The smell of burnt flesh still stained his nostrils. They burned with every inhale. His eyes were dry from the smoke and ash. His throat hurt the most, though. The pain was almost unbearable, but yet, here he was.
He knew he should be unconscious, or really, dead.
He found it a little ironic at this point.
Another shiver went down his spine, he had no idea how he could be so cold. He was half frost giant after all, and not to mention the swarm of fire around him.
Oh yeah, he should probably move, shouldn’t he?
But he didn’t. He stayed put, sitting on a piece of remains from the crashed ship. Fire had consumed most of it, including the passengers. He winced. When he first awoke, there wasn’t another soul. He was lying in the mass of rubble, covered in soot and dirt, with quite a mix of blood. His chest felt like it was collapsing, it stung with every inhale. He didn’t feel as much pain as he knew he should have, he was blaming it on the adrenaline. His mind was a jumble of nonsense. None of it really lining up, or clicking together. He couldn’t remember, all he could feel was the pain starting to make its home in his body. He managed to get to his feet in some miracle way, standing in the middle of flames and rubbish.
His breathing started to pick up as he took a look around. His eyes surveyed the debris, but as far as he could see, nobody else was in sight. The crash went on for miles. Clearing all of the trees in its path. He had no clue of his whereabouts, his surroundings were foreign, and the lack of knowledge of the others crept into the back of his mind.
“Thor…” He whispered in a dry croak.
A flash of his brother’s face appeared in his mind. It was the last thing he saw until everything went dark, and he woke up here.
He looked around, hurriedly. The fear overwhelmed his body, and panic consumed him.
He ran down the clearing, over the piles of rubbish, through or around the flames, until he eventually collapsed to his knees. That’s where he sat now.
His legs ached, every inch of his body was sore. He had to wipe his eyes clean of blood a few different times as he waited there.
Waited…
He wasn’t exactly sure what he was waiting for. Maybe for Thor to come flying down from the sky, a shimmering golden God like he’s done so many times before. Loki didn’t even care whether he had come to save him or kill him. He just wanted to see his brother alive.
Loki shivered again, this time he wrapped his arms around himself. The longer he sat there, the more he squeezed. All he felt was pain, fear, and shame. He was so fucking afraid that his brother was dead, that it would be his fault. He needed comfort, he needed someone- anyone- to tell him it was going to be okay.
He wiped his nose on his sleeve, he looked down at the dark stain. Blood. Loki shrugged, drawing his knees closer to his chest.
Maybe he was dying…
He liked that a little more. The pain would go away, the guilt, the regret- it all would end. And that just sounded so nice.
Loki gasped as the sharp pain in his side grew harsher. It knocked what little air he had in his lungs right out of him. He heaved for a moment or two before he was able to function again.
His eyes were watering from the smoke…No, no- He wiped a thumb under his eyelid. He was crying.
The more he thought about it, the more he cried. His head was pounding, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.
He could feel it coming, the cool grasp of death. He just wanted it to end, maybe just a little sooner.
He bowed his head, closing his eyes. A few tears still left trails down his face, clean stains as they washed the blood and dirt from his cheeks.
He mumbled a few words in an ancient tongue that felt almost foreign to him. He had not spoken the language in centuries. He knew his family would be disappointed, but there once was a time where he tried to bury all known roots of his heritage.
He whispered an amen, as he leaned his head back just a few inches more. He stared up at the stars above him. The smoke creates a thick fog in the skies. Everything seemed so blurry, so out of focus. He tried to shake it, but his eyes continued to grow heavier and heavier. His arms became limp, and they slowly began to fall to his sides.
His body tensed as he heard a forgotten sound. He was able to see the glow of green as the magic doorway opened and closed.
“You better have a good-” Her stern voice faded as her eyes took in the sight before her. The smell hit her nose, the sting in her eyes was hard to shake. It all almost knocked her off her feet, but she was able to keep her ground. However, she sucked in a sharp breath as she laid her gaze on Loki. His body curled up to a piece of debris, covered in blood and dirt, his hair a tangled mess in front of his face.
Her steps quickened as she rushed over, she knelt down beside him, holding his jaw in her hands. Her eyes darted around his face, his eyes were closed, and his body felt cold.
“Loki,” She repeated constantly in a panicked voice. Every time she said it, the fear within her grew worse and worse. She patted his cheeks, she screamed his name, she tangled her fingers within his hair as she pressed their foreheads together as she cried over him.
She choked on her sobs until she forced herself to straighten, a shuddering breath escaped her chest. She placed a hand over his heart, a small whine left her lips as she felt no beat. But she shook her head and closed her eyes. A light began to grow from under her palm, and there was a bright green flash, and then another, and then another. They were quick, but they radiated energy.
