It’s October 23rd 2017.
It’s been two years
104 weeks
731 days
17,544 hours
1,052,640 minutes
and 63,072,000 seconds since it happened.
Since he died.
And at 3pm May Parker had not left the comfort of her room at all. She had instead stayed in her bedroom as if it were a prison. As if she has been locked in a cell that would consume her with grief and sadness, consume her of the things she tried to keep away every day.
For so long she tried to keep grief out but every year on the anniversary of Ben’s death it would creep back up on her like an old memory you’d forgotten about or a person walking behind you and accidentally scaring you. This year felt much different to last though, at least last year she was able to leave her own room. This year she feels flooded in her emotions, drowned in sadness. She thinks even if she somehow managed to obtain the energy and bravery to turn the handle it simply wouldn’t open or if it did her emotions would flood out of the four walls she was keeping them in, yes maybe freeing her from being drowned but then they’d sweep up Peter and she didn’t want to do that. She didn’t want to bring his mood down any further because he seemed to be handling today a lot better than her.
That morning she’d heard his door open as he took the step she couldn’t take and crossed the boundary between his room and the outside world. She’d heard as he went to the kitchen and made himself breakfast then the murmurs from whatever he’d decided to watch on tv. He seemed okay, she hoped he was, she hoped he wasn’t feeling the same way as her.
Now she heard footsteps, they got louder and louder until they came to a stop. ‘Hey, it’s uh- it’s me.. Peter.’
She responded with nothing but a cold silence and turned her head to face away from the door to the other side.
‘Can I come in?’ the five-teen year old asked gently.
‘Don’t come in Peter.. don’t.’ He couldn’t open that door, he couldn’t be consumed in the grief too, he should go out, see his friends, have a good time. He’s a teen and that’s what teens do right? They don’t stay home and comfort their aunts who are having a bad day.
Peter ignored her plead for him to stay out and he opened her door.
‘Go away Peter.’ was the first thing that left her mouth once he entered and as she thinks back on this day she realises how much she sounded like a teenager in a mood and it makes her chuckle, though in this moment absolutely nothing would make her laugh. Peter sighed as he sat on the end of her bed. Her room was messy and the blinds were shut leaving it in darkness apart from the one dim lamp on her nightstand. ‘I’m not leaving.’ was all he could think so say as he looked around further.
May sat up after hearing him quite confidently say those few words. ‘Peter, you shouldn’t be here, you should be out with friends, doing whatever you kids nowadays and having a good time. You shouldn’t be stuck here.’ May spoke shamefully feeling more like a burden than ever before and Peter stopped casually looking around the room and looked right at her. He saw the way her face was stained with tears but her eyes were begging to release more, he saw the way her hair was messier than he’d ever seen it, he saw her emotions. He saw from her physical appearance her emotions that lay within. He saw how down she was, he saw how much she missed Ben.
‘I chose to come in. I chose to be here. And I’m not leaving you May. If the roles were reversed I fully know you would be right by my side comforting me. The only regret I have is that I didn’t come sooner because May, I need you to know you’re not alone.’
She looked up at him and let one single tear fall down her left cheek, he was right, she would be there comforting him. And she is so so happy he is willing to do the same for her. So, so happy that she is not alone.