Linked

The bright lights hit your eyes in a painful attempt to adjust your vision. Your mind's attempts to block off the memories from last night were no use, it was all coming back in waves of traumatizing agony. Your reflection in the bar mirror before everything went blurry, your hooded eyelids fighting to stay open as the whites of your knuckles let the grasp of the counter slip from you. The slam of your head hitting the cold bathroom floor was the last reminder your brain granted before everything went black. The state of nothingness however was a lot more pleasant than wherever you were. Doing your best to blink away the sight of heaven you were pretty sure you were just hit with, realization crashed into you harder than a truck. It all looked so familiar, the eerie white lights, the empty visitors chair, the softness of the bed beneath you, the body in a floor length white coat. 

"Good! You're awake, how are you feeling?" His voice was happier than it needed to be in your opinion, as well as his expression. He ogled you as if you were a piece of cake that his wife never allowed him to have. Clearing your throat and trying to mimic the same God awful look he had on his face, you did your best to talk through the cotton feeling filling your mouth. 

"I feel fine, just a little headache." 

"Great, I'll bring her in then."

Confusion was vivid just through your eyes alone, who was she ? Last you remember, there was no one that could be visiting you here, maybe your memory was more hazy than you would like to believe. A woman with blazing red hair came stomping her way down the hall, the only thing stopping her from breaking out in a full on sprint were the heels she was wearing. If it wasn't the hair that caught your attention, It would've been the expensive suit she was in. Ok, well your memory definitely isn't hazy, you knew damn well Pepper Potts had no idea who you were. 

"Oh thank the heavens." She breathed out coming to you with her hands raised up showing just how thankful she was for your existence. Smiling politely you rubbed the sweat off your palms and brought it up to her, I mean what else are you supposed to do when meeting the Pepper Potts. You woke up only 5 minutes ago and already feel like you're in a fever dream. She pushed the hand away as if it was rude of you to even suggest such formality, her arms were around you in a matter of seconds squeezing the life out of your soul, if you weren't dying before, you are now. 

"I-I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong room." You gasped as her hold on you tightened, wow she really wasn't allowing room for air to pass through your lungs. 

"God I don't know what I would've done if you didn't wake up. How are you? Are you feeling alright? The doctor told me you had a headache, is it normal for people to have headaches after these situations? Oh wow I'm rambling, I'm Pepper Potts." It took you a second to comprehend anything that came out of her mouth, nonetheless you put on a smile to ease her tension. 

“I'm ok, don't worry. But um - I still don't think we know each other."

"Oh right, I saw you last night at the bar we were in and I noticed how you didn't look too well. So when you went to the bathroom I figured I would just check up on you and see if everything was alright, but when I walked in you were passed out on the floor so I immediately took you there. They told me a few hours ago that it was an overdose."

You really did try your best to look relieved, you knew her intentions were pure. If you were in her position you would have done the same thing, but you just couldn't shake the resentment. Obviously you didn't have the heart to tell her that what you did was intentional, you wanted your misery to be gone, the grief and loneliness to finally be over.

"Thank you, you really didn't have to do that." A weak smile played at the corner of your lips, the look of disbelief on her face was enough to show you that no matter where you were last night you would have ended up here anyways. 

"Is there anyone I can call, maybe your parents or a friend?" 

All words your confidence summoned immediately went to mush when they got caught in your throat. Your parents were obviously out of the picture the second they kicked you out of the house, and friends have longed to come ever since you moved to New York alone without a plan. You didn't know anyone's number, for God's sake you didn't even have a phone of your own because you didn't have use for it and needed the money more than communication with people. With a simple shake of your head you could basically see the sympathy leaking out of her voice. 

"Ok, um maybe I could take you to your apartment? You seem pretty young, you have a place you're staying at right?" 

With another painful shake of your head you couldn't even meet her eyes at this point. All you wanted in this moment was to go back to the peaceful black abyss that easily welcomed you into their arms. Being asleep was the most comforting part of your days, so being asleep for good felt like a dream. There was no need to worry about where you would stay the night, or how you would feed yourself. There were no emotions that would be able to feel the pain that you quietly endured every minute of every day. No one had to see the bruises on your body or the cuts along your thighs ever again. You would be at peace once and for all, and what brought you the most serenity was that you knew no one would come looking for you when you were gone, not a single soul would even care of your death and the day would pass on like any other. 

"Where would you go after you get released?" The crinkle of her eyebrow just above her blue eyes was enough evidence for you to realize she wasn’t grasping what you were silently pleading to her. That even though you had nowhere to go or no one to see you wanted to be alone and not worried about. You didn't deserve her worry, you didn't deserve to be saved, what you deserved was to be left alone and pining in agony in full exclusion. 

"Don't worry about me, you've already done so much - which I can't thank you enough for - but I'll be able to manage on my own from here on."

"Let me talk to the doctor and make a few calls, what's your name sweetheart?"

Giving her the information she asked for you felt like a weight has been pulled off your shoulders. Closing your eyes and taking in a much needed sigh of relief you could feel the anxiety pulling off you. While you would've liked to stay in solitude for longer your mind couldn’t help but bring up the flashbacks that haunted you whenever you were in the right mind to properly think. It was all coming back as if it happened yesterday, the strong familiar hand covering your mouth silencing all your attempts at screaming. The smell of blood and sweat enclosing in on you, the reflection you had of you two through the barbie mirror your mom bought you for your birthday. 