She sat there, her hand still pressed to the charred cloth of his shirt. She felt a pang in her chest that left a kind of pain that she didn’t know existed. It was a type of ache, the kind that made you double over in grief.
The kind that only a mother could feel at the loss of their child.
The scream that leapt from her throat was bitter and agonizing. It echoed through the empty woods, scaring the birds from their trees as their wings flapped through the crisp air.
She cradled his body in her arms, her hand trembled as she felt his face. His skin was soft, just like it was when he was a baby. She remembers it so vividly, the few short years she had with him before Odin locked her up and took him away.
She never had a chance to learn his favorite foods, or what he loved most. She wasn’t there when he took his first steps, or scraped his knee.
She pressed her forehead against his. His skin was cold and it forced a foul taste into Hela’s mouth. She forced herself to swallow the discomfort as she held her baby boy's body in her grasp.
“Mom…” She looked up into the darkness of the woods. That pang in her chest was sharper now. She looked down at the still body in her arms, she laid his head down gently as she got back to her feet. She turned to face the voice.
“Mom.” He repeated, the fear in his voice amplified. Hela took a deep breath, trying to claim a calm posture.
“Loki, it’s okay.” She said slowly, trying to hide the way it shook. She took a minute to analyze the figure in front of her. It wasn’t much different from the body on the ground behind her. Only that this one was far paler, which made the bruising look so much worse.
Loki stared at her with wide dull eyes. All of the color from his body had been drained, even his hair didn’t look as dark.
“What’s happening?” He asked, his voice shaking, “Why can’t I feel anything?” Hela shushed him as she walked forward. She had had to deal with this sort of reaction a million different times, but this was harder in every way. Now she was staring into her son’s fearful eyes, being forced to tell him that he was dead.
“Loki, listen to me…” She started slowly, she noticed Loki’s eyes dart over her shoulder to the body behind her. She saw his lips part and he gasped. She quickly grabbed his hand, his eyes shooting down to the sudden contact. “Look at me,” She ordered, “Can you feel that?”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed, he gave her a short nod.
“You are okay. I will explain everything, but you need to tell me who did this.” She held his face in her hands, and she watched as he crumbled. A frown broke on his lips and his nose scrunched as he began to fight the tears that he was beginning to drown in.
“Shh, shh..” She tugged him in closer, his face buried in the crease of her neck. “It’s going to be alright.” She whispered, and she felt his arms tighten around her.
“It’s all my fault.” He sobbed, she could barely hear him through the strangled sobs. She rubbed his back, holding him close.
“Loki, I refuse to believe that.” She said sternly. She took a step back, holding him with a firm grasp on both his shoulders. “Give me a name.”
“Thanos.” He answered softly.
Her grip loosened, but she still held onto him. It was quiet for a really long time. Just the crackling of the fire, and the few subtle shifts of debris every once and a while.
“What’s going to happen to me?” He asked.
“What do you want to happen?” She rubbed her thumb across his cheek.
“If I go to Valhalla, I’ll never see you again-”
“But if you go to Hel, you’ll never see Thor again.” Loki chewed his lip, and Hela gave him a nod. “I know, I know.” She soothed.
“Is he…” He never finished.
“No, no he is not.” Loki sighed with relief. Hela offered him a warm smile. “It’s okay.”
“Mother, no-”
“I’ll be alright, Loki.” She released a shuddered breath, “I’ll be alright.” She repeated softly. Loki wrapped his hands around her wrist. “Besides,” She chuckled, “You wouldn’t like Hel anyways.” Loki gave her the same smile she had given earlier.
“I am so proud of you.” Her voice broke and she tried to cover it up with a smile.
“Mom-”
“I am!” She pinched his cheeks, “I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect son. I am just,” She took a deep breath before she continued, “I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there for you.”
“I’m sorry, too.” He nodded, ignoring the tears running down his cheeks. “You would have been a really good mom.” She returned the broken smile that he offered, she pulled him down a little lower. Placing a soft kiss on his forehead. She went to place her hand on his chest, and he quickly grabbed her wrist.
“Wait-”
“No, Loki.” She shook her head, and he soon deflated. He dropped his hand, and lowered his head. She took one last good look before wrapping her arms around him. It wasn’t but a few more seconds before she fell forward. Her knees hitting the dirt.
She looked over her shoulder to see the golden sparks ascending into the sky. She couldn’t help herself, she knew she should be happy. He was no longer in pain, no longer suffering.
But she was overwhelmed with sadness and grief that she will forever be burdened with.