Summer Triangle
Toya gingerly steps into her room, muttering a "pardon for the intrusion" like he always does, even though An always told all three of them that they're always welcome in her bedroom anytime. An flashes an impish grin at him.
"Mister Toya Aoyagi."
He tilts his head in confusion. Just like a cat, An notes.
"Miss An Shiraishi?"
"I'm just teasing you. Is it your turn for our couple's counselling?"
"Well," Toya crosses his arm and ponders on it.
"If you want to call it that, sure? I want to make sure you're doing okay, and maybe straighten out some misunderstandings if there are any." Toya motions towards the beanbag sitting in the middle of her room. "Can I sit?"
"That's Kohane's bean bag."
"Oh."
Toya sits down on the bean bag. An doesn't have the heart to correct him or explain. She mentally apologizes to Kohane, even though she knows that Kohane would just chide her with "An-chan, it's not my beanbag and Akito and Toya can sit on it", so really, the problem is just her.
Right.
She's always been the problem.
"An, you're free to go back under the blanket if you want," Toya begins, his eyes crinkling up in a half fond, half exasperated smile as he watches An unconciously try to hide herself away again.
"But I'm not leaving until we talk. At least a little bit. Please?"
An smiles back at him, a little more sincerely this time.
"Okay. But you're treating me to ice cream next time."
"Rum raisin?"
"You know me so well~"
She laughs. It feels a bit lighter. Toya have always had that effect on her. On all of them. If Akito is the strict one herding everyone towards RAD WEEKEND, Toya is the one making sure that they are well rested and well equipped for it. She softly exhales and gingerly stands up from her bed to join him on the floor.
"Well," An begins, as she busies herself by settling into a cross legged position, buying herself time to think.
Toya patiently waits, as he always does for them. To Toya, it is the least he can do - they've always patiently waited for him to catch up when practicing, he feels like, so it is only right that he extends the same grace towards his loved ones.
The night is young, and although WEEKEND GARAGE closes relatively early at 11 pm, he can still hear the distant thumping of bass mixed in with echoes of a melody sung to the night. The first few times he arrived at these streets, he remembered feeling overwhelmed by it all - the lights, the people, the sound - oh god, the sound, there was so much, everywhere and all at once and slightly too much, overwhelming his senses, rendering him unable to think. But now, with time, the cacophony that is Vivid Street has become a relaxing background noise for him, and he has learned to even pick out the different melodies interwoven into each other. He idly wonders if An thinks the same - probably not though. As someone who grew up here, she probably feels much more comfortable to it all, to the point where it feels like second nature to her. Ever one with a sunny disposition, she has always been their compass, if compasses can make you feel like you want to face their shared goals and aspirations together.
He can only hope that with time, he too, can become indispensable to her the same way she has been to him.
"Okay. Okay okay okay." An mutters to herself, as if she is hyping herself up moments before walking on stage, the small jitters before the big performance.
"I think. I think I'm scared."
Toya blinks. He was expecting something about how she's been overworking herself, or something incredibly sappy about how she finally realized she's in love with Kohane and wants to be involved with her romantically for the rest of her life, but not this. He unconsciously sat up straighter. Oh, this, from the way she is quivering slightly under her blankets and her fists unconsciously clenched, this is like, serious serious.
"Okay. What are you scared of?"
An stares into the wooden floor between them, as if it will open up and answer for her. When it doesn't, she whispers her answer quietly into the room.
I see. So she's just like me, he thought. It's technically the wrong emotions to feel right now, but he's flooded with a sense of warmth, of relief. He's never been good at reading other people's emotions, but with this, he knows what it is. Intimately. The fear of not being enough, the worry that the two of them will split, the thought that he will only hold his partner back.
I've been there, he wants to tell her. I've been there and I promise you it'll get better. That you'll be okay. Unsaid platitudes float out of his open mouth, and evaporated into the hot summer air. It isn't enough, Toya decides. Yeah, anyone can say that. He knows that An will smile brightly (but not as bright as her actual, authentic self) and thank him and that would be it, but he wants to do more. For his friend. For his teammate. For An herself.
"Can I," he begins before his brain tries to hit the brake pedal, swallows, and continues.
"Can I give you a hug?"
An looks at him misty eyed, and it's probably not because she is so touched by his offer for a hug so much as how overwhelmed she is feeling from admitting things she never wanted to admit to anyone, but she nods anyway.
An is a good hugger, Toya decides. Even if it is a little awkward because they're both on the ground, and he doesn't quite know where to put his hands, it feels comfortable. If Akito's hugs are rough and warm and grounding, An's hugs give off a different kind of warmth that sends him soaring - together, they can probably dissolve and melt into little stars floating across the city, softly whispering a song of friendship and love into the ever shining landscape below.
"Thanks", she hiccupped thickly into his chest. He awkwardly pats the small of her back.
"I don't know if it ever goes away. Like, completely. But it does get better. Talking it out helps a lot. Practicing does, too."
He frowns at himself. Toya wishes he is so much better than this. An deserves so much better than boring practical advice and barely expressed sympathy.
"Thanks", she repeated, before gently separating slightly to look up at him. "You're doing a lot more than you think you are, you know. Don't think otherwise."
Toya frowns again. Here he is trying to comfort someone important to him, and yet he's somehow the one being comforted. "Am I that transparent?"
An sniffles and hugs him again, more loosely this time. "I mean it. I know you overthink things a lot, and I'm here to tell you. It helped a lot. Thanks, Toya."
They stay like that for a long time, arms loosely draped around each other, listening to each other's gentle breathing.
Toya cares, and he's here for her, and that's enough for now.