when you woke up, but I don’t want you to say yes if you think you’ll get triggered again.”
Peter hesitated, unsure.
For weeks, he’d held back from explaining to the Avengers and May just what had happened while he was gone. Just what had gone down in Earth 2354 because of him. He’d told himself that talking about it would just make it worse, would hurt everyone’s feelings and make things awkward and tense.
But things had gone too far. Unlike how he’d try to convince himself, Peter was starting to realize that he seriously couldn’t handle this all by himself. Not when trying to had gotten Tony hurt.
“Yeah, he can come in. We–we need to talk.”
As May had said, Tony looked physically fine when he came into the bedroom, though mentally exhausted, his eyes lined with worry over his kid.
“Hey, Pete. You feeling better?”
“A bit,” He said, not mentioning the headache. “I’m sorry, Tony. I should have come to you for help sooner.”
“You don’t need to be sorry, kiddo. What is it you need help with?” Though Tony had a sinking feeling he knew what Peter was about to say.
Peter fiddled with his blanket. “I–ever since I came back, I’ve been so happy, really. Knowing I’m home, with my family. But it’s like, sometimes, my mind doesn’t really believe that I’m back for real. It’ll start telling me that I’m–that I’m back there again, and I-I really don’t want to be back there.
“I should have told you sooner. What happened there. But I knew you’d feel bad about it, and I was also worried that you’d . . . you know, be disappointed in me.”
“You were in another universe, Pete,” Tony reminds him, taking his hand and running his thumb in circles over the top of it. He couldn’t exactly refute that he’d probably feel indirectly sorry about whatever the other Stark had done to Peter there, but there’d be time to deal with that later with his own therapist. “The other Peter had problems here too, I could never be disappointed in you for how you handled yourself there.”
Peter didn’t look convinced. “The point is, I really do need to tell you. I don’t want this to happen again, for-for me to hurt you again.”
And so he did tell them. Every painful, dark memory of that place. Of when he woke up without Tony by his side, realizing that he was stuck in another world without Dr. Strange to help him get back, finding out about Bruce Banner’s death and how Tony Stark was a villain there. He had to take a deep breath when he told of Stark inviting Spiderman over to the lab for a seemingly innocent Q&A session that Peter had been stupid enough to fall for–and the subsequent disasters as Stark learned of Spiderman’s identity.
“So many people got hurt because of me. Half of Midtown blew up, a food shelter for the homeless burnt down, my friends almost died. And it was all because I couldn’t accept that Stark really was a villain.
“We fought. All of the Avengers against Iron Man and his suits. And Stark, he–he broke my wrists so I couldn’t use my webshooters anymore. That–that’s why I sometimes flinch when you touch my wrists now. My mind is just being stupid and won’t accept that I’m safe here with you.”
“You’re not stupid, Peter,” Tony argued, moving his hand a bit down Peter’s so that he was farther away from the boy’s wrist. “You know, after the Battle of New York, I went through something similar. I’d have panic attacks in the middle of the public, and once even called a suit to attack Pepper. I was a mess; you’re allowed to be too. It’s not easy, convincing your mind that the danger’s passed.”
Peter nodded in agreement. “I never meant for it to get this bad, though. I thought I could handle it by myself, but I-I can’t. I need help.” The words tasted bitter in his mouth, but he pushed them out anyways, knowing it was the right thing to do.
“We can get you help, Pete, I promise. And if you ever want to talk, your aunt and I are always here. No matter what it is.”
May smiled in agreement, squeezing Peter’s other hand.
“For now,” Tony continued, “how about this? You go home and rest, and then tomorrow we’re going to have a ‘This Universe Day.’ All the things that you can only do here, we’re going to do. I don’t care if that means going to see the Great Pyramids because they don’t exist anymore in that world–whatever it is, we’re doing it.”
Peter chuckled. “That-that actually sounds really good. Thank you, Tony. Both of you.”
“Of course, Peter.” Tony leaned forward to kiss Peter’s forehead. “We’re always here for you.”
/*/*/*/*/
Peter’s “This Universe Day” went better than he could have imagined, full of every reminder possible that he was back in the world that he truly belonged in.
First he woke up to the smell of May burning breakfast, smiling uncharacteristically at the fact that he was in a world where his aunt was a terrible cook. He placed a kiss on his aunt’s cheek, grinning at the scene of the burnt pancakes as Tony and Steve wrinkled their noses at the smell.
“Whatever you eat, do it quick, kiddo.” Tony grabbed a mug and turned on the coffeemaker. “You and I are heading down to the lab to work together for a bit on some SI projects.”
And so they did. Peter had enjoyed working with Bucky in the other world, but had missed his easy banter with Tony, their minds seeming to sync up with each other. Once, he even called for a screwdriver, catching it behind his back as Tony tossed it over his shoulder. Peter had grinned; they hadn’t been this in-sync with each other since Peter had come back home.