Still, you couldn't open your eyes. You deserved to be looking back on this, this was your fault. All this happened because you needed to wear that little sundress you knew he liked, you were naive enough to believe that you could get away with doing such a thing. You didn't want it, but still you asked for it-

"Alright! Everything's been handled, you're coming with me." If it wasn't for Pepper's own giddy voice she would've heard the gasp you let out knocking you out of your own thoughts. She already had clothes in her hand and set them on the corner of your bed, pulling down the comforters for you to get dressed. 

"W-What do you mean I'm coming with you, don't I have to go to some kind of rehab or something." You quickly tried to pull the blanket up, gasping onto it tighter than your will for this not to be real. If you were any other person you would be full of excitement but all you felt was dread. 

"I already worked everything out with the doctor along with the paperwork, Dr. Banner will help with your substance abuse but you'll be staying in Stark Tower in order for me to keep an eye on you. And I won't listen to any arguments you put up, I want to help you honey no one deserves to be alone." 

If only she knew 

The last thing you wanted was to get on the bad side of one of the most powerful women in the world. It was bad enough that she found you in such a weak state, now she wants to take care of you. None of this was meant to happen, you were meant to be done with anxiety filled situations and caring people. You didn't need any of it, you had yourself and that's all you've been accustomed to for as long as you wanna remember. It was the motherly look that she was piercing through you that affected you the most, you've never been able to say no to your own mom and now that Pepper has the expression that she used has your heart in shambles. Silently picking up the clothes and walking to the bathroom, you wished for the first time in forever for someone to take you away.

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"Ok this will be your room, it's already 9 pm so I'll let you rest and we'll talk tomorrow morning. Make yourself at home." 

Her hands came up gesturing to the space before she left, closing the door behind her. It would be an understatement to say that this room was an upgrade from what you were used to. This beats sleeping on random people's couches by a long shot. The whole wall was a window that looked over the city, the room didn't just have a full king size bed but also a sitting area in the front. Opening all the doors you discovered the one closest to your bed led to your very own bathroom which was a luxury you thought you wouldn't have again, and the one closest to the couch was a full walk-in closet. 

You were overwhelmed by almost everything Pepper has done for you since she met you. She didn't need to stay with you through the night in the hospital, and she sure as hell didn't need to give you a room in the most expensive building in the city. This all felt like a dream, but you couldn't decide whether it was a good or bad one. 

You had it all planned out, for hours you were trying to talk yourself out of taking each pill, but each time you thought of a positive in your life five other things came up debunking it. Leading you to take pill after pill without a single regret or tear to mark the absence of your soul. At that point you knew what was bound to happen, without help you would die. While there was a part of you that regretted taking the first pill, It brought peace to knowing that it would be the last time you did it. Ending up at that bar was a coincidence that could have only been made by fate, you didn't have to try and make friends that night so you could find somewhere to sleep. You really didn't need to worry about anything, so going to one of the most expensive bars in the city and intending to pass out in the bathroom would be your last 'fuck you' to the world. 

You didn't know how you ended up on the roof, truthfully you didn't even know how to work the elevator. There were at least 50 buttons and a robotic voice talking to you and so you panicked ending up pressing whatever button you could to get out of the machine. Yet, as soon as you walked through the door your breath got caught in your throat. If someone were with you they would have commented on how your jaw has been visibly open for the last 30 seconds. It was beautiful, especially at this time of night. The lights were brighter than ever beaming from every corner of every building. The moon was at its fullest stage casting light upon the busy people of the city. It was amazing just to think about how every single person below you had their own lives, dreams, tragedies. 

You couldn't help but idolize them however, you wanted to be wearing the expensive coats the women deemed to be in style. You wanted to be the tourists who didn't have a single worry at the moment. You wanted to be as unbothered as the locals who couldn't give one fuck about what the person next to them was doing. You just didn't want to be you. 

Though, you deserved this life. Everything that's happened has been your fault, all the grief that you're ashamed to feel is your fault. You were the one that caused that death and you couldn't take it back. You were the one who asked for all the pain in the world to get away from your childhood. Yet here you are away and still not strong enough to deal with what you asked for. It all just wasnt worth it, you couldn't see yourself taking advantage of the opportunity of a new life Pepper was trying to give you. You couldn't even see yourself sleeping in that luxurious bed a few floors below. 

Lifting one foot after the other, you put all your focus into balancing on top of the wall that separated the roof from the obscurity of downtown. Taking one last deep breath you thought of her, fighting back tears in the process. With as much confidence and motivation you could develop one foot left the wall and you shifted forward. You were ready to feel the wind in your hair, to experience the excitement of having your breath being ripped away by the air around you. You were ready-

"What in Valhalla are you thinking?!"

A force stronger than the hulk itself pulled your arm just as you were about to fall, causing you to land flat on your ass and groan in pain as you felt the impact of the hard floor. Your eyes drifted up to meet the owner of the rich voice that snapped you out of your thoughts. His green eyes were as hard as rocks, hands clenched into fists, and the snarl on his face was deeper than one you've ever seen before. His dark black hair was blowing in the wind, perfectly framing his cheekbones no matter what angle they swayed.

God, you're in trouble.