“Bucky.” Steve whispered, gritting his teeth as he stepped onto the ice. He grabbed Bucky’s hands, almost pulling his gloves off, as he tried to balance himself on the uncomfortable skates. Surrounded by dense forestation, Steve couldn’t help, but worry that no one would find them if the ice broke. A voice in the back of his mind told him that he was being delusional, that Tony knew they were out there, and would use Friday to find them, but the two of them weren’t on good terms…not that they had ever been good friends in the first place. Steve knew Tony wasn’t cruel enough to leave them on purpose, he wasn’t like that, but what if he would? What if he did? “Bucky, please…I-I can’t.” Steve begged, biting his lip to stop a whimper escaping his mouth. He should’ve never agreed to go to the lake. They were going to fall into the water, and never escape. He could already feel the icy water drenching his clothes, suffocating him - he couldn’t breath, it was too cold, he was too co—
“Stevie, darling, you’ve taken one step.” Bucky cooed, smiling reassuring. “I’ve got you…I’ve got you…and remember what Friday said?“ He asked. Steve gulped and nodded. “The lake is safe, Steve. It’s not going to break, you’re not going to fall in - I promise.” Bucky told him, taking another step back.
“I-I know, I know, but I’m scared.” Steve replied. Bucky started trying to drag him across the ice and Steve squeaked, his feet sliding all over the place. “Buck!“ He squealed. “Bucky, stop it!” It was all too much at once. Steve needed control, but the ice was so unpredictable, and Bucky wouldn’t realise how reckless he was acting. Didn’t he want to be careful, too?
Bucky huffed. “Come on, punk, you were braver than this when we were kids, it’ll be just like the old days—“
“I mean it!“ Steve snapped, gripping onto his arms even tighter. “Stop it!”
Bucky paused, taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh. “Okay, let’s…let’s take this slow.” He told Steve. “Can you do that? Can you try for me, love?”
Steve gulped. “Yeah.” He replied, voice shaking. “Okay, okay, let’s…let’s try.” Steve told him. Despite this being a terrible idea, he knew how much this outing meant to his boyfriend. He was supposed to be a soldier, an Avenger, a hero, and he was being a wuss. Suddenly, Steve felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him, and he felt like an infant for wanting to cry. He really was too soft. What happened to him?
“I’m going to count down and we’ll take another step. Is that okay?” He asked, snapping Steve out of his thoughts. Bucky took his hands and intertwined their fingers.
“Yeah, that’s okay.” Steve sighed. He needed to do this…for Bucky and himself.
“Three…two…one…” Bucky murmured. He took another step back, taking Steve along the ice with him. Steve wanted to cry - he hated it. They were going so slow, and yet Steve felt like he was in a storm. “Great job, Stevie. You’re okay, you’re okay.”Bucky cooed, but he couldn’t believe him. Ice skating was awful. “That’s it, you’re okay, nothing bad is going to happen. Are you ready for another step?” Bucky asked, and Steve, fearing for his life, but having no choice, but to comply, reluctantly nodded. “Three…two…one…” Bucky took a large slide backwards, and Steve squealed, letting go of his boyfriends hands to grab onto his arms. “It’s okay, love, it’s okay, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” Bucky cooed.
“Buck, I’m scared.” Steve admitted. “I don’t want to fall.” All he could think about was falling and breaking the ice - it was the only outcome he could see in his head. Haunted by the thoughts, they captured him in an endless loop of pain.
“You won’t fall.” Bucky replied, softly. “I promise you won’t, and if you do stumble a little, I’ll be here to catch you. Please Steve, for me. You know how much this means to me. I haven’t skated for so long. You promised you would come out and try again. You promised, Stevie.”
Steve sighed, avoiding eye contact and staring down at the frozen lake. Everything inside of him told him to go home, to tell Bucky that he was too scared, but that would break his heart. The only thing worse than fearing the fall was the guilt of not trying to skate. He hated making Bucky unhappy, and now he felt like an asshole. Steve knew the lake was safe, he knew it was, so why couldn’t he be a good boyfriend for Bucky? “I know I did.” Steve told him - his voice was raw. “I’m trying.”
He sighed. “Try harder.” Bucky told him. Steve could see that he was starting to get frustrated with him, and Steve couldn’t blame him - he was being a terrible boyfriend. “Are you ready to go again?” He asked. Steve nodded. Suddenly, Bucky took a glide back, pulling Steve along with him, before falling into full skate.
Steve bit back any cries, and let Bucky have his fun, but looking down, he could see their skates making marks in the ice. If Bucky continued to circle, he was going to make a cutout in the ice, and they were going to fall. Steve couldn’t stop shaking from fear…and the cold. Despite his multiple layers of clothing, and a rare sighting of the sun peeping out from behind the snowy clouds, it was freezing. He already felt like his limbs were going to fall off, and he hadn’t even fallen in yet! It was going to be even colder when he fell in, and the anticipation was intoxicating.
Bucky paused, looking at him with a worried expression. His lips were moving, and Steve realised he had been talking the whole time whilst he was in his head. Steve tried to focus on his boyfriend, and listen to him, but he still couldn’t hear. The voices were too loud, and he was too cold, and they were going to fall in. There was no wind, but he could hear it banging against them, and pulling him into the water! He could hear the ice cracking, but nothing was happening - he wasn’t falling, but it felt like it was falling, which confused the hell out of him. The voices told him that he was going to fall, that he was falling, and it was so easy for him to believe them.
Suddenly, Bucky wrapped his arms around him, and Steve pushed his face into his chest. Relaxing into the hug, Steve listened to his boyfriend’s breathing as he whispered softly into his hair. “—I’m so sorry, god, Steve, I’m so sorry, this is all my fault - I should’ve known this would be too much for you. You’re not ready, you might never be ready, b-but that’s okay. You shouldn’t let me force you into anything, sweetheart.” He rambled.
Steve looked up, raising his eyebrows at his boyfriend, and frowning. “I’m sorry, too. I ruined everything. I’m letting the ice control my life - I thought I would be over it already.” He huffed. In the back of his mind, he could still hear his fears carolling, and wanted nothing more to have this conversion off the ice. “All I can think about is falling. Bucky, I’m so cold.” Steve told him, trying not to cry. Why was he so weak?
Bucky put on a fake smile, but Steve could see how upset he was. Guilt flooded his boyfriends eyes - Bucky still blamed himself, but it was all his fault. If he hadn’t been such a wuss, the day would’ve been perfect. Bucky gulped back a cry. “I’ll make hot coco, and we can snuggle up at home. How does that sound?” He asked.
“You can stay here if you want.” Steve offered. “You were looking forward to go, and I don’t want to ruin it for you.” He sighed, avoiding eye contact, and succumbing to the sadness of failure.
“You didn’t ruin anything, love.” Bucky reassured him. He cupped his chin with his hands, and the gloves weren’t cold on his cheeks. “None of this is your fault. You never tell me I’ve ruined your sleep when I wake you up at night ; it’s like that. It’s okay to be scared, Steve, and you’re not alone anymore. I’ve got you. God…I love you so much Steve. I’m not myself without you, I was so lost…”
“Hot coco sounds good.” Steve whispered ; he could already smell it.