Tony ordered Thai for lunch, and all present Avengers settled into the living room to watch Star Wars together, Bucky seeming to make a point in sitting by Steve on a beanbag.
Throughout the movie, Tony couldn’t help but notice that Peter was talking to FRIDAY a lot, asking her about a certain actor or detail in the movie. Eventually Peter noticed and blushed, but Tony just gave him a quick smile, deciding not to ask about it; the last thing he wanted today was for Peter to focus on anything having to do with that world.
Afterwards Peter beamed when Bruce invited Peter down to his lab to try a few experiments he’d read about. When Tony would pull up the camera feed of the doctor’s lab, it was to see Peter standing nearly right next to the man, his face grinning and eager. Tony had FRIDAY take a short video of the scene and save it to his personal files.
When he came back up to the common room, his face marked with safety goggle impressions, Tony felt like he truly had his Peter Parker back. The boy’s face was as bright and happy as ever, and he didn’t hesitate to accept Tony’s offered hug.
“Come on, kiddo, I’ve got the car all ready downstairs.”
One of Peter’s musts for this day was to go hang out with his friend Ned–he’d told Tony about how awful the Earth 2354 version of Ned Leeds was, and Tony wholeheartedly agreed that Peter needed some alone time with his real friend to get him back in the swing of things.
“Can you pick me up at five?” Peter requested. There’s something else I really want to do today.”
Tony raised a brow, but nodded. “Whatever you want, kiddo. See you then.”
Working in his lab some more as he waited for the kid, Tony couldn’t stop smiling, singing loudly to the blaring music. Admittedly, he was rather proud of himself for the whole “This Universe Day” idea. Peter had just needed to be reminded that his family was always there for him, and weren’t letting him go again anytime soon.
Like all day, Peter was all smiles when Tony went to pick him up, instantly beginning to ramble about the games he’d played with his friend, and the Lego set they’d started together.
“Can he come over to the tower soon maybe?”
“Of course, we can work out a time. Now, where is it you wanted to go?”
“Right!” If possible, Peter brightened even more, if growing a bit sheepish. “I know this day is supposed to be dedicated to only things that we do here, but there is something from that world that I’ve been wanting to start doing again, and I thought you might want to come with me?”
“I’d love to. Where are we going?”
“It’s, uh, right up here. It’s a homeless shelter, like the one the other Peter helped out in his world. The homeless problem was a lot worse there, but I realized there how much I like working with them. How important it is that I show my support for them.”
Tony’s heart swelled with pride for his kid. “That’s a great idea, Pete. You going in as yourself or Spiderman?”
“Spiderman. It’s more exciting, especially for the kids. There was this one little girl in 2354, Callie. She loved seeing Spiderman come to help out. I even gave her a piggyback ride.”
“Want me to come in as Iron Man?”
“Um, yes, please?” Peter blushed. “You don’t have to, of course, I just thought–”
“And I agree. Go suit up, I’ll meet you outside the shelter once you’re ready.”
The reaction to two superheroes walking into the shelter was almost comical, everyone’s eyes going wide as the children either fell off their chairs in shock or jumped up to get a better look.
“Hey, everyone,” Peter greeted casually, waving. “How’s everyone doing?”
That seemed to be all the invitation a little boy needed to get up and come over. “Are you really Spiderman?”
“Sure am. Check this out.” He went to give the kid a high-five, sticking their hands together before the kid could pull away, resulting in the boy’s high-pitched little giggles.
Tony held his hands up. “I think it’s best if I don’t display my powers; you’re just going to have to trust me.”
This elicited some chuckles, easing the atmosphere. A few more kids came up to them, and Peter was happy to answer all their questions.
Suddenly, a loud, vaguely familiar voice cleared her throat by Peter’s side. He turned, breaking into a grin under his mask–this woman was the spitting image of Tanya, a shelter volunteer he’d worked with in 2354 as well. It seemed she was dedicated to helping people in any universe.
“You two boys planning on standing there looking pretty this whole time?” She smirked, just as no-nonsense as Peter had known her across the universe. “Stark, that suit of yours is waterproof, right?”
Tony almost looked offended at the question. “Yeah.”
“Good–you’re on rinse duty. Spidey, entertain.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Peter saluted her; he’d been relieved to forget about that world all day, but couldn’t deny the pleasure he felt at seeing one of his favorite parts of that other world.
Though Tony could have complained about being assigned dish duty, he didn’t. The astonished looks and emphatic thank-yous were quite enough to satisfy his ego, and anyway, he wasn’t here for the attention. He was here to help.
That was certainly all Peter was concerned about. Rinsing trays off, Tony stared at his kid with a dopey smile, watching him talk genuinely with the adults and play with the children, even holding a few babies. Tony really was so proud of his kid.
His kid–who truly had the biggest heart in any universe.